15th of June, 2023

Well, even after all this time I still end up surprised sometimes at the end of the day. I never would have thought that I'd go from observing a guild to actually joining one. It wasn't really on purpose, but at least now I know that unless I upgrade my tracking or observing skills, there's no way I'm going to be able to stalk anyone anytime soon.

Like Klein's guild, they picked up on me, and the words just kind of came out. They were in a forest and I was skipping from tree to tree, but Takuma, Tarako's brother, whirled around and saw me.

They thought I was a PKer sent after them, but I asked them if they needed a someone to help Masaki frontline monsters. Takuma didn't seem to believe it, but Masaki and Tarako didn't mind and after checking me over for any Laughing Coffin tattoos, they accepted me just like that. That probably wasn't the best decision they might have made, but it allowed me in so I'm not going to complain.

It turns out they had gotten a quest from one of the towns to look into the disappearance of the neighbouring towns. We visited the place where the first town was supposed to be, and there was just a patch of ground.

We always have to be wary of the water. It's fine to drink, but there's almost always an ice-breathing eel or a huge crab that's lurking in the water. The first time that happened they were really taken by surprise, and it was only because of Takuma and Tarako's quick reflexes that the offending crocodile was kept at bay.

I saw how good a team they were. The crocodilecharged straight at us, but Tarako and Takuma used their weapons to hold back the crocodile so Masaki could get there. After I'd gotten over the initial shock, I came from behind and with four on one, the poor thing really didn''t stand a chance.

Good thing I wasn't there, because my first instinct is to run away when something unexpected happens. I was pretty close to running away when I got caught by Tarako and the rest, but I'm glad I didn't.

They've accepted me from the start, without question, with only the slightest of suspicions.

19th of June, 2023

I never thought I'd be saying this, but I feel happy. I'm not sure what I felt with Daniel; if I thought I was happy, or thought that it was a decent price to pay for being alone, but I feel happy now. It's a weird feeling.

We completed the quest yesterday, turns out that the villages were disappearing because of an onslaught of eels that ate the villages. Not too creative on the producers' part, but a quest makes for a quest. We ended it by going directly to the eels' nest and killing them off. I'm pretty impressed with how we found it, another perk of being with other people. Takuma isn't the best fighter but he's really worked on his Observation skills and he could pick out the eel nest just by walking around the floor. He's also been able to sense any land-based monsters coming our way and it's saved us a few fights.

We got to the eel nest and it got a little hairy in there. It was mainly because we hadn't anticipated how many eels there would have been. I started spamming Dark Aura and Vorpal Strike like there was no tomorrow, switching out between Masaki as Tarako and Takuma kept the eels from surrounding us. We fought along the walls and eventually got to the eggs without losing anything except for two-thirds of our potion supply. We let Takuma destroy the eggs quickly with his scythe while the rest of us made sure eels didn't get at him.

Afterwards, the eels all started to leave, guess Akihiko wasn't that sadistic, and we all collapsed on the ground laughing. It felt good, even though we could have died. When we got out we realized that we had been in there for hours, not thinking of anything or anyone else and just fighting. I don't know if this is what I didn't want to become: reckless and unthinking of the consequences. I am still thinking, and I seem to be rational, but my viewpoint is seriously subjective and I hope I'm not delusional as well as reckless and irrational.

We all levelled up, and that whole quest sealed our relationship. We really felt like a group and it feels great.

27th of June, 2023

Takuma's smart. I don't really say that often about anyone, and I've never said that about anyone in the game, but Takuma's smart. It's hard to be smart under all this stress, but he seems to be able to pull it off. Intelligence needs objective thinking and honest reflection, and objectiveness, thinking, and honesty all seem to be missing in this world.

I wasn't sure how far Tarako and Masaki have taken their relationship, so yesterday I asked Takuma if they were married or not. I didn't think so, because Takuma just raised his eyebrows and asked "Jealous?"

I raised an eyebrow and just gave him a look of disgust, or the best that I could manage.

It must've been pretty pathetic, because he said "Yup, definitely jealous. They were the reason you were following us weren't they."

I really wasn't expecting that, didn't think that anyone was that smart and perceptive. "What gave it away?" I asked.

"The fact that you're always looking at them like you've never seen something like that before, and you want to know as much as you can about it." I stared at him so he just continued "That's a pretty typical response from someone like you, but you'll never really learn about love unless you experience it."

I snorted. "Yeah, that's not going to happen. And what do you mean 'people like you'?"

He smiled and lay back down on the grass, watching Masaki and Tarako in the distance. They weren't talking much, but just seemed happy by being there. "Well, I say people like you, but I guess people like me would've been more accurate."

This was turning out extremely weirdly. I normally didn't ask questions. Information was power and when you wanted information, people holding it would have power over you. Takuma seemed to read my mind, or at least work out that I was curious.

"Let me guess, you don't want to be hurt by anyone so you distance yourself away from everyone. You hate everyone including yourself and find people like Tarako and Masaki fascinating."

He looked at me for confirmation. I didn't say anything but he seemed to understand that my silence meant yes. "I was like that as well, and still would be if it wasn't for Tarako. You know I wanted to paralyze Masaki the first week he and Tarako were seeing each other, I thought he was just a random con. I saw shadows everywhere I went, and started finding faults in players that weren't there."

That actually did sound a lot like me. If he was trying to psychoanalyze me he was doing a damn good job. "What's the point to all this?" I asked him.

"Just that you aren't alone. And that's pretty important to know." And with that he walked away.

I yelled after him, asking him what he meant, but he just ignored me. A meeting with an angel? I don't know. But I've already met two people who seem to understand me. Maybe the idea of not loving isn't as foreign as I'd thought.

Later on, we went up into the dungeon and started fighting. He acted like he we hadn't talked, and actually acted even more like a joker than ever. Tarako seemed to find it hilarious though, and so did Masaki. It's possible he acted like that exactly because it kept Tarako happy. Did he know what he was talking about? I have a feeling that we'll be getting to the boss floor soon, and I don't know if I want to do that with someone who might just be screwing with me for the hell of it.