Pizza turned out to be a disaster. It wasn't because they hadn't enjoyed the unfamiliar food. They had. The problem was that they were both lactose intolerant. Roughly thirty-minutes after we had finished eating Jiraiya and Minato where clenching their stomachs complaining of abdominal pain and nausea.

I felt terrible. Although I had been well aware that lactose intolerance was common among adults it had never occurred to me that it might have been an issue for these two. The only consolation I could offer was that because it was cheese, which contains less lactose, their symptoms weren't as severe as they otherwise would have been had they had another type of dairy.

Unsurprisingly that knowledge offered them little comfort.

Seeing little alternative, I grabbed my things and prepared to head back to the drugstore. Normally something like Lactaid was taken before the ingestion of dairy so I wasn't sure what effect, if any, it would have taken after. It was at least worth a try. I could also pick up some ginger ale and Gravol or some other generic version of dimenhydrinate while I was there. It wouldn't be a cure, but it might help them to feel a little better. "I'm really sorry about this. Had I know I would have decided on something else for dinner."

"What is wrong with us?" Jiraiya groaned. He had shifted out of the armchair and was now lying on his side in front of it, arms crossed over his stomach, the agonized expression on his face speaking volumes of his discomfort.

He definitely wasn't looking for a lesson in biological chemistry, so I kept my response as simple as I could while still answering his question. "You're both what is known as lactose intolerant. Basically what that means is that you don't produce enough of the enzyme lactase, which is required to breakdown lactose. A type of sugar found in dairy products." I still sounded like a medical encyclopedia but at least I had managed to keep the explanation short.

From the looks on their faces it was apparent that my answer had made little sense. Unfortunately I had operated under the assumption that they had the same basic understanding of biology that I did. I hadn't been trying to flaunt my knowledge. It was quite possible that they simply used different terminology and were not able to understand the terms I had used.

"In short, avoid eating dairy."

"Where are you going?" Minato questioned having noticed that I had on my coat. Though he probably wasn't faring any better than Jiraiya he was more subdued in his signs of discomfort. Instead of curling on the ground like Jiraiya he was in a seated position on the couch, a single arm pressed against his stomach. If it hadn't been for the periodic clenching of his jaw I might have thought that he was unaffected.

"I'm just going to the drugstore to pick up some things to help make you feel better," I answered, grabbing my purse and heading for the door. "I'll be back soon."

Luckily the Shoppers on Homer Street was at least open to midnight, if it hadn't switched to twenty-four hours, so I didn't have to worry about getting there before the store closed. With what little warmth the sun had provided gone the night had become chilly, my breath forming small white clouds as I walked along the silent street. Reaching into my purse I pulled out the wool hat I had left in it and tugged it down over my ears.

A scruffy looking man reeking of Listerine and piss stumbled towards me asking for spare change. Vancouver had a high number of homeless people on its streets so this was not an uncommon occurrence. Though I felt bad for this man with his unwashed appearance and soiled clothing I shamefully ignored him as I walked by. Telling myself that he would likely just go buy more alcohol, or mouthwash since it was cheaper, if I gave him money.

The store was dead so I was able to find the items I had come for quickly. Feeling contrite over having ignored the homeless man I picked up a chocolate bar at the check-out and added it to my purchases. It wasn't much, but at least it would be something to eat.

Passing the same filthy homeless man on the trip back to my apartment I offered him the chocolate bar when he once again asked me for spare change. Though he accepted my offering it did not stop him from swearing at me. Apparently, even homeless people could be jerks.

When I returned to the apartment Jiraiya and Minato were in same positions they had been in when I left. Opening the package of fast-acting, chewable Lactaid I offered them each a tablet. It was obviously more effective when taken before or immediately after eating dairy, but hopefully it would help.

When I was feeling unwell sometimes a noise in the background would help make me feel better by allowing me to focus on something else. What to put on though? I had no idea what their viewing tastings were. Well I can probably guess what some of them might be I thought, glancing over at Jiraiya. That was one particular taste I wasn't going to be catering to.

"If you're still feeling nauseous there's ginger ale for you in the fridge. Not sure if it will help much, but it usually works for me when my stomach is upset."

Nodding in response after thanking me for the tablets the two ninja returned to their silent suffering. I still felt bad, having been the cause of their current condition, but there was little more I could do to help them.

Unable to think of anything to watch I flipped through channels for a while before heading to bed. A movie would just have to wait until another night.

The following morning Minato and Jiraiya were back to their normal selves. They must wake up at the crack of dawn because when I shuffled out of bed at 8am, eyes blurry, hair a tangled mass, they were already dressed and had their bedding neatly folded. Maybe it was a ninja thing. Offering them each a mumbled good morning I stumbled towards the coffeemaker and started making coffee. Normally I wouldn't be awake this early on a Sunday but I had been woken by a car alarm and couldn't go back to sleep.

"You're quite the sight when you wake up in the morning," commented Jiraiya playfully as he entered the kitchen a large grin stretched across his face. "…but I think you're cuter with your hair is brushed."

"Number of shits given by me right now….zero," I grumbled as I poured myself a mug of steaming brown liquid. When I woke up early I couldn't function without it. Everyone was allowed a vice, caffeine was mine. Adding a bit of cream and sugar I took my coffee and joined Minato at the kitchen table.

Jiraiya soon followed carrying his own mug of coffee.

"I hope you didn't add cream to that," I said pointing to the cup in his hand. There was the option now of taking the lactose tablets, but it would probably be best if they both avoided dairy for a while.

He shook his head in response, obviously just as eager to avoid another round of intestinal distress. I watched curiously as he took his first experimental sip. Coffee wasn't for everyone and I was interested to see what his reaction would be. From the look on his face it was difficult to tell whether he liked the beverage or not. Regardless he continued drinking.

"You can add sugar if you don't like it black."

Feeling a little more alert after a couple sips of coffee I went through the mental task of deciding what to do for breakfast. Normally I would just have a bowl of cold cereal and a banana, but as I had guests it might be nice to make something. I wouldn't be doing this every morning. On the days I had to work they would be on their own for breakfast.

Not wanting a repeat of last night I decided to make cinnamon French toast. "I'll go make us some breakfast." Finishing my first cup of coffee I went back to the kitchen to begin preparing food. I had just finished cracking the eggs into a bowl when I heard my cellphone ringing. Giving my hands a quick rinse at the kitchen sink I went to go answer my phone.

"Hello?" I answered walking back to the kitchen.

"Hey babe"

I wished I had let it go to voicemail.

The blood drain from my face as stomach dropped. This was not a voice I wanted to hear, not now not ever. The voice belonged to Richard. The man I had been dating for over a year before I caught him fucking my former-best friend. That had been ten months ago and I hadn't spoken to him since. "I told you never to talk to me."

"Babe I know I messed up but can you give me another chance?" he pleaded pathetically.

Not that we were on speaking terms any more, but I was guessing that things weren't working out with Cheryl. It was the only reason he would call me out of the blue like this. "No. You lost any chance you had with me when you started putting your dick in Cheryl. Don't call me again," I angrily snapped before hanging up.

Torn between feeling hurt and angry I stood in the kitchen visibly shaking fighting back tears. I couldn't forgive him for what he had done. He had hurt me too much for that, but there was a time when I had loved him. Regretfully there was a part of me that still did.

"Are you alright?"

Hurriedly wiping the tears from my eyes I tuned to see Minato looking at me, a look of concern flooding his bright blue eyes.

"I'm fine," I sniffled, curling my lips into a smile that hopefully wasn't as fake as it felt. "I'll get started on that breakfast…" Turning to the bowl of cracked eggs I busied myself with the task of making French toast, all the while keeping my back to Minato so he wouldn't see the tears that threatened to spill from my eyes. I hated myself. I hated the fact that after nearly a year his voice could still bring me to tears. The bad breakup with Richard was part of the reason I often turned down Pam's attempts to set me up with people.

"You don't seem fine," Minato commented stepping towards me.

My armor was cracking. Overwhelmed with emotion I was going to start sobbing like a baby if he kept asking me if I was alright. "It's nothing. I just got a call from someone I didn't want to hear from."

He didn't seem convinced that it was nothing, but thankfully didn't press me any further. Instead of leaving however, after watching me cook the first couple slices he reached over and plucked the egg-coated bread from my fingers before placing it in the pan himself.

"What are you doing?"

"Helping you cook."

Although still shaken from my unwanted phone call I had managed to make it through the rest of the morning tear free. After cleaning the dishes and a quick shower we were all seated in the living room about to discuss a serious topic. Just how had these two ninjas ended up in my apartment? I didn't know anything about magical teleportation or theories that dealt with the possibility of alternate dimensions. My area of expertise was in the biological sciences so I wasn't sure what help I could be. For all I knew maybe Scotty had just beamed them in.

Hopefully they had a better idea of what was going on. If we could figure out how they arrived it would increase the chances of figuring out how to send them back. Since this was a highly unusual situation I was going to have to try and forget everything I knew and give in to the impossible.

"Could it have been a ninjutsu of some kind?" Minato inquired turning his contemplative gaze towards Jiraiya.

Eyes closed, hand resting on his chin in thought Jiraiya remained silent for a moment before answering. "It's possible, but who would be powerful enough to pull off such a thing? Something like this would have required an incredible amount of chakra."

"A jinchūriki would have the necessary chakra reserves," Minato offered. However, from the tone of his voice he didn't sound like he found this possibility too plausible.

"Hmm…yes a jinchūriki would indeed have the immense chakra reserves needed for something as powerful as this, but I've never heard of a jinchūriki from any of the Five Great Shinobi Nations that had accomplished such a thing.

Ninjutsu? Chakra? Jinchūriki? I didn't have the slightest idea what they were talking about. All I could do was sit there dumbly as my eyes shifted back and forth between them as if I were watching a tennis match. Wait hadn't Jiraiya mentioned something about ninjutsu before? Didn't it have something to do with fighting, like martial arts or something?

"What about Sarah?" Jiraiya questioned, causing both men to turn their attention on me.

My eyes widened in surprise. What about me? I seriously didn't think that I had been responsible for bringing them here. How could I have been?

"Could she have some kind of ninja artifact capable of bringing us here without her knowing?"

I had to bite back the instinct to immediately say no. Such an artifact could not exist, the logic of my world violently protesting against such a thing being possible. I had to remind myself that we weren't dealing with the logic of my world; we were dealing with the logic of theirs. The rules and truths I had known my entire life no longer applied here.

"Should we search the apartment?" I asked nervously. Could there really be some type of mystical ninja artifact lying around my apartment somewhere?

"Yes, that would be wise…but first," he paused turning his attention back to Minato, "…what's the last thing you remember before coming here?"

"Completing a mission at Rōran…" Minato paused in thought, his facial feature contorted in a look of pure concentration.

"Interesting…," Jiraiya responded, nodding his head in thought.

Had it been this mission to Rōran that had been the cause? "Why is that interesting?" I prodded when Jiraiya continued to stay silent on the matter.

"It's interesting because before I came here Minato had already died."

I felt my eyebrows arch in shock before furrowing in confusion. What did he mean Minato had already died? I thought as I glanced over to the man in question. He seemed very much alive to me. He ate, he slept I could see the slight rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. Why was Jiraiya implying that this man had died?

Even more astonishing was the fact that Minato did not seem as surprised by this as I was.

"Whatever is happening here there appears to be some memory loss involved. I can only assume that I have died as well, though the last thing I remember is leaving Konohagakure for the village hidden in the rain."

Just what was going on here? Not only did I have magical-ninja staying with me in my apartment, I had dead magical-ninja staying with me? I felt bile rinse up in my throat at the thought. Racing to the bathroom I knelt in front of the toilet and emptied the contents of my stomach into the porcelain bowl. It was all too much. I was just beginning to accept that they really were magical-ninja, despite the impossibility of such a thing, but now I also had to deal with the fact that they might be zombies as well?

I cleaned up as best I could, and rinsed my mouth with water before leaving the bathroom. Fighting against the compulsion to run away I returned to the living room. Minato and Jiraiya were waiting a look of worry on both their faces, no doubt from having heard me throwing my guts up a moment ago.

To my great relief neither of them asked me any questions about what had happened. It had already been an emotional morning and I felt embarrassed enough without having to explain how the thought of living with dead people had caused me to vomit. I was just grateful I hadn't decided to watch an episode of Walking Dead last night. Who knows what horrors my imagination would be spinning now?

"Uhh…you don't appear…dead?" I whispered anxiously, taking my seat on the couch. I was fighting the urge to throw up again by reminding myself that they were the same two people from before. The same two people I had taken shopping, the same two people I had fed pizza to and the same two people I had just shared breakfast with earlier that very morning. Alright, this was good. I could be calm, I could handle this. Yeah, in about a thousand years maybe I thought.

Minato quietly left to the kitchen returning shortly after with a can of ginger ale in his hand. "Could this be some type of reanimation jutsu?" he asked Jiraiya handing me the can. "You mentioned last night that this helps your stomach when it's upset." He answered to my unspoken question.

Now I felt even more embarrassed for my lack of control earlier. Moments ago the very thought that they might be dead had me tossing up my breakfast, yet here he was showing me a bit of kindness.

He had been doing that a lot lately.

"Animation jutsus are rare, but it's not entirely unlikely," Jiraiya replied.

After discussing several more explanations it felt as though they had come up with a dozen possibilities for how they came to be here, but still had no definitive answers. The next step was to search the apartment for anything that might have been responsible. However, unless it had a glowing sign that read "Magical Multi-Dimensional Transportation Device" it seemed unlikely that we would be able to find any conclusive answers there either.

All I knew was that if my apartment was some sort of hereafter for dead, super powered ninja it was definitely time to move.

Thanks for reading :)

Until next time..