A/N: I have a confession to make. Some readers may have noticed the ambiguity regarding the narrator's gender, and that would be because until yesterday I myself had not decided on the narrator's gender.

She is a girl.

She is a girl, and sorry for any confusion that this might have caused

6th of January

So much for my icy-cold demeanour. I went and tried to get Jaden out of there for all the good it did. Bastard. I thought he was stronger than that, but he can't just live with the knowledge that he'll never get his friend back. Will he stay and suicide there with the rest? I thought he'd be stronger than that, but right now, I don't know.

I slept alright the night Jaden left, Akihiko made it so that we slept the moment we pressed the command. But it felt weird with Jaden gone, almost like I'd gotten attached. It's ironic because at first I felt uncomfortable sleeping next to him. I didn't know if rape was possible but I really hesitated on the sleeping front. But now... It's hard to admit it, but maybe I did get a little attached. I don't know why I decided to go to starting city. I could probably rationalize the reason now, but maybe that was a situation that couldn't be rationalized. It's funny. Before I played SAO, I always thought everything had a reason, and everything could be explained with logic. But I guess that goes out the window with people. Why is everyone so complicated?

I went back down to starting city, and it looked bad. The first thing I noticed was a load of people from The Army pointing their spears at me. "Starting city is not welcome to outsiders." The leader said. "Leave now."

"I've come to find someone." I replied. I tried to be steady, but the word "friend" stumbled on my tongue and I must've sounded really hesitant. The guard said something else, but the general gist was GTFO. I swung my sword and used Sonic Leap to dash past a guard on the side. Idiots. I used two consecutive Sonic Dashes to run into the streets and lose them. I had just stopped and was thinking that getting on Jaden's friend list might not have been a bad idea when I was suddenly surrounded by a dozen of robed figures.

"State your name and purpose, disbeliever." They all had the basic weapons and a decent variety of them. Swords, spears, whips, knives, whatever.

I raised my arms. "I'm looking for someone." I didn't stumble over the word "friend", now I knew what was coming. "His name is Jaden. He uses knives, high dexterity..."

The robed figures looked at each other "How does a disbeliever know someone of such high faith?"

I frowned. Jaden definitely wasn't religious. Maybe he'd just pretended to be a lost converted lamb. If he did that, he might be smarter than he looked. I didn't say anything, that seemed to be the smartest decision. There was more murmuring and one of them stepped forward. "I shall bring you to Jaden, disbeliever, but we will need to hinder your sight so that none may trespass onto our holy ground."

Yeah, I had to put up with a lot of bullshit like that, but I didn't think they'd attack me. That would obviously be going against their religion of peace and the sanctity of life, and never mind that the ultimate goal of their faith was to kill themselves, since that would all be under the pretext of faith.. I obeyed and they led me through the town. We went down some steps and the hood was taken off. I was in a small room that was only lit by a couple of torches. Yeah, not cliche at all. I looked around and saw Jaden looking at me.

"Some privacy please?" I asked. One of them took a step forward but Jaden waved a hand at him. "Please leave us for some minutes." The guys looked at him, but they didn't say anything and cleared out the room.

"Since when did you learn how to speak fantasy style english?" I asked. He smiled. "Great to have you here." He said.

"So did you convince your friend?" I asked him, knowing what he'd say. As expected, he looked away, words weren't needed.

"So why are you still here?" I asked. Again, he looked away, and words weren't needed either.

"You can't save your friend." I said, glaring at him. "What do you want to do, tie him up and drag him out of here?"

He shrugged, but I got a response out of him. "He doesn't deserve to die like this, delusioned, and fighting for the wrong cause."

What an idiot. Did he not realize that the "right" cause was one of the most subjective things on the planet? And if he was this weak-minded, then he did deserve to face the consequences of his beliefs.

I told him this, and he drew his dagger and pointed it at me. Empty gesture. No one could kill one another in these safe zones. That brought another question up, how was Jaden's friend die if everyone was in the safe zone?

Dragging the whole story out of Jaden was frustrating and looking back I'm amazed that I didn't lose patience and walk out. The gist was, not only were the Pathfinders (that's what they called themselves) think that killing themselves would free them from this nightmare, they also thought that it was their own duty to free every other player who refused to be convinced. They'd blocked up the dungeon on the way up, and killed dozens of players who tried to go up, and the Army was about to go to the dungeon to fight against him. The ones who brought me here along with Jaden were "spies", although I took it to mean they were too scared to fight. Not much infiltration was needed, the Army would attack sometime soon, and since there was only one entrance, it was easy to keep watch.

I wonder if knocking people unconscious is possible in this game. If Akihiko could simulate all this, would he have factored that in? It would've made everything a lot simpler. Except that Jaden would've just ran back down if there was time, or sit around thinking it was his fault everything. He had to see for his own eyes that his friend would never come back. Not if he was deluded to that point.

And he did.

Moments like these really remind me why I shouldn't stick with people. And I didn't, until this son of a bitch came and screwed with me. Yeah, it sounds selfish and it is. I never denied that everything I did was to keep complications out of my life, and to get back to those who really were important to me. And I still don't know why he's here with me now.

The next day, we went to the caves and saw every religious bastard with half a pair of balls carrying a sword, and going on about how they'd liberate everyone on the 1st floor. But anyone with half a brain cell could see that these idiots were scared shitless. They'd occupied corners and set up barricades in the corridors of the dungeon, (not a bad strategy except for the fact that they were outnumbered and outclassed by the Army) but they'd crumble the moment the Army got into them. And I still had no idea how the hell I was going to get Jaden out of there. He'd have to see he'd never get his friend back, even when he was about to die. Unfortunately, if his friend was about to die, we would as well. Fuck. Why did I have to die for this guy. There was no way I was going to die for him. This wasn't a shounen or some movie, I wasn't going to have some master plan that'd save everyone. I was just some useless human who couldn't save anyone. And I won't lie to myself. I couldn't save anyone. It would be like World War One, when the British realized their prize calvary was useless. These Pathfinders would find that their "faith" was useless, and when they realized, they would crumble. They would not win, they were outnumbered 4 or 5 to 1. So I turned away and teleported back up to the inn.

And for the first time since I met Jaden, I cried.