30th of October, 2023

It's almost halloween.

Whoop de doo. All the other clearers are out on this break. KoB said that all members who wanted to could take a couple weeks leave because of the 50th floor boss. It's probably going to just be an excuse to get drunk, but it's having that emotional bond to the outside world that gives everyone else a nice feeling. Its a nice touch. It's working on me as well. I'm getting all nostalgic thinking of the days when my brother and I dressed up in ridiculous costumes and went around the houses knocking for candy.

But there's another reason all the clearing guilds have come out from the frontlines, even though they won't admit it. It's kind of funny the way they actually are nostalgic even though they're using it as a front for something else.

Akihiko mentioned before this whole thing started that there would be special quests at each festival, so everyone's looking around on red alert. Of course, that doesn't mean we can't take advantage of the date and be all nostalgic.

I don't care about any of that stuff, though. There's only one reason I'm down here, and that's to kill each one of those bastards who left Takuma to die.

I asked Heathcliff if he noted down which guilds he had invited to the dungeon. He said that he had a list of some, but there were some guilds that just came randomly when they felt like it. I mentioned the Golden Companions, but he immediately clammed up. He knew what I wanted to do, and he wasn't going to help me go orange.

I didn't really know how to say goodbye to Tarako and Masaki. They wouldn't want me killing anyone for Takuma, and neither would Daniel or Takuma for that matter. I don't really care though. I'm not pretentious enough to say who anyone deserves to die, but the fact that someone as wise as Takuma died while cowards like them ran free pisses me off so much. Takuma shouldn't have died. He was the smartest, the wisest, the most generous. Why couldn't it have been anyone else?

I've spent the last few days asking around. The good thing about clearing being undertaken by a small group of people is that everyone knows everyone, and a lot of people knew the Golden Companions beforehand. I was surprised to find that people recognized me as well. We hadn't talked, but I was generally known as the quiet female swordsman in Tarako and Masaki's group. I hadn't realized how much attention Tarako and Masaki had gotten for being together. I guess its because of the rarity of having two people going out and on the frontlines at the same time. Some people thought the two of them were married, but I didn't contradict them.

Klein was one of the first I talked to. I met him outside the dungeon with the rest of his guild, and it wasn't a happy reunion. It was obvious from the moment I saw him that he'd lost someone as well.

"I heard Takuma died as well," he said. I was suspicious, and thought he knew what I was going to do to the Golden Companions, but he didn't go any further. Instead, he asked if I wanted to talk about it. I've never understood this obsession with people wanting to talk about their bad moments. Who'd want to relive them like that? I shook my head, and said goodbye to him.

I nodded and asked, "How many of yours died?"

"One. Edmund. He was our whip user. We all knew it would be dangerous, but still."

I knew what Klein wanted to say. Everyone knew the risks, but it never lessened the pain. I wanted to say more; how I admired his courage and selflessness, how I wanted to thank him for his help, but I couldn't without seeming suspicious.

I'm sad now thinking about it. That was the last time we'd be able to talk to each other one clearer to another. The next time we'd meet would probably be if he hunted me down as a PK'er. Instead, I just nodded again and took off without saying another word.

Talking to the other guilds, I got the same message. They knew of the Golden Companions, but didn't know where they were. The grief and sorrow throughout the clearing community was also the same. I already knew that I was being selfish, killing people for revenge, but seeing the grief of all the clearers drove home how small and insignificant the death of Takuma was. Just the fact that I was going to add to that death toll sure makes me look pathetic.

I'm prowling around the more populated parts, hoping to run into the Golden Companions. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Either way, I feel bad when I think about Tarako and Masaki. I don't think I was that good friends with them, but it probably hurts them to be on their own, just the two of them. And here I am adding to that pain.

They could use me just for my familiar presence. Instead, I'm just going to put my own desires before their needs. If I do find the Golden Companions and kill them, I'll never be able to see Tarako and Masaki again. And here I was, thinking I was actually good.

I'll find them, that's for sure; but, I'm not sure how much my resolve has weakened. We'll see when we meet.