23rd of October, 2023
I'm nervous. More nervous than I've been for months. I keep on telling myself that history won't repeat itself; that just because I've gone up another 25 floors I won't have anyone leave me. Of course, I know that it's ridiculous to entertain the thought that Takuma, Tarako or Masaki might leave me, but I just keep on worrying.
Everyone else thinks I'm just nervous because the 50th floor boss would be extremely overpowered. Of course, there's that risk too. But I'm much more scared of getting left on my own than by dying. It's a significant change, but I'm not going to bother reading into it right now. The old me would have thought a lot about what charging into a place where he really might die and turn, but that's not who I am.
Almost a hundred clearers are gathering on the field. Algade's a nice town but no one really cares right now. All the smiths are overflowing with customers, but none of them are complaining. Everyone knows how screwed we all are. Even if we do kill off the boss, there's still a huge chance that one of us will die. There's this smith called Egil, constantly checking up on people's gear, making sure none of it will break during the fight. The whole town square's crowded with most of the clearers preparing, but it's not a good idea. Fear, like stupidity, is contagious and I could sense the fear from our inn.
We all knew it would come soon. We were already nervous clearing the 50th floor dungeon, and we did it more slower than any of the others. It was as if we thought we could put off the inevitable forever and never find the boss room.
We did, of course, and after that Heathcliff sent the notices, pulling in all KoB members and sending out cries for help to the other clearing guilds. You would have thought that Considering how DDA is always talking about how they're better than the KoB, they would have actually come. Of course, there are a couple of groups, but they're just token support, and I know who the first people to run when the shit hits the fan will be.
I just saw Asuna come with her regular entourage. Pretty stupid how KoB has to keep up appearances and give her guards; Asuna's her own best protector. I also saw some soloists and freelance clearers come in, looking about nervously. I don't trust them. I trust them more than the DDA, but there's no way I'm relying on these. They might crumble and run, and if one runs they all run. There are situations where I can overlook the inherent cowardice in people, but going into the 50th floor boss room isn't one of them. There was one that stood out. I never paid attention to gossip around the tower, but Tarako called him the Black Swordsman. He was a soloist, but he moved around confidently, even nodding and talking to Heathcliff. I just felt I could trust him. Maybe it was the fact that he didn't bluster or brag to cover up his anxiety. This guy was genuine, real, and by the way he moved around he also seemed competent.
The four of us aren't that bad either, and we've moved up a little in the ranks in KoB, even though I don't really care. Masaki can swing that axe of his and kill most monsters in two hits. Tarako can thrust her spear as fast as those players who use rapiers, and she's raised her dexterity so much almost half of her hits are critical. With Takuma's scythe he can basically clear a huge circle around him keeping any kind of enemy at bay all by himself.
We've gotten closer too. We don't argue that much, and Tarako and Masaki have accepted me as "over-protective". I objected to that, but Takuma looked at me pointedly, and I knew he was telling me that it wasn't worth the fight. I guess I'm learning tolerance; being able to put up with what I found disgusting a couple of months ago. Tarako still finds it difficult to think about people other then her and Masaki. Masaki's still not the sharpest sword in the inventory, but has a good heart. Takuma still acts like a total goof to hide his wisdom, yet he gives me these looks that tell me when I'm acting as I should or when I've gone too far. None of them have changed. I'm finding it hard to imagine what could make them change.
And then there's me, and I don't know what I am or what I've changed into. I'm not a monster; I'm not a coward; I'm not a hero; I'm not a romantic; I don't know what I am. There is something that I'm definitely not though. I'm not going to run. I'm not going to turn tail and run like last time. Fuck saving myself, fuck running, fuck everything that I've been doing up until now. I am not abandoning anyone, even if they abandon me. And Takuma, Tarako and Masaki had better not even think of dying. I want to get out of this alive more than I've ever wanted anything, even in my old life. I've never wanted something so badly before.