So last chapter was a bit love it or hate it. I get the 'Jess gets pregnant' hate, but please - my wonderful followers - trust me and keep reading the next few chapters ;)
Forty-eight hours. That was the deadline that Cece had given her to tell Nick. The sooner the better, she had reminded Jess, and Jess knew she was right. She wasn't the kind of girl who could keep a guy in the dark about this sort of thing – no matter what she decided.
The next day was Saturday, traditionally a time of sleeping in and reviewing the weekend newspaper on the couch with a large pot of fresh tea. But this Saturday morning she had lain in bed, watching the sun creep further into her room, stretching shadows across the floor; her mind trying to work out what to say – how to tell him.
Everything, inevitably, was made harder by the chill in their relationship over recent weeks. If they had still been close she could have managed to slip it into a conversation –somehow – and go from there. However as things stood, she needed to find a reason to talk to him, get him alone and then break the news – it seemed she was pregnant.
Listening to the comings and goings of Schmidt and Winston as they brewed cups of coffee and talked about their plans for the weekend, she strained to hear his voice join them. She knew he hadn't worked late last night; his keys had been on the table by the door when she returned. So she half expected him to be up early for a change, yet he stubbornly remained in his room.
Her mouth felt like cotton wool and she remembered she had forgotten to brush her teeth last night, so sighing, she shuffled to the end of her bed and slipped her feet into her fluffy slippers, deciding a trip to the bathroom was in order. In the hallway she heard the sound of Winston returning to his room and when his door slammed shut, she took the handle of her own door in her hand and pulled it towards her.
"Argh," she cried as stepping into the hall, who should choose that exact moment to leave his own room, but Nick, "Argghhh—hiiiii," she continued, trying to sound natural, "Uh, hi Nick," she finished, clearing her throat.
"Hi Jess," he said, nodding his head as they awkwardly stood across from each other. He looked like he was about to move so she spoke again.
"So how are you? Isn't it a great morning? I was going to brush my teeth, I bet you were going to get some coffee or something," she asked in a rapid spiel, finishing with a tight smile.
"Um, well I'm great and yes, I'm going to get some coffee," he said a little awkwardly.
"Great, nothing sets a day up like coffee," she replied, stumped for what to say next.
"Yeah, I guess not," he nodded, turning to move away. Reaching out, she put a hand on his arm, turning he looked at her with his warm brown eyes and she felt her stomach jump a little, so close was he, she could smell his masculine mix of cologne and beer.
"Hey, can we talk?" she asked in a high pitched voice, he cocked his head and observed her curiously.
"Okay - now?" he asked.
Her heart thumping, she nodded, "Yeah, maybe we could actually…"
"Hey, you two finally talking again?" came Winston's voice as he approached them from his room, clutching his mug of coffee.
"Um, just saying hi," smiled Jess awkwardly.
"You two," he said, shaking his head as he walked between them. Jess watched him turn into the kitchen and felt her nerves fail her.
"So, you want to talk?" Nick asked, gazing at her intently. A wave of confusion passed over her and she began to wave her hand at him.
"Actually, you know it can wait 'til later," she said, pushing her hands into her pajama pants pockets.
"You sure?" he said, his voice taking on a tone of concern as he spoke, his eyes softening as he looked at her.
"Yeah, it can," she assured him, nodding, for a little while at least, she told herself.
That night she had finally taken up Schmidt on his offer of a few drinks at the bar, he had looked as surprised as she felt when she had accepted the invitation. From practically avoiding Nick she was now seeking out ways to talk to him. As the day had progressed she had felt more and more anxious at the idea of the conversation: she just wanted it over and done with, so to the bar she went.
Sitting in a booth, with Winston and Schmidt, she tried to relax; it had been so long since she had been to Clyde's she had to admit she kind of missed it. Before they had a chance to head to the bar Nick appeared, a tray in his hand.
"Hey guys, got your drinks," he placed a beer in front of each of the guys and picked up a glass of rose wine for Jess, "Two Heislers and a pink wine-"
"Actually, Nick," she interrupted, "Can I just get a soda? I'm feeling a little, er, off color tonight." He looked at her oddly, Jess never refused her favorite wine, but he pulled a turtle face and picked up the offending glass and nodded.
"Sure Jess, no problem," he replied and moved off to change the drink.
"What's up Jess, a new health kick? You know how I'm always trying to get you to eat better," Schmidt chided, digging an elbow lightly in her ribs.
"Knock it of Schmidt, everyone can have a night off once in a while," she replied, a little annoyed.
"Okay, okay," he laughed in response, resuming his conversation with Winston as Jess watched Nick continue to walk away.
"Hey Nick," Jess called after him as he walked away from the bar, about to take his break in the office. He turned around to see her hurrying after him, "Wait up," she cried.
"Hey Jess, what do you want?" he asked, as he finally caught up with him.
"I, I, err-" she fumbled for the words. Seeing him walk away from the bar, she saw her chance to talk to him. Okay, so the bar wasn't perhaps the right place but, hell, she had to do it. Had to. "Can we talk?" she asked.
His face took on a serious expression and he nodded as his hand reached for the office door, "Sure, c'mon, it's quiet in here," he said, gesturing for her to follow him.
"Thanks," she whispered, following him inside. He sank himself into the old office chair beside the crowded desk to the right of the room and she gingerly sat on the overstuffed couch at its center. It was low slung and she almost fell back into it, such was the difference between her height in heels and the distance to the seat. She took a look around, never having been in this area before. The walls were a dark green color, adorned with pictures of old sports stars and newspaper cuttings. The floor of the room was scattered with a variety of mismatched chairs and in one corner sat a small table with a coffee maker and a few cups.
"Coffee?" he asked as he saw her eye the table.
"No," she shook her head, "Um, trying to cut down."
She could practically here the tick of the second hand of her watch as he waited for her to speak. Tick-tock, tick-tock - seconds flying by as she scrambled for the right introduction. "Well, so, you know I wanted to talk to you."
"Uh-huh," he nodded.
"Well," she said placing her hands in her lap, "It's like this." Suddenly, she stood up and began to pace a little, his eyes narrowed as he watched her. "You know our arrangement that we had."
"Yep," he said with tight lips, his voice pitching up a little, "I do…"
"Well, since, that, um, ended, I…" her voice wavered. How the hell do you tell a guy this? How the hell do you tell a guy you are not involved with, this?
"Yeah?" he prompted her to continue.
"Well, since then, there may have been a change in circumstances."
"Circumstances?"
"Yes, my circumstances…" her voice trailed off.
Nick stood up, his face twisting, "Look Jess, if you are trying to tell me you are dating someone you don't need to make a song and dance of it – you made it clear that you weren't interested-"
"No, no, I'm NOT dating anyone," her voice got a little louder as she spoke, "It's more serious than that."
"So…" he began, his mind racing, "What, are you sick? Oh my God Jess, it that it, you're sick?"
"No, well, not exactly…" she replied softly.
"Not exactly?"
"Well, sickness may be part of it," she looked up at him with her big blue eyes, watery and pale, she looked scared, he thought. Tired, worried, wait…
"Wait, do you mean-are you…"
"Nick, I might be pregnant," she spoke rapidly, words tumbling out.
His face froze as the he took in what she said, the color draining from him as his brain struggled to comprehend her meaning. He closed his eyes and began to shake his head.
"Um, okay, just wait a minute…"
"And it could only be yours," she finished, holding her breath.
Waiting for him to respond was torture, she saw his face rotate through a cycle of emotions that she couldn't really define, he stood still, rooted to the spot, his mouth silently trying to form words as her heart sank further and further.
Finally, she couldn't take it any longer, "This was a stupid idea, I'm, I'm sorry," she began as she yanked the door open and ran out of the room. He watched, dazed, as she ran away.
"Jess, wait, I need to talk to you!"
She hid in her bed, knees pulled up to her chin, covers wrapped around her, as if to provide protection from some unknown enemy. As much as Jessica Day thought herself as a strong, independent woman, in this moment she felt like a child who had made a mistake and just admitted it to her teacher. It was so irrational, that she knew. It takes two to tango, she chuckled – but unfortunately in this tango there was only one person who would pay the organ grinder.
Clutching the covers tighter to her, she shivered a little in the cool, dark room, the only light from a sliver of silver shining from the full moon outside. Looking out of the window, she could see the stars beginning to form in the sky, twinkling away, without a problem in the world. If only I could escape to a star, far away – she scoffed at her own silliness. Yeah right Day, get with the real world.
A squeak of floorboard in the hallway made her freeze – so lost in her own thoughts she had not heard the loft door open. Who could it- Her question was answered as she heard a soft rapping on the door.
"Jess," came his low, silky drawl, "Can I come in?"
She didn't answer, if I'm quiet, he will go away and I can deal with this later, she told herself. But he didn't go away.
"Jess, I know you're in there – I can hear you breathing."
Finally, she conceded, "Okay," she whispered and the door slowly creaked open, leaking light into the room until he closed it behind him. He stood by the door, seemingly unsure what he was allowed to do now, all that was visible to her was a shadowy outline.
"Jess, I need- we need to talk," he said softly.
She whimpered a little in response. Slowly she heard him move closer to her and sit at the edge of her bed, far enough away to preserve her personal space, his face half lit by the moonlight.
"What you said, is it true?"
"Of course, I mean, why one earth would I make up such a thing, I-" her voice began to rise, the tension bubbling in her throat as she grasped the blanket tightly in her hands.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" he apologized, "That was the wrong question… I apologize for how I reacted. It wasn't cool. Actually, I'm embarrassed by it."
She adjusted the blanket, tucking it under her legs, sniffing a little before she spoke again, "Nick, I know this is unexpected," she raised her gaze to meet his, "I mean, this is not the way I thought this would go, or that I'd – we'd end up in this situation… But we are and I thought you should know," she paused for a moment, "And, to be clear, I don't expect anything from you, nothing. I just thought you should know."
He pushed himself a little closer to her, "Jess, what do you mean, you don't expect anything from me?" His voice had a serious tone and though she couldn't see his face she could tell it held a pained expression.
"Well, I know you don't see me that way, I mean, that's the impression you always gave. I'm a big girl, I understand that," she felt herself begin to shake a little at her honest words; the first time she had told him exactly what she thought.
"Wait a minute," he shook his head in confusion, "I think it was you who said, on more than one occasion, that this meant nothing to you, that we were nothing but a hook up. And I respected that- though it almost killed me," her breath slowed as she listed carefully to him, "But how could you not have known I'm crazy about you, Jess?"
"Really? It almost killed you, why?" she asked, disbelievingly, her breath coming in short ragged gasps.
"Jess I've never met anyone like you," he rubbed his face in his hands, "The time we spent together was amazing and I, well, I thought it was obvious - my feelings for you , I thought that you just didn't-" his voice halted as he looked at her, so small and vulnerable bundled up a blanket.
"No, I mean, I didn't but, I thought –you know, what you said to Schmidt…"
"As if I would tell him anything about my feelings Jess – have you met the guy? I love him, but…" he rubbed his hands on his knees nervously. "Of course I'm surprised at what you told me, I mean, I thought we were careful, but please, never think you are alone. I care about you, Jess."
"Really?" she said again, her breath catching in her throat, the full gravity of his words hitting her and sinking her body into the soft mattress.
"Yes, really," he said quietly.
"I didn't know." A thick layer of tension filled the room as both parties considered the conversation so far. Her eyes darted around the room as the realization hit her. "So, when you said it was all just a rebound…"
"I was just saying what I thought you wanted to hear," he admitted, "I thought you weren't interested and-," he sighed, "I'm just scared of getting burned, Jess."
"Me too," she replied softly, "So what does this all mean?" she asked, somewhat still confused but hopeful for something, though she wasn't sure what.
"Well, I don't know Jess, we obviously have a lot to talk about, but, I guess the question now is –how do you feel about me?"
Her heart thudded as the seconds ticked by. He'd admitted he cared about her, that it wasn't just a rebound. But did that mean he really wanted more? Memories of Spencer's betrayal still lingered in her heart, holding her back, making her question whether she could truly open it to another man, especially so soon. She looked at his face, open, honest, showing no expectation but so familiar and comforting she felt a smile grow across her face.
"I-I care about you too, Nick," she said and she could hear him gasp a little at her words, "I'm sorry, I feel this is all a big mess, a huge mess, it started out so good and-"
Her words were ended as his warm mouth covered her own with a deep, searching kiss – all at once amorous, yet at the same time so different. She could feel the emotion behind it; feel his tenderness, his want, his passion for her as if his lips spoke a language only hers could understand. Pulling her against him, she shifted into his lap, his hand entwined in her thick locks as she rested her face on his chest, breathing heavily.
Wrapped in his embrace, she gained strength from him, the heat radiating from his body chasing the chill in her blood away. She looked up at his half lit face, a small smile playing at his lips and in that moment she at once felt the truth of his words and the foolishness of both their actions.
"We're idiots," she sighed, "All this time we both were trying to second guess each other-"
"Yeah," he said, placing a warm, soft kiss on her lips that spread a warm glow through her, making her skin tingle, "And it only took a whole heap of drama for us to be honest."
"Yeah," she whispered into his shirt, "Nick, I don't know what this is, but I could kick myself, it's been torture…"
"Torture for you?" he replied, "I've been living in my own kind of hell for weeks now. Waiting for my feelings for you to go away…"
"Feelings…You have feelings for me?" she clutched him a little closer.
"Yeah Jess, I have romantic feelings for you, you're- you're amazing…"
This time, it was her lips that stopped his, urgent lips, drinking from him, her fingers digging into his back, taking all the frustration and confusion of the last weeks out on his bruised mouth. Breaking apart they breathed heavily against each other.
"I think we have a lot to talk about Nick," she said, looking up at him.
"Agreed but right now, I think we need to discuss other, more pressing issues," he said, looking down at her.
"Yeah," she sighed, burrowing her head into his shoulder.
"So, you're sure?" he asked.
"Well, I did a test… They're pretty accurate."
"Okay," he said kissing her on the forehead, wanting to hold her and take her worries away, "Well, I think we need to see a doctor, soon."
"Yeah, I think that would be a good idea," she agreed, giving him a smile, feeling eternally grateful for the way he had responded. "I'll call Sadie tomorrow."
"Good," he stoked her hair as her eyes began to flutter a little, "You tired?"
"Yeah," she admitted, "Long day."
"Go to sleep, I'm not going anywhere."
"Okay," she nodded, "Nick," she looked up at him a wondering expression on her face, "Thank you for being so, so good about this."
"How else would I be? We're in this together," and he pulled her closer as she began to drift off.
As he watched her breathing slow and sleep take over, he marvelled at the strange events of the day. Starting with the two barely speaking, ending with her curled in his arms and the possibility of a lifelong commitment between two who had struggled so hard to express their feelings for one another.
He was scared, inside – yes, he had hidden it but he knew it was true. Also, he knew that whatever was going on between them was far from resolved, but in that moment, he was happy to just be and let tomorrow worry about itself.
*Anxious smile* Review?