ARTHUR'S POV

"Thank you. You can go now and I appreciate you came after we had called. You were very helpful." – I say to the blonde woman who is sitting on the chair, in front of me, smiling, believing that she really helped. But who was I lying? She didn't help at all. All she told me was that she had seen a man who looked like Merlin, but what am I dreaming of? There are a lot of people in this town who can look like him in this "modern times".

I smile to the woman as she closes the door and then I put my hand through my hair, trying to stay calm and not punch myself. I take a deep breath and I try not to think of the last memory I remember with Merlin.

"There's something I want to say" – I say as I feel that I am not going to make it through, that I am not going to tell him what I want to.

"You're not going to say goodbye" – he says trying to get me up, trying to take me to Avalon. But I know it's too late. I can feel it.

"No" – I whisper and shaking my head I look in his eyes and not having enough courage to tell him that I love him – "everything you've done, I know now: for me, for Camelot, for the kingdom you helped me built."

"You would have done it without me." – he says shaking his head and talking as if I was going to live, as if I was going to see the next dawn.

"Maybe" – I laugh and I almost regret that it's my time to go. But I am happy, happy I am dying in the arms I love most.

I feel the pain in my chest more painful than it was before and I breathe heavily. I want to close my eyes, but Merlin moves me and I feel I have a little more to live so I keep talking.

"I want to say something I have never said to you before" – I look again in his eyes because I can't die without looking him in the eyes for the last time.

I know I don't have enough time or enough power to say "I love you", but I feel I will have an opportunity to tell him, but not in this life, not this time. So I just put my hand through his hair to feel it for the last time in I don't know how many years and I took a deep breath as I feel my lips giving life to two words:

"Thank you."

And then everything goes away. I don't remember anything. All I know is that I woke up in a forest wearing my armor. And then I followed a path and I arrived at a road where all the people were staring at me like I was some kind of mad person and not their King. It took me some time to realize I was not in Camelot and it was the 21st century. I chose to become a police man so I can legally look for Merlin.

Nights in sequence I heard his voice screaming my name and there were times when I couldn't realize if they were part of reality, of my memories or of my past; nights when I couldn't sleep because I tried to remember what happened after I thanked Merlin, although I figured out what followed, but I didn't want to believe it.

The door of the interrogatory room opens and my thoughts spill. Lestrade comes in and from my facial expression, he can figure out what happened.

"I saw the woman leaving and I waited for you to come out. You didn't, so I came to check on you. Are you okay?"

"She didn't help me with anything and I still have to smile and pretend I am so close to find him when I don't have any clue of where he could be. To sum up, I am not okay." – I say keeping my look down and my hands on the forehead.

"Arthur, I know you are going to find him. It is just a matter of time until – "

"I don't even know if he is in London! I don't even know if he is alive! I don't even know if he looks the same or maybe he is old and he has a family, kids, and grandkids!" – I yell as I stand up and throw the papers from the desk, putting my hands aggressively on the table.

Lestrade doesn't say anything. He just looks away and I don't know what to or what to say.

"Look... maybe he has made a life. Maybe he gave up on waiting for me. Maybe he got married and now he leaves in a small house in the middle of the forest! Sometimes I feel I should give up looking for him. For more than three years I have been looking for him and you were my witness. Sometimes I feel that showing up in his life, all of a sudden, could ruin the life he has built and that I shouldn't make such a great effort to find him" – I say on a calmer tone.

"And despite all this thoughts, you still do. You are still looking for him. Why?" – he asks with such a great curiosity like all he wants me to hear say is that I want Merlin by my side. Even though it's the truth, I can't tell it to him.

I look at him and with a grin on my face, I say:

"Because I know he didn't give up on me. And until I find his corpse, until I see his dead body in front of me, I will never believe he is not out there. I don't want to ruin his life; I don't want to come back in his life. All I want is to let him know I am alive." – I say with the image of Merlin's smile in front of my eyes.

Greg smiles like I am a childish person, but I am not doing anything special. I am just searching for what used to be mine.