I gasped in surprise and stumbled backwards. If I had known that I would have seriously lost my mind. My breathing was heavy, and I could feel my eyes fill up with tears. Ichigo was staring at me frowning, and he also looked confused, like he didn't understand why I was so upset. I kept stumbling backwards until I bumped into the other couch and fell backwards on it. My vision blurred and I couldn't see anything. I flipped over onto my side and buried my face into a pillow and started sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't help it; I couldn't stand the thought of having him be out for an entire month. And knowing it was my fault made it ten times worse.

"Saru?" He said gently.

I couldn't control myself enough to answer him; it just wasn't happening. I heard him grunt and a creak as he got off the couch. I sniffed and swallowed hard and took a few breathes and looked up, about to tell him to lie back down, when he pulled me into his arms and practically crushed me in them. I liked the feeling of his arms around me, but I couldn't hold back anymore and I lost it uncontrollably again. He just let me soak his shirt with my tears. I cried myself out after a few minutes or so, but Ichigo didn't drop his arms. I felt him shaking a little which worried me. He must have really been worried about me, or possibly losing his powers, or maybe even both. I wouldn't really know.

After a moment, I heard Renji clear his throat. "You know we aren't out of danger right? He's going to come back for revenge and for her."

"I know. We'll be ready." Ichigo growled at him.

"He's not one to sit there and wait, licking his wounds. Once he can, he will be back."

Ichigo released me and turned to face Renji. "I know! But until that time we'll train. We have to be ready for him."

"That's not enough time!" Renji looked absolutely frustrated. "She'll not be able to withstand him this next time, even with her hollow!"

I wanted to speak up, but I felt like I wouldn't be a contribution to the discussion so I kept my mouth shut. Ichigo seemed to be a in some sort of rage, and I could tell he wanted to punch Renji in the face. But Renji was totally right. We would never be completely ready before Ulquiorra comes and gets us. Or to be more precise, me. I was terrified of what could happen to Ichigo if he comes back after me again. I couldn't handle the thought of losing him because he was trying to protect me. But I knew that nothing I'd say or do would prevent him from getting involved. Oh how I wished I could keep him out of it.

Ichigo scowled at Renji. "We'll do what we can. You don't need to be so pessimistic."

"I'm just being realistic." He sighed tiredly. "I don't see how she'd survive another encounter. She barely survived the first one."

"We'll get through this. Somehow."

I then noticed he didn't directly disagree with Renji. What was he thinking would happen to me this next time? I was too afraid to ask, and too afraid to see what his reaction would be to such a question. I would have to wait until I could get him alone to ask. But would I ever even be able to ask? I wasn't so sure of myself.

Ichigo sighed. "I've got to get home. I think my dad would be wondering where I am right now."

Rukia only nodded, her eyes unfocused. Renji only sighed and sat down and I remained absolutely silent. Ichigo didn't say anything, but he did look at me, as if waiting for me to say something. I met his gaze but remained silent. I was afraid that if I said anything I would burst into tears again. I was tired of breaking so easily and I didn't want to do it again. I was absolutely exhausted. After a few seconds, he held his hand out to me. I slowly took it and he helped me up off the couch. He led me outside and we started walking towards his house in silence for a while.

"I was so scared you weren't going to wake up." I said, breaking the silence.

"I wasn't going to die. I wouldn't die so easily." He said quietly. "We just have to be more prepared. I was terrified you'd been completely gone when your hollow…" He trailed off, unable to finish.

We stopped walking so I could look up at him, wrapping my arms around him. He looked down at me and I could see the worry and fear in his eyes. I was sure I wore a similar expression. We both seemed to be thinking the same thing; if one of us lost the other, we wouldn't be able to get on with our lives. We'd barely be able to keep living. At least, that's how I felt. I wasn't sure about how Ichigo felt.

"We just need to both be prepared. He's going to come back." I whispered.

His arms went tight around me. "I'm worried what might happen if you go up against him again."

"I'm sure I'll be fine." I sighed. "I don't even know how much fighting I'd do. It's you I'm worried about."

He frowned. "I've fought him before."

"And you practically died!" My voice cracked. "I can't…if you were to…." I shook my head, tears streaming down my face.

"Hey." He whispered as I buried my face against his shoulder, crying now. He stroked the back of my head. "It's all going to be okay. I promise."

"You don't know that." I whispered, my voice hoarse. "You don't know what can happen the next time this happens."

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you." He whispered in my ear. "I promise you I will keep you safe."

"But what about you?" I asked, finally looking at him. "I don't want to worry about losing you."

"I know how to fight. Like I said, I don't die easily." He smiled, but it didn't touch his eyes and it faded as quickly as it came. "I promise I can protect you."

I realized that he didn't mention making sure he'd come back alive from that fight. I bit my lip and stared at him. "But what about you staying alive?"

He suddenly looked away. "I can't guarantee that. I can keep you alive I know that, but he's strong and I could get…overwhelmed."

"I can't stand the thought of losing you! I'd rather us both not even fight if it meant you could stay alive!" I pulled away from him, meeting his eyes, tears pouring down my face, my voice hoarse and cracking. "I can't lose you! Life wouldn't be worth living if you died protecting me."

"I want so much to tell you that I can come out of it alive. But I can't guarantee it and you don't know how badly I wish I could." I could see tears forming in his eyes and his voice was getting hoarse. "I'm not going to lie to you and say I'll come out of it alive. I barely survived this last encounter. I don't honestly know if I can survive a third. And I'm going to do whatever it takes to keep you alive." He takes a deep breath. "I love you Saru, and I don't want you to die because of some stupid mistake I make."

I stared at him, breathing hard. He said those words. Amongst all the angst and pain, he finally said it. I started shaking. "I love you too, Ichigo. And I can't live without you." I broke down right then and there.

He wound his arms around me and I cried into his chest. I stood there and cried for the longest time, then when I was relatively calmer, we started walking again, and both of us had an arm around each other's waists. We had returned to walking in complete silence. I had nothing to say to him that I could say without crying. And I was still shaking as we walked. It took a few extra minutes to get to his house than it should have because of that emotional scene we had. Once we got inside, his dad was sitting on the couch and he looked confused by our upset faces but Ichigo just shook his head and we went up to his room.

Ichigo had let go of me to go upstairs and he let me in the room first, then shut the door behind himself. I sat myself on the edge of his bed and he sat down next to me and we held each other in silence for a while. I wanted to treasure this moment, knowing that after the next Ulquiorra fight, there is a good chance I will be alone. And I hate that thought, but it's true. He wouldn't mean to leave me alone, but he could die protecting me from getting captured. I didn't know what I would do if I lost him like that though. I just couldn't see how I could live on without him. Even if we haven't been together that long, I felt like if I lost him, I'd lose my heart.

I sagged against Ichigo, tiredly. "Is it even late enough to go to bed yet?"

"I don't know, nor do I care. I'm tired." Ichigo yawned.

We laid down on his bed, me using his arm as a pillow and he had his other arm wrapped around me. I wrapped both of mine around him. We stared into each other's eyes silently, as if unwilling to go to sleep, despite being exhausted. I felt safe and warm just being here with him, and the idea that I could lose him, possibly soon, slipped to the back of my mind. I was happy that I didn't have to think about it now.

He kissed my forehead, slowly, gently, and I closed my eyes. It felt amazing. I felt a warm feeling spread throughout my entire body. Then he readjusted so he could just go back to gazing at me. He put one of his hands on my face.

"You're amazing, you know that right?"

A smile spread across my face. "I really like to hear that."

He smiled and then we kissed. It wasn't long, but it felt nice, especially since the emotional ordeal. That was draining, but I could stay up all night with him, just laying here with him because I can't get enough of being around him. In fact, not being around him sounds painful.

He smiled at me again, his eyelids drooping tiredly, and then he yawned and draped his one arm back over me and fell asleep. I smiled. He was pretty dang cute when asleep. I did eventually fall asleep as well though.