Jeff sat in the briefing room waiting for Shirley to tell him his next mission. Suddenly the door sprang open.
"Oh Tiger, fancy seeing you here."
"Director Pelton what are you doing here?"
"Oh this mission is one I've taken a personal interest in."
"Personal interest?" Jeff repeated glaring at Shirley, who had just walked in.
"Director Pelton, so good to see you could make it. How have you been?"
"Oh fine. Just sitting here, getting reacquainted with Agent Tiger here." He leaned forward and started to stroke Jeff's chest. "Tell me Tiger am I ever going to learn your real name?"
"NO!" Jeff shouted, whilst standing up from his chair. "I mean, we keep information like that classified, so you have plausible deniability."
Shirley decided to take control of the situation, before Jeff cracked and snapped Pelton's neck.
"Tiger, Director Pelton please sit down and take a look at this."
The large screen in front of them came on and displayed a photo of a rather old man.
"This is Professor Pierce Hawthorne" Shirley continued."An absolute scientific genius. He designed all our missile interceptor systems. Thanks to that man no missile can attack US airspace. However, he is also one of the most paranoid idiots on the planet."
"Paranoid how?"
"Well let's just say he started to believe that after he finished the defence systems, we would try to kill him."
"Why would he think that?"
"Well" said Pelton, "after a certain person in this room killed his father Cornelius Hawthorne..."
"I did NOT kill his father, I just yelled at him until he had a heart attack!"
"Gentlemen please, this is not helping anyone out at all" said Shirley. "Can we please get back on the topic at hand?"
"Sorry boss won't happen again."
"My apologies Agent Bennett. Please continue."
"As I was saying, after the unfortunate death of his father, Professor Hawthorne started to believe that we wanted him dead. With this firmly lodged in his brain, he quit his job with the government and took a post at Trinity College in Dublin. Now what we believe is that the Professor is going to be selling the plans for the guidance systems to a foreign nation. We cannot allow this to happen."
"Ahhh...I get it. You want me to nip over, organise a reunion for the Professor and his father and then make sure the plans are safe. God this is almost a training mission" said Jeff, whist rolling his eyes.
"I don't think the president would like that" Pelton replied. "You see the Hawthorne family are big contributors to the president's re-election fund. He would be most annoyed if anything happened to the last family member."
"The Director's correct." The sentence left a bitter taste in Shirley's mouth. "We have no hard evidence against Hawthorne at the moment. Your assignment is to go down there and keep an eye on the professor and find out what he is exactly up to."
"So just to clarify, you guys are sending me on a babysitting gig? Me, the guy who has single handily saved this country from a nuclear threat at least 3 times, is now going to look after old man river just so the President can use him as his personal ATM."
"Brilliant Tiger. You fully understand what to do." Pelton pulled a card out of his pocket and passed it to Jeff. "This is my personal number. Anything you need and I do mean anything, just give me a call."
With that Pelton stood up and left the room. Jeff looked at the card and shivered. Shaking his head he turned to Shirley.
"This is the best you could find for me?"
"Sorry Tiger. Orders are orders and this came from the very top. One more thing before you leave. On most of your missions someone always ends up dead. This assignment is strictly observation only. DO NOT and I repeat, DO NOT kill anyone whilst you are there. "
Jeff had been waiting for almost two hours for the Professor to put in an appearance. Two hours in the rain, outside this stupid college. Plus he really had to use the bathroom. Jeff decided to risk it and go behind a bush. Just as he had started to relieve himself, Pierce stormed out of the building and started to walk towards his car. Jeff silently cursed, quickly zipped up and ran after him.
"Professor Hawthorne can I have a word with you?"
Pierce stopped and gave him the once over.
"Not now forehead l have a hot date with a lady of the night."
"A date? With a lady of the night?" Jeff's voice shuddered as the sick images started flashing in his head.
"Yes, with a lady. Not that your kind would approve."
"My kind! What do you mean by that?"
"Out of my way gay wad, I'm running late."
With that Pierce got into his car and drove off. Jeff just stood there shaking his head. God this guy was actually more annoying than his father. With nothing more to do Jeff decided to look around Pierce's home and see if he could find any more information there.
Jeff got to Pierce's house he found the door unlocked. He slowly pushed the door open and walked in. What he saw confused the hell out of him. Standing in the middle of the room was a small brunette woman. She was wearing a short skirt with grey tights and a tight sweater which enhanced her natural features (her breasticals). She was dancing and vacuuming the floor, whilst singing along to her iPod. It was the most adorable thing Jeff had ever seen. Jeff found him smiling and humming along to the tune.
The woman suddenly turned around and gasped when she saw Jeff. He was totally dumbstruck by her eyes. It was as though a team of Disney cartoonist has spent eternity perfecting the eyes. He was so transfixed on her eyes that he missed her asking him something. He missed her tearing across the room at him. The next sensation he felt was her fist connecting with his face.
"Ow...What the hell!"
The next thing Jeff knew he was flat on his back. She instantly flipped him onto his front and sat on his back straddling him. She grabbed a fistful of his hair and slammed his head down onto the floor.
"Don't you dare try and steel anything from Professor Hawthorne" she shouted at him. She got off him and ran to her phone. "I'm calling the police."
On hearing that Jeff quickly got to his feet and ran out of the house. He stopped running when he came to a bench and sat down.
"Damn" he thought. "Damn damn"...what the hell had just happened. He did not want to believe the answer.
Jeff Winger had just got his ass handed to him by a munch-kin.