"Bonjour!" I'm back again. Three chapters in just two weeks! I'm feeling rather proud now. How do you all like these updates so far? If you honestly can't think of anything to say, that's fine (though you can give me a summative review once this story is complete). You don't have to have brilliant grammar, but reviews can really give one motivation, and I know a lot of you are reading this. I can see you... I can't, but it comes up in my story stats.
Though I will thank Invader Johnny for his kind reviews. Thank you, Invader Johnny, for your kind reviews, which are so kind and... reviewy.
But thank you all for your time. You all look so beautiful in my stats.
Yeah, this is the lamest title for a chapter ever. I couldn't think of one, due to the fact there's not a common theme throughout. I remember back in school, my friend had a badge saying "Life's a bowl of cherries". She was obsessed with cherries. But I always liked the saying. So it inspired this chapter's name, because I think it really conveys life in all its wonders... Well, you will see once you've read it.
Uh-hum, a more colourful version of the word poo may come up. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I did not create Invader Zim or Johnny the Homicidal Maniac (yeah, guess who's back), because I'm not twisted of the mind. Maybe a bit, but in a cute kind of way. You know I dream about Care Bears and Teletubbies? Psychotic Teletubbies! Mwhahaha! "Cough!"
...
Now Zim had seen to all the ghosts in his life, and now he felt truly empty inside. His purpose had been wiped away from under his feet. Suppose there were more ghosts around. If there were billions of humans on this planet, then how many ghosts could there be? He shivered over the possibility.
Zim couldn't bring himself to go back home. Skoodge was probably still trembling in the basement, and he really didn't want to deal with him right now.
He had no idea where GIR was, and Minimoose just upped out and left. And then there was the computer... Whatever he was doing inside that little world of his, Zim didn't want to know. It seemed the creatures from his very imagination turned to life (be afraid... be very afraid).
So he decided to take a walk through the city, watching the civilians pass him by. Maybe he would come across more ghosts and another murder victim?! Why did that thought delight him?
Many of the vehicles on the road were of the typical, modern variety, but he was sure he saw a sixties Volkswagen Beetle pass him by. Strange. Suppose people just like classical cars. But then a horse-drawn carriage passed by, and he definitely knew the humans didn't live off horse power anymore. No one is that old-fashioned.
The carriage pulled up beside him, and then an elegant lady emerged from the doors. Her dress was extravagant. The back was enlarged, giving off the impression that she had a big bottom, and the fabric ruffled downwards, creating a train. This was achieved by the bustle she wore, but Zim obviously couldn't see it under all that layer of fabric. And she wore a lot too. Even her arms and neck were covered up. It was such a contrast to the clothes Belle wore.
Did humans still even wear bustles? They weren't very practical, considering how the lady struggled to get out the door of the carriage, but she managed with ease, staying as poised and graceful as ever.
She wore a large, brimmed hat, ornately designed with flowers and ribbons, and stuffed birds. Strange again. Her brimmed hat shielded her pale complexion from the sun. Why, didn't modern-day ladies like sun on their skin to be tan?
There she stood, like an otherworldly being in this modern 2050s city, contemplating Zim as if he were a bug. She was quite the snob, and the way she looked down on him made him angry.
She turned her nose up then, and walked into the building opposite — a simple café. She was a beauty, Zim had to admit, like a human princess from a fairy story. Considering she weren't wearing makeup either, it was quite impressive. Most woman caked their faces in the stuff that they looked like clowns.
Zim tried to forget about her, as he passed the café window, noticing she was gone. Everyone in there was modern. Well, to a certain degree; one guy had a Beatles' hair-cut, but maybe he just thought it looked cool. It didn't.
He looked back at the carriage. It disappeared too, but then he heard the sound of distant horse shoes clopping against cobble-stone. The roads here were made from tarmac.
He trembled, realising he just met an out-dated ghost. One two-hundred-years old, no doubt. Well, Zim was still much older than her.
He moved on, noticing how everyone contrasted in the city. Some men were wearing old-fashioned military uniforms, and one girl walked past with a sixties beehive, and then a guy with an eighties mullet. What a strange planet indeed (those mullets were so tacky).
Then a really short guy, not much taller than him, passed by in chainmail. He had a longsword too, and wore a helm. Now where did he come from? Humans haven't worn mail since the middle ages.
Zim was feeling nauseated, finding it hard to tell the ghosts apart from the living. It was like being stuck in an eternal fancy dress party, and the theme was 'eras'. It didn't even look like the cyberpunk world of the 2050s he had come to know anymore.
Next, he stopped by a troubled girl at a road crossing. She was crying like she lost her puppy. On her feet were a pair of rubber-soled shoes, and she wore a pink hoodie. In her hand she held an old-fashioned smartphone with a cracked screen.
"I can't believe this," she cried, "it cost hundreds of monies! My mom and dad are gonna kill me! I can't go to skool with this. My friends'll laugh at me!"
"I'm sure no one will really notice something so trivial," Zim said.
"I mean, what kind of person in '2013' doesn't own a decent smartphone?!"
Zim looked at her then. "But it's '2052'."
She stared at him, dumbfounded "... What?"
Zim moved his gaze once he saw that bloody head wound on the side of her face. She mustn't have seen the car coming; all she cared about was saving her phone... Stupid teenage human of the early 21st century.
"Where's your smartphone?" she asked, genuinely curious (who doesn't own one in 2013?)
Finally, the crossing turned green. Zim ran for the hills.
Well, there's a ghost he could help, but the cause of her death was down to her own stupidity.
She created her own personal hell, materialism, and now she will suffer an eternity of it. There was not more he could do.
Too many ghosts for his liking, he was hardly surprised to find himself hugging a stranger when he realised he was alive, coming out of a 24hr convenience store.
"Thank goodness!" the Irken cried. "Someone with flesh!"
Zim looked up at the stranger, smiling adorably, but the guy stared him daggers. He was wearing a long trench coat, and he had bright red hair and glasses. In his hand was a cherry-ice sucky.
There was something familiar about him, and when Zim let go of his coat, the man was still scowling.
Zim was sure he shot laser beams out of his eyes next, singing his wig, and before he could look again, the man had gone soaring into the sky.
Creepy, he was definitely no ghost, but he was no ordinary mortal either.
Bored and hopeless now, Zim walked a few more blocks and sat on a bench, watching the city folk go by like vermin.
On another bench across the street, he saw a homeless man talking to a green dog. What kind of Earth dog was green? Wait, it was just GIR.
Zim rushed across the street, but then he ducked behind a tree when he realised it was GIR's old hobo friend — the one who used to come round before they had that fall out.
"Don't cry, Heathcliff. I know, I know, you're sorry. We can eats all the waffles we like now, since mastah got rid of ol' Nick fishy!"
"It's just that I missed you, little buddy. We were an unstoppable team, remember?"
The hobo, Heathcliff, showed GIR some photos of them inside a booth, posing ridiculously. In another, they dressed as clowns.
"Yes, those were gewd times, my stinky friend. Gewd times..." GIR patted his hand.
Heathcliff bawled loudly, and held onto GIR.
So that's where GIR disappeared to, patching things up with old friends? Zim hoped he didn't start inviting him back to the base again. There were still hairs in that old tub he used...
Then where was Minimoose? As if on cue, he saw a flash of purple, and turned around to see the moose, helping pedestrians across the road. A little girl hugged him once he got an old lady safely to the other side, and then he helped her across too. His happy squeaks could be heard all over the street.
He was glad to see that both his robots moved on. GIR reunited with an old friend, and Minimoose was making more, while becoming a good member of society. No one seemed to question the origins of a small, floating moose, but everyone was happy.
They were all moving on at last, and here Zim was still dwelling in the past. It was so unfair. He hadn't spoken to Dib or Gaz since Molly left, but he guessed they moved on too. Of course they had. But Zim couldn't. He needed to see the little girl again for one more time. Their goodbye was too rushed.
He directed his gaze to the other side of the street, gasping in surprise once he saw that hooded figure floating through the crowd.
He may never have realised that he started moving his feet, especially once he ran across the road—nearly ending up like the head wound girl with the cracked phone— to go looking for the spooky apparition.
It has to be him. Who was he condemning now?
Zim finally made it to the other side, searching through the crowd. It was hard to tell who was living and who was dead, but he didn't care about that now, even when he walked through a man dressed like a Greaser from the 50s.
It soon became apparent that the cloaked being was gone. Zim missed his chance. He had a bone to pick with that skeleton man, since he didn't like the way he dragged Molly into the light before he could rescue her. Zim knew she didn't need rescuing, but he just couldn't find that fiend trustworthy, whatever and whoever he was.
He was about to give up and head home, until a shadow passed the corner of his eye. And then he saw it, a thick trail of a black, misty substance, disappearing behind a wall of a corner street.
The Irken ran straight for it, and there he was, the same hooded figure, standing behind a grubby man. The man in question looked like a typical basement dweller, as if being out in public really troubled him. The sun burnt his skin a little. Ouch.
Next, the guy's phone rang; it was his Mommy telling him his supper will be ready soon.
"Okay, mom! Wait, you know I don't like baked beans! They make me fart uncontrollably. Oh, all right. I know they're good for my metabolism... Fine, put them on the plate!"
He hung up. "What a bitch…" he said about his own mother.
A teenage girl walked past on her phone, texting her friends with rapid fingers. The guy watched her with an evil smirk. A target...
He got his phone out, and pulled up a page from a social media site, and there was the same girl's profile (no duckfaces here).
Next, he typed a comment onto her page. The girl stopped a few yards away. A tear dripped from her eye, as she wondered why this nasty bully was picking on her, calling her fat, ugly and whatnot. Especially since she was far from ugly, but being sixteen, she was of an impressionable mind.
The guy giggled. He couldn't believe one of his victims walked right past him, and to see her reaction was priceless. Yes, taking comfort in the misery of others makes one feel less bad about themselves, especially when that one was a twenty-five-year-old dude, who never held a job or girlfriend.
If only the girl had known that her cyber bully was behind her, she would probably go over and put him in his place, but he was anonymous, of course, behind that phone of his.
He was taking a bit of a risk out in broad daylight. Usually, he did his evil schemes at home in his mother's basement, with the labtop pulled up to his knees.
The teenager turned around and looked at him. He whistled nonchalantly.
He appeared harmless in her eyes, like someone she would pity at skool, then went on her way.
The cloaked figure raised his scythe at last. Zim took his chance...
Just as the scythe was about to come down on the guy's neck, making a strawberry sauce fountain out of him, a high-pitched, alien voice interrupted.
"Hey!" Zim shouted.
With the tip of the scythe just raised above the troll's neck, the figure turned its hooded head, and glared with those hot, gleaming eyes.
"I have something to say to you!"
The figure's glowing eyes shone even brighter at the request, and then he lowered the scythe.
"You took Molly, and I want to know exactly where! Do you know what I've been going through since you ripped her away from this world? From me?"
The sound of a poisonous breath escaped from below the cowl. "Hold on to that thought..."
Next, the figure seized the air behind the troll's back, and he collapsed to the floor, screaming.
The street was deserted, so there was no one to come to his aid. Something cold had gripped his heart.
"Help me! Somebody help! Please!"
Zim backed up against the wall, watching in horror while the sadistic freak squeezed the heart of the troll.
"Shut up!" the freak yelled. "I'm giving you the best gift of all: a final awareness of your miserable existence...
"Who... who are you? Why are you doing this? Please, stop!"
... So sit back and savor the smell of that shit leaking out of your rotting corpse, and I don't mean that literally, you disgusting..."
It withdrew its hold on the guy's heart, and placed a steel-toed boot onto his throat, cutting off his airflow.
"Rwahahahaha!" the maniac laughed.
Zim smelled the human excrement then. He covered his mouth, trying to hold back the vomit.
"Hehehehehehaheha—!"
"Stop it!" Zim shouted next, surprising himself. It almost sounded like someone else's voice.
The maniac stopped; his insane laughter had died down now to a few chuckles. He contemplated Zim then, as if he were a brainless idiot.
"Why? Do you not know of the corruption this man-child is capable of? The things he has done? Such a pity, being the victim himself, while choosing to victimize others for his own amusement."
"Yeah, but come on, look at him. He couldn't harm a fly!" Zim said.
"Exactly. He's a coward, hiding behind that keyboard while he relishes in the misery of others. The world would be much more pleasant without his kind stinkin' it up."
Zim watched him strangely at that, then gave a shrug. "Eh, fine, go ahead," he said, waving a hand.
"Yes, very good of you to cooperate. Now shut up and let me finish!"
He looked down at his victim. "So, you like to troll, do you? You shouldn't have come out from under that bridge. They'll be no more goats for you to torment now..."
He glanced up at Zim next. "You know, like the children's tale about the goats? The ones that cross the bridge to get to the greener grass?"
Zim nodded along, though he was really just humouring him. Trolls? Bridges? Goats? Greener grass? Such nonsense.
"Please, have mercy," the troll cried, staring up at that glinting weapon.
The faceless man regarded him pitifully then. "No, not until you truly see all of the disgusting things you've done. I'd choose your last words most wisely."
Now the guy's features turned into that of a real troll, growing hair all over with blotched, green skin.
"Please! I can change! I'll find a job, get a shave, leave my mom's house, and finally find a girl! I know targeting victims is no way to make up for the disappointments in my life. But I can turn it all around!"
A humourless laugh escaped from under that dark cowl. "That's all very heart-warming, cheery stuff, but, unfortunately, I still have to reap your soul. Say cheese!"
The reaper raised his scythe and brought it down on the man's skull, but something strange happened next. A strong force was preventing the blade from hitting flesh, and then a bluebird, of all things, perched on its sharp edge. The bird chirped brightly, turning its head this way and that.
The hooded fiend let out an irritated growl.
"Oh, f**k. Not this again..."
It was the third time this week now.
He glared up at a that young woman with the long, sandy hair speckled in daisies. She was protecting the man with a force field that resembled sunshine; that was what stopped the blade. Two more birds floated above her left and right shoulders. She looked like some type of woodland nymph, especially in that green, wispy dress.
She greeted the reaper with a proud, smug smile, letting him know that he was her subject now and not his anymore. She was taking a lot of his victims lately, and he had the notion she was doing it on purpose.
A silly thought of, "I wonder if you can kill destiny," echoed through the reaper's mind.
He removed his boot off the man's throat, and then said in a voice like dripping venom, "Well, it looks like destiny has finally favored you, grubby little man, granting you a second chance. But it's okay; I can take comfort in that fact. You're not worth the devotion of my dark energy. You won't receive the pleasure of my special attention now. So, I suggest you get up and take a long walk through the woods, do a wrong turn, and then find a new calling. Destiny won't be able to protect you forever..."
The former troll looked up at him stupidly. "A new calling? You mean like a priest or something?"
"I can't tell you; that's her job. But for the sake of all religion: no. The calling of a priest is not the right path for you."
"Oh, okay. How about a doctor then?"
One of those white, glowing eyes twitched. "I'm going to leave on that query. Your presence is beginning to nauseate me."
He looked over to the girl next. "He's all yours now, you tree-hugging, vegetarian freak!"
"You're welcome, and I'm vegan by the way, but it's all right. I know you mean well," she trilled in her soft baby voice that would melt anyone's heart, but it only made the reaper sick.
He floated away next, since his cloak gave off that impression, swirling at the bottom like a black mist.
Zim was frozen against the wall; he was shocked by all the events he just witnessed. Who were these strange people? How could he see either of them? They weren't human, or ghosts even.
"So, what were you about to say?" the reaper asked him next.
Zim looked up, dazed. "Uh..." he croaked.
"I'm on a tight schedule. Do make it quick."
"Oh, yes. Very well—"
"You can tell me as we walk. I need to be on the move for my next victim, and away from her. I'm sure she's been following me. "
He looked back at his old victim. Destiny was lifting him off the ground. Such wonderful plans she had for him, and not one of them involved death.
Zim glared. "If you wish. First, I need to ask you about Molly. Is she okay? Did she get there safe?"
"You have to be more specific. Who is this Molly you speak of?"
"You know very well who I'm talking about!"
"No, please clarify."
"She's the little girl you gleaned yesterday. Probably the first and only one!"
"Oh, you mean Molly. Why didn't you just say so?"
"I said her name! Pay attention!"
The reaper stopped. "You know it's not wise to anger death, little insect. Well, unless you don't like having your limbs attached to your body, that is."
"Death?" Zim asked.
"What do you think this scythe is for? Diverting traffic?" He spun the staff of his weapon, allowing the sun to deflect off its shiny surface.
"I suppose not, but I'm not afraid of death. I've escaped you many times before."
"Well that must have been a different death. No one escapes me, not even destiny. I'll get her in time."
"Listen... Death?"
"It's Johnny..."
"Johnny? That's a human name. Are you human?"
"It's no concern of yours what I am. Besides, I thought you were enquiring about that little girl's soul?"
"Yes, you're right there. I swear if you hurt her on the other side, then I'll use that scythe—"
"Oh, how it appalls me that you think me so low and purposeless. I don't take pleasure in the pain of the guiltless, only the corrupt. Though I may make a few exceptions, but never for her..."
"Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Johnny, for my rashness."
"You should be, and I'll let you off about threatening me with my scythe, considering we share a common ground."
"And what would that 'common ground' be? You and I have nothing in common!"
"That little girl..."
"Oh... Why, do you like her now or something?"
"No, but I appreciate the fact that she makes me feel less callous towards humanity."
"So, you do like her? It's okay, I used to be like you — in denial. But you can't hide your feelings forever."
"I don't have feelings. I'm neutral."
"It doesn't matter what your pH balance is, that little girl's left a gooey mark on your heart, like a slug! A slug!"
"My heart is rotting in a crypt in some netherworld, but that's beside the point. And slug? Wiser words have never been spoken..."
"So would you let her come and visit?"
"No, not for you, anyhow, but I did promise her."
"Really? She asked about me?"
The reaper looked at him unimpressed. "Yes, surprisingly. If I ever got the chance to rid you from my life, I'd take it instantly. Though I must thank you..."
"And why's that, exactly?" Zim snarled.
"I've always wondered if there were better people out there," he gestured towards the sky. "I even had a landing pod on my roof, but they always went to my neighbor Squee's instead. When you live in a world where ugly people are all you'll ever know, you get wistful. But since meeting you, you've changed my whole outlook. I guess aliens are just as stupid as humans. So there's one unanswered question I can finally cross off my list."
Zim made a 'pfft' sound next. "Yeah, well, you're not exactly getting any fanmail from me anytime soon, Death, Johnny, or whatever your name is!"
"It's death to you now. Johnny's too intimate."
"So when will Molly be coming?"
"Soon..."
"I need more specifics. When will she be coming?!"
The reaper's glowing, white eyes twitched. "I'll give you ten seconds to leave my sight, or you'll be joining Molly soon enough..."
"Is that a threat?"
"LEAVE MY SIDE!" He turned into a billowing cloud of black smoke next (that cloak has some pretty neat effects).
Zim stood his ground a few moments longer, then turned away on his heels. "I'm leaving because I want to, not because you tell me to, sir. Good day, and I'll be expecting a call from you to tell me when Molly's arriving."
Nny stayed put on the sidewalk, watching the alien walk away. Such an Irksome creature; he wanted to tear his flesh off.
He finally left to condemn the next victim, hopefully one he could kill. People's fates often changed, so he'd be delighted to take one to their doom today.
He was in luck, because a guy who ran over some cute ducklings the other day just happened to walk on by. On his shirt were the words "Doom to all Ducks!"
Now that act is beyond redemption; everyone likes them ducklings.
...
Zim waited for days, but there was still no sign of Johnny/death or Molly. Making a deal with death was unsettling, but he had to see her again; the girl even asked to see him.
Was it safe for Molly to come back to Earth? Now that she was happy, what good would come of bringing her back into this colourless world? It just wasn't right; he couldn't do that to her. He loved her enough to let her move on, even if it meant he would never see her again.
There may be consequences for Molly coming back. Would she be stripped of her wings, so to speak? She was pure and untainted, but it may cloud her soul doing something illegal in a sense. The laws of nature were being compromised, but death was bringing her back. Wasn't it him who made the rules?
But even death must follow some strict guidelines. There's also destiny and karma at the works. Zim wondered what their human embodiments were like. Karma would be a bitch. A real, crazy bitch...
He had confided in Dib and Gaz, but they were clueless, though they did provide a supportive role.
They were all gathered in Membrane's living room.
"So... she's coming back?" Dib asked.
"What did I just say? Clean all that wax from your ears, Dib-stink!"
Dib let Zim's insult go, and looked at Gaz. "Well, do you see something? You do see the future, after all."
"I don't know; my visions have been a little blurry lately," Gaz said. "Though I can sense that something is coming, and it's pretty soon... Molly's different now, Zim, I should warn you. She won't be the same girl. I can't channel her so easily anymore, because her energy's altered."
Zim looked up terrified. "Is that a bad thing? She's horrid now, isn't she? Is that what you're trying to tell me?"
"No, but she's not that vulnerable little kid anymore. She's powerful now. Her spirit's evolved."
"I don't care, it's still Molly. It has to be. And she asked to see me, so she must be missing me too."
"Well, you said death told you that she asked to see you again before she entered the afterlife. Maybe she's forgotten about you already, being too 'content' and all."
"I couldn't even bear to think about that, Gaz-human. How could you plant such doubt in my brain? My mind's tearing apart as it is, and now I've got this to contend with!"
"I was just saying. It's never a good idea to get your hopes up. She may simply refuse to come back, and tell that death to go and stick it!"
"He's really not somebody you want to piss off..." Zim said, cursing like a human at last.
"I can imagine, but you need to let her go, Zim." Gaz folded her arms, giving him an all-knowing look that surpassed her eleven years.
Zim drooped his shoulders. "But it's just one more visit..."
"Yes, but how many more visits after that? Could you bear to say goodbye again and again?" Gaz said.
Zim slumped back into the couch.
"Oh, lighten up, Zim. Gaz is only giving you the benefit of the doubt. Personally, I think she will come back," Dib said.
"Really, you do?" Zim asked.
"Yeah, why not? She's a good kid. I only met her for five minutes, but I still got that vibe. She'd come down at least to tell you she has no interest in returning, and not leave that death guy to do it for her."
"Thank you, Dib. You have no idea what your optimism means to me. I wish I could say the same for your hopeless sister." Zim looked over at Gaz. "Seriously, you have to put the negative before the positive? If you sit an exam, does the possibility of failing come to mind first, even before you start?!"
Gaz narrowed her eyes. "Well, pretty much, yeah, but I'm not speaking for myself. I'd nail any exam... It's common nature to think of the worst possible scenario."
Zim watched her for a moment, trying to understand her meaning. "So, that the resulting 'outcome' seems less undesirable in that matter? You humans are so confusing!"
"Yes, but like I said, I'm not speaking for myself. I see the world as it truly is: a place where dreams can be broken. And it's for that reason why I don't dwell on nonsense, and just get on with it. Whatever happens, happens."
They remained quiet for a while, until Dib finally broke the silence.
"So, have you been seeing to any more ghosts lately?"
"As a matter of fact, yes."
Dib's eyes widened. "Who?!"
"Well, there was the dog, a little black-and-white thing... "
Zim stopped at once, and looked up at the siblings. They were giving each other knowing glances.
"What's with your faces?" he said.
"The dog that was run down a couple of months back, just round the next street?" Dib asked.
"Yes. Why?"
"We were there that morning he was run down," Gaz replied.
"Really? That so..."
"Yes, he was in pretty bad shape, but he died instantly," she said. "We haven't spoken about it since."
The memory of that day had never left either of them.
"Well, it's nice he's moved on. I guess that stupid woman was right all along; he really did go to heaven," Dib said.
Zim looked up, amused. "It's just a natural part of life, Dib. There was also the old man, and the girl's lost love at the park."
"What girl?" Dib asked.
"The one whose rack you were checking out..." Gaz told him.
"I wasn't checking her out! She's old enough to be my... uh... big sister."
Zim shifted his eyes between them. "I'm assuming we're talking about the same girl, right? Her boyfriend had something he wanted to tell her..."
"What's that? Gaz asked. "On second thought, I really don't care. I hate romance."
"Yes, it's all gushy stuff, and then there was the old man who couldn't leave his wife. But I convinced him eventually, with my amazing conversational skills," Zim bragged, checking out his nails.
"Well, are you going to help more ghosts now? I can help!" Dib said, eagerly.
"In that sense, you and I would be something of a team. Would you want that?" Zim studied him next, like he was under a microscope.
"Well, I hadn't thought about that exactly. It'd be pretty awkward, but yeah, I guess. Working with an alien to find ghosts... I had a dream like that once when I was six."
"Has it also never occurred to you, Dib, that as a functional team, you would be able to keep an eye on me at all times, to see if I change my... tactics?"
Dib looked at him shocked. "W-what? No! I thought we discussed this?"
"I know there's a small part of you that may never trust me, Dib, and I'll probably never convince you, no matter what I do. But it's okay, I understand. The only proof I can give you is a secret code to deactivate my PAK's programming if it ever comes to that. But for all you know that could be another lie itself..." The Irken smiled devilishly, flashing those zipper-like rows of teeth.
Dib had no idea how to respond to that. Was he messing with his head?
"So, how about it?" the boy asked, feeling that doubt creeping inside. He tried to ignore it before it took over. Zim was right; there was still a small part of him in there.
"How about what?" Zim said, as if he just asked something vague.
"I help you out from time to time with the ghost stuff?"
"Mmm... all right. I don't see how it could be contrived as a bad thing."
"At last, we can finally put our feud behind us. Let's celebrate with Mysterious Mysteries!"
"... I think I'll be heading on home now, Dib. I do appreciate the gesture, however."
"Hey, do you have any fresh cheese that I can put on my sandwich? The cheese in the fridge has little blue stuff inside it..." said the voice of Skoodge from the kitchen doorway.
Zim must have brought him along, and now he's eating Dib and Gaz out of house and home.
"That's because it's Danish Blue, you chunk! And who said you could look in our fridge? The fridge is my domain!" Gaz yelled.
"Well I'm sorry, scary Earth-girl. Also, I hope you don't mind, but I drank a can of 'poop' cola too. It was the last one. I thought it looked lonely sitting on the shelf by itself, so I sipped it up in no time!"
The room turned silent next. Gaz's whole body trembled as her eyes turned white. "You... you drank my last soda? You're gonna paaaayyyy!"
"Z-Zim... what's happening? I don't like that way she's shaking..."
"You better run, Skoodge. That's all I can say..." Zim said.
"Aaargh!" Skoodge screamed, running out the door and all the way back to Zim's basement, where he was safe from the wrath of Gaz. He didn't even have a disguise on. The moron.
Gaz ran to the door. "I'll get you another time, Zim's stupid stooge! You hear me? No matter where you go, where you sleep, and what you eat, I will find you!"
"You know he's only going to hide in my basement, right? It's his refuge of sorts," Zim said.
A smirk pulled up the corners of his mouth. He must really want Gaz to beat up Skoodge.
Gaz grabbed her coat, and walked out the door to find Skoodge, or to get more poop sodas.
Now it was just Dib and Zim. Dib held up an old, run-down tape of Mysterious Mysteries with an eager smile.
Zim got up and left, not interested in the offer. The boy will just have to watch his beloved show alone.
...
He wasn't sure why he even agreed to this; it was a while since he had done anything for anyone. In all fairness, it was a long, long while since anyone had done anything 'nice' for him.
So the reaper waited patiently inside a different tunnel than the one he used last time. Many of his tunnels led into higher planes of existence, as they'd shift continuously. At least he thought they were shifting.
Some tunnels may even lead into alternative universes, though he needn't bother if the tunnels ever scared him too much. Not only did his scythe possess magical, harvesting abilities, but it was also a major source of travel.
There was one alternative universe where everyone walked on stilts. It was kind of neat, but unproductive. And then there was another where everyone vomited nonstop, which is just disgusting.
Nny once stumbled upon a universe where he wasn't so sick and damaged of the mind, and collected snow globes, nodding-head dogs and smiley faces. He was so happy-go-lucky that it made him sick, and he sang, a lot. It was the worst musical he ever saw.
He killed his alternative self before the singing drove him insane (well, insaner), and then sealed up the rift for that universe forever. It could never erase the memory though.
Maybe there was a universe where he was even more deadly and homicidal? He was too afraid to find out. In the end, he would never find one where he was normal, whatever normal may be.
This tunnel now leads into the hereafter, but Nny had no idea of when Molly would come out.
He sent her a letter explaining their arrangements, and had even doodled a little picture of Happy Noodle Boy saying "Grrr" and "Potatoes". They were secret code words. She would understand their meaning.
His mind dwelled on that little alien Zim, wondering why she would be so eager to see him again. He was full of crap like anyone else he'd met, but she was also interested in seeing him again. Why?
He tried his best to be terrifying to his clientele. As death, it makes his position more advantageous. He weren't wearing his cloak around her so much at their first encounter, so his scariness wasn't so evident. That must be the reason.
A small light emerged at the end of the tunnel, like the sun through the blinds.
It almost blinded Nny, having spent so long in the tunnels. The light would blind any mortal, but he could compose himself naturally, being the 'immortal' that he was.
Many say it's the most beautiful thing they've seen, but Nny couldn't see the beauty. It was just like any other white-hot light that burnt the senses. What was warm for others scorched him.
A figure emerged from the light. Nny had to narrow his eyes, as he was temporarily blinded. When the figure strolled up to his right, he jumped back in surprise.
"Hello, Nny," said a clear, ringing voice.
"Who's there? Show yourself! Did the monkey send you?"
Something giggled up at him, and it freaked him out.
His vision adjusted at last, and then he saw that small girl.
"Oh, hello. It's you, Molly. It is you, right?"
"Of course it's me," Molly replied, good-naturedly.
"You look different. Did you change your hair?"
"No..."
"You're taller. Did you grow slightly over there?"
"I don't think so."
"Then what is it about you that's different? Hey, cute dress. It must be the dress..."
"Thank you. I'm so glad you like it. Isn't it pretty?" She gave a twirl as her white, sparkling dress created shimmering patterns around the tunnel and across Nny's face. He had to squint his eyes again.
She also wore matching tights, Mary Jane shoes, and a huge bow that gave her the impression of having rabbit ears. She did look cute.
Nny was slightly underdressed, though he did wear a fancier shirt that ended in a longer tail. It's not like they were going to the ball anyhow.
"It's a little conspicuous, but good on you," he told her next.
She stopped spinning next, and stared up at his once bald head. "Wait, all your hair has grown back."
"What are you talking about?"
"Last time, you just had those floppy bits hanging down. Now your hair is back, and it's sticking up all over the place!"
Nny sharpened his eyes. "I've always worn my hair this way..."
"No you haven't."
"Yes I have."
"Haven't..."
"Yes I have!"
"Haven't!"
"Stop that!"
"Stop what?" She smiled, slyly.
Nny gritted his teeth. "We should go. I'm assuming you like your head attached to your shoulders. I've been giving it further thought. I don't think this little 'escapade' of ours is even allowed. You can't just leave heaven when you feel like, you know?"
"Why not?"
"There are consequences. You're taking a risk here, Molly."
"I don't care. I'll see Zim again."
"Yes, but you may never get back over there," he pointed to the wall. "You'd be stuck just like you were before, and there are hideous things in these between worlds..."
Molly looked at the wall. It beckoned to her, but she broadened her shoulders. She had to try.
"I'll take the risk. I have you to protect me, don't I?"
"I don't have much say in the matter. There are powerful forces at work here."
"But you're death? You're the most powerful."
"One of many deaths, but I could be stripped of my powers too, like you, and then I'll be reincarnated..." He shivered. "Maybe I'll become a cockroach at last..."
"I'm not afraid. I have some pretty cool powers now too."
"Like head explody?!" he asked.
"Maybe... Watch out!" She pressed her fingers against her temples, channeling into her inner power well.
Nny jumped back, expecting his head to explode, but then he heard her giggling.
"Hehe! You look so funny! I don't really have head explody."
He glared down at her. "It's just as well. You're lucky I find you amusing enough to spare, despite how irksome you've become. Heaven's changed you... Also, those powers aren't meant to be played with, no matter how fun they are — heh, they really are fun, aren't they?" he said, reminiscing in the memory. He redirected his thoughts again. "So, as I was trying to say before: my head could have never grown back. I'd be a headless corpse for the rest of eternity. At least it'd scare the living... My face was never much to look at anyway."
"I wouldn't really have done it, and you have a nice face, like a penguin!"
Nny was glancing around the tunnel now, as he didn't hear her delightful compliment.
"Do you hear them… whispering?" he said.
"I don't hear any—"
"Shhh! Don't speak so loud. They don't like sudden sounds..."
"Who are they?"
"We have to move... We've stalled long enough."
He grabbed her arm, and pulled her along. "By the way, did you get my secret message?"
"What secret message?"
"In my letter, there was a little stick figure with a secret message inside a speech bubble."
"Oh yeah, but I didn't know what it meant. I have the letter right here!"
She pulled the letter out and showed it to him. He stopped in his tracks, and looked down at the letter with pure terror.
"You foolish girl! Do you realize what you've done? The stick figure was warning you to destroy the letter once you read it!"
"No he wasn't. All he said was "Grrr" and then "Potatoes!" I don't get it..."
Nny rolled his eyes. "Potatoes is a code word for 'destroy'. No one was supposed to know you received that letter!"
"No one else read it."
"No, but they can track the ink I used. It's dark, gloomy ink. Heaven doesn't like gloom..."
Molly looked nervous now. "Everything will be okay, won't it?"
"I don't know. Maybe they'll reincarnate you too, and we can be cockroaches together, taunting some insane, homicidal guy for all eternity... Cockroaches can't be killed, you see..."
"I don't want to be a cockroach. Can't I be a butterfly instead?"
"If butterflies are just as impassive, then yes. But they may be easy to kill..."
"They have pretty wings..."
"Then that wouldn't work. They're obviously bugs that obsess in appearances, and you don't want that: to be forever condemned into believing you have to be beautiful. Be a simple, ugly cockroach, like me..."
"Okay, I guess cockroaches can be cute too."
"Let's go. I think I heard footsteps..."
"Where?" Molly turned around.
"They're coming from inside the walls!"
"Who... who is?"
"The things that hear us! Haven't you been listening?"
Molly stepped back a little. "I'm getting scared, Nny, I want to go back."
"Too late. We have no other option but to continue our mission."
"No! Take me back! Take me back, now!" she screamed.
"Quiet!"
She pushed him against the wall. He nearly broke his back, since she has some kind of kiddie super strength now. Then she ran back the way they came.
"Molly! Where you going? It's too dangerous!"
She kept on running. It infuriated him, watching her legs move like little spider feet. She was so fast. Fear can have that effect.
"Fine, go and get lost! I'll be on my way." He turned around, and walked up the tunnel. "I can't believe I took an afternoon off for this," he said to himself. "All those wretched souls continuing to... live. What a repellent thought."
The long, drawn out scream of a child echoed through the tunnel next. Nny looked behind his shoulder, deeply disturbed.
"Oh... that... that doesn't sound good..."
He drummed his fingers together restlessly. What was he supposed to do? The girl had vanished; could he really just continue with his business, knowing she was out there somewhere, alone?
These between worlds were terrifying places...
He made up his mind, hating every moment of it. Things were so much easier when he didn't have friends.
...
Zim emerged from the toilet after spending several hours in the lab. What else was there to do now until Molly arrived?
He only made it half way through the kitchen when he suddenly doubled over. Something terrible was happening...
He couldn't get his bearings, but somehow he made it to the couch in the next room. He passed out on the couch, feeling like his innards were turning inside out. A knock came at the door next, but he still couldn't move.
The visitors let themselves through, and then a frantic, panting Gaz stood at the threshold.
"Z-Zim! Something's wrong."
"I know. I feel it too," he groaned.
Dib came in after his sister, panting and rather confused.
"Why... why did you run out the house, Gaz? What is it?! You were just there eating super toast, and then you... froze."
Gaz looked up at him genuinely troubled, and he seemed to understand.
"Oh no," he said. "Molly..."
"What is it? Did something happen to Molly?"
Everyone remained quiet, until the computer blew his fuse.
"Godammit! What is happening? What are you kids hiding? I didn't create you two to be unresponsive, useless idiots!"
"Created?" Dib said. He shook his head. "My guess is as good as yours, so ask them," he pointed to Zim and Gaz.
Zim looked up at once. "We have to help her. That creature you created is behind this, I just know it! I knew he was lying, and I can't believe I trusted him!"
"Nny? No, he wouldn't do something like this. It's too... cruel for him."
"Knee?! I'm not even going to pretend I understood the meaning of your words, computer, but it's not going to help Molly!"
"Well he just may. And it's not Knee like in knee cap."
"So we have to put all our trust in this... knee character? Wait... N-n-y? The last three letters of Johnny? Now I get it. I think."
"What will we do now?" Gaz asked, sounding like a frightened child for the first time in her life.
"I wish I knew..." Zim replied, miserably.
"That poor girl..." Gaz said. Dib looked at her.
Zim put his hands across his face. "This is all my fault!"
"Guilt isn't going to help us in this, master."
"But what will? My entire mission to save the girl was all for naught. I've doomed her yet again!"
Gaz's hardened face returned at last. She didn't stay scared for long. "No, she's not doomed. We don't give her enough credit. She'll pull through. It's just some lame inter-dimensional monster, anyway. She can do it."
"For once, you're being positive in this?" Zim asked. "And what was that you said about a monster...?"
"Yes. I couldn't bear to think of the worst possible scenario."
Zim sighed. "Me too…"
"Now we just sit and wait. I have enough faith in Nny, well, to some degree... I did make his fate unclear, so we'll see what happens."
Zim eyed the computer's general location. "Your optimism is most welcoming, computer, but I fail to see how Nny could be our savior here? You didn't see what he did to that guy in the street the other day."
"Well, I have had him do terrible things with sporks, so I can only imagine. But it seems my evil, psychotic characters are more than meets the eye… I hate that."
"Tell me, what other disgusting things have you conjured up in that warped mind of yours?"
"Um... well, you, in a sense. I dreamed you up once, and now here you are and I'm your house's brain. It's all very curious."
"You dreamed me up? Impossible! You're my servant; you do my bidding!"
"Yes, but you have to appreciate the irony…"
Zim gripped his head, trying to erase the memory of this conversation. "I just want Molly to be safe..." he said at last.
"Well wait it out and see. There's not much else we can do."
Zim, Dib and Gaz exchanged worried glances, then sat down on the couch, staying close.
It was just then that GIR arrived home with Minimoose, and a pleased-looking Heathcliff.
GIR held his arms out wide. "We're home!"
"Hey, this house really sparkles when it's clean," Heathcliff said.
Zim put his hand across his face, shaking his worried little brain about. Dib and Gaz looked up at the hobo confused, and slightly nervous.
Skoodge emerged from the kitchen. "Hey, Zim. Can I take some chairs down into the basement? I'm making a fort!"
He met that dark glare in Gaz's eyes next, remembering the powerful beating he received at her hands. He shrunk back into the kitchen.
He gulped. "N-never mind..."
"Hey, look. It's ol' Skoodgie poooh who used to live in the basement. You came back!"
GIR tackled Skoodge to the floor.
"Help me!" Skoodge cried. "He's biting my head! I think he's teething again."
Everyone watched with a complete lack of interest. But Skoodge will pull through his ordeal, like he always does.
"... Why won't anyone help me?" he said.
GIR continued to chew his head. "Nomnomnom."
Hopefully, Molly with get back soon, and Skoodge can finally get GIR off his head.
Oh no. What's going to happen now? I hate suspense! (I know what's going to happen, but I'm just humouring you).
Writing Nny and Molly's scene was very adorable, and such a relief... I think if I make him too out-of-character, his interactions with Molly will make up for that. If he was too much in character, he'd have killed her over the head explody thing. Cute kids never taunted him in the comic. Squee was too much of a wuss.
That was Jhonen, or the computer, who Zim met outside the convenience store. It's a reference to his self-portrayal in JtHM, where he purchases an ice-sucky, fights the devil, and saves the pope from aliens. The scene also bears a resemblance to Nny's cherry brain freezy incident.
The hype over smartphones is so irritating. Just sayin'
I have no idea what 'Potatoes' really means, and I never understood a thing Happy Noodle Boy said. If you do, please share, or don't. Don't may be best...
Sporks! You don't want to know, but it involves a taco restaurant and disembowelment.
Nny says that he thinks his house is changing or 'shifting', and he has a lot of underground tunnels full of corpses and victims. That's another reference there.
I changed Nny's hair back to its original form, because at the time I wrote him in, I hadn't read the last issue of Squee yet, where he briefly appears at the end, and he has hair! It burnt off after he woke up from hell, and the devil— dressed as a cheerleader— said it may never grow back. I personally prefer him with hair, and notice in a lot of fan work it tends to be blue, though I imagine it black because of the comic.
Update: I saw a Youtube video where Jhonen's at this panel (I can't remember which one, there's a few), and one girl asked him if Johnny's hair is blue, just to make sure. He said "I had it that he grew it out blue, then dyed it black again," or something like that. I prefer Nny with black hair; it's my default hair colour for him because of the comic, but it's your choice what colour he has it.
Those stupid aliens from Invader Zim are also the same ones, or similar, to the ones in Squee. I guess there's another indication that IZ and JtHM share the same universe…
Nny's scythe here is inspired by Grim's from the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. I always thought it was cool how he could travel through dimensions with it.
And I forgot to warn you about the word f**k! Sorry. Nny needs to wash his mouth out with bacon soap.
I should also mention the issue with the troll. I suppose I am trying to make a point about bullying in general, though it was vaguely touched upon. But we've all been the victim, and maybe even the 'bully' at one time.
There is no excuse to make others miserable. At the time I wrote him in, there was an article I read about cyber bullying. Not really a new issue, but because kids are getting younger on the internet, it can be a problem. I know bullies and trolls come in all forms; he's another stereotype, and a lot of people tend to imagine some basement dweller, who has no life (from what I read on the comments page). I never killed him off because I felt sorry for his mother. She doesn't deserve to lose a son, and people can change. I could have had Nny reap a rapist or a murderer, but that was my example of a 'bad' individual at the time, who needed to be put in his/her place. I hate bullies, even those who are bullied themselves, and then bully others, anonymously.
I had to discuss the matter; I don't want it to spoil the fun vibe of this story.
I don't think Zim and Nny would like each other if they ever met.
I had to bring Heathcliff back. His appearance in Chapter 4 is embarrassing when I read it back, yet I leave it as it is. I was trying way too hard then.
Ramble ramble ramble!
Cheerio!