Maneuvering around my quarters is a lot more work than I thought it would be. My hover chair keeps bumping into things, mostly due to the fact that I can't steer it for my life! It's moments like these that I realize why I had to repeat flight class and why I failed my driving test twice. Eventually though, I am able to make it to the bathroom.
"Computer, hot shower. Set temperature to 41 Celcius."
"Acknowledged." The cool automated tone responds as the shower activates.
Senior staff quarters on the Enterprise are functionally luxurious. My bathroom is quite large. It's equipped with a water shower and a sonic shower, a modestly sized bath, and of course a toilet and a large double sink.
I set the lock on the hover chair and then slowly use my arms to bring me into a standing position as I set up my full body weight on the walker. It's getting easier to drag myself along. Thankfully, I don't have to drag myself that far.
The hot water feels soothing as it pelts against me. I try not to take water showers that often. I love them, but I find myself wasting a lot of time when I do take one. And baths – well I try not to go there. I don't know how people didn't manage to spend hours and hours in the shower back 150 years ago before they invented the sonic shower. I often find myself lost in thought while standing under the pouring hot water. It's almost too soothing and relaxing to be considered a functional activity. But, right now, I need it. Yes, the sonic shower will give a more complete clean; removing all traces of dirt and aberrant bacteria from the skin while leave the natural flora. But something about it isn't quite as refreshing as taking an actual water shower. I angle myself to lean against the wall as I reach up and scrub my scalp. It feels good to feel the suds working through the long strands of my hair, slowly removing ever piece of dust and every tangle. Then, I lean under the water and feel it all wash away. I take care to clean every other inch of skin before calling for the computer to stop the shower.
Slowly I wring out my hair and once again lean on the walker. It's a slow process but I am thankful that I've been able to clean myself.
"Beverly?" A soft baritone rumbles from the foyer.
"Jean Luc?" I call back from the bathroom. It's no surprise that he's able to gain access to my quarters since I gave him the code. But still I wasn't expecting him until much later.
"I just took a shower. It might be a while before I'm out! I'm moving rather slowly…"
I hear his footsteps moving closer until he's right outside the door, "do you need any help?"
I look down. I am completely naked propped up against my walker and standing in the shower. It might be faster if he could just hand me a towel that way I wouldn't have to sit down and get the hover chair wet. In my haste to get into the shower, I had left the towels on the other side of the bathroom near the sonic shower. Why did I do that? So, yes, a little help might be needed.
He seems to sense my apprehension, "I won't look I promise." I hear a smile in his voice. Yes, this is not the way that I want Jean Luc to see me naked. But, what the hell?
"Umm… would you mind getting me a towel?"
"Can I come in?"
"Yes, but don't look." The layout of my bathroom is similar to his. He opens the door and looks immediately to his left towards the sonic shower and grabs the plush white towels hanging on the wall. He courteously keeps his eyes away from the large mirror and down towards the floor as he hands the towels to me. Still looking at the floor, "anything else?"
He's smiling, gauging how much I'm going to let him see, "no but I need something to wear. Would you mind going out and getting me… um.."
"Undergarments?" Well he doesn't mess around!
"Yes and a nightgown? It should be hanging on my closet door. And the undergarments are in the top right and top left drawer of the bureau closest to the closet. "
"Of course." He's still smiling at the floor, clearing amused by my hesitancy. It shouldn't be this awkward for me! If everything works out, we're going to be having sex very soon. If that's the case, then why am I so embarrassed?
I dry my body and pat my hair dry. I hear rusting in the other room and I smile with what Jean Luc comes back with. His eyes are still looking down when he comes back in, "it's alright, Jean Luc. I'm in a towel."
His grin widens, "yes, I know Beverly, but rummaging through your underwear was already too much. I don't think that I'm going to be able to look at you essentially naked and still be able to walk normally."
I smile back at him and giggle, "Understood."
He holds out the underwear and I almost lose it, "Jean Luc, what is this?!"
I can tell he's very pleased with himself, "well you didn't make any exact specifications. I like these."
"I'm sure you do." I say as I swipe the thin black lace bra and underwear out of his hands. This man is unbelievable! I can already tell that our life together – especially our sex life – is going to be anything but dull.
"He lays the rest of my clothing on the hover chair, "I'll wait for you in the living room. Are you hungry?"
"Yes," I call back at him as he leaves the bathroom, "anything but sandwiches!" I've had too many of those for the time being. Getting the under wear on is like doing acrobatics. Since my legs aren't fully mobile the whole process involves me sitting down, bending down, stretching up, pulling up… by the end of it I needed another nap. I knew it was going to be such an undertaking, which is why I asked for the nightgown over bottoms.
I should have taken the hover chair, but doing so makes me feel like more of an invalid than I already am. So, I take my time and use the walker, hobbling inch by inch out into the living room.
"It smells wonderful in here, Jean Luc." He's opened a bottle of wine and casually set the table. "What are we having?"
"I was thinking that shepherd's pie sounded good." He takes the casserole dish out of the replicator and sets it on the table,
"Sounds lovely," my voice strains a bit as I disengage myself from the walker and sit at the table.
He fills the wine glasses and starts to serve our meal, "so," he begins, "happy to be out of Sickbay?"
"Monumentally. How was the day?"
"Fine. Busy. Listen, Beverly," he stops and looks at me, "I'm sorry I didn't come by for breakfast, I-"
"No, Jean Luc. I was glad you didn't. We needed time. We're both overwhelmed."
"Yes. I wasn't sure if it was too much too soon, so I just went to work."
"It's fine, Jean Luc. But I'm glad you're here now."
He gives me a genuine smile, "me too."
As usual I'm hungry and so is he, making our dinner a comfortably silent one. I think we both know what's coming after. As I finish my last bite, I feel comfortably full so I sit back and watch him. It takes him a minute to realize that I'm staring. He looks up, "what?"
A smile has crept across my face, unbeknownst to me. "Nothing," I whisper, "I'm just watching you."
He smiles back. It feels good to finally be honest with each other. It's freeing not to have to couch every glance and every word. He finishes his dinner and sits back, returning my stare.
"We need to talk," I begin.
"Yes."
"And I want to talk this evening. I've had time to think and I want to get everything out in the open sooner rather than later."
"Me too," he takes a sip of his wine and gathers the plates, taking the short walk to the replicator to recycle them. "I, uh," he sits back down, "I haven't been able to focus all day. I kept thinking about you."
"I kept thinking about this conversation. Jean Luc, we have to be honest with each other. As much as it's going to hurt, I don't want you to hold anything back because I'm not going to hold anything back."
He nodded his head, "I want you to tell me everything. I think that we owe that to one another."
"Let's move to the couch," I point my head in the direction of the sofa.
He gets up and takes the wine glasses, "do you need any help?"
"No," I pull myself into a standing position, leaning against the walker, "but it might take me a few minutes." Thankfully, the living room and dining room are essentially the in the same space and the sofa is only a few paces from the dining room table. I'm glad that Jean Luc hasn't insisted on helping me move around. He understands my need to be independent. He's very perceptive of my needs as I am of his. This is not only the reason why we are such close friends, but also part of the reason why we love each other.
Not 2 minutes later I am comfortably seated on the sofa. I'm glad he's chosen to sit next to me. I'm a sucker for symbolism and his sitting next to me, not across from me on the chair, says something. It says that this is a joint effort. It says that we are equals.
"So," he starts, "where should we begin?"
"Well…"