"Okay, I'm listening." I said when we sat on bench on Thames's shore near Big Ben.
Jonathan didn't even try to pretend he didn't know what I was talking about. His face was pale like a vampire's, his breathing heavy.
"She's my sister." he said.
I waited for him to continue, but he didn't, like he had said everything he needed. But, that wasn't good enough for me.
"So what?" I got up and crossed my arms over my chest, angry with him for making so much trouble over such a small thing.
My dissatisfaction caused his, but at least his skin was gaining colour again.
"Don't be a fool, Sam. You know who my father was." he sighed. "She and the rest of them will recognize me immediately. And then will everybody else. There is no chance I'll get out."
I stood in silence for few moments. That wasn't enough information. If he wanted my help, he had to trust me.
"What have you done to them?" I asked, curious about the answer, but also afraid at the same time.
He looked at me again with the feeling so similar to sorrow in his eyes. I couldn't guess yet what it meant, but it was the warmest feeling I had ever seen in their blackness.
"Nothing that can be made up for." he said at last.
"Be specific." I ordered, but he ignored my words.
He leaned on the bench and stared at Thames like he could see secrets on its surface that would tell him how to redeem himself.
But, I didn't want to be shut out of his thoughts.
I've finally got used to having a parabatai. To having Jonathan as my parabatai. And I don't even want anyone else.
Whatever he had done to them, I had nothing to do with it. Jonathan I knew protected my life in fights, understood my ways of thinking, had the same opinion about shadowhunting, told me stories about my own family. He had never tried to change me, had never complained about any of my flaws, which I knew I had many. In the last few months he had become the most important person in my life. I had got used to him being around me. To think of the London Institute without him felt insecure, maybe even lonely. There would be no more the weirdest pair of parabatai, just a weird Shadowhunter girl with no friends.
He has never done any wrong to me. maybe that wasn't the exact definition of a friend, but I had no intentions to let anyone take my parabatai away from me.
"I'll help you if you want me to."
His gaze separated from the water and looked into my eyes.
"Why? If I could be honest with you now, you'd leave me immediately, regretting every second of being a parabatai to someone like me." he sounded angry, but I couldn't say if he was angry with me or with himself.
"Why can't you?" I leaned my left leg on the bench and put my hands on my knee. Our faces got closer, but I didn't move my gaze from his eyes.
"Because I ..." for the first time since I had met him, Jonathan was speechless. He looked like he was fighting himself, deciding whether to say the words or not.
I had patience. I didn't interrupt or hurry him. I just waited until he interrupted the silence again.
"All the rumours you've heard back in Idris are true, Sam. I do have demons' blood in my veins."
I forced myself not to hold breath. It was one thing to doubt something was true and completely another to know that it was true. But, I kept my face expression neutral.
"What does that have to do with this situation?" luckily, my voice didn't shiver.
"I've done bad things. So bad that they can't ever be forgiven. And I've done them without any pricks of conscience. It was in my nature and I didn't even think of it. My sister and her company will try to kill me the moment they see me."
I felt my pulse increasing. He had said words that made me wonder if I had been completely reckless when I had chosen him as my parabatai. But, I still didn't give up, I kept asking questions.
"They don't know you're alive, do they?"
"No, they don't." he said. "That's why I wanted to go anywhere but to New York. I hoped that I'd never see her or her friends again."
Obviously, your hope was in vain. but I didn't say that. This was not the time for sarcasm.
"But, you came to look for a parabatai. Why didn't you run away and leave Shadowhunters behind you? There would be no chance for something like this to happen."
Suddenly, he smiled. It wasn't a happy smile, just one of sarcastic smirks typical for Jonathan.
"I thought you knew me better than to ask me that, Sam."
I thought his words over for a second.
Shadowhunting is his life as well as mine. I understood what he meant. He couldn't have left it behind, not even to save his own life.
I nodded and he understood the message. It was our way of communication. But, I had something on my mind that I needed words for.
"I've said to you once that I'll trust you as long as you show yourself worthy of my trust." I said slowly, trying to find the right words. "You've done so, Jonathan. You protected me when I needed it. You've been a perfect parabatai. I would lie if I said differently."
He said nothing, just continued to stare at my eyes. I could read nothing from his features, like he had suddenly become a statue.
"To your sister and the rest of her gang you are an enemy, but to me you have become a friend. I don't know exactly who you were, but I know who you are now. And I'm not interested in changing my parabatai."
He sat in silence for few moments while I was catching my breath.
"But, you'll be punished too. You have known all this time who I am and you didn't tell it to the Clave." he said.
He cares for me. I was surprised. He has demons' blood in his veins, he has done terrible things in his past and now he's worried about my future.
"I don't give a damn about the Clave." I growled, expressing my anger. "You and I both know that we probably would never have become each other's parabatai if there wasn't the Clave's stupid law. But, we obeyed their law. They have no right to order us to separate now."
Jonathan's smirk contained sarcasm again.
"You're a fool if you think so, Sam. They don't care if they have rights or not. They'll kill me and punish you the moment they find out who I am."
"Then they won't find out." I raged, not because he had called me a fool. "It's important only that your sister and her friends don't see you. You can hide from them and I'll cover for you."
"We'll meet, that can't be avoided." he sighed.
"We just need to find out who has been summoning demons. If we solve that and defeat him or her, they'll go back in New York." I knew I was very optimistic, maybe even too much, but I didn't want to just stand and wait for the truth to be found out. "Then everything will be alright."
"But, it could take weeks, months." Jonathan said, but I could hear in his voice that he was giving up. I knew that because I had never heard that tone from him before. He never gave up.
"C'mon, we are smart." I grinned, pretending arrogant. "It can't take that long. We'll solve this and send them back to USA on the first plane available."
Jonathan got on his feet.
"But, how will you cover me?"
I waved my hand nonchalantly and started walking in the direction of the Institute.
"Don't worry. I already have a thing or two on my mind."