Wheeee angst
The ride back to Tommy's is a mixture of awkward silences and excitable teenage chattering from the backseat. Tess sits shotgun, smiling crookedly every so often as she watches Joel nag on Ellie about littering in the car. It's later in the night; Ellie passes out in the backseat eventually, and the two are left to their own devices. At first it's nothing but the quiet sound of the engine and the wheels on gravel, and the sound of their breathing in the space, before Tess gets restless in the silence.
"So uh…" she begins, glancing at Joel before she gestures to the sleeping girl. "Did they ever find the cure out of her?" It's the safest thing to ask right now; all Tess wants to know is how they've been and how they're safe, and a selfish part of her wants to know if he's thought about her as much as she's thought about him.
It's stupid, really. She's a big girl and she's used to being alone, but she's been around Joel for a long time too. They've been partners for too long - she's begun to rely on him to be there, and she starts to hate herself for not getting over him in those months. Joel's a hard guy to get out of your head when he's settled into your space. She spent all of her days and nights with the man, for Christ's sake. Shared guns and ammo, shared food and drink, shared a goddamn bed too sometimes - she can't help but linger.
He glances at her briefly, one hand steering as the other drapes across the back of the passenger seat. His fingers are close enough to disturb the fine hairs on the back of her neck, and Tess shifts about in her seat; half irritated and the other half uncomfortable. "I'll tell you more 'bout it later," he assures her quietly. He clears his throat softly, darting a look back at the sleeping girl before decides the coast is clear enough to make small talk. "Meanwhile uh…how've you been?" He pulls his hand back, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly when Tess raises an eyebrow at him.
What the hell - he's forgotten how to talk to Tess, for crying out loud.
" I mean," he tries again "How've you been keepin' and everythin'? You got skinny. Skinnier than before." He gives her a sidelong glance, frowning out of the corner of his mouth at the way her collarbone stick out under her skin. "Can't be relyin' on me to remind you what and when to eat, Tess."
"Bite me," she grouses, and Joel chuffs.
"Can't - ain't got no meat on you." He's openly smirking now. Riling Tess up is a forgotten hobby he's starting to take pleasure in again. "Might as well be chewin' on a rawhide bone."
Tess slumps back into her seat, folding her arms almost petulantly as she scowls at him. "Don't remember you mouthin' off at me like this before." Her eyes move to the rearview mirror - staring intently at the backseat. "Guess she rubbed off on you along the way, huh."
The comfortable atmosphere is gone in a blink; Tess almost hates herself for the way the easy look on Joel's face sags away into the hard frown she's used to seeing. She wonders what she's missed. "There's somethin' you're not tellin' me, Joel." Her eyes narrow dangerously this time - she's back to being mean ol' Tess; the one that gives him orders and rags on him at every chance she gets.
She still hasn't forgiven him for not telling her about the time he'd stepped on a nail bomb and limped around with her for three hours after. She'd thought the bloody footprints came from something he'd stepped on.
Dressing his wounds that time had given her such sweet payback. Alcohol really gets at tender flesh.
Joel exhales through his nose, and when he looks away, it's guiltily. Of course Tess knows - she's like a goddamn bloodhound when it comes to him. Hell, one time she even knew when he was holding in a fart. "I'll tell you later," he mumbles, glancing sharply into the backseat and then holding Tess' gaze firmly. "We gotta pull over for a gas refill anyway."
Tess' lips thin and her eyes are suspicious still, but she thrusts her chin out at an approaching highway sign. "There's a station coming up."
It's an abandoned gas station off the highway; filled with abandoned cars and overgrown weed and little else. The gas is gone and the quik-e mart has been looted clean for about ten years, but Joel just needs someplace to pull over to fill up. They've got their own stash of gas, and he doesn't dawdle with re-filling the car. Abandoned or not, they're out in the open and they're vulnerable, and he doesn't like it.
Tess leans against the car, watching Joel work when Ellie's head pops up from the backseat window, just narrowly missing Tess with a headbutt. The girl yawns widely, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she peers drowsily out at the man and woman. As hard as she fights it, Tess can't help but smile.
She's forgotten how young the girl actually is.
"Where're we?" she garbles, but Joel's already waving her back to sleep.
"Just stoppin' to fill up, baby girl," he tells her quietly, grunting as he unhinges the gas socket. "Go back to sleep."
Tess ruffles the girl's hair, her eyes are uncharacteristically soft as she watches Ellie curl back into the backseat, wrapped around one of Joel's coats. Her eyes are open though, sleepy and most likely unfocused, but Ellie's eyes stare up at Tess through the darkness, and Tess gets a little uncomfortable.
"You heard the old man; get some shut eye," she murmurs quietly, and Ellie sighs as she sags into sleep. It's a distraction to watch the girl sleep for a little while - it gives her some time to get her shit together and to prepare herself for whatever Joel's about to tell her. From the corner of her eye she sees her gun sitting in the passenger's seat, and is a little disappointed that it's out of reach.
Joel for the most part, is glad she's unarmed when he tells her. They're standing around in the dark, hands in their pockets, scuffing their shoes awkwardly while they wait for the gas to fill up. With a breath, he decides to rip off the bandaid quick and easy. "We uh…we found the Fireflies down in Utah. Salt Lake City side."
Tess nods; that's her only reaction. She knows there's more, and he hates that about her at times like this. It doesn't make it any easier for him to get the words out. "They ah…they wanted to prep Ellie for surgery. Y'know - to get to the spores in her brain. They grow out from the brainstem and -."
Her short fuse gives out. "Joel. What'd you do?" she demands, unfolding her arms and taking a step towards the man. He frowns back at her as she glares at him expectantly, very glad that she has nothing on her to kill him with.
She has a mean right hook though, but he figures he can wrestle her to the ground if she tries it.
"…I couldn't let 'em do it. I just couldn't. I couldn't let her die."
Tess can't believe what she's hearing. "Are you fucking telling me you stopped them? For Christ's sake, Joel! That was the whole reason you got her out there!" That's the whole goddamn reason I almost fucking died for you!
"I didn't think they'd kill her for the cure!" he counters defensively, though he makes sure to keep his voice in a low gravel. "And keep your damn voice down before you wake her -!"
He sees the slap coming, but he doesn't stop it - maybe he thinks he deserves it. He doesn't really think that, but it gives Tess something to do other than yell at him. He stumbles against the car, snatching Tess' hand out of the air when she raises it again, most likely punch him this time. Pulling her to him, he pins her hands to her side, glaring down at her as she wriggles like a wildcat in his grasp.
"Quit writhin' around before you hurt yourself!" he snaps at her, and Tess' eyes blaze back at him as she snatches her hands out of his grip and shoves at his chest. Righteous indignation fills him, riles up in his chest as he watches her shake her head disbelievingly at him. "I wouldn't have done it if I'd know they were gonna kill 'er for it! I thought it was just - just a damn blood sample or somethin'!"
"God damn it, Joel!" There's a strain in her voice, a desperate flash of something in her eyes. His cheek burns where she's hit him, and he won't be surprised to find the mark of her fingers on his face later. "She could've been the one to stop this stupid fucking infection! They could've had a cure!"
"She could've been the one to change it all, Joel!"
Just as quickly as she'd gotten mad, the anger dissipates from her too; Tess is suddenly tired and in no mood to yell at him. What's the point? It's over, it's done with - there's no cure and there're no soldiers hunting them. There's no point to it. "Damn it, Joel." She sounds both pained and exasperated when she looks up at him, and he sees the gleam in her eyes of tears unshed as she heaves a heavy breath to calm herself.
She's not crying because she's sad - she's got tears in her eyes from keeping the anger at bay. It's a reaction to not being able to put a bullet through his head because he's Joel, and also because she doesn't have her gun with her.
He's almost tempted to reach out to her, to hold her and explain why, but when she looks back at him, there's the old Tess; fiery and fierce and unforgivingly sturdy. "Forget it," she tells him brusquely, and she's pulling the car door open before he can respond. "Just get in the goddamn car."
She doesn't speak to him until they're a little outside Indiana somewhere, and it's only to tell him she'll take the next shift to drive. They've stopped for a spell, to spend a couple of hours asleep and for a bathroom break that Ellie's been whining for after she finished the last of the power bar Tess gives her to gnaw on when she complains about hunger. He's surprised how well Ellie's taken to Tess; it's a lot better than how he took to the girl at first, actually.
He doesn't let himself linger about what kind of a mother Tess could be, or why the thought is even there in the first place as he moves over into the passenger's seat and let's Tess take his place in the driver's. He watches as she puts the car into drive, eyeing her dubiously. "You remember how to drive, don't you?" He asks mostly out of necessity; he wants something to say to her other than a one-syllable response, and he's also genuinely worried and curious about Tess' driving skills.
Tess shrugs, and the car rolls forward obediently. "S'like ridin' a bike, right? You don't forget."
Ellie pops up between them, watching Tess curiously. "You've ridden a bike before?" she marvels, as Tess shrugs her shoulders.
"Sure," she answers casually. "Used to ride one every day to school."
"I've never ridden a bike."
Joel scoffs at Ellie incredulously. "You know how to shoot a rifle and how to ride a damn horse, but you don't know how to ride a bike?"
The girl frowns self-consciously, shoving at the man's shoulder. "S'not like I've had any reason to know how," she tells him, and he realizes that he's talking to a girl that still can't whistle right or swim.
"Well, maybe if we happen on a bike along the way, I can teach you," Tess says absently, and if she notices the way Joel and Ellie are looking at her, she doesn't show it. "Where do I turn off?"