Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?! was the first thought in my mind.
But, I managed not to say it out loud, so I saved myself from turning out to be half feeble-minded. I swallowed and tried to make my words sound reasonabe, although I was still stunned.
"You're Valentine Morgenstern's son, aren't you?"
He nodded without further explanation. So I continued to talk, but I actually talked to myself, trying to calm myself by repeating facts we both already knew.
"He tried to conquer Idris. We've beaten his demon army two days ago. He's dead."
"Yes, he is." Jonathan said without sadness in his voice, more like he was trying to draw my attention again.
He definitely did.
"You're not sad about it." I noticed.
He shrugged his shoulders.
"If you had ever met him, you wouldn't be either."
There was pain in his voice, like he was disappointed with his father. There was also fear and anger towards the man. He seemed to be relieved because of his father's death, like he finally had a chance to be free from him.
But, that wasn't what I had heard about Jonathan Morgenstern. He was his father's loyal follower, the one who had enabled Valentine to let his demon army within the walls of Idris. According to some rumours, he had demons' blood in his own veins.
How could I accept someone like him as a parabatai? I asked myself. I needed to know more.
"How come you're still alive? You were on his side." I let suspicion be clearly heard in my voice.
He noticed my doubts and sighed, like he had expected them.
"I had to be on his side, Sam. Beside the fact he was my father, I thought he was doing the right thing."
I couldn't believe his words. His explanation wasn't good enough for me.
"He wanted to slaughter all Shadowhunters here in Idris. How can destruction of all of them be a good thing?"
"He told me he wanted to change some of the Clave's laws." Jonathan's tone was a bit defensive. "Even you have to admit they aren't all good and fair. He wanted to change the relationships between Shadowhunters and Downworlders. He would make sure that each Shadowhunter child is trained properly. He would suspend even the law about having a parabatai. I've never wanted one, just like you. Everything sounded so great in his words. It took some time for me to realise I was wrong."
"Yeah, you've changed your mind now he's defeated." I pointed out sarcastically. He had to know how unconvincing all sounded to me.
He shrugged his shoulders again.
"I never thought you'd believe me on my word." after that act of reconciliation, his eyes suddenly shone with resolution. "But, I can prove to you that I'm not like my father. I want to be a Shadowhunter; it's the only thing I know how to do. My entire family has done that for generations. I don't want to be the one who will break that line."
"Your father has already done that." I pointed out, but there was no sarcasm left in my voice. He sounded so convinced, so determined to find himself among Shadowhunters. It was what he had in his blood, what he wanted to do. We had that in common; we couldn't imagine ourselves doing anything in our lives beside shadowhunting.
He felt the change of my tone.
"But, he was also a Shadowhunter once." he replied. "He was among the best. He killed more demons in his days than most of Shadowhunters do in a lifetime."
I didn't answer, lost in my own thoughts.
Maybe he deserves another chance. Maybe he could be a good parabatai. His fighting skills are definitely good enough. I tried to reconcile with myself about what to do. But, what if he's lying? I'll be in big troubles then.
I looked into his eyes once again. They were as black as the shadows around us, but at that moment they reminded me more of the sky above our heads. The shine in them was similar to the moon above us. There wasn't all darkness about him. There could be good in him. Perhaps nobody had ever recognized it.
By the Angel, if someone knows how it looks to be lonely, that's me. for the first time, I looked at him with compassion in my eyes. Maybe I wanted my loneliness because I knew how it felt when nobody understands you properly. I have Levi by my side, but he has always wanted to change me, he has never fully accepted me. Maybe this guy will.
"Sam?" he asked hesitantly, like he didn't want to interrupt me in my thoughts.
I sighed, preparing myself for the biggest gambling of my life.
"I'll trust you now, Jonathan." I said his name so I could emphasize the importance of my words. "I'll become your parabatai. You've beaten me, so you did what I requested as a condition for it. But, if you ever betray me, I'll have no mercy for you."
"I understand." he said seriously. "And I'm grateful to you, Sam."
"You'll have enough chances to express your gratitude in a fight. Let's go to the Clave now."
I turned around, but then I felt a hand grabbing my forearm. In a second I looked back at him, angry because he had come so close to me without my permission again.
"What?!" I said, rousing my arm out of his reach.
"I can't go to the Clave." he said. "They'll arrest me in a second."
Crap, that's right. I wanted to punch myself for not remembering such an obvious fact. But, I chose to take my anger out on him instead.
"How did you plan to get a parabatai anyway then?"
He ignored my ironical and asked his own, not ironical, question.
"Do you have any friend who's nineteen years old already?"
I nodded, surprised by his question.
"Yes, I do. Why?"
"He can draw the rune to make me your parabatai. Each Shadowhunter who already has a parabatai can do that. Some of their rights and obligations are the same as anyone's in the Clave. Making a person someone's parabatai is among those rights."
"How do you know that? I've never heard of it."
He didn't answer, but his face told me everything.
My father told me, but you'll believe me even less if I tell you that. He was right, though, but his choice not to say it out loudmade me ask myself if he really was ashamed of his father and his deeds. There wassomething in Jonathan Morgenstern I couldn't trust, but there was also a side of him thatI could.
I'll find out which side is his true one in time. I said to myself and then started walking.
"C'mon, hurry up. We only have fifteen minutes to get to his house." I didn't even look at Jonathan while talking. But, I could hear his footsteps few meters behind mine, following me like a kind of materialized shadow, which was strangely accurate description of what he was about to become.