Time to Remember

Blue spots were dancing in front of Neville's eyes. They made it almost impossible to see anything. Was he going to go blind? His body clenched in fear and the pain in his head grew even worse. The headache was much worse than any of those back in his seventh year when he had recovered from the Carrows' curses. He felt nauseous as well.

Neville tried to look around. He was alone in his room. He dimly remembered that there had been people with him only a little while ago. Or maybe more time had passed. He had lost any sense of time. Where had they gone? Why had they left him all alone?

Neville wasn't alone for much longer. Someone opened the door and walked towards him. Neville was barely able to recognize Lestrange. He remembered that Lestrange had been here before. He hadn't been the only one though.

"Where's Hannah and where's my Mum?" he asked.

"They're both downstairs in the living-room," Lestrange said. "They need rest and there isn't much they can do for you now."

"I'm sorry. I never meant to cause so much trouble," Neville said. His mother had more than enough problems without him adding another one and Hannah was always so quick to worry.

"You don't have to be sorry for anything," Lestrange said. "We all know that you didn't want to become so ill. There have been side-effects we didn't expect. Your own magic is trying to defend the Memory Charm against the potion. That's the reason for symptoms. We have to stop this."

Neville was very tired and he head was aching so badly that it was almost impossible to think. His magic felt very mushy and unreliable.

"I don't know how I can do that," he said.

"I know. That's why I'm going to help you. Do you remember how you have visualised your memories when I examined you at the hospital?"

Neville found it hard to remember anything at all. Anything but those terrible hours with the Carrows which forced themselves into his consciousness again and again. When he tried really hard, he was able to do so however. Neville shivered at the memory of the dead, black vines creeping into his mind. He could barely hold onto it.

"Do this again but this time; try to dismantle the wall you're seeing there. Do it slowly, one stone after the other. I'll help you if necessary."

Neville thought of the wall. It had seemed so solid. He didn't know if he could do that. "I'll try."

"Good. Will you let me use Legilimency on you?"

"Yes," Neville said quietly, knowing that he wouldn't be able to do anything about it even if he wanted to. He was barely aware of the fact that there were some things Lestrange mustn't see but he lacked the strength to do anything about it.

"Alright. Try to visualise the garden with the wall again."

Neville did try but it proved to be impossible. He was way too tired. Instead of a garden, Lestrange saw a complete memory from Neville.

He was sitting in the Defence-classroom, it was the first lesson of seventh year. Amykus Carrow had written the names of the three Unforgivable curses on the blackboard and underlined the Cruciatus curse. Carrow had just told them that from now on they were supposed to learn how to use this curse. Neville was staring at him in horror and so did most others with the exception of some Slytherins. Even there Neville could see some shocked faces.

"You're going to start to practice next lesson," Carrow told them, his face twisted by an ugly smile. "Today, I'm going to demonstrate the effects of the curse to you." His eyes were searching the class until they lingered on Neville. "What about you Longbottom? Yes, I think you're the perfect candidate for this."

Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle snickered but even Pansy Parkinson looked more worried than gleeful.

"Come here, boy, come here."

His legs shaking, Neville obeyed. He didn't want to show fear. Carrow shouldn't get this satisfaction. Neville was scared of course, how could he not be? He was going to have the Cruciatus curse used on him, in the very classroom where he had seen it for the first time three years ago.

Carrow was still smiling, obviously looking forward to the thing he was going to do. "Down on your knees, Longbottom," he told him.

"No," Neville said defiantly. He wasn't going to kneel in front of Carrow.

"Very well. You'll only fall harder this way. Now watch closely everyone."

Carrow raised his wand. "Crucio!"

Neville fell to the floor and screamed. There was nothing he could do about it, simply nothing. The pain was too strong, it was everywhere.

Neville found himself lying in his bed once more. There was no more pain aside from his headache.

Lestrange was watching him closely. "You can't use Occlumency at the moment, can you?"

"I don't think so," Neville said, his throat still very dry. "Could I have something to drink?"

Lestrange gave him a glass of water. Neville didn't know how many of those he had already drunk this night but he was still so thirsty.

"It's extremely difficult to find the Memory Charm if you can't show me the way as you did last time," Lestrange said. "There's only one way. Carrow's curse must have done some damage to the charm. I can't think of another reason why you're remembering it so clearly now. I have to follow Carrow's magic to find it."

Neville had trouble understanding what Lestrange was talking about. The only part that reached him somehow was the last one. "Carrow's magic? It's been nine years."

The idea that something from Carrow's curse was still lingering on him made him sick. Nauseous as he had already been it made him sick enough to vomit. Neville felt so embarrassed. Lestrange must be losing any respect he had for him if there ever had been any. Why had it all gone so horribly wrong? Why wasn't he even able to do Occlumency? Why did he have to fail again?

Lestrange cast a Vanishing Spell and said. "I'm sorry. I thought you'd know about that. Carrow's magic is gone, what's left is nothing more than a shadow or an echo of it. I'll explain this when you're well again. It shouldn't give you any trouble in normal situations and it might be gone when you're through with this. In your current situation it's actually helpful because it makes it easier to find the Memory Charm."

"A shadow," Neville repeated slowly. The idea that the magic from the Cruciatus curse lingered with you forever was frightening but Neville knew that it probably was true.

"Let's go back to the task at hand," Lestrange said. "You have probably sensed the damage to the Memory Charm in some way while you were under the Cruciatus curse but you didn't realise it or you didn't realise what it was. I need to find this moment in your memory. For this, we'll have to go through it completely. Do you think you can do this?"

"Yes, of course. I've been through it before after all."

Neville didn't want to be seen as a useless coward anymore and he really thought he could do it. He had seen this memory a few times already during his illness and he had endured the curse for real when it had happened. Back then, he had at least managed not to cry or show Carrow and the others how he was really feeling some other way. Afterwards, it had improved, he had learned to resist in a way.

"Good. Let's get it over with then," Lestrange said.

To Neville, the memory contained nothing but pain. He was completely unable to find anything interesting or useful there. Lestrange however, did obviously because the clear memory was suddenly gone.

Instead, Neville felt as if he was falling into some vast abyss full of swirling blackness. He had been there before. In some of his nightmares during the first weeks under the Carrows' rule.

"Don't panic," Lestrange told him. "Try to visualise something different."

Neville tried to turn the blackness into something solid. It was black, like fertile soil. He could grow plants there. There was an image in his mind, an image of the garden he had seen during the test.

A few moments later, he was standing in this garden again, right in front of the wall. It had changed now. The entire construction looked much less stable than it had before. There was nothing coming out at the moment, neither dead nor living plants.

"Very good," Lestrange said. "You know what to do now?"

"Remove the stones from the wall."

"Yes. Do it."

Neville looked towards the wall and touched one of the stones. He got it lose but it was much heavier than he had thought. His arms were shaking from the stone's weight when he dropped it to the floor. Neville sighed. There were so many of them. How should he ever do this? He managed a second one but the third was too heavy.

"I'll help," Lestrange said, but his magic didn't blend with Neville's. There was something alien and threatening about it.

A moment later, the spell was broken and Neville was in his bed in. Lestrange was busy pouring water onto the carpet, it had caught fire. The hem of his robes had been burned as well.

"I'm sorry," Neville said. "I didn't mean to attack you."

"I know that. Accidental magic. Don't worry. Roxy has a tendency to set things on fire when she feels threatened as well."

Neville sighed. This was okay for a seven-year-old but not for him. He was an adult who should be in control of his magic. "I must be a difficult patient," he said.

"I've had worse. Let's try again. You're on the right track."

This time, Neville managed to visualise the garden right away and they returned to the wall. Lestrange was more careful this time and Neville tried not to reject his magic or attack him again. This time, it worked and the third stone was gone.

Neville managed to get rid of the fourth and fifth on his own again, when something changed. Every stone Neville tore down made him almost feel as if he had been forced to carry it around all the time. His fear was replaced with relief. Removing more stones wasn't hard anymore; he wanted to get it done as quickly as possible now.

"Careful, don't rush it," Lestrange told him.

Neville wasn't listening anymore. He threw away more and more stones and suddenly, the wall started to crumble. There were flashes of light in various colours; Neville didn't quite know if they were in his mind garden or in his actual room. It didn't matter. Where the wall had been, a cloud of dust rose.

A slight wind came to blow it away. When the dust was gone, Neville looked upon a part of the garden he had never seen before. There were no dead vines in there anymore but Neville spotted a lone, purely white mushroom as well as some belladonna plants with their shining black berries. There were patches of carrots, turnips and other vegetables too though and many other things. Neville wanted to step in to take a look, but there still was some sort of invisible threshold he couldn't cross.

When Neville found himself in his bed again, headache and nausea had gone. He was wide awake. Neville tried to remember something from the time with his parents but there were no memories to be found. Could it be that he didn't really remember anything because he had been too young? Had it all been in vain?

"How are you?" Lestrange asked.

"Better, much better. I still can't remember anything though."

"Yes, that's normal. Remember how the potion works? You have to sleep first."

"But I'm not tired," Neville said.

"You are and you'll realise it soon," Lestrange said. "I quickly need to check your magic again though if you don't mind."

Neville didn't. He was used to it by now. Lestrange seemed satisfied with the results. "The Memory Charm is gone now and so are the barriers you have made to protect it. You're magic isn't imbalanced anymore but still rather chaotic. You'll have to practice so it can readjust. The RMP should do for that."

"Alright, I'll do that," Neville said. "Thank you for coming here to help me. I'm really sorry for causing all this trouble."

"Yes Neville, we all know that. It hasn't been any trouble to me. Yours was an interesting case that has taught me much about the new potion and about its interactions with other forms of magic."

Neville remembered the "shadow" of Carrow's curse. The thought didn't have the power to make him physically ill again but he hated it still.

"This will prove helpful to future patients. Another thing we can discuss when you have recovered completely," Lestrange said. "But now you should complete the process. You know what's going to happen. You'll fall asleep and you will relive some of your memories. When you wake up, the memories should be properly integrated as if there had never been a Memory Charm."

"Yes," Neville said. "I hope this is going to work."

"So do I. I don't see any reason why it shouldn't though. It is quite possible that you're going to sleep for a few days. I'll tell your family to let you sleep if possible."

"Thank you. But how do I start this now? I don't feel sleepy at all." Neville wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible.

"You're so tired that you'll fall asleep soon," Lestrange said, picking up something from Neville's bedside table. "Your mother has left a few photographs here. It might be easier if you look at them."

Neville had never seen any of these photographs before. The house some of them had been taken in was completely unknown to him. One of the pictures showed him under the apple tree here at Longbottom house. He was picking up apples from the ground. Neville looked at the picture more intently. There was something, a very distant memory. It wasn't very frightening but not really pleasant either. Neville felt a wave of tiredness wash over him. He barely saw Lestrange put the pictures back and walk through the door before his eyes closed.