By the time I got to the school, I was nearly a mess. I was trying to stay where Ichigo couldn't see me. But that didn't end up working out so well. And he seemed to look even more frustrated when he saw that. And I noticed nobody was at the school yet. Apparently we were really really early. I went and sat by myself. When I looked up to see if Ichigo was still watching my face, I jumped when he was standing right in front of me. I turned my face away.
"Did you really want to know?" He asked.
I shrugged. "Why does it matter? Whatever I did to upset you I'm sorry." I sniffed and rubbed my eyes, feeling pretty stupid since I was still crying.
He suddenly laughed. "It's nothing you did. I was just—I don't know I was being stupid." He sighed. "I'm sorry I've been avoiding you I was just trying to sort m—stuff out."
I sniffed. "Why didn't you just tell me?"
I looked at him right them. He looked frustrated. "I just felt like I couldn't."
I sighed. "Right—because I was feeling horrible the entire time."
His expression changed and now he just looked worried. About what? Considering he was looking at me…no why would he be worried about me?
I turned my head away again. I felt his hand on my face, turning my head to make me look at him. I didn't want to look at him.
"I'm sorry." He said, looking more upset.
Suddenly he took a deep breath. "I know we haven't known each other that long—and we didn't exactly meet under good conditions—but I can't help…feeling…." I could tell he was struggling to form words.
"Let me just feel in the blanks then." This time it was me who kissed him.
And right in that moment I knew, I knew how I'd felt about him. I'd repressed it since I met him. I think I'd done it because we haven't known each other that long and I didn't want to ruin anything. But it wouldn't have mattered.
He kissed me back for a minute before pulling away. I couldn't tell what he was feeling because his face was completely blank. That made me feel bad. Maybe that wasn't what he meant? I wasn't sure but I noticed his hands were still on my face and I slowly stood up, not entirely sure if I was in command of the motion or not.
Then suddenly my emotions overwhelmed me and I burst into tears. He pulled me into his arms and I just cried until I felt like I had no tears left in my system. But I didn't move out of his arms.
"I'm sorry." I whispered.
"What are you apologizing for?" He moved me back so he could see my face.
"For being so mean and angry with everybody. I've just been like that a lot since…" I didn't finish because my face had faltered and I nearly started crying again.
He didn't say anything and just pulled me close once again. I'd never felt this secure in my life since I lost my family. So it was a little weird for me but I liked it. I actually felt safe. Nothing else could make me feel safe. Even being down in the training room where I wouldn't be attacked, I didn't feel safe. Even when I got the stupid watch for disguising my spiritual pressure, I still didn't feel safe. Just being where I was now, I felt safer than I ever have in the past couple weeks.
I heard the bell ring and I pulled out of Ichigo's arms, as much as I didn't want to. I started for class, my hands in my pockets. I knew he was right beside me, so I was feeling safe, but it felt better when I was in his arms.
When I sat down in my desk, I was feeling a little weird. I guess it was okay that he was across the room from me. I needed time to think exactly what was going on through. I had come to this school just to get through it and then move elsewhere for college. But that plan was already kind of dead since the Soul Reaper thing kind of prevents me from leaving. But I'd never come to find a relationship. This was probably the last thing I could've possibly expected to come my way. And with it suddenly hitting so soon, I hadn't thought it through. I didn't really know if this was a good idea, especially since I didn't know Ichigo all that well. But at this point, I didn't think it mattered. It probably wouldn't affect me too much, unless he's hiding something that could really just make me…I don't know….feel strange later on. Or make me mad.
I was beyond noticing that we were getting out for lunch until someone nudged my arm. I jumped violently and stood up, hitting my knee on the desk and I nearly fell over. As it was I did drop most of my stuff. I sighed and picked it up before looking to see who it was.
Ichigo raised an eyebrow at me. "Were you daydreaming or something during the class? It looked like you were out of it for math and English."
"Well I wasn't paying attention at all." I made sure I had all of my stuff in my bag.
He just smiled. "Ready for lunch?"
"Wait are we eating…?" I didn't want to say it.
"Yeah." He looked confused by my face. "What's wrong?"
I shook my head. "Not good around people I don't really know." My stomach was twisting unhappily.
He took my hand. "I'm sure you'll be fine." He lead me out of the room.
He took me to where he and his friends eat lunch and luckily for me, we were the first ones there. So I got into my lunch and started eating right off.
That's when I saw someone and I swallowed, suddenly nervous.
I definitely wasn't going to do well.