16th of Febuary 2023
I hadn't thought to include the year in here. I just thought there was no way we'd be trapped in this game for so long. Nothing much's happened. And it's all the same. Kill monsters, sleep in inn, kill monsters, sleep in inn, repeat for a month.
Every day I wonder why Jaden is with me. We got offers from other guilds ages ago, and all of them were stronger than just me. They wanted Jaden's speed and my presence as one of the few females around. Idiots.
Sometimes I think he's doing it because he cares about me. Of course, then reality kicks in and I realize that there was no reason for Jaden to care for someone like me. I wonder if Jaden's presence has changed me or if it's just the onset of time. I really have become hardened to all this. At least I predicted that one correct. But I don't enjoy fighting. I've never lost track of my goal: to one day meet up with my parents and those who are precious to me. But the thought that I've become one of the monsters that I've feared from the start seeps in. I've seen quite a few players die. I could have stepped in and saved them but I didn't because I was scared that they might become like Jaden, or scared that I might be betrayed by them, stabbed in the back after giving them aid.
So I let them die.
And what does that make me? Have I turned into the monster I feared to. It would be hilariously ironic if I became a monster because of my fear of it. Yeah. Really fucking hilarious.
It hurts. The doubts, the anger, everything. Does Jaden help me through this? I'm not going to lie, it's possible. Maybe he's just this constant who'll never betray me. Right. No way I'm deluding myself like that. It's more, well, I don't know what it is, if he is helping me. He started talking a couple of days after the mass suicide incident coming up, and by the end of the week he was his old self, and we'd settled back into the chatterbox-silent guy routine.
I've changed. But I don't think it's for the worst. I'm not scared anymore, and I would be without Jaden. Lessening my fear's a double-edged sword though, and sometimes I don't know if being scared is good or bad. We're on the 15th floor now. Jaden hides it but I think he still holds a grudge against the Army. They're playing a pretty big part in the clearing of the floors, opening the way for the real clearers to come in and beat the boss. I find their arrogance a little off-putting, but I find everyone off-putting for some reason or another. I'm level 28, and Jaden's only one level before me. We grind quite a bit outside the dungeon so we don't get caught up in the initial rush of clearers and the Army. As a result, we're probably stronger than quite a few of the clearers, although they'd probably outstrip us in skill.
Jaden's just gone to get dinner. I said I'd join him but I don't feel like eating. All this writing's made me slightly depressed, and it's not that first time I haven't done something I said I would.
24th of March, 2023
We've just moved up to the 16th floor. Great. 84 more floors to go. The boss wasn't too hard, especially with all the clearers with us. I noticed that the players did this switching technique to catch the boss off balance. I never really bothered learning it because I always thought I'd be on my own. It looks pretty useful though.
The boss was a huge lizardman with lots of minions that came at us, slavering jaws and all. We didn't have spectacular roles, just killing lizardmen as they came at us. The Army helped as well, I guess. They helped clear out the way to the boss so we didn't get tired. We got to see some famous swordswoman, Asuna. At first I thought she was just famous because of her looks, but she was good. Her dexterity was almost as high as Jaden's, but she was fearless, and didn't waver once as she danced in and out of the lizardman's axe.
I've levelled up the sonic serial skills, I've been on the third stage, Sonic Gale, for a while. I've actually been using it more as a technique to run away and get breathing space, I have Dark Aura from my sword as an offensive skill. The only problem is that it takes a long time to prepare and I still screw up the movement to execute the sill beforehand, so I've also learnt the Vorpal Strike skill for moderate AOE damage.
Even though we didn't bag the huge exp the boss left, we got to around 80% on our levels from killing all the lizardmen. We read in the stories how the protagonist would always feel worry for their close friend, but I didn't see any of that. Not surprising of course, and I don't know why I had to mention it. But I wondered briefly what it'd be like to have someone worrying about you. Would it be implied that you'd worry about each other and collectively get distracted? I'm getting increasingly worried that I'm thinking about that kind of stuff, the stuff that implies needing someone else.
Oh well, the 16th floor's themed like a quaint continental Europe town, and it's pleasant to be in. We'll see what tomorrow brings and face it, although I'm willing to bet it'll be the same routine.
A/N: So, I included two diary entries into one chapter. That's because the story's going to go through a bit of a time lapse now until the next arc. The arc itself won't be too long though. The next few diary entries are sort of bridging the gap between the two arcs, and also illustrating a couple of the changes the protagonist's going through, so that's why they are a little shorter.
Enjoy!