Chapter 3
Kelly thought Shay would be back within ten minutes. The wind off the Lake was freezing this time of year. She would still be mad, but maybe not as blazing hot in fury. She probably still wouldn't talk to him, but maybe tomorrow, after a good night's sleep, she would. He shouldn't have pushed them as a couple so quick. His first instinct had been to suggest them having a baby together as partners like some lesbians and gay men did. He knew Dawson's pregnancy had set her biological clock off and he could marshal plenty of arguments that a partnership between them was a better arrangement to raise a child than a relationship built on anything else. All the multiple marriages in their families were ample testament of that. But by working together they could give their kid the stable family life neither one of them had growing up. Of course, once she actually was pregnant, and he was prepared to accomplish that with a turkey baster, he would have slid her into marriage with the argument that it just meant less paperwork in regard to their kid's rights. After that it would have been a long, slow seduction depending on how much rape trauma Shay had to deal with until the morning came when he woke up really married to his best friend. Sometimes he had even imagined a moment when she woke in his arms for the first time and awkwardly asked, "What are we doing?" In his dreams he always quickly replied, "Acting like a happy married couple," before a long kiss good morning. Then they would take their son or daughter or maybe even one of each, if they got really lucky, out on the Lake in a boat he had restored and it would be the first of a long line of great family days.
When it started raining outside he called Shay's cell and it rang in the house. After that he called the local police, the state highway patrol, and the Lake patrol. Hell and damnation! It was his fault if she got hurt. He shouldn't have spooked her. He was half considering calling the National Guard when he saw a squad car pull into the driveway. A giant county cop carried Shay inside wrapped in an emergency blanket. She was covered in frozen mud.
"We found her in the rain gully about half a mile from here," the other cop, a female officer said. "We tried to take her to the ER, but she refused."
Kelly held out his and Shay's ID's. "I am a fire fighter. She's a paramedic. We know what signs to look out for."
"She should have that ankle looked at. Could be broken." the male officer said.
"I just twisted it," Shay snarled.
"She's okay," Kelly said.
"Uh, huh," the female officer said. After a cursory glance at their ID's, the locals only seemed interested in finishing their paperwork. At least, they didn't seem to think Shay was in anymore danger and left.
Waking back to the couch where Shay sat a dozen different impulses rampaged through his head. He wanted to hold her as tight as he could because he was so glad she was okay and he had been scared crazy. Part of him wanted to yell at her for being so stupid in this weather. Another part of him knew he should apologize for upsetting her. And the most primitive, lizard brain part of him wanted to just fail at her feet and beg her not to leave him again. He opted for sitting down on the couch at her side. A cone of silence descended over them. It was never this quiet in the city. He could hear the electric hum of the lamp on the table beside him. Finally he turned toward Shay. She hadn't moved from where the cop had sat her down. "I was worried about you," he said.
She didn't say anything.
He noticed she was shaking, not much, but enough. The room wasn't cold at all. Cautiously he moved a closer. If he touched her too quickly, it would only make things worse. "What's wrong?"
"I don't want to lose you," she said. There was a blade in her voice, but it seemed to cut both ways because he could see tears leaking out of her eyes.
"You won't. Not now. Not ever." He said. He couldn't help it. His arms had to go around Shay when she was on the edge of crying. It was like gravity. At least she didn't push him away, but her skin was corpse cold. "You need to wash the mud off and get into some warm clothes."
She nodded, but made no attempt to move. He continued to hold her. It was getting dark outside and she hadn't stopped shaking. Slowly he picked her up. "I am carrying you into the bathroom. You don't need to walk on that ankle." Hopefully, that would reassure her and she wouldn't freak out. But she stayed silent on him and that was even worse. Damn it, Shay, I don't know what's going on in your head unless you tell me.
All the bathrooms in the cabin were leftovers from the fifties and lacked showers, but there was a giant tub in the one nearest Shay's bedroom. He ran water for her; then, when Shay didn't move, he picked her again and carefully laid her in the tub, clothes and all. He figured that would be the less upsetting them him trying to undress her. Except all she did was stare at the wall in front of her. He was going to have to do the rest. Somehow he was going to have to clean her up and convince Shay he was not trying to hit on her while he did it. Slowly he undid her blouse. "Sh, forget it's me. Just imagine I'm Dawson." Okay maybe that wasn't the best choice. Dawson was one hell of a sexy woman.
He removed her mud-splattered blouse, laid it in the sink; and then, unclasped her bra. Eyes to the floor, boy. Under any normal circumstances, hell under just about any circumstances, it would have been difficult for him to not look at her naked breasts, but she needed his strength, not his weaknesses now.
She slid lower into the tube. The warm water was putting her muscles at ease. She was relaxing finally, losing some of her anxiety. Kelly hazarded a glance at her from the corner of his eye. She seemed better, but still a mess. He picked up the soap and worked up a rich lather. "Forget it's me again. I am just one of your friends right now. I am just someone who is here to help you."
He washed off her throat and the slope beneath, then hesitantly as if he were handling blown crystal glass he touched her breast. His gaze met hers for a split second and he wanted to say, "Yes, I am very aware of where I am touching you and I wish I didn't enjoy it.", but instead he found the right words. "Forget it's me. Don't be upset."
The half-circles of her breasts pushed against his hands. He ignored how quickly her nipples puckered into rosebuds. It was only a natural reaction to the water and his hands. It was probably embarrassing Shay too. Thank god, he didn't need to clean below her waist. Afterwards he sat down on the floor beside the tub and enjoyed the moment. She was safe and with him.
She spoke finally. "The water is getting cold."
"I'll get you a towel." He scrambled up and got the largest towel he could, but he wasn't fast enough to avoid seeing her rise out of the water like Venus stepping from the ocean, soft, wet, perfect.
He was thoroughly familiar with the geography of a woman's body, but the way he felt as he really looked at Shay naked for the first time was something new. It didn't just affect his groin. His whole body seemed to rebel. Air was sucked out of his lungs and his heart pounded dangerously like a man on the edge of multiple attacks. Her marble white skin was without blemish made of gentle slopes and rolling curves. Her breasts drew his attention like twin fires, their centers still pert and beckoning. His eyes roamed lower to her waist. The curls between her hips were the color of flame. For a moment the only thing on his mind was plunging face deep into that crimson heaven. He wanted to explore every valley and hidden crevice she had. Shay trembled. Instantly, his gaze went back up to her face. She didn't look annoyed, but kind of frightened. She must have realized what he was thinking.
He wrapped the towel around her hoping to carry on as if nothing had changed. He had to take care of her, not try to make love to her even though the fire burning in his body was hardest he ever fought. But he couldn't stop every instinct. Shay was weak, so he did for her what he would have done for any injured person. He picked her up again. "You shouldn't walk on that ankle." He repeated, so she wouldn't protest.
He took her to bedroom that was supposed to be hers. She didn't say anything as he dressed her in one of his shirts and rolled up the oversized sleeves. Suddenly Shay's arms went into a tight lock around his neck. "Thank you," she whispered.
He shook his head. "You shouldn't be thanking me. You should be hitting me. I shouldn't have moved so fast on you. You ran out of here and nearly froze because I'm an ape."
She patted his shoulder. "You're not an ape. You're my best friend."
He kissed her hand. "I'll always be your best friend." He couldn't stop the feelings tumbling through him. Trying to deny them hurt so much. "I love you, Shay. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
She looked like she understood his feelings, but was still fighting bad memories. "The last man who said that to me raped me."
"I'm not him. You know I'm not him." Kelly said. He kissed her hand again. "Go to counseling with me. Give me his name and I'll hunt him down and disembowel him.
She smiled for the first time. "Don't be a drama queen. Besides rumor has it Uncle Etienne turned him into gator bait."
He was mesmerized by the golden glow in her deep eyes. She really did have the face of an angel painted on church walls. He had to taste her satin flesh at least once. One kiss that would be enough he told himself. One honey touch and he would be content until there was a better time to express his feelings. But his tongue slide into her mouth before he could get himself under control. She was salt and silk. The universe flew behind his eyelids while he kissed her and then something inexplicably wonderful happened. Shay's tongue found his. She fell back against the bed taking him with her.
Kisses became drops of molten gold. The more he touched her the more his need grew. His fingers sought the soft cushion of her breasts with all the eagerness of a teenage boy in his first awkward explorations because with Shay it wasn't the same as with other women. This was real. This feeling between two people was the reason the world existed. Carefully, he pulled his mouth away from her just long enough to say the right words. He moved closer until his face was right next to hers. "I've got to hear you say yes."
"Yes. Yes. I...want you."
That answer was probably all he could hope for tonight. He stripped and got into the bed. Real fear was coursing in his veins again. Do not make a mistake. There will not be a second chance. He slid close to Shay. "I feel like I am seventeen again."
"Why?" she asked.
"Because that's when I lost it. She was my trig teacher." Nowadays they would call what had happened to him statutory rape at least, but he knew it had not been remotely similar to what Shay had endured. It had started him on the long spiral of empty sex with any available women however. Hopefully tonight that was ending.
Slowly he kissed his way down her neck. He had wanted this for so long. And it wasn't just sex. Shay wasn't a drug or an addiction. She was a part of him that had been missing. Now they were together and if, if he did this right, nothing could ever take her away from him again. He captured one nipple with his tongue. Her skin seemed so delicate he was suddenly afraid of bruising her. Gently he sucked on the bud. She quivered under him and wrapped her arms around his head. He let his hands roam lower, down the smooth slope of her stomach until finally stopping at that soft vortex between her hips. He paused, actually froze was probably the better description. Of his skills as a cocksman he was justly proud. Plenty of women had told him he hit sweet spots they hadn't even known existed. In erotic massaging, he was less sure of his skills and he knew real lesbian sex, not the stuff that appeared in porn, involved a lot of erotic massaging. He felt Shay's hand covering his, one finger over the other. Wordlessly she showed him just how to please her. He gazed up into her eyes, saw only radiance growing, and started kissing her again. Soon enough she was moaning into his mouth. Her slick wetness below only inflamed him, but he felt very cautious about the next move. Shay's hand disengaged from his and moved to his waist.
"I guess it's my turn now," she said.
"You don't have to touch me yet, if you don't want to," he said. "I'm not built like Clarice."
A quirky grin shot across her lips. He had a feeling she wanted to say, "No shit, Sherlock," but chose not to. A moment later she claimed his hard-on. Her fingers were a branding iron leaving the words property of Leslie Shay on his manhood. He bit down on the pillow to suppress the animal growls that formed in his throat with her caresses.
"Oh, yeah, you're definitely not like Clarice, even if she wore a strap-on," Shay teased him gently.
He got his voice under control. "But my parts are okay with you?"
Her smile shot through him. "Your parts seem very worth exploring."
"You won't regret it," he vowed. He got on top of her, lining them up, but was afraid to put too much of his weight on her the first time. Then she took control guiding him to the burning edge of her sweetness. She was giving him the permission she had given no other man before and the honor overwhelmed him. The universe stopped moving when he slid into Shay. For once he understood the phrase and they shall be one flesh in regards to sex. He had never felt this close to anyone. Sex had never felt so right, or so pure and monumental at the same time before. But he worried about Shay. "Am I hurting you?" he asked.
Her only response was to mate their mouths together in a fiery chasm of a kiss that made his head spin further out of control. She was everything he ever wanted: a friend tough enough to keep him in line and a lover who cared so much he couldn't imagine betraying their trust. It only took a few seconds for them to find the right rhythm. Their heartbeats came together with every movement. He realized he was making love for the first time, not like all the other empty sex that had filled his life. She was so awesome it sucked all the energy out of his body to watch her panting underneath him. Shay became a conquistador and he was conquered territory. He didn't want be with another woman after this intensity. When she came a sweet surge filled him in way sex alone could never satisfy.
Afterwards he didn't feel just tired like usually followed sex. It was more of a completeness with Shay in his arms and it occurred to him that this was probably the first time in a long history of bedmates that he really wanted to cuddle after sex. He was even up for some pillow talk if she wanted it.
"So I we're friends with benefits now?" Shay said.
He tightened his arms around her. "We're lovers now."
Shay traced the lines of his chest with her fingertips. Hopefully that was curiosity. He was afraid to ask her what she thought. He was terrified she would say that no matter what they felt for each other she still needed a woman. She gazed up at him finally. Her eyes seemed to hold the whole night sky and then some. "You're really good at this."
His heart felt too big for his chest. He pulled her up and slowly kissed every inch of her mouth. "So are you," he said. She looked away. That was Shay's I-don't-believe-you behavior. He turned her face back toward him, so he could see her eyes. "I meant it. You're the best. The best ever." He kissed her again and again. If she wouldn't believe his words maybe she would believe the responses of his body. He was prepared to spend all night loving every inch of her or die trying. And he was nearly overwhelmed by her stamina. If that wasn't proof they were meant to be together, he didn't know what was.
"How many condoms do we have left?" Shay asked deep in the night. She was on top of him. It had been that way for a while.
He felt around on the dresser. "I'll get more from my suitcase." When he tried to gently move her hips, she clamped down on him even harder.
"I got a better idea," she whispered in his ear.
What followed was the most passionate, intensely erotic sixty-nine he had ever experienced. "That was incredible!" He managed to say once he got control of his mouth again.
She lay down beside him. "Thanks, I am not use to working on such large projects."
He couldn't help it. He burst out laughing. Shay had the most absolutely perfect sense of humor. He laid one arm around her. "How did I do?"
A sweet, snarky smile crossed her face. "Don't try to act like you've never gone down on a woman before."
He kissed a spot on her neck where he had left his mark earlier. "This is the first time I've gone down on a woman who has had your vast experience with so many expert practitioners."
Her nose crinkled up adorably. She traced his lips with her fingertips. "You're very creative. You're very thorough. It's almost like you had a vagina in a past life."
He felt proud. "I love you." It came so easily. Saying those words never had before which is why he had almost never said them and even then had never meant them.
Shay's eyes lost their softness. "Don't ruin the moment."
Looks like they weren't over that divide yet, but hopefully he would have more strength tomorrow. Instead of pushing forward, he retreated. "Okay, if I lay here for a while"
"I'm not going to kick you out of bed," she said.
He felt a smile he couldn't stop. That sounded like hope. And Shay didn't pull away from him either. Her head landed on his shoulder. Stay there. I want to sleep this way forever. He wanted to say that, but knew he shouldn't. She was warm and she fitted against him perfectly. It was the best night's sleep he had in his life.
He woke up alone the next morning. For a few minutes it was blind panic until he found Shay wrapped in a blanket on the front porch eating her yogurt. "Don't do that to me again," he said.
She gave him an are-you-shitting-me look. "You were sound asleep."
"So, after what happened yesterday, wake me up when you leave the cabin." He sat down beside her. The cold air nipped at his feet and ankles. His urges were all for crawling into Shay's blanket, but he knew from the way she was staring into space, she wouldn't be receptive to cuddling. Her yogurt was barely touched. He plucked it from her hand. "Come on. Let me make you a real breakfast."
Kelly knew he lacked most domestic skills, but he could make pancakes, thick and fluffy with slivers of walnuts and boysenberries. Shay ate two helpings before protesting. "I'm going to gain ten pounds from one meal."
He leaned over touching his forehead to hers. "We can sweat it off together."
"I bet you would like that." Her voice had teeth.
"So would you and you know it." Okay way wrong words. Now her gaze had teeth. "I meant we're good together and you know that." He kissed her palm. He wanted to pull her closer, but Shay didn't look likely to respond well. "I meant what I've said. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
She pulled away. "We were having a good time. Why do you have to ruin it?"
He tried to remain calm. Maybe he could talk through this. "How is me saying that ruining anything?
"Because I thought you respected me enough, not to try feeding me lines," she said.
His temperature was rising. "These aren't lines. I have never shared as much with anyone as I've shared with you. And you know I have never said this to any woman. I never even told my ex-fiancée I loved her."
"Probably why she's the ex-fiancée," Shay snapped.
Frustration boiled over. "What the hell do you want me to do? Wear a male chastity belt? Have your name tattooed on my cock?"
Shay's face cracked and she started laughing. Well, it was better than her angry at him. "A male chastity belt?" she said.
"They make them. I found a few sites on the Internet." He said.
"That is so absolutely kinky," she said.
He brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "Maybe, but I would do it to keep you."
She stood up. "It would never work. I'm a lesbian."
He grabbed her hands and pulled her closer. "I think we established last night that you are somewhere on the bisexual side of the spectrum. They say most of the human race is if we would all admit it." He kissed her hands. "I can sexually satisfy you! And emotionally, you're already my wife."
"And what am I supposed to do about your sex life? Pretend to be blind when you have sex with other women?" She asked.
"I don't need other women. With you it's different. Even the idea of betraying what we have, makes me want to throw up." He said.
"That's romantic?" she quipped.
"It's the truth," he responded. "I thought you would appreciate the honesty." He kissed her hands again. He had one plea left. "At least, give me a chance."
"A chance to do what?" the old Shay asked.
"To show you what a great life we could have together," he replied.
They went out on the Lake despite the weather, so she could see one of the boats he had worked on in action. It seemed to make Shay happy even it got teeth chattering cold. Then he carried her back to the cabin from the boat claiming the cold air made her ankle more delicate. He was fairly certain none of her ex-girlfriends could do that for her though he wasn't going to risk a fight by mentioning it. Miraculously, Shay didn't protest. At the cabin, they got warm in each other's arms on the couch.
Kelly noticed the clock was well past noon. "I could make lunch," he suggested.
"I'm still full of pancakes," Shay replied.
"I got a stack of monster movies," he suggested.
"You did plan this well, but I'm tired," she said.
He held his breath when she unbuttoned his shirt and laid her head against his chest. He couldn't see her eyes, but he felt her fingertips circling one of his nipples. Lightening shot through his body when she kissed him there. "Shay, I want to say it again."
Her voice was heavy with sleep. "It's too soon, way too soon." A few minutes later he could tell she was asleep. He kissed the top of her head. "I love you, Shay."