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Chapter 3

"I awoke to the familiar voice of a quarantine officer," Samus randomly stated. "Well, that's what I said when I was in the hospital. When I woke up. Thought it was interesting." Zero fucks were given. The Smash Cast was in a hospital, that just so happened to be a block away from Smash Corp. Bowser laid unconscious in his bed, as a random unamed doctor was tending to him.

"Please don't-a let him be-a okay-a..." Mario said nervously. He was reconstructed, yet again, by Doctor Mario, who was taking an unauthorized vacation to Disney World due to the lack of Bowser.

Bowser suddenly stirred in his sleep. " ALRIGHT, EVERYONE SIT THE FUCK DOWN!" he screamed.

"Hey guys! Bowser's awake! Alright!" Pit announced cheerfully.

"Youuuu..." Bowser started dramatically, extending the word "you" to add effect. "You're the reason I'm in this shit hole, you punk! How DARE you speak to me at all! You're face... It's gonna be missing eyeballs in three seconds! GAAAAH!" Bowser lunged forward, only to be disappointed. He was chained to his bed.

"Heh heh heh... That was my idea," Link said, miraculously out of his full body cast, laughing. "And that's not all... So according to the random unamed doctor next to you, you blacked out because your body doesn't have the capacity to deal with being nice. Or considerate. Or generous. Or caring. Or..."

"I'll rip out your intestines and tie it around your neck, jump rope with it, and hang you off of Smash Corp."

"Yeah. Right there. My point exactly. Sooooo... It was also my idea to put you through 'special' classes that would teach you how to be nice. That way, I'll be able to pay for my mortgage every month. No medical bills! So, yup. That's it."

"Now before I release flaming puke from my mouth at those words, why the hell are all of you fucks here?"

"Pit wanted to visit you," Samus said, "and he wanted all of us to go to, to see if you were okay. But honestly, we're all here to screw with you." Samus charged her arm canon.

"I made you a cake!" Pit suddenly added, handing him a cake. "And it's your favorite flavor! Mario blood! I...actually stole it from one of those jars of the stuff in your office, but I wanted to make it really special! But be careful: apparently, Mario has AIDS, but I didn't see anyone helping him..." Pit tilted his head slightly.

Bowser swallowed the cake whole, being deprived of Mario blood since he didn't have any in about 30 minutes. Pikachu jumped on his lap, and began to make Pikachu noises, much to Bowser's aggravation. Donkey Kong threw poop on the wall, and Kirby started saying "poyo", although nobody really understood he really didn't mean chicken.

"Aaaaargh! SHUT THE FUCK UP NOW! I have no fricken clue what the hell you three say ever!" Many machines Bowser was hooked up to started to beep violently. "When we get back to Smash Corp, Mario is making you three some kind of translation device so I don't run out of nuke bullets."

"Oh, and your first class is today. You screaming reminded me that. You aren't gonna be at work for a looooong time!" Link quickly ran out of the room, flailing him arms, singing Pit's victory song. "Again today I will go soaring through the sky! My enemies I'll...uh ..."

"Dish 'em up in a stir fry!" Pit continued fluttering his wings happily.

"FUCK YOU LINK. FUCK YOU AAAAAAALL! Oh, and Samus is in charge while I'm gone."

"And fuck you too, Bowser."

Back at Smash Corp, everyone was drinking and partying.
Mario was tripping over himself as he helped himself to his drink which was now on the floor. Pikachu and Pit were playing Brawl, with Pikachu losing horribly. Kirby was eating all the food, not discriminating the plates and cups. Donkey Kong was climbing up the walls, and swinging around on the lights.

"Whoa! Look at Samus! She's taking her clothes off !" Fox said as his jaw dropped.

"I just took my Power Suit off, you sex crazed ass."

Suddenly, the doors to Smash Corp opened, letting in blinding light. Everybody stopped what they were doing, staring at the figure in front of them, wide eyed. A long silence followed.

"Aww, crap, Pikachu! Ledge guarding is SO cheap!" Pit suddenly screamed. He started sulking in the corner of the room. This however, was a totally irrelevant event in the story that didn't affect anyone else at all.

"Hey guys! So, I'm here about the job?" a young boy said, holding a bug net for some reason.

"VILLAGER!" Pit glided over to him, giving him a hug, smiling warmly. "Guys, this is Villager. He's in the new Smash and is also one of my best friends ever!"

"Oh... Villager," Samus said, now in her Zero Suit. Villager started blushing madly. "I know you just got here but I have a special job for you... Oh and if you look at my boobs like that again, I'll cut off your dick and feed it to Kirby." Kirby held up a fork.

-1 hour later, in the basement of Smash Corp-

"Hi! I'm from the town, New Leaf! Samus told me that you needed learn how to be nice!"

"Fuck!"