"Jonathan!" I wasn't even sure if I said it out loud or just whispered it, but that was the only word that my lips managed to shape.
I fell on the ground, breathless again. Dizziness overwhelmed me for few moments, making me feel like I hadn't slept for days. My vision was blurred, everything around me seemed unreal.
But, I knew it was all real. More real than I wanted it to be.
How can it be? I couldn't even explain myself what was streaming through my mind.
But, Jonathan is the best fighter there is. And I'm his parabatai. I should protect him. I would never leave him. He can't be dead. I would never forgive myself.
I needed a weapon. I needed my knife back, so I could continue to fight alongside Jonathan. It was all I wanted to do right now, what I could imagine myself doing.
I looked for the knife, but I couldn't see it anywhere on the ground. I forced my mind to remember where it was, what had happened before I had seen Jonathan falling.
The demon. it occurred to me suddenly, even though the demon stood right in front of me.
My gaze searched its body. And there, in its neck, I noticed my knife.
It cut through demon's skin and a sudden stream of black blood rose up from the wound. Even though I was still feeling dizzy after falling on the ground, I got up almost immediately, trying to avoid the blood. But, it got hold of my forearm and this time I didn't manage to hold back a scream. It burned my skin, making it black in the place it should be pale pink. I felt the pain, but I didn't try to remove the blood, no matter how much I wanted to. If it got to my other hand, both of them would be useless for fight. And it was still going on around me.
The demon in front of me vanished, drained out of its blood. I looked through mist that its disappearing had left, trying to see Jonathan.
He lay on the ground, motionless. The demons around him stood still, like they studied him and found extremely unusual that he wasn't moving anymore. And then I saw them moving away, partly on the left, partly on the right, so they formed a passage. It led from Jonathan to Amelia. I could see her satisfied smile, like a child that got what it wanted for Christmas.
"Leave him. He's no problem anymore." I heard her voice. "Get the girl."
The demons moved away from Jonathan, heading towards the other group which was trying to beat New Yorkers. My way wasn't blocked anymore, but I didn't want to move forward. It would make me see what I didn't want to see.
C'mon, Sam. I told myself, reaching for my knife, which was lying on the ground. I have to go to him. Maybe he's not so badly wounded. Maybe I can still save him.
I put one foot in front of the other, making my way towards Jonathan. I didn't want it to end. I didn't want to reach the end of the road, knowing what horror awaited me there.
But, I continued to walk, determined to look at his face once again, to tell him I would do whatever was necessary to save him.
After few steps I was standing in front of Jonathan. His skin was paler even more than usually, making him look almost like a vampire. His fair hair was full of dirt which made it look gray. He was shaking slightly, like he had a fever. But, I couldn't separate my eyes from his chest. Dark yellow horn rose from it, covered in Jonathan's blood.
I fell on my knees, my hands grabbing the horn. I had often seen Jonathan covered in blood during battles, it was nothing strange. But, the horn didn't belong there; it made the whole picture look wrong.
But, at the moment I wanted to pull the horn out, I felt a hand touching mine. It was Jonathan's.
"Leave it, Sam." his voice was quiet and I could see every word was causing him even greater pain.
But, it didn't matter. He was still alive.
"I have to pull it out, so I can cure you." I said, not moving my hands from the horn.
His lips formed a small sarcastic smile, like I was a child telling fairytales.
"You know you can't cure this."
"Of course I can." I blurted out defiantly. "An iratze ..."
"No iratze can cure this and you know it." Jonathan coughed and spat blood, as if he was trying to prove his point.
His breathing was becoming more and more shallow. I could feel his pulse under my fingers becoming slower. He was dying and I could do nothing about it.
"No, Jonathan!" my voice was strict like I was giving orders, but I wasn't a picture of a commander now. My cheeks were full of tears I didn't even notice they had started to stream. They were falling on his chest, mixing with blood and dirt.
I couldn't even look at his face, couldn't look at his black eyes as the spark of life was abandoning them. I couldn't stand it, knowing what that meant. I stared at the horn in his chest, my hands around it, and Jonathan's hand around mine.
I couldn't see that small movement, due the mist that tears had made in my eyes, but I felt it. There was enough strength left in Jonathan to squeeze my hand, making the only move that could have made me look at his face again.
"You're crying." he said, but barely.
I nodded. I couldn't say anything, but my nod meant: Of course I am. You're dying. I don't want to lose you, but I can feel you slipping through my fingers and I can do nothing about it but watch.
Jonathan knew what it meant. I could see in his eyes that he knew. It was the way they shone this one last time.
"Thank you, Sam." he said.
And then he was gone. His chest stopped rising, his heart stopped beating. Quietly, like he had fallen asleep.
A part of me died at that second, burned in the flame on my left palm. The rune that made Jonathan my parabatai was gone with him. It abandoned me forever, just like Jonathan did, leaving me alone among dust and demons.