Chapter Twenty

The day to leave for Denerim had finally arrived. Evelyn was at the dock, attending to last minute packing, double-checking her lists of items to make sure they had everything the party needed. She would be riding at the fore with the Grand Cleric and First Enchanter while Anders and Cullen would be sharing another cabin, along with two other Templars. Cullen thought it would be best that way. If anything at all went wrong, if Anders should somehow manage to escape, Cullen would have only himself to blame. Plus, with the Knight-Commander sharing a berth, Anders was less likely to attempt an escape at all. At least, that was the reasoning.

When they arrived at the ship, Evelyn was surprised to see how pale Anders had gotten. His arms were shackled in front of him and he was keeping his head down. Other than that, he looked pretty much the same as ever. His hair had gotten a bit longer, but he still wore it unkempt, pulled into a ponytail. When Cullen said he wanted to make sure everything was in order, he left two of the Templars watching over their prisoner.

Evelyn carefully walked up to Anders, carefully put her hand on his shoulder and asked, "I am sure that Cullen has told you where we are going and why you are coming with us?"

Anders looked up at her and nodded. He was squinting. His eyes were rimmed with red and very bloodshot. Evelyn was a bit alarmed at first, then realized - the sun was fairly bright today and he had just spent the last year in a cell living with nothing but candlelight. Regardless of how accommodating it may have been, there were no windows. Evelyn sighed then went to speak to one of the Templars. The young man pulled off his helmet and handed it to Evelyn. Evelyn nodded her thanks.

She returned to Anders and as she went to put the helmet on him, he immediately brought his hands up and grabbed them, "Evelyn, don't."

"You need to protect your eyes, at least until they acclimate themselves to bright light again," she shrugged, figuring that part of the reason he stopped her had to do with accepting any help from the Templars at all. "I'm sorry, but it's the best I could do..."

Anders shook his head, still holding her hands in his, "No. I don't even know where to begin with the number of things wrong with this." He sighed, then continued, "Firstly, I'm a prisoner, what happens to me doesn't matter." He gestured with his chin at one of the guards, "I'm sure they don't give a rat's ass what happens to me, so if you want to be seen as a capable leader with them, neither should you."

Evelyn had started to protest, but then he stopped her and continued, "Also, I'm not above admitting that it would damage my pride more than a little to be seen as needing any help from them, for anything." He smirked at her, "Look, it probably looks worse than it is, really. Besides, in a few hours I'll have my mana back. It's been a while, but I'm pretty sure I can still cast a decent healing spell, if it's even necessary." He smiled reassuringly at her.

Evelyn nodded, then went to the guard and handed him his helmet. She thanked him again. Then she went back over to Anders and before she could stop herself, put one hand on his cheek while gently stroking it with her thumb, her face full of sympathy. Anders smiled a little at that, then said, "I won't try to escape, and I won't be any problem to you. I give you my word. If it were anyone else, I probably would've tried to get away several times already, but I think it's the least I owe to you."

Evelyn's eyes filled with tears and she tried desperately to look into his for some clue as to his true intentions, finally, she sighed and said, "I wish with all my heart I could trust you again, but I can't. I won't allow myself to take that risk."

Evelyn quickly pulled her hand away, as if realizing for the first time how vastly inappropriate her actions were. She took a step back, then turned and started to make her way to the gangway, while wiping the tears from her eyes. Damnit! It had been over a year! Shouldn't she be over whatever this was by now? She was in love with Cullen, of that, she was absolutely sure. So, why was it that when she was near Anders, she was so quickly reduced to tears?

On the way, she was so distracted, she almost ran into the Knight-Commander, "Pardon me," she mumbled as she walked around him.

Cullen stared after her briefly. He stopped what he was doing and hurried to catch up to her. Once he did, he grabbed the top of her arm gently, "Evelyn, wait."

She stopped and turned. She shook her head, as if to clear it, and managing a smile, said "I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was you."

Cullen looked at her, concerned, "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

"You seem distracted. Are you sure?"

"Yes, quite."

He sighed and looked from where she had just come. Anders was sitting on the ground in the shade, his eyes closed and his head leaning up against a tree.

Cullen thought about that for a second. Then looked back at Evelyn, "Is there a conversation that we need to have?"

Evelyn's smiled faltered only slightly, "Certainly not right now."

He regarded her then asked, "Were you heading up to the ship?"

"I was. I thought I'd go ahead and settle in for our journey."

Cullen took her by her elbow, again gently, but more firmly, then leading her forward, said, "Good, then I'll accompany you." It was clear to Evelyn that she shouldn't refuse his offer.

They made their way to the front of the vessel, then she settled herself in. He made sure she was comfortable, then gave a brief nod to her, "Your Grace," and took off to finish securing their transport.

Evelyn sighed. She knew he was busy, but his curtness with her led her to believe he was simmering on something. Great! That should be a fun ride with he and Anders in the same berth. She briefly wondered if it would be better for her to be back there as well, if only to referee, or Maker forbid, defend herself.

Soon afterwards, Dunand and Rothia joined her and the ship set sail for Highever. The conversation was pleasant along the way. Occasionally, though, Evelyn found herself wondering how it was going at the aft of the ship.

Cullen and Anders sat across from each other, a templar on the side of each of them. Both men had their arms crossed and was looking out of their respective porthole, alone with their own thoughts. Sometimes, those thoughts drifted to the same person, but neither realized it.

It had been several hours since they had set sail and even more since Anders was let out of his cell. He held out his hand and concentrated. Really hard. As soon as the tiniest spark was visible, every Templar there felt the spell and turned their attention swiftly to him. Anders knew the concern he had caused. He smirked at Cullen and shrugged while closing his hand, releasing the spell, "Sorry, I was just curious, that's all."

Cullen regarded him then met the smirk with one of his own, "At ease, men. He's been in a cell for over a year. We can allow him that." Then, he sat back in his seat and relaxed, putting his head against the back wall and closed his eyes, arms folded across his chest. The other two Templars there looked at each other and settled back down. One whispered to the other, "Hey Roderick, why don't you give him your helmet too?" The second Templar tried to stifle a laugh. Anders winced, but not before Cullen had lifted his head and opened his eyes in time to catch it.

"What are you two going on about?"

The first templar cleared his throat, then said, "Nothing, sir. Just that the Viscountess had asked Roderick here for his helmet to let the prisoner borrow."

Cullen turned his attention to Anders, with a confused look on his face, "What?"

Anders rolled his eyes, "It was because my eyes were still adjusting to the daylight. Evelyn was concerned, that's all."

"Aye," the first guard acknowledged, "He didn't accept it, though."

Anders shrugged and flippantly said, "She should have known that I wouldn't," then looking directly at the Knight-Commander, "and that she's not in a position that allows her to show mercy...to anyone."

Cullen gave a brief nod in acknowledgement of what Anders hadn't said, "I see..."

The first templar spoke up again, "And another thing, you shouldn't be addressing the Viscountess like that, either."

Anders furrowed his brow and looked at Cullen, who shrugged and looked just as confused. The mage asked, "Like how?"

"By calling her casually by her first name like that. It should be Lady Evelyn, or Your Grace, but never by her first name alone. Didn't they teach you better than that at whatever circle you're from?"

Anders shook his head and smirked at Cullen. Cullen rolled his eyes.

The second guard chimed in, "I mean, even the Knight-Commander here never calls his lady by her first name, generally speaking. Not that I've ever heard, anyway, it's always 'Your Grace' or 'My Lady' with her."

Anders glanced at Cullen, who was now pinching the bridge of his nose and wincing. Before Cullen could say anything, Anders asked, "His lady? And who would that be?"

The two templars looked at each other surprised. It was such common knowledge in Kirkwall by now that they didn't realize anyone would not know, even if they had been locked up in a prison for over a year.

The first templar spoke up, "The Viscountess herself, sir."

The second templar nodded, then added, "They've been seeing each other since the coronation ball last winter."

Anders swallowed hard and looked at Cullen, who seemed quite guilty. "Have they, now...?"

"Anders, I..." but he was cut off by the mage.

"Save it. I knew I'd already lost her. And I seriously doubt there's anything you could say that I haven't already told myself a hundred times by now." He sighed, thinking, then added, "And I'm not entirely certain how I feel about it being to you."

Cullen looked slightly amused, "How do you mean?"

Anders thought about it a little, "Well, you've always struck me as someone who tried to do the right thing. You could have thrown me in the Gallows long ago, but didn't. I have a feeling it was because of more than just Evelyn's, " then glancing at the other two Templars, "excuse me, LADY Evelyn's, position."

Cullen rolled his eyes, more for the benefit of the two Templars than for Anders, he said, "You can call her Evelyn."

Anders chuckled, "Can I call you Cullen?"

Cullen smiled at that, "Why not? You do already anyway, let's make it official, too."

The first templar spoke up, "Can we call you Cullen as well, sir?"

Anders burst out laughing and the Knight-Commander gave the two guards an incredulous look, "Absolutely not!"

Shaking his head, he turned back to Anders, who was still quite amused, "You always helped people and never asked anything in return. I thought you were one of the good guys and it seemed a disservice to the refugees of Ferelden to have you arrested when you hadn't really done anything wrong."

Anders nodded, processing that information, "How are the refugees? My clinic?"

Cullen smiled, "The Viscountess has 'appropriated' your clinic. She is using it to store your belongings. As for the refugees, there are no more. She and Alistair worked out an agreement and all of them have made their way back to Ferelden. Darktown has fallen out of use...legitimately, anyway."

Anders sighed and smiled, "Good to hear it, then." He glanced out the porthole, then added, "As I was saying, I'm still not sure how I feel about it." He looked back to Cullen, "You're a good man, probably far better than I, and I'm sure Evelyn needs someone strong, such as yourself, to be there for her, especially with the weight of an entire kingdom on her shoulders," he paused briefly, then added, "but a Templar?" He winced.

Cullen laughed, "Well, we all have our faults, you know."

Anders smiled and nodded, "That we do."

The rest of the voyage was uneventful. Once they reached Highever, they paid for a couple of carriages and made their way to the castle in Denerim. They gave their proper respects to the King and Queen, then settled into their rooms. Evelyn and the Knight-Commander would be staying down one corridor, in separate rooms, while Dunand and Rothia would be staying down a second. Anders was in a room, instead of a cell, but was under constant guard. Evelyn and Cullen agreed that it would be alright to allow him to stay with everyone else, and after seeing his accommodations in the Gallows, could not sentence him to a "proper" dungeon, especially when he would be surrounded by so many nobles and royalty. He was a prisoner, but was still a guest as far as the King and Queen themselves were concerned, despite everything.

Evelyn had just finished unpacking when she heard a knock at the door, "Who is it?"

"Cullen"

Evelyn opened the door and let in the Knight-Commander. As soon as she closed it, he pulled her into his arms and pressed a kiss to her lips. When he pulled away, he smiled at her, "I love you. I've wanted to tell you that all day."

Evelyn looked at him, relief and a hint of confusion on her face, "I love you, too. That must've been some ride over."

Cullen smiled and shook his head, "Actually, I'd forgotten how charming our prisoner could be. Probably why he was able to escape so many times. It's disarming," then paused and added, "I can see why you fell for him and right now, I'm feeling lucky to have you." Then he said, somewhat hesitantly, "And he approves of our relationship, I think..."

Evelyn's eyes grew wide, "What?! How..."

Cullen shrugged, "It came up in conversation."

"And how did that just 'come up in conversation'?"

"My lieutenants, who I found out today, are stupidly young and haven't been in Kirkwall very long, are seriously lacking in discretion." Then he thought about it, "When I get back, I'm going to have to seriously rethink my approach to training."

"Well, if they've only been here for a little while, I doubt the problem is your training. All of your officers who have been here longer seem to be fine."

"They did too, until I put them in a confined area with a prisoner like Anders for hours on end," he sighed.

Evelyn chuckled, "I'm sure you'll figure it out, my love. So, was our relationship all you discussed?"

"No, actually, I also found out that you apparently tried to aid my prisoner, who declined your offer. He said it and I agree with him - you should have known better, Evelyn."

She sighed, "Are you upset?"

Cullen shook his head, "No, why would I be? You could have just told me yourself. If the weakness that you're criticized for is that you show mercy inappropriately, then there are worse things in the world, you know." He smiled at her and kissed her again.

She smiled, "Did he tell you what else he told me?"

"No, but we couldn't really talk. Enlighten me?"

"He said that he wouldn't try an escape attempt. He thinks it's the least he owes me."

"He regrets losing you. After our conversation, I've no doubt about that. He still cares for you, Evelyn." Cullen sighed and sat down on the bed, "I think it's why I'm so possessive of you when he's around. He's not a bad person, generally speaking, just made bad mistakes. I've noticed the effect he still has on you and it scares me that I may lose you to him."

She put her arms around his neck and looked into his eyes, "I've already had this conversation with Aveline. What he and I had is gone. He's not the same person to me, and I am certainly not the same person I was then. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust him again. And quite honestly, the more I allow myself to think about my future, the more I can't imagine it with anyone but you. I miss what he and I had, or more correctly, what he and I may have had. I don't know why he continues to affect me the way he does, but it's certainly not because I want him over you."

Cullen pulled her onto the bed next to him, "Thank you. I think I just needed to hear you say that." He smiled at her tenderly and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him more deeply. As they were already sitting on the bed, she wrapped her legs around his waist. It had been months since that day at the tower and they had held off while they were in Kirkwall, but right now, they both felt like they could use a bit of reassurance from the other. She started unbuckling the straps of his breastplate, but it was entirely different from anything to which she was accustomed, so she found herself mostly fumbling. He slid his hands up her thighs.

In between kisses, he managed to say, "Remind me to thank Bran for suggesting you wear dresses instead of that damned armor."

"Speaking of armor, I could use a bit of help with yours."

He smiled at her, then rolled over and stood up, deftly removing his armor, skirt, and padding underneath quickly, like he'd done it a million times before. As he slid back onto the bed, he slipped her dress over her head in one motion.

They continued their amorous exploits, until eventually falling asleep in each other's arms.