"Jean Luc?" I walk around the end of the couch to where he's sitting. I haven't seen this expression on my husband's face in a long time.
"Hi, Kitten," I whisper to the sleeping bundle as I kiss her soft head and settle as close as possibly, "Jean Luc, what is it? You're scaring me."
He takes a deep breath and sits back into the soft sofa, "they called."
"Jean Luc, who called?"
"It was completely out of the blue, Beverly. I was in my office this morning and I received an incoming comm. call. When I opened the link, it was Admiral Nakamura at Starfleet Headquarters."
Starfleet? It's been a year since we resigned our commissions. We have nothing to do with the establishment, other than the fact that Wes is still currently at the Academy. Suddenly an ache slays my stomach, "Jean Luc, they don't want…"
"Yes. Apparently, there's a situation with the Romulans and they need a skilled negotiator."
I stay quiet for a while. I know that Jean Luc is happy in this life, but he's been given the chance to go back and I don't know if I can ask him not to do it. I don't think it's fair of me to stand in his way if that's what he wants.
Like the perceptive and brilliant man that he is, he answers my question before I can ask it, "You know, Beverly, if I had been offered this opportunity a year and a half ago – I wouldn't have hesitated. But," He stops, looking down at the picturesque sleeping bundle lying across his arm.
"Jean Luc. Tell me." I whisper, moving close to him and letting my lips linger on the strong profile of his cheekbone. I feel him let out a deep sigh as he fixes his gaze on mine.
"I gave my whole life to Starfleet. I upheld its precepts and principles and I believed in it with everything in me. And Starfleet gave a lot back. I had a decent life. I never wanted for anything and I was given command of her flagship vessel along with plenty of praise and prestige."
"But?"
"But my world shifted, Beverly, when you said you loved me. My focus was no longer consumed by my work and everything that I had found satisfaction in before. Being married to you, loving you, being a father to our daughter, having my students and my work– it's more than I ever thought I deserved… Am I terribly selfish?"
I let out a breath that I hadn't known that I was holding. The feeling of relief is too much and it manifests itself in a sob.
"Jean Luc, you are by no means selfish. For a moment, I thought that you might have wanted to go back. I know that you're happy here with us, but I'm- I'm so-" and in a moment something dawns on me, "I'm confused."
He looks down, refitting his gaze on his little girl, "you're right. That's not the whole story. Remember Wes' incident a while back with Nova Squadron?"
"Of course," What could that have to do with it? That was absolved almost as soon as it started.
"He should have been expelled for it."
"What?" No.
"This afternoon when I declined the offer, Nakamura said that they had planned for me to say no, so they're leveraging Wes' graduation."
The blood leaves my face and I feel myself starting to shake, "what do you mean?" My voice is stern and angry. I don't want to wake Saoirse, but I can't help myself; I have a Howard temper that's beginning to rear its horned head. In a moment, I'm up and pacing.
"I think you know what I mean, Beverly. If I don't go back, they'll deny Wes his graduation."
"That's not fair!" I don't mean to, but I wake the sleeping baby. A loud cry rings through the room, only accentuating the dramatic and upset ambiance.
He stands and replaces the baby against his shoulder as he rocks her and kisses her reddened forehead. "I'm sorry." I walk over to him.
"Shhh, kitten. I'm sorry." I murmur. Jean Luc's arm snakes around my waist, holding us all close together. "Jean Luc, how can they make you choose like that?"
"I don't know, Beverly. Truthfully, I'm a good negotiator, but there are others. And I'm worried because the situation is very dangerous. Things with the Romulans are tenuous and I just don't know if I have it in me to take that kind of a risk – not when I have so much to lose. But, Beverly, I can't risk Wes' future for this."
"No. Jean Luc, Wesley would gladly leave Starfleet if it meant keeping you with us. He might leave anyway when he's finds out about this!"
He's obstinate. "I can't ask him to do that. He has his whole life ahead of him. He has such promise and talent and I don't want to rob him of the myriad of opportunities that are invariably in store for him."
My lips once again search him out, this time finding the deep dimple on his chin. The moment doesn't warrant it, but I can't help but smile as I see Saoirse nuzzle his shoulder as she looks over at me. "Jean Luc, this doesn't sound like Starfleet. Something else is underfoot. I know you're going to say no, but I'm going to insist that we talk to Wes. I'll call him and tell him to come home tomorrow evening after his classes and we're going to sit down and explain the situation. We owe him that. Then, we have to contact Owen Paris. This whole scheme sounds like it has Alynna Nechayev's name all over it. We'll get to the bottom of it."
I feel his shoulders drop in relief and acquiescence. "You're right."
"I love you Jean Luc. I love you and I can't lose you. After more than 25 years of loving you and longing for you, I'm finally happy and content and I can't lose that."
We'll solve this. We have to. I'm not losing my husband. Everything's going to be Okay. Right?