"What choice have I?" Robb asked as we returned to his tent.
Finally after the cheers and chants had died down and the men had their fill of drinks and dreams of what life would be like under King Robb Stark, we had time to escape to ourselves.
The confidence he displayed had fallen from his expression the moment we stepped inside again.
"I think none…" I answered honestly.
Robb shook his head, "I was not trained for this. To be Lord of Winterfell, yes, but to be a King. I don't even know what that means truly."
"Your father taught you to be kind, just, faithful and honest."
"Qualities that seem lacking in many kings," Robb stated sardonically. He attempted a smile as he added, "I am ill-prepared you see."
There was something about what he said that struck me. It was a dark thought, but I could not help but feel that maybe the Starks were too good to operate in this world. It suddenly felt a little colder inside of his tent as the thoughts circled my head.
Robb watched me with curious eyes, seeing my mind setting to work. He had barely gotten out the words to question me when Will and Theon came strutting in.
"Please stop doing that," Robb stated with a defeated sort of laugh.
"What? And miss out on the celebration?" Theon demanded.
"A poor guard you are," I said to Grey Wind, who stood at the door.
"He doesn't guard against family," Theon retorted.
Will grinned, "We just came back from telling my men just whom we mean to follow. This is the right choice, Robb. I can feel it."
His carefree laugh was back along with a happy smile as though somehow this would change everything I had seen.
"Did you ever imagine…" Theon trailed off.
"No," Robb answered quickly, shaking his head.
The Ironborn shrugged, "I may have once or twice."
We all got a good laugh from that, Theon included.
"Your kingdom would fall in about five minutes," Will returned.
"Why do you say that?" Theon demanded, his tone tripping with irritation.
"A pretty girl comes around and would bring you down single handedly. You wouldn't get out of bed long enough to know if anyone was at your gate."
"It's women who fall for me, not the other way around."
Will gave me a sideways glance with his wide grin, his eyes alight with mischief. "Who was the last woman to fall in love with you?"
By now, even Robb was grinning. Theon gave one last disdainful look to my brother before turning back to Robb, "So what will you do as king? We always said as boys that we wanted to take back what was beyond the wall. Can you imagine the adventure?"
"Can we focus on the South first?" Robb asked with a chuckle.
Will swiped his hand in the air, "The South? Come, let's envision your whole reign. This will be just a short time."
It was such a childish response, all of this was, and yet it was so welcome.
Theon threw an arm around his friend's shoulder adding with a smirk, "You're a king now. You must start thinking like one."
"Delusions of grandeur?" Robb asked again but that smile on his face was unmistakable.
For all of the concern and everything that would come with this decision, it was nice to joke again, to pretend things were not so bad, to laugh like we had never left the walls of our homes.
I watched the three men act like boys with a wistful smile on my face before beginning to leave the room.
"Where are you going?" Robb asked, his blue eyes alight with a humor that I had not seen since his father died.
"I have one thing I wish to see to. Enjoy some time with your brothers," I replied and turned out of the tent.
I took a pass by one of the supply areas. The materials I needed were easy enough to find, so I did not have to bother the man at watch.
"It's so late, my lady Samelson," Jaime commented as he saw me walking towards him.
"Stark," I corrected.
"And you come to me this late, not your husband, who I hear is now the King in the North…what was I saying about power?" he asked, his eyes looking at me as though they knew every thought.
But when I pulled out a stitching needle, his head turned to the side.
"Surprised?" I asked.
"A little," he admitted.
"My queen, this is dangerous," the guard added, coming to my side.
"What will he do? Take the needle and thread it through my throat?" I asked.
Jaime shrugged, "It's a possibility."
"How dare you!" the guard the exclaimed. "Do you not realize—"
"I am well aware I am speaking to a queen now," Jaime interrupted with an appraising eye. "I have done far more than thread a needle through a royal's throat."
"Oh, but would that not be such a waste?" I returned, getting a smirk from Jaime.
"It's not safe," the guard reiterated, giving a hateful look to the Lannister man.
"Then we shall make a deal. If he risks it and tries to take the needle, then I walk away," I added.
"I only get one try?" the Kingslayer asked with a disappointed frown.
I gave him a warning stare, "That wound needs to be washed thoroughly and closed. You could lose your hand otherwise."
Jaime looked unimpressed but extended his hand through the wires to me. I washed his hand, trying to clean out as much of the wound as I could. He had it cleaned initially, but since then, no one had bothered to rinse it, or him for that matter.
"You have soft hands," he said with a wide smile. It was somehow disarming despite how desperately he needed a bath.
I kept my eyes down as I began to thread the needle and stitch up his wound. I was halfway through before his other hand darted to snatch the needle. I snapped it out of the thread, attempting to pull away as he grabbed my wrist. I tossed the needle aside and the guard pushed him off of me.
"That's it! No more!" the guard cried. "I will not allow you to be injured on my watch, my queen. If you wish to help the Kingslayer again, then you will have to speak with the king."
I looked to him, shaking my head in disappointment, "You're a fool, Jaime Lannister."
For once, the man was silent. He must have known as much when he looked down at his half stitched hand and met my eyes once more. There was not any trace of pleading in his expression, but his easy smiles were gone.
Returning to our tent, Robb was still inside with Will and Theon. The conversation had grown a bit more serious, or so it seemed when I walked in.
"My father would have loved to be king," Will was saying with a laugh. "He would have been great. Everyone loved him; he could see things before they happened."
"I don't think this is what my father ever envisioned for any of us," Robb returned.
Theon shook his head, "Mine obviously tried…we remember how well that worked." He took a swig of the wine they passed around.
"Do you think he still aspires to it?" Robb asked.
Theon stared at the bottle, "I haven't seen him for years. I doubt it, but I barely know him."
"No matter how long you have with a father, it never seems to be enough time, does it?" I asked aloud, getting the three men to turn around.
Images of my father teaching me to hold a sword, carting me around Plenair, and chasing me through the corridors flooded through my mind. I could see the same distant look on Will's face as he stared into space; there was some warmth to the memories but still an ache in our stomachs that never seemed to entirely disappear.
For Robb, I could see the tension in his expression; he was still trying to push away the memories because the wound was so fresh. Theon looked angry but in his eyes there was something lost as though he struggled to think of any one moment with him.
In my mind, all I could think as the memories started to fade was if he would be proud of me. I caught Will's eye. Sometimes, he really did look like our father. His laugh was the same, his smile, the carefree attitude he tried so hard to display.
As Robb turned to Theon, I nodded Will outside of the tent. Robb raised an eyebrow at me but said nothing after I gave him a small shake of the head.
"You think I'm foolish," Will stated.
"What?"
"For thinking that things would change. I could see it in your eyes when you came in."
My expression fell further if possible, "I just…I think these celebrations are a bit premature."
"Is it too much to hope?" Will asked, his tone somewhere between a demand and a question.
"No, Will. I am going to do everything I can to not let that happen. I would rather die than let you—"
"—No, you can not."
"What?"
"Analysa, no, you are not dying for me."
"Will, this is—"
"Promise me," Will demanded.
"Promise you what?" I asked, turning away from him and crossing my arms in front of my chest. I knew what he would ask, but I did not want to hear it.
"That you will never sacrifice yourself for me."
"I won't," I lied, looking into his eyes.
Will's head tilted as his expression turned to stone, "You think you can lie to me?"
"No. You're my brother, Will. I can't lie to you, and yes, I would sooner die than lose another part of my family, so no, I cannot promise you this."
"Robb will never let you see a battlefield anyhow," Will returned in a frustrated tone, running his hands through his hair.
"Yes, because that's where I saw you die." I turned around, the anger turning my skin red.
"Why do you have to say that?" he cried.
"Why do you have to attack me for wanting to save you?"
"Because you are my little sister!"
"And you already saved me once!" I yelled back with equal force.
We both stared at each other for the longest moment, neither willing to back away.
"Do you realize how childish that sounds?" he asked, shaking his head.
"You have a family to look after," I returned. "I don't."
"I know what losing a brother would do to you, and I do not want the same for Sansa."
"And what of losing a husband."
Will shook his head, "This…this is not your choice."
"It's not yours either, Will. What will happen will happen. I will fight and you will fight, and I will—" I could hear my voice crack as my resolve weakened. "I…" And suddenly, I wasn't sure I could hold my tears back anymore.
Will's anger softened as he pulled me into a bear hug, allowing me to truly let go and sob into his arm.
"I can't lose you. I can't lose you," I kept repeating, barely able to speak through my hyperventilation. I felt a water drop fall onto my hair. I knew Will was crying. I knew he did not want me to see, so I just hugged him tighter and sobbed as his tears slowly dripped, thinking of everything he might never see.