Hey, guys. Yeah its me, no kidding. An update. I know, I know its been so long! Sorry! To keep it short – I had my school results, got a new part-time job, life is busy as hell and the only time I can update is the weekends which didn't seen to be free. Some of you may not believe it but I updated as soon as I could.

Disclaimer: When did I own anything? This is like rubbing salt on wounds...:(

Thanks to 'usui usui usui', 'kitty', 'anonymous', 'itloveit', 'nice', 'jeanxxx', 'GhostRider' and 'ilovespike' for their reviews. Since you guys are 'un-signed up', I couldn't personally thank you. But your reviews mean a lot too! Thx! :)

Thx to my other reviewers and alert-ies, favorite story-ies and favorite author-ies!

And I also have a request guys. Please read chapter 1 before getting on with this chapter. I wrote this chapter and felt sad. But when I read both the chapters together I seriously cried. And I wanna know if it happens to anyone else. It'll help you connect so please read them together, please. On with this now,….

"I hate to be loved." Usui whispered before he jumped off the roof.

The last thing he remembered before losing consciousness was never wanting to wake up again….

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A small red bulb. That was what Misaki had been staring at for a time span she could not remember anymore. She just kept staring.

Something caressed her shoulder – a hand? She tore her gaze away from the red to face her supporter. It was Kanou, his bespectacled blue eyes troubled and his features stiff.

"It will be alright, Misa-chan." He spoke in a soft voice that was very kind. But clearly, he was acting more confident than he ever felt. All of them – Yukimura, Sakura, Shizoko, the teachers, the student council and the rest - were in fact doing the same. Putting on a deceiving smile but their truthful eyes gave away their lies. They were all trying to comfort her, she knew. But for some strange reason, she couldn't feel them. As if she were reduced to a spectator of her own life. She watched them, heard them but she couldn't believe in them. They were unreal.

So instead of lying back to their lies, Misaki turned to what felt real to her – the red.

It felt good to look at it. It was real, it was cruel, it was the truth. It gave her strength – strength for him. Because she believed in him and in the truth, she believed in the red, not the liars.

The small red bulb was actually the sad signal of the operation theater being in use. Someone was in there, fighting for life or falling to death….

But that was not the reason Misaki stared at the bulb. She stared because she had to. It was the colour, that cold, creepy, dark, merciless red, it was the colour of Usui's blood as it crawled out of him.

So much red, so much blood, so less hope, so less life…..

How could she not stare?

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"Please Usui-san, don't hate me." She was on her knees before him, begging for him to stay and listen. How could she let him go?

"I do hate you, Misaki." The response was harsh, eating at her heart and oh so cold.

"No! Please! Please, I'm begging you, I love you. Love you with all my heart. I will do anything you want, anything at all. Just don't leave, don't hate me, master!" She was clawing at his feet, clinging to his leg like she would die if she let go. But he kept walking, dragging her across the floor.

"I love you, Usui-san. Be my master, please."

She was desperate, he was disgusted.

"Why are you leaving me master? I thought…I…I thought you loved me too!"

At that he stopped. Turning around a little, he put his irritated eyes on her filthy body at his feet.

Smirking at her disgraceful appearance, he shook his head and clicked his tongue. His eyes closed momentarily and when they opened again, they were filled with such malice that she cringed, trembling under his repulsion for her.

Setting his completely disgusted green eyes on her pleading face, he spat the words that broke her heart into two.

"I do not need love from the likes. of. you."

Crack! Was it her imagination or had her heart actually made that awful sound?

His lay his boot on her chest and glared down at her until she cringed in fear and hurt. Scowling at her weak body, he kicked her chest hard and sent her sprawling across the dirt. The force of his fury did not hold any mercy or pity. He was a heartless man, the one she loved.

"Master, please…." She whispered, unable to say anything more, dirty, filthy, hurt, lowly – she was just a maid.

His hatred remained in his eyes, not moved by humanity. "I don't need you, my filthy little maid. You're not but a piece of dirt. But thanks for the entertainment." He laughed heartily at her tears and then vanished into thin air...

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"Misaki!"

Her eyes flew open to the sound of her name.

Eyes aghast, Misaki realized she was gasping for air. Sweat was dripping down her forehead and she was trembling out of control. Her lips were moving at a fast speed but the the voice had died in her throat. Where was she? What happened? Where did Usui go?

"It was just a dream! You're fine, just breathe Misaki. It was only a nightmare, you were dreaming." Sakura's panicked voice called out to her, hurting her ears but forcing her rushed brain to comprehend.

A nightmare? Yeah, that must be it. She had been dreaming about begging Usui to stay, but he left her alone. Really, some dream. But considering the present condition – his condition – she could justify the turn her thoughts had taken.

He left her in her dream didn't mean he would leave her in actual life. Right?

Even though now she knew it was only her imagination (thanks to her insecurities), Usui's cruel rejection had left a dagger in her heart and she knew she couldn't take it out. The only person who could remove the bloody dagger and mend her wounded heart was lying lifeless in the operation theater, fighting for his own heart.

Rubbing her eyes and shaking her head, Misaki tried to block out the new worries. The only thing she should care about now was Usui and that was exactly what she decided to do. Her stupid reservations could wait for now.

Looking around she took in her surroundings. The bulb was still glowing and there was still no news on Usui's condition. She must have dozed off only for a few minutes considering everyone was exactly in the same positions as before. Why was this operation taking so long? Was that a good thing? If the doctors were taking so long there must be a lot to attend to, right? That meant that there was still hope, something could be mended. But could it mean that there was so much damage that the cure wouldn't end at all? Was it even curable?

No, she wouldn't think about the latter, she would only hope for the best as her aching heart feared the worst.

'This is Usui that we're talking of. He's strong as hell and stubborn as a mule. He is an outer space perverted alien. A small little fall can't kill him.' Misaki thought.

She didn't think 'It was 35 feet, that was far from small.'

'He's jumped before too. He lived through it easily.' she thought.

She didn't think 'It hadn't been easy. He had been admitted to the hospital for a month. He had been infected and critical for 2 hours. And that was before the roof was renovated. It had been 20 feet then, it was 35 now. Plus he had landed in a tree and then water, not hit the floor.'

'He wont even have a scar. He'll be fine, he's Usui.' she thought.

She didn't think 'If he was going to be fine then why was he still in the I.C.U.? Why was he still critical? Why was there no news?'

'He'll be fine, he'll be fine, he is Usui Takumi!'

Usui had always been right – she was a pathetic liar. She couldn't even lie to herself.

And the same Usui Takumi whose eyes had pierced the hearts of so many females had been under operation for over 5 hours now, his eyes shut to the world. Nobody in the waiting room knew what was happening behind the closed doors. All they knew was that Usui was fighting for his life. And they believed Usui to be the perfect man. If he fought, he won. So he would be all right.

But a certain heart shaped beauty wasn't as optimistic. She prayed and prayed but didn't dare to hope. How could she hope when she knew the truth? The truth of what had happened on the roof. She continued to lie to herself.

Like the others she believed that Usui could get anything he wanted. He was everything a guy could ever dream to be. He was perfect, fearless, he wanted, he could get. But that did not mean Usui would live.

Unlike the others, Misaki could not believe that Usui wanted to live. She prayed that he did but prayers did not turn the irrational to rational. She wanted Usui to live but a simple argument clashed with her wishes. If Usui wanted to live, he could have. He wouldn't have to be here in the hospital.

She knew the truth of what had happened on that dammed roof. She had been the only eye witness. She knew what the others didn't. She knew the truth behind his downfall – he hadn't fallen, Usui Takumi had voluntarily jumped off the roof. Nothing that happened was an accident. He had meant to end up like this. Usui had wanted to end his life. And yeah, he always got what he wanted.

'Noooo, no no no! I can't think about such things, he will be fine!'

Trying to block out her pessimism, Misaki finally noticed all the worried eyes looking in her direction.

"I'm fine, everyone. It was just a dream." She spoke, aiming for reassurance. But what she got were unconvinced looks. Really, she would have to learn to lie.

"I really am okay. It was a bad one and I was stressed so I freaked. But I'm allright now. Besides, I'm not the one you should be worrying about." As Misaki spoke the last sentence her throat dried up, turning it into a scared whisper. Like her, everyones eyes shifted to the door of the operation theater – the one that they were begging would open to reveal good news. But common sense clashed with their wishful thoughts – no matter what, it could not be good.

Misaki noticed that even though they all stopped staring, they didn't believe her lies. And she didn't blame them either. Her fake assurances had sounded baseless to her own ears. Her voice was hollow – haunted by reality. How could she have ended up like this? How could Ayuzawa Misaki, the stone hearted demon prez, the guy hater have fallen so completely for a man?

The answer was a simple fact – it wasn't any man, it was Usui Takumi.

Misaki smiled a shallow smile as she mused over what Usui was. He was perfect. There really was no other word for him. Acting like an absurd outer space alien with a smart mouth and wits, driving her mad with the insane teasing, irritating her with his taunting jibes and even enraging her to the point of hitting him with his too frank accusations. He was everything that drove her mad.

He was better than her, stronger than her and sharper than her. Best in studies, best in sports. He was handsome. He was popular. He didn't mess up and kept his calm even when she panicked. He was everything she was jealous of.

He was the best but he wasn't proud. He had everything but was not a show-it-off. He was a tough body with a molten heart and an inexpressive face with vibrant, alive eyes. He was a puzzle she could not sort while he read her like an open book. He caught her when she fell and supported her when she rebelled. He saved her, then teased her. He picked her up and took her into his arms, driving away her responsibilities, burdens, fears, reservations and denials and made her a part of himself. And now, he was a part of her heart, a conspicuous, demanding part that made her a happy person.

He was everything that she wanted…and as she looked at the closed doors between them, a small voice inside of her spoke - he was everything she could never have...

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Time passed, another hour went by…there was no news, the red kept glowing.

For about a hundredth time since 'the accident', Misaki found the fall starting to replay itself in front of her eyes. It was so terrifying, watching him plunge to death of his own will, again and again and again. Why didn't it ever get less haunting? She didn't want to watch but she didn't have a choice.

"I don't want to be loved." Usui's voice rang in her ears, so different, so lost.

She met his eyes – they were empty. There was nothing in them, nothing at all.

No anger.

No love.

No fear.

No life.

As good as dead…..

And then he jumped.

That was it. One second he was there and the next he was gone, just falling down down down…

She didn't see him fall – she couldn't see anything but those two empty eyes. Something was very very wrong, he was so hollow….

And then it hit her – Usui had plunged off the roof! She ran up to the edge and saw him become smaller and smaller. He didn't scream, didn't protest, just let the wind take him down. He got even smaller, too small.

He hit the floor before she could blink – not the tree, not the water, the concrete floor. A loud thud sounded as Usui was abandoned by the wind and accepted by the ground – the ground that could be the last one he ever fell on. The best man she ever knew hit his doom.

She also heard a sickening crack, like a tree branch snapping off – but it wasn't a branch, it was his skull.

The sound she did not hear was of his voice. It would tease her, irritate her, embarrass her…..anything? But there was only a deathly silence.

He hadn't even screamed, Usui had again suffered alone. Somehow his only companion was always his loneliness.

Of all the horrible sounds that could have terrified her, the stony silence was the one that did.

Usui lay 35 feet below, completely immobile.

He hadn't moved an inch since he had hit the floor.

He did not get up.

She could not tear her eyes away.

He was going to get up and tease her, she knew.

5 minutes gone…..

He would get up any second now.

5 more…

Really, it was gonna happen, just wait. He was about to rise.

And 5 more…..

Just wait, just wait, he wouldn't die.

And 5 more…..

He never got up.

But the red kept moving out. It was crawling on the floor, like tainting a temple and bathing Usui in his own dark blood. It flowed from the best man she had ever known and grew in all directions, mixing with the blue of the water, turning it the same sickly red.

Misaki stared at the whiter than ash, deathly still figure lying 35 feet below and drenched in the never ending blood. It never moved an inch, never took a breath….

And suddenly it hit home to her heart – Usui was dead.

Usui was dead.

He was dead, that was it, he just died, he was DEAD!

The man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with…

Wanted to hold…..

Wanted to kiss…..

Wanted to love….

Wanted to die with, in his arms….

…..was dead himself. So she collapsed.

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Misaki opened her eyes form another nightmare. Only that she had already seen this one for more times than she ever wanted and it was painfully real. It was a nightmare that didn't come with sleep. It was a nightmare that couldn't be fictional. She could open her eyes but she could not wake out of it – it was her life.

Misaki sighed heavily. It had been a sunny day, she loved those days. She woke and decided to work hard for the upcoming evaluation. She admitted she loved him and Usui jumped off to his doom. Where had these dark clouds come from?

It had been a beautiful morning, happiness unleashed. So airy, so light….how could she have ever predicted this? Just another day and a great one at that. The sun that she adored had been shining so bright, so high. So where was he now? Why was darkness consuming her? Why was she so alone?

A small little pin pierced her heart and left her with a gaping hole. Her sun, so bright, so high, had fallen. And now he was fighting to hold on to his brightness.

The sun had gone down and she, its moon, was now alone in the darkness. How could she shine without his light?

She would probably collapse and….Wait! She had collapsed! After Usui fell, she had just collapsed. What happened after that? How did he end up in the hospital?

"Kanou? You said you found me on the roof. How?" Misaki couldn't be sure but she did remember Kanou's face staring at her with wide eyes. What had made him stare, she did not know. She did not remember anything about herself at all. But she was sure Kanou had been there.

"I heard you scream. So I ran up to see if you were alright." Kanou hesitated, pulling himself together as Misaki met his gaze, asking him to continue. She wanted to know but at the same time she dreaded what she knew was coming.

"I hadn't expected to find you in such a state. It was bad, you were hysterical. And so pale. Prez, you were lying on the floor, screaming like crazy and you were also trembling. Very much. I didn't know what to do, it was just so scary. You were terrified and crying so badly. Wailing, screaming, shrieking even. I've seen prez so terrified of anything. There was no one around and I couldn't see any physical injury but you won't stop screaming, it didn't make sense. You didn't even know I was there until I called out to you. And all you said – no scearmed - was his name. But Usui-kun wasn't anywhere around. So I put two and two together and looked down the roof. He was…he was so….I saw him. So I called an ambulance."

Kanou sounded just as lost as herself, Misaki noted. She wasn't bothered about what the others thought of her. All she could think about was the loss. The loss of Usui. And prayed that it was reparable, not permanent. She prayed like she had never prayed before. She prayed for his life and in a way for her own.

For Kanou, the world had altered in only a couple of hours. Usui, the intelligent, strong, charming and the most talented Sieka student was now lying in a hospital with hardly any hop for him. Kanou too, could not hope. He too had seen. He had seen Usui lying on the floor in a pool of blood. There had been a lot of blood – more than what a person could live without. It was a dead fall from about 35 feet and Usui was but human – it was foolish to hope.

"How much blood?" a small voice interrupted Kanou's thoughts and left his heart cold. He couldn't answer that. There was no way he could say that there was so much blood that they all should book a funeral ground and buy black clothes to mourn for Usui instead of wait like idiots. He didn't say anything.

"How much blood, Kanou?" Misaki asked again. Her voice was even more terrified but there was an authority in it that he could not deny. Her eyes were burning into his, dreading his answer but still demanding that he answer. Misaki was still Misaki.

And she deserved to know how much…

"Enough."

Kanou averted his eyes, unable to look at her gaping mouth. One word from his lips had torn her heart to shreds, like he had known it would.

Misaki nodded and looked away too, putting up a strong front and ignoring the tears that rolled down her cheeks. They were irrationaol, the tears. What Kanou told her she had already known. Why then was she crying now?

Because somehow, having her fears spoken out broke her resolve. And here she had been thinking that she couldn't hurt anymore than she already was.

'Baka, Usui! Why? Why did you do this, how could you do this? Couldn't you see my love? Didn't you know what you meant to me? Why are you leaving me? Don't you love me too? Why are you hiding? Don't you want me anymore? You said you liked me, why then did you leave me cold? I want you, I love you, can't you see that? You said you would never leave my side then why am I so alone now? Where are you? I need you, you pervert! Just come out and hold me Usui. I'm begging you, don't leave me, don't leave me. Hold me Usui and never let go. I want you, to hold you, kiss you, love you and show you what you mean to me. I wont hit you, I promise. I'll never argue. Whatever you want, I'll do it. Please just don't leave me, come back. Stop hiding Usui, come for me. Come out and hold me and kiss me and lay me to sleep. Hit me, punch me, hate me but don't leave me. Don't leave, don't die, don't die, don't die...'

"Don't die, Usui!" Misaki screamed. Her heart was pounding, her head swimming, nothing made sense, he was leaving her, why was he leaving her?

Kanou lay a reassuring hand on her shoulder, Sakura rubbed her back, Yukimura spoke kind words, the teachers sympathized with her and the student council spoke encouraging words but she did not feel anything. Everything seemed far far away. She was running for the one thing hat she wanted and that was him. She wanted only the man she loved and she kept running but she could never reach him. His hand was visible, outstretched, but no matter how fast she ran she couldn't reach it. She gave everything she had but it still wasn't good enough, she couldn't find him and he was slipping away. And then the hand started retreating and she ran even faster, she couldn't breathe, she needed to stop but he was leaving so she kept running. She ran like she had run after her father but he had left her alone.

The hand vanished, she fell to the floor, he was gone again, she was alone again…..

Misaki didn't scream. She stopped crying. She stopped trembling. She stopped praying. It was already too late.

The red vanished – the operation was over. The doors to the operation theater opened and a team of doctors walked out, their faces grim.

"Is Usui-kun okay?"

"Will he be fine?"

"How is he?"

"Is he conscious?"

"Is Usui-san going to be alright?"

Everyone had a question but she had none. They were bouncing on their feet but she remained on the floor on which she had fallen. What was the use of getting up just to fall again?

The most important question remained unspoken – "Is he alive?"

"I am going to be frank, I think. His condition is not looking good. There has been immense blood loss so he is on blood. Over 50 bones have been broken. 53 to be accurate. One of the broken ribs has pierced his left lung and so he is breathing through a breathing tube. There is also a dislocated shoulder and more bruises than we could account for. Our main concern though is his head. There is a lot of internal swelling and he has a full blown concussion. With the deficient blood and immense damage, it might be too much for the body. If he falls into a coma, he might never wake up. The body is not responding to treatment and it is important for him to get conscious but sadly, that is not happening. Despite our best efforts, Takumi is still unconscious. The swelling is increases. At this rate, we can't say anything. His pulse is getting slower and if he does not open his eyes within 3 hours, it could be too late. And lastly, the biggest threat is infection. We are cleaning his wounds in every 1 hour to prevent that. The simple truth is if he gets an infection, it'll take a miracle to save him."

The only response to the doctor's speech was an all-consuming silence. The unspoken fears had been spoken. The spell had been cast and the suffering doubled up. No miracle happened, he was going to die. The doctor never said so but Misaki could see it in his eyes – Usui wasn't going to survive.

"What are his chances of getting an infection?" This was the first question she asked and it was going to be the last. She already knew what the doctor would say.

"High."

The doctor's eyes met hers and the silent question in them. Misaki had one last question – was Usui going to live? – but she didn't need to ask. Her eyes spoke what her mouth couldn't and the doctor's eyes read it.

"Only time can tell, my dear." His voice was soft but Misaki's mind only registered the words.

The doctors left but she didn't know.

She was lifted off the floor and seated but she didn't know.

Sakura started to cry but she didn't know.

She was crying herself but she didn't know.

She was trembling but she didn't know.

She curled into a ball but she didn't know.

She mumbled on and on but she didn't know.

All she knew was – he was dying.

He was going to die. He was going to leave her be. He was going to walk away. He was leaving her cold. Just like her father...

He was leaving, he was leaving, he was dying...What would time tell?

Time, in the blink of an eye
You held my hand, you held me tight
Now you're gone and I'm still crying
Shocked, broken, I'm dying inside

Why did you go?
All these questions run through my mind
I wish I couldn't feel at all
Let me be numb, I'm starting to fall

Where are you? I need you
Don't leave me here on my own
Speak to me, be near me
I can't survive unless I know you're with me

Shadows linger
Only to my eye
I see you, I feel you
Don't leave my side

-'Haunted' by 'Kelly Clarkson'

So how was it? I'm not very satisfied with this chapter but I decided I had taken long enough so I posted it! Let me know if there are spelling mistakes or grammatical errors, I'll correct them. Thank you all for reading, continue reading and leaving such beautiful reviews. Pls do review guys.

Lastly, a thanks to all my reviewers, I really appreciate them and if it wasn't for you guys I'd probably give up on the story! 21 reviews, YAY! And a special thanks to 'Sweettweet07' for being a great encouragement. I'm not gonna lie - if it wasn't for the awesome reviews and Sweettweet07's persuasion, this chappie may have never come. So thank you all, I hope you liked this as well.

Also, I will be posting a one-shot hurt story on Usui's feelings after Misaki left him for Tora in 'Sweettweet07's story – "You Bleed Just To Know You're Alive" if any of u r interested, let me know. I haven't thought of a name yet but I will soon. I'll keep it to myself if you all don't want to read or it offends anyone. It has been written with the author's full permission. If interested you may let me know.

So review everyone, may God bless. Review for usui! Let me know if any of you cried. You can't give Usui your blood, but you can give him your love, just click the purple button!

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