I felt like my whole body had been turned into stone.

My hands were still holding the horn in Jonathan's chest, but his hand wasn't on mine anymore. It had fallen on the ground next to his body when he had died, when there had been no strength or will which would hold it there.

I couldn't move away from him. His last words echoed in my mind.

Thank you, Sam.

For what? I wondered, unable to think clearly with all the pain I felt in body and soul. For crying while you were dying? For caring? For being your parabatai? For being your friend? For what?

But, the only person who could answer me, who could explain it to me, was dead. And I couldn't leave him. He was my parabatai, he should have been by my side forever.

I should have been by his side when it mattered, but I wasn't. I'm the hypocrite, not Jonathan. thinking about it made the pain even worse, but I couldn't stop myself. This is my fault.

Suddenly, a voice managed to break through the mist of pain and sadness that surrounded me. It was a female voice, and a familiar one.

"Leave, Sam." Amelia said. "This isn't your fight anymore."

The only thing that could rouse me from my state was the voice of the person who had ordered Jonathan's death. I turned towards her. She stood few steps away, looking at me with almost completely neutral face expression.

"Why?" I whispered, not having the strength for anything more.

She saw my lips shaping a word, but she didn't understand what I had said.

"What did you say?" she asked, her voice calm and neutral.

She doesn't care. I realised. She killed Jonathan and she can talk about it like nothing happened. Because she wanted it to happen.

Rage burned within me. It gave me strength to get up and face Amelia. I had to know why she had done it, before I could run my blade through her chest like her demon had done to Jonathan.

"Why?!" I shouted, loud enough that half of London would hear me if I weren't hidden by glamour.

But, my shouting meant nothing to Amelia. Her face expression remained indifferent.

"He's not worthy of your sorrow, Sam. Even death is too mild punishment for him."

I made a slow step towards her, trying to hold back my anger, not to burst into a fight until death before I heard why, what Jonathan had done to her.

"Why?!" I screamed again. "What did he do to you?! He's not Valentine!"

Amelia finally reacted. Her eyes narrowed and there was no indifference on her face anymore.

"But, he was his son!" she emphasised past tense, like she intentionally wanted to hurt me even more. "And everything that has any connection to Valentine Morgenstern does not deserve to live!"

"He's not Valentine!" I put every bit of my strength into that scream. She had no right to speak of Jonathan like that. And to me, he still wasn't left in the past yet. He was still here, waiting to hear reason for his death through my ears.

"Like everything Valentine had ever done, he was evil!" Amelia was now letting all of her own anger show. "Maybe I couldn't kill Valentine myself, but I will send his children into hell to follow him!"

"Jonathan won't follow him!" I was wasting my strength on shouting, but I didn't care. Rage was giving me strength. It seemed endless. I knew I would have enough strength for avenging my parabatai's death, no matter what it would take. "He's not anything like Valentine anymore!"

Amelia laughed. It was an ironical laugh, telling me what fool I was in her eyes.

"How do you think I recognized him?" she asked. "When you came in London, I recognized Jonathan immediately. His face was exactly like the one I was seeing in front of my eyes all the time. Valentine's. And one of his children was within my reach. I just needed the other one to finally have my revenge on him."

"To have your revenge on him?!" I was shocked. "The man is dead! Why wasn't that enough for you like it is for the rest of us?!"

"Because he killed my family!" Amelia lost control over herself. She kept shouting at me, like she saw Valentine standing there instead of me. "You have no idea what he has done to me! You have no right to judge me!"

I saw Thomas, who came closer to Amelia and put gently his hand on her shoulder, trying to calm her down. She leaned on him, like all that shouting knocked all the strength out of her. He looked at me over her head. His eyes were filled with opposite emotions; anger and compassion.

"Michael Wayland was my brother." he obviously felt obliged to explain the rest of the story to me.

I listened carefully, looking for something that would justify their actions.

"At the time of the Uprising, Amelia and Michael were married for two years. They had a son named Jonathan and she was pregnant again. But, Valentine killed my brother and his son, taking their names for himself and his adopted son. He banished Amelia from Wayland's manor without batting an eyelid."

"Why didn't she go to the Clave?" I protested, trying to ignore everything that Thomas had said. She had had enough time to do it then, to have her revenge then. She didn't have to do it now by killing Jonathan.

Anger erased the rest of compassion from Thomas's eyes.

"She'd just lost a child; she wasn't capable of going to the Clave. They didn't know for some time if she was going to survive." he snarled. "And after that, she knew that Valentine would have found a way to escape again if she had gone to the Clave. So, she decided to wait for her own chance for revenge."

"And then you joined her, I suppose." I interrupted him, still not satisfied.

It was all Valentine's fault, not Jonathan's. I thought, my hands clenched into fists. I can understand the Lightwoods' anger, but not yours. You killed Jonathan to have your revenge on his father, who was already dead. Nothing you say can make me forgive you.

"Yes." Thomas continued after my interruption. "At first it was just an agreement, but then we fell in love and got married. But, we've never forgotten Valentine, the man who took away our brother and husband, our son and nephew."

"And the fact he was dead after the battle in Idris wasn't enough for you?" I growled at them, still seeing Jonathan's body in front of my eyes, even though it was now lying behind me.

Amelia finally separated her head from Thomas's chest. Her eyes were read of crying, but she looked at me like she could kill me with just a single gaze.

"Jonathan was his blood!" she shouted again. "I hope that, in whatever hell he's now, he saw his son dying! That he felt how I had been feeling from the day he killed my family! He deserved nothing better!"

"But Jonathan did!" I yelled, walking towards them, my every step hitting the ground as strong as I could do it, like I was trying to cause an earthquake.

"He did not!" Amelia took a dagger out of her gear, noticing the threat. "And neither do you! You accepted a monster, a demon, as your parabatai and you knew all along what you were doing! I have no idea what I was thinking when I decided to spare your life!"

"That's right, kill me as well!" I wanted her to feel the poison from my words and I knew exactly what to aim at. "Prove that you're nothing better than Valentine! Kill me because I'm in your way!"

Thomas wanted to come closer to me, rage burning in his eyes, but Amelia's outstretched hand stopped him.

"Leave her to me. I've had enough of that awful brat."

Thomas looked at her for a second and then nodded.

She jumped towards me, her dagger speeding up towards my chest.

I had only my knife to defend myself. I was tired from the fight against demons. I was wounded.

But, nothing could stop me. My parabatai had just been killed. By the woman who wanted to take my life as well.

Let the Angel curse me at once if I let you that, bitch. I raised my hand, holding my knife tightly as if it was the most precious thing in the world. Right here, right now, for me it was.

Her dagger and my knife collided. Her hit was strong, but I held my ground. I felt pain streaming through my limbs like a virus, but I didn't let it overwhelm me. My teeth clenched, every part of my body tensed, my breath was held.

But, I didn't give in.

Our faces were so close now that I could see every emotion in Amelia's face, all the anger, hatred and pain. But, I didn't feel sorry for her, for she didn't feel sorry for me. We had both lost someone we cared about, but she wasn't facing the murderer right now. I was. And there wasn't a slightest chance I would let her win.

She saw that she couldn't beat me with pure force, so she moved away and then attacked again, relying on speed. I guessed she hoped that my fatigue would be to her advantage, that my every move would be a desperate attempt of defence.

But, I didn't wait for her now. I didn't defend. No matter how tired I was or how good anybody knew my fighting skills, I fought always in the same way. I never lost my faith in my abilities, not even when I had been defeated by Jonathan in Alicante.

And now I was pissed off, angry and hurt. I had a revenge to execute.

Knife and dagger collided again and again, making a noisy symphony out of clashes of iron. She tried everything to get through my defence, but I didn't let her. I fought like it was the last fight of my life. Rage was still burning in me, but I wasn't reckless because of it. It gave me strength, it held me on my feet, but I was cold like an ice, thinking carefully about every next move. I looked for weakness in her defence, a hole that would let me run my knife into her body.

And then I found it. She got tired, incapable to break me and she started to make mistakes. And I saw my chance.

In a second, fast like attack of a snake, my knife avoided her dagger, sneaked under her arm and cut her thigh. Blood started to spread from her wound at once, making her yell in pain. She backed off few steps away from me, trying to stop the bleeding. But, it was a very good cut and she didn't succeed. I felt proud of myself.

Thomas, who hadn't interfered in our fight according to his wife's wishes, ran immediately towards us, before I could finish Amelia off. He pulled out a knife from his gear and stood next to her. She leaned on him again, but her eyes didn't leave my face.

"You disgusting traitor!" she spat towards me. "Demon's parabatai! You're not worthy of being a Shadowhunter!"

"Jonathan wasn't a demon." I couldn't believe how calm my voice sounded now. It was cold and threatening, like all humanity had been sucked out of me. "And a Shadowhunter who uses demons to kill one of his own is worse than demon. That Shadowhunter is just like Valentine Morgenstern."

I knew they understood the point. It pissed them off again. Amelia's hand was on Thomas's shoulder and she was limping, but they moved towards me again.

I knew my chances to get away alive were very small. I could match one of them alone, but not both of them at once. We were standing on open field and the house was too far away for me to reach it. I had nobody and nothing to guard my back. And they weren't demons, without abilities to plan an attack.

No matter how angry they are, they won't reduce their chances to beat me by attacking carelessly. I knew it. They will make me stand between them and when I turn around towards one of them, the other will stab me in the back. And no matter what Jonathan said, I'm not a medical miracle.

Suddenly, I heard a scream. That distracted both me and the Waylands. We all looked towards the circle of demons that still surrounded the Lightwoods and the last member of Morgenstern family.

Since the moment of Jonathan's death, I had completely forgotten they existed. I forgot they were fighting too, fighting to save Clarissa's life. But, obviously, they were getting tired. They were outnumbered, just Jonathan and I had been. And the scream had come from a girl.

Demons didn't leave, so I supposed it had been Isabelle who screamed, but it was just a matter of time before demons killed Clarissa.

My gaze looked for the man who had come here with the Waylands. He was obviously the warlock. He stood there, watching his demons. He didn't even look in our direction. His task was to force demons to kill Clarissa. So, he didn't pay attention to anything else.

I glanced at the knife in my hand.

If I throw it at the warlock, I'll have nothing to protect myself. I thought, looking just for a second towards the Waylands, who were still distracted by the scream.

"Is she dead?" I heard Amelia asking the warlock.

The warlock turned around and looked at us. His hands were relaxed by his sides. He wouldn't have time to defend himself.

Damn it, I'm dead anyway. I could at least make Amelia's life miserable again. I swung and let go of the knife.

It ran right into warlock's chest, straight through his heart. He was dead before his body hit the ground.

Not even Jonathan could throw the knife better than that. I had to smile, despite everything.

The demons vanished in a second, when there was no power to keep them there. I saw the Lightwoods and Clarissa staring around themselves, wondering what had happened.

Then I felt gazes of the Waylands on me. I had ruined everything they had planned. I was parabatai to someone who they hated the most. I had no understanding for their actions. And they hated me for that maybe even more than they hated Valentine.

"You!" Amelia yelled and attacked me, despite her injured thigh.

I raised my hand, desperately trying to defend myself. I felt the dagger running into my right arm, tearing my skin apart all the way from elbow to palm. The pain was too big to describe it. I felt the dagger reaching my bones. Blood was all over my hand, making me feel like I was having a bath in it. It was pointless to try to hold back a scream and even if I tried, I wouldn't make it. It felt like my hand was burning from the inside, making me wish for someone to kill me and set me free.

But, nobody did it. Suddenly, New Yorkers were around me, fighting Thomas and Amelia, making them back off from me. I held my right hand, covered in blood, in my left. I almost didn't feel it at all.

But, I went forward, where Clarissa and Isabelle were fighting Amelia. I had to look in Amelia's eyes one more time, let her know she had lost.

Isabelle knocked down Amelia on the ground. She lay there, still holding the dagger that had pierced my forearm raised in her hand. But, Isabelle's golden whip knocked it out of her hand and the dagger fell right in front of my feet.

"It's over." Isabelle said, not noticing where the dagger was gone, not even noticing me approaching. "You'll be judged by the Clave. I wouldn't be hoping for a mild punishment."

No. I thought, walking towards them almost like a zombie. She won't be judged by the Clave. I'll be both her judge and her executioner. I won't let her escape. My parabatai is dead because of her and I'll avenge him right here, right now.

I pushed Isabelle out of my way. She didn't expect it, neither did Clarissa, and I gave them no chance to stop me.

I raised my left hand, aiming at Amelia's chest, not even looking at her eyes.

I've found last pieces of my strength to do this and I will not soften again by seeing fear in her eyes. She will get what she deserved. I have to be ruthless, for Jonathan's sake.

My hand made its way down towards Amelia's chest, my body following it to give it all the strength left in me. I could see the picture of the top of the dagger piercing Amelia's chest in my mind.

But then, right before the dagger touched Amelia's body, something grabbed my hand and stopped it.

I didn't have the strength to raise my head. I didn't care who it was. I just wanted it to let my hand go, so I could finish what I'd started. But, the hands held mine tightly, not showing intention of letting me go.

"Sam, don't." I heard Jace's voice, gentle, but resolute. "You can't kill her."

"Watch me." it was a miracle, I thought at that second, how I had strength for almost nothing now, but still had it enough to be sarcastic.

I tried to lower my hand again, but Jace didn't let it move.

"I know she killed Jonathan, but she will be punished for that by the Clave." he said and his words made everything worse.

No, no. I was determined. I have to do it myself. It's my right. I have to avenge Jonathan with my own hands.

But, I couldn't say it out loud. Dizziness was overwhelming me, my sight blurred. I couldn't distinguish Amelia's features anymore. But, I still knew where her chest was. And I had to run the dagger into it before I passed out or died. Because I wouldn't have another chance to do it.

"Let me do it." I mumbled. "For Jonathan. He'd do it for me."

The dagger was slipping out of my fingers which couldn't hold it anymore. I was so tired. I wanted to lose myself in the darkness.

But, Jace's voice kept me aware of everything. His words were the only thing that was managing to reach my mind.

"You're not Jonathan." he said. "You're Sam. Idris' best Shadowhunter. Great fighter. Sometimes more annoying than people can bear."

I heard some strange noise, like somebody was holding back a laugh. But, I didn't care. I had ears only for Jace's words. They were important.

"You kill demons, not people. And somehow, I believe Jonathan would want you to keep your hands clean of human blood. I saw you fighting alongside each other today. I could never imagine him as someone's parabatai, but he was yours, Sam. He truly was."

Jace's words reminded me. Reminded me of who I was. Who my real opponents were. What the point of my life was. Whom I saw in Jonathan Morgenstern.

And then, a moment after I had remembered, I couldn't stand it anymore. I gasped and dropped the dagger. Darkness engulfed me and everything was lost to me.