Dear Tuney,

How's it going? How's school? Do you still have that weird teacher who sniffs her hands all the time for geography? We've got our fair share of strange teachers here at Hogwarts too, they're all really nice though. I've spoken to Professor Dumbledore, just like I promised

Lily twiddled her quill between her fingers as she thought about what to write, how to write it. She'd lost count of how many times she'd attempted to write this letter and gotten a few lines in only to screw it up and chuck it in the fire. She dipped her quill in the ink well and held it, poised, above the parchment, still with no clue as to what to write next. Then she was startled by the sound of someone clearing their throat close behind her. She hurriedly hid the letter beneath her hand as she turned around to see who it was.

"Sorry, I can go away if you're busy."

"Christ Remus you frightened the life out of me, I didn't know you were back, you feeling better then?"

"Yes, yes I'm fine, thank you."

"That's good," said Lily, "um... can I help you with anything?"

"Oh yeah!" said Remus, and he at once started fumbling with a wad of parchment in his hands, "sorry, give me a second, I was just wondering if you could help me with... ah! Okay here it is. Yes so, I was wondering if you could help me with this Potions essay, I... you know... I missed the lesson where we made the forgetfulness potion so..."

"I think I've got the method written down somewhere," said Lily, "here, sit down and make sure no one nicks my chair, I'll go and get it from my dorm."

She stood up, being careful to take the letter with her and hopped off to her dormitory. It didn't take her long to find the work from the lesson Remus had missed and stow the letter safely under her bedsheet. When she returned to the Common Room Remus was waiting patiently for her. In the flickering light of the fire he still looked very tired, but her perked up when he saw her, though he was giving off the distinct impression of someone putting on an act of being in better spirits than they actually were.

"Found it," said Lily cheerfully, sitting down again in the chair opposite Remus so that the little table was inbetween them.

"Thank you so much for this," said Remus.

"Oh it's no trouble," said Lily, "okay so do you want me to go through it with you?"

"That's be great, yes please."

So Lily talked him through the method, answering his questions as he went along, and Remus made notes on the various ingredients and their importance for his essay.

"I honestly can't thank you enough for this Lily, I'm dead rubbish at Potions, me and Peter managed to melt my cauldron making that cure for boils."

"You just need more practise," said Lily, "I think potions is one of those things you can't learn out of a book. Maybe you should ask Slughorn if you can have a go at making the forgetfulness potions one day after lessons?"

"No, there's no point bothering him," said Remus.

"I'm sure he's let you," said Lily, "if you're keen to learn then he's actually really nice."

"If you're keen to learn and you're clever then he's actually really nice," Remus corrected her.

"I'm sure you clever Remus."

Remus smiled and shook his head.

"It wouldn't be fair to ask him to give up his time just for me," he said, "I'll get plenty more chance to practise I'm sure."

"Yeah..." said Lily.

They drifted into silence as Remus planned out his essay, frowning at his notes and tapping the occasional word with his quill. Lily's mind however was miles and miles away in Cokeworth, wondering what Petunia was doing now. Whether she was angry that she hadn't had a letter from her sister yet, or whether she was glad that was well and truly shot of her. Wondering whether she would ever forgive her for leaving her. They were sisters, they were meant to stick together, no matter what. But it wouldn't be forever, she'd be back home for Christmas! And everyone else at Hogwarts was leaving their family too. She was sure loads of people had brothers or sisters who weren't magical, or weren't old enough to go to Hogwarts yet. She hadn't really talked to the other girls in her dorm much, so she didn't know whether anyone else was missing home, or feeling guilty about not missing home at all. And she couldn't talk about things like that with Sev, she knew what his home life was like. She blinked and brought herself back to the here and now. Glancing over at Remus, who she saw quickly look back down at his work. He'd been watching her, she wondered for how long. She could always ask Remus. Asking Remus would be safe, they didn't know each other that well, they weren't part of the same group of friends. Anything she said to Remus would be entirely separate from everything else.

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" she asked.

Remus looked up, shocked.

"No," he said after a while.

"Oh," said Lily, a little disappointed that he wouldn't be able to understand what she was feeling. Only children never understood the unique relationship between siblings. That was why Severus was never able to understand how much Petunia meant to her.

"Do you?" asked Remus.

"Huh?"

"Do you... have any brothers or sisters?" asked Remus, "I'm sorry, I thought I was meant to ask you back."

"Oh no, it's okay, yes, yes I do, a sister."

"That's nice," said Remus, and then after a moment of uncomfortable silence he added "older or younger?"

"Older," smiled Lily, "but only by a couple of years. She's called Petunia. She's can be a bit bossy sometimes, but she's great really."

It was a wonderful relief, talking about Petunia in the simple way she would have talked about her when she was five years old and magic didn't exist and no one was a freak.

"It must be nice to have someone older than you who's not your parents," said Remus, "you know, who you can talk to and... and get help with things and stuff."

"Yeah," said Lily.

Yes, only children always said the same thing. They thought of brothers and sisters as nothing more than really close friends. When really they were something different, something more in so many ways. Everything Lily had ever felt towards Petunia she felt with a ferocity she had never felt with even Severus, she had loved her viciously, hated her fiercely, been so jealous of her she had felt as though she were about to explode. Having a sister was not just a case of having a sister, it was being a sister. And that was as alien a state of being to an only child as being a goldfish.

"Do you miss her?" asked Remus.

Lily realised she must have zoned out again, for Remus was looking at her with a look of concern which made him look even more tired. He must have been very unwell.

"We had a sort of argument before I left," said Lily, "I feel terrible about it now. I was trying to write to her earlier, but it's just so hard to put things like that in a letter you know."

Remus nodded, though Lily was sure he was just nodding along.

"Do you miss your mum and dad?" asked Lily, more for a change of subject than anything else.

"Not really," said Remus, "a bit... sometimes a lot."

He looked so forlorn that at once Lily felt sick with guilt, not towards Remus but because she knew she should be missing her family too. She should be wanting to go home, she should be back in Cokeworth, going to school every morning with Petunia and all her friends from primary school. Or if not there then she should at least be sitting in the Slytherin Common Room with Severus, talking about this earnestly with him, sharing their secrets in the way they used to by the river in Spinner's End, not discussing her most intimate and tenuous relationships with this boy who wasn't even her friend. She had betrayed them. She had betrayed them all. Maybe she was a freak, maybe she really was a wicked witch, a wicked wicked child who could never love anybody enough. Who's only talent was abandoning people.

"Lily... are... are you alright?"

"Yes," said Lily defiantly, though her voice cracked, betraying her like she had betrayed Tuney and Sev, "I'm fine."

And feeling the hotness of tears on her face she leapt up and ran for the portrait hole. She couldn't go back to the dorm. The other girls might be there, and they would laugh at her for sure. She knew it was past curfew, but she wouldn't go far, just far enough to get out of everybody's sight so that she could cry and cry as she allowed herself to feel all the pain she deserved for being such a bad friend and a bad sister.

Remus half rose from his chair as Lily fled, crying from the Common Room. He didn't know whether to go after her. He had never had any friends to comfort before, and Lily wasn't even his friend! Not yet at any rate. Whenever he was upset at home his mum or his dad would always come and find him, but that was always against his will, and often despite him hiding in the best place he could find. Maybe Lily just wanted some time alone. Afterall, it was embarrassing to cry, it would make people think you were weak. But sometimes you just had to cry, and then it was better to do it by yourself.

"Merlin, what's up with her?"

Remus started at the voice and turned around to see James, Peter and Sirius had abandoned their game of exploding snap to join him in staring after Lily. It was James who had spoken.

"I don't know," said Remus, "she just started crying, I don't know what I did."

"You probably didn't do anything," said Sirius, "girls are just cry-babies. Come on, now you've done with that essay we can get going on our super secret mission."

"It's not super secret if you keep talking about it so loud they can heard you on Jupiter!" said James, "we need to think of a code name for it, like... operation... something-something."

Sirius, Peter and Remus burst out laughing.

"Oh very imaginative James," said Sirius, "operation something-something, your flair for the English language is almost poetic."

"Oh shut up, I'll think of one soon enough," said James, "come on, let's head up to the dorm so Remus can dump his Potions crap and we get the you know what."

"The you know what?" started Sirius.

"Shut up you berk, it's code names or getting grassed up by the nearest teacher's pet."

Sirius continued his teasing of James all the way up to the dorm. Peter followed their playful argument back and forth like an avid spectator of a tennis match, but Remus was still puzzling over what he had done to upset Lily so much. Was Remus a mean person? He had never considered the possibility before. He always thought that if he was nothing else at least he was kind, but perhaps he wasn't. After all, who had he had the chance to be kind to before Hogwarts. 'Kind' was just an abstract concept introduced to him by his parents, who had assured him on platform nine and three quarters that "a lovely kind boy like him would be sure to make friends". But maybe he wasn't kind. Maybe being kind was something you had to work hard at, something that took practise. Who would have thought that the path to making friends would full of bumps and potholes. All his parent's advice about being kind, being polite, being sociable suddenly seemed inadequate and irrelevant. What did all those things mean anyway? Remus had always assumed he would be able to make friends if his parents ever gave him the chance, and so long as those prospective friends did not know he was a werewolf. But what if he wasn't friend material? People wanted fun, kind friends like Sirius, James and Peter. Friends who had brought him breakfast when they noticed he was sick, friends who were including him now on their "super secret mission" when they had absolutely no obligation to. What had Remus done for any of them in return. What could he ever offer anyone in return for their friendship?

"Hey, come on Remus, let's not wait for the grass to grow," said James.

He was standing by the door holding the invisibility cloak, Sirius and Peter standing next to him, all waiting for him.

"Sorry," said Remus, dropping his Potions paraphernalia on his bed, he'd tidy it up later, and hurrying over to his friends.

"Are you alright mate?" asked Peter, "you're not still unwell are you?"

"I'm okay, thank you," said Remus.

"Good, shall we go then?" said James.

And as practised they all huddled together and covered themselves with the invisibility cloak. It was quite a job getting down the stairs, they were very lucky not to meet anyone coming up, and getting through the portrait hole was even harder, but luckily everyone else was too absorbed in their own activities to notice the odd disembodied foot.

On the other side of the Fat Lady's portrait they rearranged the cloak again so that they were completely covered. And set off up the stairs. That had been the first point of disagreement. James had declared authoritatively that all the cool things would be at the very top of the castle. Sirius on the other hand protested that if there were any hidden room or secret passages or the like they would "obviously" be at the bottom. There was much to-ing and fro-ing between the two, but James eventually won with a simple "it's my cloak so I get to choose where we go first". So up the stairs it was.

The castle had a different feel at night. It felt simultaneously more magical and more menacing. Remus was very glad he was not alone. All four boys soon seemed to forget what their actual "super secret mission" was, becoming entranced by the very fabric of the castle. Remus certainly found the labyrinthine layout of the twisting corridors and contrary staircases somewhat hypnotic. It was only when the first yawn escaped him that he realised how tired he was, and yet his eyes were wide and alert in his skull. The silence of the night air seemed to tingle in his ears. And then all of a sudden it wasn't silent.

"...don't care how urgent your bloody letter was you can wait until morning! Curfew applies to everyone, now come on and back to your Common Room with you. And you can report to my office for detention tomorrow at five. And if you think I won't give you something nasty cause you're a first year, or if you cry again then you clearly haven't gotten to know me well enough yet. If you want to stay in this school you abide by the rules. Is that clear?"

"Yes Sir."

James, Sirius, Remus and Peter peered around the door to what must have been the Owlery to see the caretaker, Mr Filch, glaring down at a red faced Lily Evans.

"Bloody hell, the teacher's pet got a detention before us," murmured James, "wicked."

"She's still crying," whispered Remus.

"Should we do something?" asked Peter.

"Like what, jump in there and save her like a knight in shining armour?" Sirius replied, "no bloody way, he'll just give us detention too, besides, it'll do her good, bring her down a peg or two."

They watched as Filch and Mrs Norris ushered Lily down the stairs, back towards the Gryffindor Common Room.

"How did you say you mad her cry again?" asked James.

"I didn't make her cry!" hissed Remus, "well, I don't know, I must have done I suppose, but not on purpose!"

"Yeah but you still managed to get her in detention though," said Sirius, "that's pretty good going whether it was on purpose or not."

Remus didn't reply. He had not even thought of that, but Sirius was right, it was his fault Lily had gotten in detention.

"Don't worry about it Remus," said Peter, "I'm sure she's alright, I'm sure it wasn't your fault."

Remus nodded mechanically.

"D'you want to go back Remus?" asked James.

Remus nodded again, not trusting himself to speak but trying to convey in a look that he was sorry to have ruined their adventure. But he really didn't feel in the mood for exploring any more. He felt tired and wretched and miserable and his various aches and pains from his transformation were asserting themselves again.

"Come on," said Sirius, putting his arm around Remus, and they headed back to the dorm, the corridors illuminated by the moon which had just begun to wane.