30th of May, 2023
I've changed. Well, I knew that from the moment I read Daniel's message. I don't know what I felt. It wasn't like the usual pain that I'd been feeling almost constantly for a while before he left, it was more... I'm not too sure what I felt. It wasn't good or bad, it was just there. I'm on the twenty-sixth floor, and I'm seeing all the clearers walking around happily, glad at the death of half the Army. It's so tempting to just think of them as uncaring bastards who just use the death of other humans as callously as I use a sword. But I'm trying not to, trying to reserve judgement and not immediately see them for what they could be. It's hard to do though, like trying to break a lifelong habit.
Maybe the thing with me is that I don't get to know the people, treating them like they don't exist. If I got to know them, maybe I wouldn't hate them as much. If I got to know them, then maybe I'd form sentimental attachments that would prevent me from hating them like that. Damn, I'm doing it again. If I look at it from that angle, I really don't know why I should, except that Daniel wants me to do it. He understood me, so maybe he understands what's best for me. When I think about it, doing things my way, being uncaring and unfeeling has hurt so much. I made myself like that to avoid being betrayed and harmed, but I was hurting the whole time.
Just how well did Daniel know me? I thought I was introspective, that I knew myself, but I was just blinded by fear. When Daniel said to find the beauty in people, did he mean to just know them, and if he did then that means he thinks there's an inherent beauty in everyone.
I've decided to just look at the different guilds, how they interact with each other, how they fight together, how they live together. It's not as bad as I'd feared. I guess after the the initial fear they've calmed down. I've observed quite a few guilds, and I can split them into a couple of groups. The first is the type that banded together before this whole thing. In other words, they were friends before the shit hit the fan. These groups are the most harmonious and tight-knit. They work well together, and have a really close bond. I'm pretty sure some of them have enjoyed a couple of nights together as well.
One of the groups that stood out the most from this category was one lead by a guy called Klein. I really couldn't believe how friendly he was. I was following them from behind, just watching them kill stuff in the meadows some kilometres outside the town for some quest they got from a random NPC when they saw me.
In retrospect it was pretty stupid of me to get caught. I should have walked away when I realized they were going into a place with no cover. I stayed because I was fascinated by how well they got on with each other, like an actual family. They had just finished killing off some Goblin Mages when one of them, I think he was called Dale, turned and saw me.
I thought they'd all chase me and threaten to kill me, but Klein just smiled "Are you having trouble? Do you need help levelling up, you don't have to hide, you know."
I was shocked, but as they stepped towards me I ran away. When I got back to town, I thought about that, and maybe I realized what kind of beauty Daniel was talking about, the kind that made people like Klein tender despite the circumstances.
The next group is the large guilds that group together for a specific purpose. Heathcliff's guild is one of those. They call themselves the Knights of the Blood Oath, or KoB for short. They're basically an alliance of guilds, and their main purpose is to clear floors. They're main goal is to make sure something like the 25th floor incident never happens again.
Another guild that falls into the same category is Laughing Coffin. Of course, I haven't observed them but there are loads of rumors concerning the leaders of that guild. I saw it coming, of course. With all the stress and emotions involved in this death game it was only natural that some people found killing as their outlet.
The last main group are the guilds that came together because of necessity, and these are the most unstable groups. I'd actually rather be with Laughing Coffin than these guilds, because they are plain unstable. I haven't seen it happen but it's realistic to say that a lot of them will just snap under the tension. Of course, that doesn't go for all groups, and I'm hoping I can find one that'll prove me wrong.