"You're back already?" I was surprised to see Amelia and Thomas in front of the Institute, waiting for us. I had thought our talk to Bella had gone pretty fast, but Jeff had obviously been even more generous with information. "How did the talk go?"
"It didn't go." Amelia mumbled, obviously dissatisfied. "He's dead."
"Dead?" I heard Jace's voice from behind my back. "Dead like "He was the one who summoned the demons, so we killed him" or "He didn't want to take part in summoning demons, so the responsible one had killed him before we came"?"
"The latter." Amelia answered calmly.
How does he manage it? I sighed and then laughed. Maybe Amelia has a crush on him.
"So, we lost our only trail." Alec noticed.
"Trail?" Thomas's eyebrows rose.
"Bella Notte said someone had been making enquiries about London's warlock's skills of summoning demons." I explained. "She told Jeff had been one of the warlocks who'd been visited.
"And did he accept the offer?" Thomas asked.
"She didn't say." Isabelle joined the conversation.
"Obviously he didn't, because he probably wouldn't be dead if he had." Jace pointed out.
Amelia sighed and rubbed her temples with her fingers.
"And who are the other warlocks?"
"She didn't say that either." I said, angry with myself for not insisting on getting more information from Bella.
For few moments everybody stood in silence. It was Thomas who interrupted it.
"But, she's not the warlock we're looking for?"
I shook my head and heard four other voices said 'No.'.
At least there is something we agree on. I almost smiled, but then remembered the thing we didn't agree. Maybe just not yet.
"Okay. We'll visit the other two warlocks tomorrow." Amelia said at last. "You can get some rest now."
There's something else I have to do first. I thought, but remained silent. It would bring unwanted attention to Jonathan if I mentioned his name now. Maybe they had already forgotten everything about my parabatai and I didn't have to remind them.
I wish I could forget him, if everything they said was true. I took a deep breath. There was no point in delaying. I entered the Institute.
"Who was Max?" I asked the second I closed the door of Jonathan's bedroom.
He was sitting on his bed with the same thoughtful expression he had worn on his face when I had visited him in the afternoon. His black eyes met mine and stared at me in surprise.
"Max? I ..."
"Don't pretend." I was on the brink of letting my anger and fatigue explode. "Someone named Max died from your hand, didn't he?"
He sighed suddenly, like I had punched him. I wasn't far from doing that.
"Isabelle's and Alec's brother." Jonathan said at last. "I killed him when we were in Alicante. Before the battle."
I shivered. For the first time in my life I felt the floor dancing under my feet. I thought that I would fall if I kept standing and facing Jonathan, so I leaned on the door behind my back, trying to figure out what to say and how to react. I stared at the ceiling, at the floor, anywhere but at Jonathan's face.
I started to catch my breath, which at first I hadn't even realized I had been holding. Then I gathered my strength and looked at Jonathan again. His face expression didn't change.
"So, when you talked about things that couldn't be forgiven, you meant this?" my voice managed to be steady, but I could feel it could collapse any second.
He nodded calmly.
"Now you see why they'd kill me at once. I killed their brother. Blood for blood."
"Is there anyone else who's dead because of you?" I didn't know why that was important, but it was. My hands were shaking like it was thirty degrees below zero in the room.
"If you mean someone's dead because I helped my father, then yes." he said.
I took a deep breath once again. But, Jonathan wasn't over.
"If you mean someone's dead because I killed them with my own hands ..." he stopped for a moment. "Then yes."
I wanted to scream. For the first time since I had been a child, I wanted to cry.
What have I done? my thoughts screamed in shock. My parabatai is a monster. He killed people without mercy. And I knew it all along and I still accepted him, I did nothing. I thought only of myself, of how I could remain Shadowhunter. If Jonathan is bad and evil, I'm ten thousand times worse.
I couldn't stand it anymore. I lost my balance and fell on the floor, wanting to drown in it. I felt hands on my shoulder, trying to lift me, but I hit them.
"Leave me!" I screamed, feeling the tears on my cheeks. "Don't touch me or I swear I'll kill you!"
He removed his hands. I rubbed my eyes, trying to stop the tears and face him like a true Shadowhunter, fearless and calm. But, I could achieve neither. Tears didn't stop falling and I had never been more terrified in my life.
"We both know you can't kill me, Sam." I heard his voice. But, there was no eagerness or triumph in it.
I looked at him. He seemed almost sad; like he was sorry I was too weak to kill him. But, the last thing I wanted was his pity. I needed nobody's pity, especially not his. Rage rose in me again and I managed to get up.
"I wouldn't be so sure if I were you." I snarled, reaching for a Seraph blade at my waist.
His gaze followed my movements. He knew what I was about to do. And he did nothing to stop me.
"You're not like me, Sam." surprisingly, he wasn't sarcastic. "I kill people, you don't."
"You said you had demons' blood in your veins. And I kill demons." I gathered all the pain, disappointment and fear in the venom of my words.
"We do that together." he said, with resolution I had never heard from him before. "You are my parabatai. And I'm yours. When we met in Idris, you said you'd accept me, no matter what you found out about me later."
"I never planned to accept a murderer." I said, but I knew I was lying to myself. I would have accepted anyone just to remain among Shadowhunters. And I had promised him that I would be his parabatai, no matter what he had done. And I had promised him this afternoon that I would protect him. I was selfish; I didn't have to be a liar as well.
"And I never planned to accept a liar." Jonathan said like he was reading my mind.
For few seconds I didn't know what to say, but then I wondered.
"Why did you accept me?" I asked, staring at his eyes. I left my Seraph blade in my belt. "You had another day to find a parabatai. Was I your best chance to run away from Idris as quickly as possible? Or you'd thought I was the only one desperate enough to accept you?"
"Both." there were no tricks or games in his words. "I admit, I couldn't believe my own luck when I met you, Sam. Wanting only to remain a Shadowhunter and despising the Clave, you were the target I could only dream of. And there you were, angel in the darkness, cursing and punching the wall."
"That's hardly what angels do." I said, trying not to laugh. His jokes always made me laugh and now I couldn't afford myself even to smile.
"At first, I thought I could use you for the revenge I was planning." Jonathan continued. "You were powerful enough and you didn't like the Clave. As I said, to me you were a perfect person to have as a parabatai."
I didn't like his plans for using me. But, I remained silent. Something in Jonathan's voice made me continue to listen without interrupting him.
"But, when we arrived in London, I realised I could never talk you into joining me against the Shadowhunters. You thought with your own head, not allowing anyone to change your opinions."
"And what made you realise that?" the curiosity overpowered my rage.
"Our talk about James, William and Tessa." he answered.
I remembered that talk. I had said Tessa was the one I didn't like, not William, despite him being my ancestor's opponent in competition for Tessa's love. Even after Jonathan had suggested what I should have thought, I hadn't changed my opinion.
"And then what?" I snapped out of the memories. "You started to plan revenge without me being included?"
"At first, yes." he nodded. "But, as the time passed, I thought less and less about it. I realised I was happy with doing what Shadowhunters do. People treated me like a Shadowhunter, not like traitor's son with demons' blood in his veins. It was a nice change and I found myself not willing to ruin it."
I thought about the next thing I should say. A question was on the tip of my tongue, but I knew how it would sound if I said it. But, once again, Jonathan proved himself an excellent reader, if not my thoughts, then my face expressions.
"And I finally had someone who trusted me, despite knowing who I really was. You. And more importantly, I had someone who I could trust. After everything I had been through while living with my father, I couldn't believe it. I had to prove to myself that I could trust you. Few times during fights I left my back unguarded, wondering if you'd protect me. And you did."
"You protected me as well. I was just returning the favour." I felt rage abandoning me. A small smile escaped my lips.
"Whether it was just returning the favour, I didn't want to lose it." he shrugged his shoulders. "I like the way our game is played, Sam. I don't want to lose it by searching for revenge which doesn't mean so much to me anymore. Living a life of a Shadowhunter as your parabatai, that's what's important to me."
I shouldn't trust him. Demons lie. He killed people. It's his actions I should judge him by, not his words. I warned myself. But, he has never done any wrong to me. He never said a single bad word to me, not even when I insulted him few minutes ago. He understands me like nobody else.
"If your words are true, then you're not the one who makes inquiries all over London about skills of summoning demons?" I asked, trying to extend my time for making the decision.
Jonathan now looked surprised.
"I've no idea what you're talking about."
I looked at him suspiciously. He met my gaze with calmness.
"I swear it on the Angel."
"The Angel means nothing to a demon." the words flew out of me before I could stop them.
But, Jonathan didn't hold it against me.
"But, he does to a Shadowhunter. And I am one, at least partly."
I studied his face for few moments.
After this, there's no coming back. Either I believe him or I don't.
I took a deep breath.
"I went with New Yorkers to visit the warlock called Bella Notte. She said that the other warlocks had spoken about a person who goes around London and asks London's warlocks how skilled they are at summoning demons."
"She was smart enough not to name herself Buona?" Jonathan asked with a mocking smile and shine in his eyes.
Damn it, we're too much alike. but the thought didn't bother me.
"Obviously, she is." I replied, trying to hide my own smile.
"Did she see that person herself?" Jonathan became serious in a second.
I shook my head.
"No. That's the problem. Amelia and Thomas visited the other warlock called Jeff Goldmayer. He was the one who'd told Bella about the mysterious person. But, they found him dead."
"Obviously the mysterious guy didn't want to be remembered." Jonathan concluded at once, but then his expression became confused. "But, why did you think it was me?"
"According to Bella, Goldmayer saw that the person had light blond hair. Like yours." I couldn't help myself, but look at locks of blond hair around his face.
He shook his head and the locks moved like in a dance around it.
"If I wanted to destroy Shadowhunters with a demon army, I wouldn't fight against it." he said matter-of-factly, like it was just pure logic to think so. "I hope you know me that well."
"I do." I answered, knowing he was right. "But, you'll have to find a better excuse for tomorrow. I think logic won't be a much of a use to you when you meet New Yorkers."
I went towards the door, ready to go to my room and get a good rest. I glanced outside Jonathan's room, but nobody was in the corridor. I got out and started to close the door, but then I heard Jonathan's voice again.
"Sam?"
I pushed the door again and looked at him.
"If necessary, will you be on my side tomorrow?" he whispered, like he was fighting himself either to say that or not.
I couldn't help myself. I smiled.
"Of course."
My parabatai.