"Remus. Come on we're going to be late. Remus. Remus! Oi! Come on, wake up!"

Remus opened his eyes blearily, despite his early night his sleep had been broken up by bad dreams and fever and now that it was time to get up he felt even more exhausted than when he had gone to bed.

"Merlin Remus, we've been trying to get you up for ages," said James, "come on, get a move on, McGonagall will disembowel us if we're late again."

"Sorry," mumbled Remus, he still wasn't quite awake and the word just sort of tumbled out his mouth.

He forced himself to sit up and swing his legs out from under the covers. He leant over to the chest of drawers and pulled out fresh underwear, and the set of robed he had been wearing yesterday which lay folded on top of his trunk. He made to pull the hangings closed so that he could change in private but James said:

"Forget that Remus, it's not like we're going to stare or anything we've all got one."

"And besides," said Sirius, "we won't have time for breakfast of you don't hurry up."

But of course, it wasn't that that Remus was worried about James, Peter and Sirius seeing.

"It's okay, you three go and have breakfast I'll meet you in Transfiguration."

"What? And miss breakfast?!" exclaimed Sirius, "Dear Merlin Remus, are you feeling alright?!"

It was evidently meant to be a joke for Sirius laughed, James laughed too so Remus joined in weakly. Sirius had actually come a great deal closer to the truth than he thought he had. Every inch of Remus's body was aching and all this talk of breakfast just made him feel queasy, but he had to keep up the act for as long as he could, at least while his dormmates were here.

"I can wait until lunch," he said, "you three should go and get some breakfast before it's all gone."

"Well, see you in Transfiguration then," said Sirius.

"We'll bring you some toast," said James, "see this is why we need to find those bloody kitchen quicksmart, then we won;t need to worry about getting up early we can just eat as much as we want when we want..."

"Thank you," said Remus, deciding that arguing would only be a waste of time and energy.

Sirius and James left, as usual, without inviting Peter to come with them. Though this time instead of hurrying after them Peter approached Remus and crouched down so that now Peter was looking slightly upwards towards Remus instead of the other way around.

"Are you alright Remus?" he asked.

"I'm fine Peter," smiled Remus, "save me a seat in Transfiguration yeah?"

Peter looked at Remus uncertainly for a moment longer before answering "okay", then he slung his bag over his shoulder and left.

As soon as the door closed behind him Remus dropped the act and fell back onto the bed, where he rolled over and held his head in his hands, trying to rally his strength for the coming day. After Merlin knew how long he decided that he really ought be getting a move on if he wanted to keep his bowels firmly inside his body, for another few hours at least. After washing his face and brushing his teeth he felt a little refreshed, but still weak and ill and disgusting. He made a face at himself in the mirror, sighed and then returned to the dormitory to get dressed.

He arrived at his Transfiguration lesson just in the nick of time. Peter had been as good as his word and saved him a seat next to him. James and Sirius had been as good as theirs and immediately upon sitting down leant forward from the desk behind to present with four handfuls of toast.

"Merlin how many Remuses are you trying to feed?" joked Remus quietly, so as not to attract the attention of the strict Professor McGonagall.

"Peter thought you looked a bit peaky so we brought extra," shrugged James.

"Well I can't eat in class."

"Of course you can, you've just got to be discrete," said James.

"And if you get caught just calmly explain that breakfast is the most important meal of the day and no one can learn on an empty stomach," said Sirius, "getting out of trouble's easy it's just a confidence trick."

"Which means it's only easy for people like you," said Remus, quiet enough so that the others would only be able to hear if they were listening.

The lesson started and the conversation ended with Remus sweeping the toast onto the side of his chair, perching on the other half as he train to turn his match into a needle. Fifteen minutes into the lesson and Remus was frustrated, in their last lesson a few days ago Remus had been turning his matchstick into a needle and back again nine times out of ten and now it appeared he was back to square one. He was getting a headache, he slumped his forehead against his left hand while with the right he continued to make more and more violent slashing motions with his wand. He knew he was doing it wrong but he didn't particularly care anymore, it wasn't as if doing it right would get him any better results.

Behind him James and Sirius had got bored of transfiguring their matches into needles and back again, both of them had mastered the technique with infuriating ease, and where now using the levitating charm Professor Flitwick had been teaching them to stage a needle sword fight in mid air. Beside him Peter had given up on his own, still pathetically wooden, matchstick to marvel at the spectacle. Remus decided he might as well give up too, and spent the rest of the lesson staring into the middle distance from under drooping eyelids.

After Transfiguration the four boys left for History of Magic. Remus ate a slice of toast to appease James, Sirius and Peter but put the rest in the bin when they arrived in the History of Magic classroom. It had by now been established that it was perfectly acceptable to doodle, doze, or do pretty much anything you wanted to in Binn's lessons for the two simple reasons that Binn's wouldn't notice and that even if he did he probably wouldn't care. Having said that Remus had always up until now taken diligent notes in History of Magic, turned in every piece of homework on time and always took the trouble to go to the library and look up any topic he did not fully understand. He knew that he was lucky to be given this opportunity, and he had to do everything he could to make the most of it. How ungrateful would it be to not pay attention in a lesson Professor Dumbledore had gone to such lengths to make sure he could attend?! And yet today Remus periodically realised with a start that his quill had stopped moving, he had lost the thread of Binn's perpetual drawl, and he had dripped ink onto his parchment, blurring his patchy notes on Someone-or-other the Magnificent. He doubted James, Sirius or Peter's notes would be of much better quality, maybe he could ask to borrow one of the girls' after the full moon so that he could fill in the gaps.

When the bell rang for lunch and they all stood up to leave without waiting for Binns to dismiss them as if the man didn't notice his own death no one held out much hope for him hearing the bell go. As he stood up Remus was hit by a wave of dizziness which he thought he managed to disguise pretty well in the rush of people grabbing bags and tucking in chairs.

"Are you alright Remus?" asked James, as Remus picked at his beef wellington, cutting the food slowly into small chunks so as to make it seem like he was eating more.

"Yeah I'm fine," said Remus brightly, eating a forkful of his food and smiling to prove it.

"You just seem a bit out of it today," said James, "and you haven't eaten much."

"I'm fine," said Remus, wishing he could think of something better to say.

"If he says he's fine he's fine," said Sirius, stepping in, "if there was something wrong you'd say so wouldn't you Remus?"

"Of course," said Remus, looking into Sirius's eyes as earnestly as he could.

Luckily James dropped it after that. Remus wondered whether Sirius was less observant than the other two boys, or if he was in fact more observant, and had realised that Remus did not want to talk about what was wrong. At that point in time Remus inclined to lean towards the former.

After lunch was double Herbology, normally a fun practical lesson, today two hours of standing up with an aching back. As time passed the pain built until it was actually making him feel nauseous. He wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball on the sofa at home with his mum and his dad. The pain was blurring everything, he tried to steady himself on the workbench but he seemed to fall right through it, like liquid falling through liquid.

"Remus are you okay?" asked Peter next to him, "Remus, what's wrong?"

"What's up Peter? Remus? Peter what's wrong with him?"

"He must be ill, James tell Professor Sprout, Peter, what happened?"

"I dunno, I think you're right, he must be sick, like I said..."

"I'm fine," said Remus, straightening up and finding himself supported by Sirius and Peter.

"Remus?! Is he alright? What's going on?"

"Go away Evans, tell those lot to stop gawping."

If Lily replied Remus didn't hear it. James had returned with Professor Sprout who was ushering him outside and sitting him down on the grass. She let him breath in the fresh air for a while, holding his head between his knees, she waited until Remus looked up before speaking.

"Better get you off to the Hospital Wing."

"I think I'm fine to stay until the end of the lesson."

"Nonsense, can you stand? Are you still feeling dizzy?"

Remus only felt a little light headed now so he answered that no, he wasn't dizzy and yes, he could stand. Still Professor Sprout put a supporting arm around him as she escorted him to the Hospital Wing.

A lot of fussing and one bitter tasting potion later and Remus was lying in one of the crisply made Hospital Wing beds, chastising himself for making such a scene back in Herbology. Only the first full moon and he had already managed to draw attention to the fact that he was ill in front of all the Gryffindors and Ravenclaws in his year. 'Why do I have to be so weak?!' he thought to himself 'Why couldn't I just brave it till the end of the day?'. And then he thought something he had never allowed himself to think before, 'it's just not fair!' Immediately he chastised himself for that too. He had been given the most wonderful opportunity he could ever have hoped for, he was the luckiest boy to ever have lived. And yet James and Sirius and Peter didn't have to transform into a werewolf every month, they didn't have to pretend not to be sick. They walked these corridors like it was their right to be here rather than their privilege. Great, now he was just being jealous. Remus had never really been jealous before, he had dwelt on the vague notion that there were people out there who were never sick, who had friends, who had never so much as broken a bone, but he had never had anyone real to be jealous of. Bloody hell, now he was crying? Why was he crying? He hadn't cried before the full moon in years, well, not until right before at least. For Merlin's sake, he was eleven years old! He was at Hogwarts now! He shouldn't need his mother to comfort him anymore!

"Mr Lupin, what's wrong? Are you in pain?"

Remus jumped to hear a voice that was not his mother's or father's. He felt a cold hand on his head and belatedly realised that it was the matron's, that she must have heard him sobbing, despite how hard he had bitten down on his tongue trying to stop them.

Remus opened his mouth. He tongue felt too big for his mouth and his lower lip trembled. He tried to say that he was okay, that he didn't need any more potions, but all that happened was that more tears sprang from his eyes.

"There there, sweetie, come on now, sit up and have a drink of water and I'll fetch you a calming draught okay? Can you tell me what's wrong Remus?"

"I..." began Remus, trying to say for a second time that he was fine, but instead he found himself saying "I... w... I w... want to g... go... home!"

For a moment Poppy didn't know what to do, and then she did something which would have got her fired from her old job in St. Mungo's, she bent down and pulled the crying boy into a hug.

"Shh... there there... it's okay..."

Remus felt the Matron's arms close around him, and that was when he couldn't control it anymore, he lost all self restraint and cried and cried. Not like had cried in his mother's arms, bit because he felt safe enough to cry but because he felt wretched enough. Because he did want to go home. He didn't care that he was getting the best magical education he could hope for. He didn't care that Dumbledore had gone to so many lengths to ensure that he could come here. He just wanted to be back at home with his mum and his dad.

"There there Remus, everything's going to be okay, I'm going to take care of you alright?"

"S-sorry," sobbed Remus.

"No need to apologise Remus, you're no trouble, honestly."

"I sh-shouldn't be crying... I'm at... I'm at Ho-Hogwarts."

"There's no shame in crying Remus," said Madam Pomfrey, settling Remus back down onto his pillows, "you're not well at the moment, of course you miss your mum and your dad. It's hard being sick away from home. But I'm going to do everything I can to make you feel at home here alright Remus?"

Remus nodded. But none of the matron's kind words could take away his homesickness, or his shame any more than her potions could stop his transformation.