The trial lasted four days.

I had missed the first one, due the fact I had been lying unconscious in the London Institute, but I was present at the other three.

On the third day of the trial, my second since coming to Idris, I had been asked to tell the story to the Clave from my point of view. I had told them about our visits to London's warlocks, about the fight in the backyard of Jeff Goldmayer's house and Amelia's words about revenge. Both of the Waylands had sat in the courtroom while I had talked, staring at me indifferently. It had seemed that they hadn't cared about the trial at all, since their plan had partly failed. Clarissa was still alive, sitting in the courtroom next to the Lightwoods. Neither of them had talked to me, although I had sometimes felt their gazes on me. But, I hadn't cared. I had been there just to make sure that murderers of my parabatai would be punished properly.

Shortness of the trial wasn't surprising. The Waylands had admitted everything and their words had explained few obscurities to me. Thomas had admitted he was the one who had visited warlocks, wearing blond wig so he wouldn't be recognized. They had hired Xavier Lander to summon the demons, but Jeff Goldmayer had somehow found out and blackmailed them, so they had killed him. The Waylands hadn't given Jonathan over to the Clave because they had wanted to gain our trust and eventually bring Clarissa to London, so they could kill them both. They hadn't wanted to kill just one Morgenstern and risk increasing protection around the other.

On the fourth day of the trial, we sat in the courtroom, waiting for the judgement to be brought. My parents were sitting around me and Levi was also close. He had tried to talk to me about Jonathan and everything that had happened, but I refused him every time.

I didn't want to talk to anyone about Jonathan. People had found out who he was and looked at me with shock and anger in their eyes. To them I was a traitor, not a victim. To them, Jonathan had deserved death, even if Amelia and Thomas had caused it from the wrong reasons. That trial had also been mine, because the Clave had been evaluating if I should be allowed to stay among Shadowhunters. They had been trying to find Valentine's words in mine, to prove that Jonathan and I had wanted to continue Valentine's plans. I had chosen my words carefully, not letting them see anything suspicious in my words and pointing out everything Jonathan had done, that he had been Shadowhunter and parabatai the Clave should be proud of. But, sometimes I couldn't tell if my words had turned out right or had they just made the Clave more suspicious.

But, I sat calmly in my chair now, waiting for the end.

I had no idea what I would do after the trial was over. I couldn't have another parabatai even if I wanted to. Each Shadowhunter could have only one parabatai in their life. Some continued to fight alone. Some stayed away from the fights, helping in the Institutes around the world. Some gave up being Shadowhunters and lived as mundanes. Every of those solutions had its flaws.

I'll decide after the trial. I promised to myself. Or the Clave will do it for me if they decide I'm not worthy of being a Shadowhunter anymore.

At that moment, Amelia and Thomas showed up. They sat on the chairs in the middle of the room where the accused always sat. Their faces were indifferent, like they had been during the entire trial. They didn't look at me, but I saw their gazes stopping on Clarissa for a moment. Then they looked at the Consul who had just showed up and was waiting for the silence, so he could announce the judgement.

My hands clenched into fists, almost against my will. I tried to look as indifferent as the Waylands, not to show how vulnerable Jonathan's death had left me. But, it affected me still; even after the dream I had never doubted it was real. That crime left its trace on me and that trace would never be gone.

The room fell into silence. All the gazes were on the Consul, who looked at the Waylands. He took a deep breath.

"The Clave listened to witnesses and the accused and brought the judgement." his voice echoed the room. "Amelia and Thomas Wayland will be stripped off of their Marks. The Clave banishes them from Idris. They will live as mundanes and have no connections to Shadowhunters. Caroline Wayland and Elizabeth Wayland will also take part in their parents' judgement."

For a moment, I felt sorry for the Wayland twins, who would never have the chance to experience life of Shadowhunters. But, my compassion didn't last. I got up, ignoring the Consul and the rest of the Clave. I felt my parents' hands trying to pull me back to my seat, but I roused.

"Just banishing?!" I shouted in shock. "They deserve to be cursed! They killed another Shadowhunter!"

Every pair of eyes in the room was now looking at me. Most of the faces expressed dissatisfaction and shock about my behaviour. Nobody had the right to interrupt the Consul. Some of them looked at me with compassion, knowing it had been my parabatai, whoever he had been, that had been killed. They tried to understand my sorrow, my pain.

But, I didn't care for either of them. I stared at the Consul's green eyes. He looked at me indifferently, like I was nothing more than a fly on the wall.

"Please, sit, Samantha Carstairs." he said calmly. "The Clave has already made its decision. You can't change it."

"The decision isn't fair." I forced myself to sound as calm as he did. "My parabatai is dead because of those people. I demand stricter punishment."

"You have no right to demand anything." he said with a spark of anger and annoyance in his eyes. "The Clave has made the decision about your case as well. Sit down so you can hear it."

I didn't move.

"I'll stand, thank you." my eyes didn't move away from his. "Just so I can hear better."

"Samantha!" I heard my mother's whisper behind my back, but I ignored it.

The Consul looked at me for few more seconds, then shrugged and began to talk again.

"As you have heard during this interruption," his eyes didn't look for mine again. "The Clave had decided not to punish Samantha Carstairs."

I held my breath.

The Clave didn't decide my future for me. I have a chance to do it myself. it was a relief and a new burden in the same time. But, I felt there was something else behind Consul's words, so I didn't show any emotion on my face.

"Even though her parabatai was Jonathan Morgenstern, son of Valentine Morgenstern, traitor and murderer, she didn't fall under his influence. She remained loyal to our quest and the Law. She helped to discover the plan about murder of Clarissa Morgenstern and helped to prevent it." Consul's voice was calm as he spoke, except for the moment he said Valentine's name. It still made Shadowhunters shiver.

For few moments, I separated my gaze from the Consul and glanced at Clarissa. She stared at me. I noticed that the Lightwoods were staring at me as well; blue, black and golden eyes. All of them wore mixes of disappointment, compassion, anger and thankfulness on their faces.

And every bit of emotion on their faces was wrong to me. I didn't want those emotions. They still didn't understand that Jonathan had changed. They didn't want to understand.

"The Clave asks you to fulfil one duty before you rejoin our fight against demons, Samantha." the Consul now addressed me directly and my gaze went back to him. "Your parabatai won't have funeral according to the customs of Shadowhunters. His ashes won't build the Bone City. But, you can bury him in any other way you find proper. If you care enough to do it, of course."

Rage exploded in me again. I started to shiver like I had a fever. My fists were clenched so strong that it hurt. But, I didn't care. I tried to catch my breath, because the Consul's words were like a punch in the stomach.

"Jonathan was a Shadowhunter!" I shouted, making everyone turn towards me again. "And he deserved be buried according our customs! Valentine was and the Clave had allowed it! You can't say he deserved it more than Jonathan!"

Whispers spread over the room. Valentine's funeral had been held here in Idris and his ashes, no matter how many Shadowhunters he had killed during his life, built the Bone City. Even though they hated Jonathan, they had to admit I was right. If the Clave had permitted proper funeral for Valentine, they had to permit it for Jonathan as well.

But, the Consul's eyes remained cold.

"Valentine, as bad as he was, didn't have demon blood in his veins." his voice silenced the room. "Jonathan did. And we won't let demons' blood infect the Bone City."

I could feel everyone's gazes on me. They waited to see if I had answer to that too. And I had one. But, I hadn't expected myself to say it out loud.

"Jonathan is in heaven." the words burst out of me before I could even rethink my decision about saying them. "If his soul is accepted there, what right the Clave has to reject his bones here?"

If the matter wasn't so serious, I believed that most people in the room would have laughed out loud. During the trial, I had been a victim, a traitor, a rude brat to them. Now I was a poor girl who had lost her mind, probably from pain because of lost of her parabatai.

The Consul was one of the few people who remained serious. He bit his lower lip, annoyed by what he thought it was my fairytale.

"Can you prove your words, Samantha?" he asked me with a cunning shine in his green eyes. "If you can, Jonathan will be buried according to our customs right away. His body waits in the Bone City to be buried. If you can't, those will be your last words in this meeting."

I stood in silence for few moments, thinking.

Use the Mortal Instruments. Summon the Angel. Summon Raziel. He will tell you the truth. I wanted to say it out loud. I wanted to humiliate the Clave because they rejected Jonathan. They didn't want him to ever be seen as part of them. They didn't want to admit he had been a Shadowhunter, that he had been one of them.

He deserved better than that. I thought. He was the best Shadowhunter I've ever known. In all the time we spent together, he was a Shadowhunter, not a demon. He was strong and brave and reliable. Everything that Shadowhunters are supposed to be. He was better than most of you are.

But, I said nothing.

I couldn't ask them to summon Raziel. Not because they couldn't, but because it would be from the wrong reasons. If I called him firstly because I wanted to humiliate the Clave, not because I wanted to reveal the truth, he would never help me. He would probably say he couldn't give the secrets of heaven away and that would prove nothing. I wasn't sure enough that my heart and thoughts were in the right place for this. I couldn't guarantee to myself I wanted the truth before the proving I was right about Jonathan.

Then I remembered something Raziel had said in my dream.

Your name should be celebrated among those who carry my blood.

It should. But, it won't be. I realised. And it's not mine to ask of the Angel to be my witness. He wouldn't want me to do it. If I was strong enough to believe in Jonathan, I'm strong enough to face every mockery, every sneer. And Jonathan wouldn't want me to be banished from world of Shadowhunters. He knows it would kill me. And he'd accept any kind of funeral, as long as I attend it.

I sat down, my gaze not leaving Consul's face yet. I saw a glimpse of a smirk in corner of his mouth, like he thought he had outsmarted me.

I know the truth. I wanted to shout in his direction, but I sat calmly like a statue. And every time I see any of these faces, I'll know they are the ones who live in ignorance, not me. And that's enough for me.

Even though they saw I wouldn't answer, gazes of Shadowhunters still rested on me. I met nobody's gaze, staring at the wall behind the Consul. He cleared his throat to draw the attention back to himself.

"Will you bury your parabatai, Samantha?"

For a second, my eyes returned to his face. I imagined my gaze piercing a hole in his head and that helped me to remain calm.

"I will." I nodded. "In a place I find proper, in a way I find proper."

His face froze in anger for a second.

"The Bone City is ..."

"A forbidden territory, I know." I interrupted him. "I won't bury him there, don't worry. But, his funeral is my business. And everyone who saw only a demon in him will not be welcomed."

I got up again, not caring to look at faces around me. Everything I wanted to hear or say had been said. I didn't care about anything else the Consul might want to say. I left the room alone, ignoring whispers of my name behind me.