A/N: This chapter gives you a little more insight into what Kurt might be hiding from. I don't want to give away any spoilers, but triggers for emotional issues and past events. Nothing gory or expressly stated. It's relationship related, so you have been advised. I also have a tongue in cheek reference to fangirls and fanboys everywhere, and all of those more exotic fanfics we all know and love. I also give a nod to our own Chris Colfer. If you follow him on Twitter, you'll catch the two specific references. That said, I think this may be the best chapter so far as we get to see our boys relate more with each other. Please enjoy :)
Kurt felt a weight on top of him. A searing pain raced up his leg from his foot. He couldn't remember where he was or what he'd been doing. A chill ran through him as he realized there could only be one explanation.
He was here again.
Kurt started to panic.
He squeezed his eyes shut and held his breath.
Like a child, he believed that if he lay perfectly still and didn't make a noise, didn't move at all, then the monster under the bed would stay away, and he would be safe.
'No, Kurt,' he admonished himself. 'You're an adult. A man now. And the monsters you've faced don't go away when the sun comes up.'
He would have to look. He would have to prove himself wrong.
Kurt whimpered, fighting to find the courage to open his eyes.
Kurt tried. He tried to will his eyes to open, but fear kept them locked. When he felt the hand on his cheek, he winced, preparing for the slap that would surely follow.
It didn't. He held his breath, waiting.
"Kurt?" A soft, gentle voice spoke to him.
Kurt couldn't reply.
"Kurt...honey?" the voice said. "You're having a bad dream."
Kurt felt a finger trace the line of his high cheek bones, stopping to tuck a stray hair behind his ear.
"Kurt, love. Open your eyes."
Kurt tried to relax, tried to blink his eyes open. He felt compelled to follow this voice out of the dark.
Kurt opened his eyes, expecting to see an angry grimace and burning, hazel eyes glowering at him.
Instead, green eyes danced before him - a small, unsure smile playing around soft, pink lips.
"Kurt?" Sebastian spoke again.
Kurt tried to think of anything to say. When nothing came to mind, he nodded instead. Sebastian smiled wider in response.
"There you are," Sebastian said, the concern and worry on his face melting away. "Bad dream?"
Kurt nodded. If it were only that simple.
Sebastian leaned in and kissed Kurt's forehead.
"Here." He shifted his weight to pull down the covers. He lifted Kurt up in his arms and slid him beneath the blanket, climbing in beside him. He gestured for Kurt to lay on his chest. Kurt rested his head gently so he could catch the muffled thump-thump of Sebastian's heartbeat. The soothing sound calmed Kurt almost instantly. Kurt sighed, cuddling against Sebastian's side, feeling himself drift off to sleep .
Sebastian woke to the sun on his face and the warmth of Kurt's body wrapped in his arms. For a moment, he wasn't sure whether or not he was dreaming. He had woken up to a similar dream several times in the last few days. Sometimes, when he was extremely tired, or the dream felt particularly real, it was hard to tell sleep from reality. Right now, remembering last night, lines blurred all over the place.
Sebastian felt Kurt stir in his arms and smiled. This wasn't a dream. This was real. He had spent the night kissing Kurt until he fell asleep...at Kurt's request.
His sweet, shy, honest request.
Sebastian couldn't remember a happier moment.
Then he remembered Kurt's horrible nightmare.
The sound of Kurt whimpering like a lost child woke Sebastian. Kurt trembled like a leaf, and when Sebastian reached out to touch him, Kurt flinched as if he thought Sebastian was going to hit him.
Sebastian worried about Kurt. He knew something was bothering him, and he wanted to protect him from whatever in the world Kurt thought might
hurt him. For now, though, Sebastian would try to be there for him - a strong, secure presence, holding him and guarding him against the nightmares and the pain.
Kurt looked up at Sebastian, blinking bashfully, a rosy tinge coloring his pale cheeks.
"Hi," Kurt whispered.
"Hello, gorgeous." Sebastian's voice, still thick with sleep, was low and gravelly, but the sound to Kurt's ears was seductive and promising. Kurt blushed deeper.
Would it be too early in their budding romance to admit that he really wanted this man?
That wasn't even a question. Who wouldn't want a beautiful man like Sebastian Smythe?
But could Sebastian ever want him?
Sure, he had spent the night kissing him, but what did it mean to Sebastian?
Kurt wanted to find out.
He decided to make a bold move.
He only had this one life, right?
"What would you be doing if you went home today?" Kurt asked.
Sebastian's green eyes grew wide in surprise at the question.
"Honestly?" Sebastian asked.
Kurt nodded.
"I'd be wishing I was here, with my arms around you."
Kurt smiled. He bit his lip, trying to screw up his courage.
"What would it take for me to convince you to spend the weekend with me?" Kurt asked, burying his head into Sebastian's chest so he wouldn't have to see the look on the man's face when he laughed at him.
He didn't see Sebastian's smile, the way he squeezed his eyes shut as he cheered, 'Yes!' in his head. Sebastian held Kurt tight, kissing the top of his head.
"All you have to do is ask," Sebastian said.
"Sebastian..." Kurt peeked almost shyly up at him. "Would you spend the weekend with me?"
Sebastian gave Kurt a thoughtful look, meeting those expressive blue eyes.
"It would be an honor," Sebastian replied.
"Annnd..." Kurt decided he had already come this far, he might as well go one step further, "do you think we can spend most of it here...lying together?"
Sebastian bit his lip, trying not to laugh out loud with the joy welling within him. He suddenly felt more like a teenage boy finding out his first crush liked him back than a grown man - confident, secure, cocky, with a gorgeous man lying in his arms.
"What would we do here," Sebastian couldn't help asking, "lying together in bed all weekend long?" The old Sebastian would have insinuated they'd be spending the time in bed naked, most likely fucking. This Sebastian wanted to know what Kurt was comfortable with.
"W-well..." Kurt stuttered a bit, "we could talk, and learn more about each other, and...maybe...make out...a lot..."
Sebastian chuckled. He would have never pegged Kurt for being so timid, but it was kind of nice.
Kurt looked up at Sebastian with wide eyes.
"But...but that's probably as far as it would go," Kurt clarified. For a moment Kurt was frightened that Sebastian would be angry. Maybe he'd get up right then and leave.
Or do something worse.
But Sebastian looked more charming than ever.
"That sounds perfect, Kurt." Sebastian rocked Kurt gently in his arms. "I couldn't think of a better way to spend the weekend with you."
Sebastian's eyes caught sight of the state of his clothes. What he could see of his shirt was wrinkled beyond repair. He chuckled a little.
"Uh, it might be a good idea if I went home and picked up a few things, it that's all right," Sebastian said.
Kurt dropped his head against Sebastian's shirt, making a disappointed sound in the back of his throat. Sebastian shook his head.
"Not right this second." Sebastian massaged Kurt's back with strong, gentle hands, enjoying the feeling of Kurt melting against him. "When we get tired of laying in bed like this, then I'll go."
"Well, then," Kurt murmured. "I don't think you'll be leaving till tomorrow."
Sebastian bit his lip harder so he didn't completely embarrass himself by giggling like a school girl. Whatever he had done right in the world to make this dream a reality, he wished he could remember it, so he could do it again every day for the rest of his life.
Sebastian and Kurt stayed in bed together as the sun rose higher in the sky, content to share the quiet morning holding one another, Sebastian running a hand over Kurt's shoulders, massaging his neck and down the long line of his spine. Kurt hummed happily, absorbing Sebastian's warmth and the gentleness of his touch. He wanted to remember their imprint on his body so he could relive them again and again when he woke up alone and scared.
Eventually the needs of their bodies outweighed the wants of their hearts, and they had to get up and face the day. Kurt sheepishly admitted to an errant couponing obsession, which led to him keeping a stockpile of basic toiletries in the cabinet underneath the bathroom sink. After Sebastian stopped giggling and caught his breath, he was gifted with a new toothbrush and toothpaste, and access to Kurt's skin care products so that he could brush his teeth and wash his face.
Sebastian helped Kurt downstairs. Kurt admitted he could get addicted to being carried around in Sebastian's strong arms, but he needed to walk on his foot if it was going to heal. Sebastian still held him steady as Kurt limped down the stairs. Kurt made them breakfast - French toast with maple syrup and fruit. Sebastian stood beside Kurt, watching him as he made the batter from scratch, hoping to pick up a few pointers.
They ate mostly in silence, Sebastian moaning appreciatively around almost every bite of his food while Kurt hid his smile behind the arts and leisure section of the newspaper.
Sebastian looked at the clock a few times, narrowing his eyes and doing random calculations in his head, before Kurt asked him what was wrong.
"I'm trying to figure out when I should leave so I can catch the bus. It's about a ten minute walk from here to the stop on Elm if I book it, and then..."
Kurt shook his head, scrunching his nose in that adorable way he did when he thought Sebastian was too cute for words.
"Nonsense," Kurt said. "I have a car service on call. I rarely ever use it. I'll send them a text. They can be here in ten."
Kurt picked up his iPhone.
"That's really nice of you Kurt," Sebastian began, "but I..."
"You what?" Kurt said, not looking up from his text. "You'd rather spend two hours on a bus than be here with me?" Kurt looked up from the phone after he hit send. His eyes looked weary, and maybe a little hurt.
Sebastian sighed, smiling as he crossed the room and took Kurt in his arms.
"Of course not," Sebastian said. "All I want to do is be here with you."
Kurt's eyes sparkled again, filling with hope.
Sebastian leaned down and kissed Kurt slowly, loving Kurt's response, how he leaned into his embrace, fitting so perfectly against the contours of his body.
"You know," Sebastian said, speaking against Kurt's lips as he continued to kiss him softly, "since I'm allowed to do this now, I probably won't want to stop."
Kurt laughed lightly as Sebastian's mouth moved against his, his tongue slipping tentatively between Kurt's lips to caress his tongue with just the lightest of strokes.
"I never said I wanted you to." Kurt wrapped a hand at the base of Sebastian's neck, carding his fingers up through his hair. Sebastian closed his eyes and moaned quietly as Kurt tugged gently at his brown hair, tightening his grip a bit, and then letting his fingers slide through the strands.
Ten minutes turned out to be three as all too soon the luxury town car pulled up in front of Kurt's house. Kurt peeked out the window, saw the deep blue car, and groaned.
"Ugh," Kurt said. "It's Madeline."
"I take it you're not too fond of Madeline?" Sebastian asked with a wink.
"She doesn't seem to understand the concept of 'personal space'," Kurt explained. "Just keep your legs crossed and you should be fine."
Kurt wanted to walk Sebastian out to the car, but Sebastian wouldn't hear of it, making Kurt promise, after the persuasion of several kisses, to put his feet up and relax until he returned.
Sebastian got to the car and immediately realized what Kurt was talking about. Madeline didn't approach him physically, as she stayed in the driver's seat when he stepped to the door, but her suggestive comments and lecherous stares seemed to know no bounds.
Madeline looked Sebastian up and down leisurely before unlocking the car door, licking her lips as she watched him climb into the back seat.
"Where to, handsome?" she purred.
"My apartment," he replied, giving her the address and buckling his seat belt.
"Nice," she said. "I like where this is headed already." She looked over the seat as Sebastian adjusted the belt. "Do you need a hand with that?" she drawled.
Sebastian rolled his eyes.
"No, thanks," he said. "I'm a big boy."
"I bet you are," she murmured, pulling out from the spot in front of Kurt's house and driving off down the street.
Sebastian was used to women flirting with him. It used to be one of his favorite past times, flirting back, dangling himself in front of them like bait just to reel himself back in because there was no way he was going there.
He was eager to get back to his Kurt, and this woman's misguided attempts at flattery just came off as annoying and depressing.
"So, are you visiting Mr. Hummel for business...or pleasure?" she asked, her eyes spending more time looking back at him through the rear view mirror than actually watching the road.
Old Sebastian reared his ugly head. He couldn't help it. Madeline made it just too easy.
"Oh, definitely pleasure," he said with a low growl. "In fact, I would really like to get back to what I was doing before you picked me up."
Sebastian wiggled his eye brows, sitting further back in his seat and crossing one leg over the other.
Madeline followed the movement of his legs with her eyes.
"And what would that be?" she asked, a little breathlessly.
"Now, I'm not at liberty to say," Sebastian admonished playfully, "but the pictures should be online by five. Be a good girl and I'll give you the link."
He winked at her before staring out the window, putting an end to the conversation.
They pulled up to Sebastian's apartment building, and he told Madeline to keep the engine running.
Sebastian's apartment always looked dark, dreary, and way too cramped for any human being to live in. But compared to Kurt's house, his apartment was a rat hole. He sighed. He took a moment to toss on a new outfit, similar to the one he was already wearing, but he made sure the new shirt was blue. For some reason, he felt the need to be wrapped in a color close to the shade of Kurt's eyes, even though his old Marc Jacobs polo didn't do that beguiling color justice. He packed quickly, mostly comfortable clothes for the two days because, with Kurt's injury, he didn't imagine they'd be going anywhere.
He checked his coffee can quickly, needing to see that his money was still safe. He unplugged his cell phone and stuffed it in his pocket. He took one last look around, and deciding that the meager contents of his duffel would be enough for the weekend, he locked back up and raced downstairs.
"That was quick," Madeline commented, and then looked at his small bag. "And it doesn't look like you packed any clothes."
Sebastian looked up at her with his best attempt at innocent eyes.
"Why would I need any?" he asked, adjusting his belt.
She moaned under her breath as she pulled away from the curb, her own mind wandering to the sexy man in the backseat, and the other sexy man back at the house.
When they pulled up to Kurt's curb, Madeline handed Sebastian her business card with a wink.
Sebastian took it, looking over it to appraise the extremely forward woman.
"You do know I'm gay," Sebastian asked, pocketing yet a second useless business card.
"Does it really matter?" Madeline asked, throwing Sebastian another wink, and a long, leering glance before pulling away down the street.
Sebastian shook his head.
'It takes all kinds...' he thought, but he didn't linger on it too long, because he was back at Kurt's house. He could see Kurt sitting at a desk in one of the upstairs rooms. He was wearing black rimmed glasses, and had the eraser of a pencil stuck between his teeth, looking thoughtfully over something on his desk. Sebastian took a moment to watch him. He was reading with intense concentration. He smiled, and then laughed, looking up and shaking his head. He was happily mouthing the word, 'No!' over and over again, as if someone had just told him the most absolutely ludicrous joke. He scrunched his nose and set the paper aside, leaning his hand on his cheek and gazing out the window.
Their eyes locked and Kurt immediately smiled. He waved at Sebastian, who raised a hand and waved back. Then Kurt disappeared, and Sebastian knew he was making his was downstairs to unlock the door. Sebastian rushed to meet him. He'd been gone barely an hour, but he had missed Kurt so much that seeing him felt like a first breath, a first kiss.
On top of that, he couldn't stop smiling.
Kurt opened the door before Sebastian got there.
"Geez, Kurt," Sebastian joked, "did you slide down the railing?"
Kurt laughed.
"Almost," he said as Sebastian made his way passed him with his bag. Kurt scrunched up his nose at the sight of the old Harvard duffel.
"You travel light," Kurt said, eying the crimson bag with the famous shield and the Latin word 'veritas' silk screened in black. Kurt closed and locked the door behind him, still eying the bag.
"Harvard," he said, catching Sebastian's gaze. Sebastian's smile fell just a bit at the corners. He shrugged his shoulders and cleared his throat.
"Uh, yeah," Sebastian said, hoping Kurt would change the subject.
Kurt didn't.
"You went to Harvard?" Kurt narrowed his eyes as he looked Sebastian over, appraising him differently with this new information. "I'm thinking you aren't into the applied sciences, so...business?"
Kurt continued, looking Sebastian over like he was a riddle that Kurt couldn't fathom.
Sebastian thought that was a little ironic.
"You were going to take over a family business, right?" Kurt asked. Sebastian's face went blank. "But that wasn't what you wanted to do, was it?"
Sebastian dropped his bag, sighing. He looked down at his feet, shifting back and forth uncomfortably.
"You're pretty good at that," Sebastian said with a bitter laugh. "You're right. I had no interest in taking over my father's business. But, it made a lot of money, so..."
"Oh, Sebastian." Kurt's whole demeanor changed as he took the slightly taller man in his arms. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry, really. It's just...force of habit, I guess." Kurt pressed his head to Sebastian's chest, right below his chin. "Occupational hazard. Once you read your five hundredth murder mystery, you tend to profile everything and everyone."
Sebastian wrapped his arms around Kurt's thin frame and held him.
Kurt bringing up his father's business and his days at Harvard did sting, but Kurt's warmth, his undeniable compassion that seeped from every pore, washed over Sebastian like a salve and quickly mended the tears, sewing them back together and setting things back in place.
Sebastian smiled, thinking of the garden, remembering the decor of the house.
Organized chaos, but in the end, a place for everything and everything in its place.
"It's alright, my love." Sebastian breathed Kurt in deep, loving the feel of him in his arms, the scent of him right below his nose where he could breathe and take his fill of the angelic man. "What were you doing upstairs?"
"Ooo, you caught me hiding..." Kurt teased, but Sebastian thought for a moment that truer words were never spoken.
"I was in my sanctuary getting some work done." Kurt's eyes danced as they looked at Sebastian, and Sebastian couldn't help the change in his mood. Kurt had rooted out one of his secrets, but he would have told it eventually.
"Come on up and see, since my work fascinates you so."
Kurt made his way to the staircase, preparing to hop up, but Sebastian needed to hear his intoxicating laugh, so he picked him up quickly, tossing him over his shoulder this time, and rushing up the stairs.
Kurt squealed with laughter as Sebastian put a hand on his back to steady him.
"Put me down!" Kurt yelled, trying to sound angry through a peal of laughter. Sebastian laughed at Kurt's distress until he looked at his shoulder where the man flailed and found himself only inches away from Kurt's perfect ass. Sebastian swallowed hard as he stared at the beautiful sight. So pert, so taut, mere inches away, and old Sebastian wanted so much to just bite into it and hear Kurt yelp.
New Sebastian had to admit that he wanted it, too.
Instead, he did the gentlemanly thing and put the squirming man back on the ground at the top of the stairs with a smirk.
"Okay, caveman," Kurt said with a light slap to the arm, "follow me."
Kurt led Sebastian to the first room on the left, where the door was already open a crack.
"Okay," Kurt prefaced as they approached the room, "now, don't think I'm a total and utter control freak, but I seriously need you not to touch anything."
Kurt's eyes turned dark and playfully dangerous as his hand lingered on the door knob, blocking Sebastian's entrance.
"Scout's honor," Sebastian said, raising a hand in mock salute. Kurt rolled his eyes and pushed open the door.
Kurt's office was about the same size as his bedroom. Sebastian couldn't tell the color of the walls since every inch was blocked by tall wooden bookcases, each one filled with books. The desk where Kurt sat was pushed right up against the window so he could see out over the garden and the street. On every other conceivable surface stood stack after stack of FedEx envelopes, as well as plain letter sized brown envelopes. The piles were obviously organized by some secret system. Sebastian held his breath as he entered the room, not wanting to disturb anything.
"What is all this?" Sebastian asked as he followed Kurt's exact footsteps into the room. Kurt sat in his chair at the desk. Seeing no other chair, Sebastian sat on the floor at Kurt's feet.
"These," Kurt said, opening his arms wide with a flourish, "are piles and piles of people's hopes and dreams of becoming a writer."
"Do you read all of these?" Sebastian asked.
Kurt nodded.
"Our policy is to consider every submission, so the publishing house has to send me everything they get. It's up to me how they get handled, though. A lot of submissions editors have a strict criteria for tossing certain things the minute they get them - envelopes that aren't addressed correctly, or are handwritten or...whatever..." Kurt looked a little offended at this admission.
"But you don't?" Sebastian concluded.
"I can't," Kurt said with a shrug. "I mean, most of these aren't any good. I won't lie to you. But someone out there took the time to think them up, to write them, and to send them to me."
Kurt looked deep into Sebastian's sparkling green eyes.
"They all deserve a chance."
Sebastian smiled, ducking his head bashfully as he eyed the envelopes stacked orderly around the room.
"So, why the different piles?" he asked, not looking back at Kurt right away.
"Sorted by classification for easy access." Kurt gestured vaguely around the room. "I have manuscripts sent to me by other editors, manuscripts that aren't solicited, but the authors have a name in the business so they get special priority, manuscripts sent to me by the publishing house for other special consideration, but the majority are mostly just unsolicited manuscripts by new hopefuls."
Sebastian quirked an eyebrow, his voice dropping low as if imparting a secret.
"Any really weird ones?"
Kurt smiled, as if knowing exactly what Sebastian might be looking for.
"The fanboys and fangirls." Kurt picked up an envelope he had just opened, the contents of which lay across his desk. "They write stories based on television programs and movies that have already been made. Some of them are excellent, really, but the work is copyrighted, so we can't do anything with it."
"What about the bad ones?" Sebastian asked.
Kurt scoffed.
"The bad ones are really bad."
"Like what?" Sebastian switched from sitting to kneeling, bouncing slightly. "Show me one."
Kurt knew what he wanted immediately, rifling through a stack of papers and pulling out a thin manuscript, fastened together at the top with a binder clip.
"This one," Kurt explained, "about a detective and his gal Friday, set in the 20's..."
"Ooo," Sebastian interrupted. "Sounds like an old Bogart movie."
"Yeah," Kurt laughed, "except the main characters in this one are a puppy and a kitten."
Sebastian raised an eyebrow.
"What?" he asked as Kurt shook his head in disbelief.
"I kid you not."
"Well, that would make a good children's book, wouldn't it?" Sebastian offered. "Can't you just lateral it over to another department?"
Kurt flipped through the manuscript, bending back the pages to expose a particular passage. He handed it to Sebastian.
"I don't know," he said, pointing to the middle paragraph. "You tell me."
Sebastian read. Kurt watched his face closely. Three sentences in, Sebastian's brow furrowed, and he actually blushed, chuckling lightly as his eyes scanned the page. Sebastian mumbled over the words.
"Grooming...kneading his...mouth on his...whoa, okay!" Sebastian dissolved into a fit of giggles, handing the manuscript back to Kurt. "I guess not, huh?"
"What do you think?" Kurt stowed the manuscript back in the pile.
"I think I need an adult," Sebastian joked. "Or a shower."
Kurt laughed.
"I think our friend..." Kurt picked up the envelope to read the sender's name, "Sandy Ryerson here has gone to one too many furry parties."
Sebastian laughed at the reference.
"I don't know though," Kurt continued, drawn to Sebastian's unabashed laughter. "I was an only child, and my mom read me Dickens, Wells, Shakespeare. Do kids read stuff like that these days?"
"Well, I have a younger brother, and I have to say I never read stuff like that to him."
The two stopped laughing and looked at each other, realizing they had just reveled something about themselves.
"So, you have a little brother," Kurt observed.
"And you were an only child," Sebastian returned.
They looked at each other in silence for a moment. Kurt bit his lip. Sebastian, drawn by that lip that Kurt pinched with his teeth, made his way closer to Kurt, staring shamelessly into his blue eyes. Sebastian noticed Kurt's cheeks flush with color. He didn't want to push Kurt. He looked passed him at another pile on his desk.
"So, is that pile the best of the best or something?" Sebastian gestured to a large stack of brown envelopes on Kurt's desk. Kurt smiled.
"Actually, no. The exact opposite. These..." Kurt grabbed a few envelopes and showed them to Sebastian, "are the submissions that most editors would toss on sight."
"Why?" Sebastian looked at the envelopes, addressed simply to Littleton and Brown, Attention: Submissions.
"These are the ones who know nothing about 'the business'." Kurt said with air quotes. "They don't know the first thing about submitting a manuscript, who to address it to. They get sent to me in my bulk mail. It would probably save me a lot of time and trouble to just toss them. I mean, the likelihood of any of these being even remotely publishable material is next to nil."
"But you like these the most?" Sebastian handed the envelopes back.
Kurt nodded.
"These represent to me the bravest of the brave," Kurt said. "You know, the ones who knew nothing about writing other than they wanted to be writers. They had an idea, put it on paper, and sent it off with little more than a hope and a dream. I open one or two when I need a pick me up. Every one gets a response from me."
"Have you found any good ones yet?" Sebastian asked, looking over the large pile.
"Oh, heavens, no." Kurt waved the comment away with his hand. "90% of them are exactly what we expect them to be - total flops."
"And the other 10%?"
"Well..." Kurt pulled the knee of his uninjured leg closer to his chest, "9.9% of those are decent. They show some kind of promise. To those people I send..."
"Courageous advice?" Sebastian raised his eyebrows, his emerald eyes shining.
"I guess." Kurt smiled and shrugged.
"But that leaves .1%," Sebastian pointed out.
"Yup." Kurt nodded. "That honest to goodness raw talent that doesn't know how to present itself, but finds its way through."
"Ever have one of those?" Sebastian was intrigued by Kurt's thought process regarding his job, how he took something that other people might see as dull and monotonous and turned it into a special mission...like trying to find love, or hope. Trying to give a chance to a nameless, faceless stranger...or maybe a FedEx delivery man.
Kurt smiled.
"I'm always searching."
"And, this is how you spend your time?" Sebastian looked around the room. "In here, reading other people's work?"
"Yup."
"Doesn't it get a little dull...or lonely...being in here all day?" Sebastian ventured carefully, not wanting Kurt to throw up defensive walls and shut him out, not after they'd come so far. Sebastian looked around at the stacks of envelopes and couldn't help seeing a prison, one that Kurt had carefully constructed himself out of other people's words, thoughts, and feelings.
"Not really. I like the quiet and the solitude. I have my garden to work on when I want to go outside. I run..." He looked down at the cast on his foot with a grimace. "...or, I usually run every morning."
Kurt looked out the window, sweeping his eyes up and down the street.
"I don't really need to go out too often," he defended. "I order everything I need online, and besides, some of the best things in my life come right to my door."
He looked at Sebastian only a moment, darting his eyes quickly away when he saw the other man's face flush lightly with color, feeling his own cheeks heat as well.
Kurt was flirting, shamelessly flirting, and he couldn't seem to stop.
"So," Sebastian spoke with a smile in his voice, "not a shut-in?"
"No," Kurt laughed with a gentle shake of his head. "Not a shut-in. Just picky about the company I keep."
Kurt bit his lip and looked back down at his desk. He picked up one final envelope and sealed it shut. He dropped it onto a pile and sighed.
"Well, that's the last one I'm doing this weekend."
"You know, I can probably take those when I leave tomorrow and drop them at the office when I go to work." Sebastian looked over the stack of envelopes Kurt had accumulated.
"Oh, no," Kurt said, patting the pile possessively. "I'll schedule a pick up. Otherwise, how am I going to insure that you come back?"
Kurt meant it as a joke, but the hitch in his voice and the shift of his eyes uncomfortably around the room spoke a different story...and the ending broke Sebastian's heart. Sebastian put his hand on Kurt's knee. Kurt looked down into Sebastian's intense gaze, lips trembling slightly with some hidden emotion.
"Kurt," Sebastian began, kneeling tall so he could be closer to Kurt, "I don't know what man ever told you that you weren't good enough..."
Kurt turned away now, bringing one shaking hand to his cheek to sweep away a stray tear. Sebastian cupped Kurt's cheek with his hand, turning his face and pulling Kurt's gaze back to his own eyes.
"But he was wrong." Sebastian swallowed around his own words. "So, so wrong. And I'm going to spend every moment I have with you trying to show you how absolutely amazing and wonderful you are."
Kurt rolled his eyes halfheartedly.
Sebastian couldn't take it. Couldn't take the look in Kurt's usually fierce eyes that said he didn't believe him. Sebastian eased closer to Kurt, lips ghosting over his, brushing delicate kisses to his soft skin.
"What can I do?" Sebastian asked, rubbing their noses together, Sebastian's eyes roaming over Kurt's pale skin before meeting his eyes again. "What can I say that would make you see what I see?"
Kurt couldn't trust his voice not to break, but he spoke anyway.
"What do you see?" he whispered.
Sebastian smiled.
"Perfection..."
Sebastian kissed Kurt's temple lightly.
"Beauty..."
Sebastian pressed a kiss to Kurt's cheek when he tried to duck his face away.
"Compassion..."
Sebastian chased Kurt's mouth with his own.
"I see you, Kurt."
Sebastian's words touched him, like a light breeze across his lips, before Sebastian claimed them again, hands moving to cradle Kurt's face tenderly as his eyelids fluttered closed. He lost himself in the softness of Kurt's skin, and the warmth of his perfect mouth.
Kurt's heart raced, and when Sebastian moved closer, pulling Kurt against him, he was sure that his heart was beating so loudly that Sebastian could actually hear it.
Sebastian's hands on his skin grounded him, kept him in the here and now, where there were no bad dreams, no horrible memories, no need for the double paned glass on all of his windows, the over the top security system, or the two sets of bolts on his front door. All things that, thankfully, Sebastian hadn't seemed to notice yet, so they didn't require an explanation.
"Do you think it would be alright," Sebastian asked as he reluctantly pulled just an inch or so away, "if we went back to our original plan of lying in bed all day?" Sebastian's fingertips caressed Kurt's skin as they traveled down his cheek, outlined his jaw, and then slid smoothly down his exposed neck, leaving a trail of delightful shivers in their wake.
"I think that's a wonderful idea," Kurt agreed, and this time Sebastian picked Kurt up properly, holding him in his arms and taking him back to the bedroom to get lost in a few thousand more kisses before dinner time.
Kurt ordered Chinese, another part of his well ordered routine, he explained. The publishing house assumed that he spent the weekend wooing new up and coming authors, and gave him an expense account for things like food and his car service, both of which he used sparingly so no one bothered him about how he spent the money.
Sebastian offered to pay for his own meal, and when he asked Kurt how much he owed him, Kurt asked him offhandedly what was the last book he had read.
"Uh...The Land of Stories?" Sebastian admitted sheepishly. It was the last brand new thing Sebastian had bought himself when he had moved, splurging on a copy from the airport bookstore. As luck would have it, it was also signed by the author. How he had managed to get so lucky, he would never know.
Kurt raised his eyebrows in surprise as he handed Sebastian his container of food.
"Now, see, you can't pay me, because this just became about work, and ergo, a business expense."
Kurt smiled triumphantly as he followed Sebastian to the couch, Sebastian shaking his head at Kurt's adorable cleverness.
They both took turns showering and retired almost immediately after dinner to Kurt's bedroom, where they decided to watch the movie they had forgone the night before. Shortly after the opening credits, Kurt climbed onto Sebastian's body, both men still warm, hair slightly damp. He lay himself out over the muscular planes of Sebastian's chest, and without a word spoken between them, kissed him gently on the lips.
Sebastian let out a slow, relaxed sigh, sinking deep into the pillows as he let Kurt have his way with him, tracing over the outline of Sebastian's lips with his tongue. Sebastian could feel Kurt's need, not just to be kissed, but to be cherished - touched and held tenderly. Mostly though, it seemed, Kurt needed some measure of control, over people, over his life.
Even after spending just one day with Kurt, Sebastian began to notice things...little things really, but they all added up and painted the picture of a man desperately holding on with both hands to the sanity that he had left. Locks on the windows. Locks on the doors. Security key pads on the upper and lower levels of the house - discreet, but Sebastian couldn't help but recognize them.
His mother had them installed every where in their old house.
Kurt was opening up to Sebastian, and Sebastian liked what he saw.
He wanted to know Kurt, and letting him take his time enjoying what he could give was as good a start as any, since some of his kisses came with confessions as well.
"I love the smell of Hugo Boss," Kurt admitted as he peppered kisses over Sebastian's neck. "I hate to admit it, but it reminds me of working in my dad's tire shop."
"Really?" Sebastian hummed as Kurt ran his fingers through Sebastian's drying hair.
"Yup." Kurt giggled.
Another time, when the music from the t.v. had managed to distract Kurt from nibbling Sebastian's earlobe, Kurt groaned.
"I usually skip passed this part of the movie...you know, when I'm actually watching it."
"Why?" Sebastian asked, moving his head to give Kurt more access to his neck.
"Because in high school we sang this song in Glee club."
Sebastian moaned, holding Kurt tight around the waist as he sucked a particularly sensitive spot.
"You sing?" Sebastian managed around another moan.
This time Kurt refused to stop sucking long enough to answer, and Sebastian had to work hard not to buck his hips up into Kurt's.
This was different for Sebastian, stretched out beneath a gorgeous man, being showered with kisses, some sweet and innocent, some demanding and full of fire. In all of his relationships, he was the dominant one. He had no time for slow seduction, nor did he want it. It was only necessary to know how to get from point A to Z in the quickest way possible. Kurt seemed to know his way from A to Z, but he was happy to linger at all the other points in between.
Kurt was nothing like any of the men from Sebastian's past. He was gentle but possessive, equal parts fire and ice.
Sebastian was more sure than ever that Kurt wanted him.
So, why did Sebastian feel the need to stop Kurt now before things went too far?
Sebastian felt Kurt snake his hands beneath his shirt, and his breath caught in his throat. He felt his cock go completely hard as Kurt's delicate hands explored his skin, running light fingertips down his chest, and then tracing the same path again with his nails. It was all so much, spiraling deliciously out of control.
Sebastian put his hands on Kurt's wrists to stop him.
"You're testing the boundaries of my self control, darling," Sebastian said with a smile. "I don't know how far you want to go."
Kurt felt embarrassed and a little ashamed. He didn't see himself following this through to the end...not tonight, anyway. He knew he couldn't even just take off his shirt for Sebastian.
"I'm sorry," Kurt said, trying to pull away, but Sebastian wouldn't let his hands go just yet. "I guess I just got carried away. It's just last night...it made things better."
Kurt spoke the last part so quietly, Sebastian didn't know if he had heard him right.
Made things better.
Helped him sleep.
Helped him passed the nightmares.
Sebastian knew already that there were things Kurt had yet to tell him. He wanted Kurt to trust him. He wanted Kurt to bare his soul to him, to feel comfortable around him.
He wanted to give Kurt what he wanted, let Kurt take what he needed.
He was beginning to realize that someone in Kurt's past must have hurt him - shut a door within him that Kurt hadn't yet opened.
That was okay. Sebastian would give him time.
Sebastian smiled his cocky, sexy smile as he pulled Kurt back, putting his hands back in place on his chest.
"Can I be crass for just a minute?" Sebastian asked, dropping his voice a bit, feeling Kurt tremble against him as the sound of that voice washed over him.
"I guess," Kurt said curiously.
"I don't want to offend you, but you know...a massive 'o' might be just the thing to help you sleep."
Kurt's expression looked both shocked and offended, and Sebastian thought he may have crossed a line.
Kurt stiffened in Sebastian's arms, but he waited, patiently, while Kurt tilted his head and stared at him intently. Sebastian saw the fear return, the eyes that flickered gray for just a moment as they watched Sebastian's face.
Then Kurt's cheeks went red, and he shook his head.
"But, I...sex, I mean...I..."
Kurt was making no sense, but Sebastian knew what he was trying to say.
"There's other ways, sweetheart." Sebastian leaned forward and kissed Kurt's cheek. "We don't have to do that."
Sebastian tried to find that spot on Kurt's neck that he knew would make him absolutely liquify.
He found it pretty quickly.
"I'm not trying to rush you," Sebastian said honestly. "I just want to help. I want to make you feel good...the way you make me feel."
Sebastian lifted off the bed just a little. Kurt sat up, straddling Sebastian's hips, feeling Sebastian's arousal pressing into his own. Sebastian felt it, too, and smiled as he grabbed the end of his shirt, lifting it up his body and slowly over his head, tossing it carelessly to the floor. Kurt gasped as he laid eyes on Sebastian's well defined chest, his smooth skin - pale, but not so much as Kurt's porcelain complexion, muscles rippling along his abdomen.
Kurt had stopped breathing as he stared at the incredible body of this gorgeous man.
Sebastian let him look, with no expectations of anything else between them.
Kurt leaned over Sebastian hesitantly, eyes still taking in the beauty of Sebastian's body. Kurt's lips connected gently to a spot above Sebastian's heart, and Sebastian breathed in sharply, closing his eyes to fully appreciate the light contact.
Kurt's lips drifted slowly over Sebastian's skin, experimenting with touch, pressure, and tiny kitten licks from his tongue. Sebastian's arms fell to his sides, his hands fisting the blankets beneath him as he willed himself not to move.
Sebastian concentrated on the movement of Kurt's body above him, how he slid carefully over him, lips searching, tongue exploring. Kurt stopped a moment, as if contemplating his next move. Sebastian was about to open his eyes, to ask Kurt if he was all right, but then he felt tight heat surround his sensitive nipple, and he was on fire.
"Oh, God, Kurt," Sebastian moaned. He couldn't help it. Kurt's perfect mouth sucked gently, licking in tentative circles that became bolder the more Sebastian moaned. Kurt ran his fingers up Sebastian's sides, scraping his nails over his skin as he continued to kiss and lick and suck his way across Sebastian's chest. Sebastian tossed his head from left to right on the pillow, biting his lip to stop cursing.
After scrolling through a list of inappropriate responses, all he could come up with was, "Kurt!" over and over again, until it became a chant that Sebastian couldn't cease.
He could feel Kurt's warm breath panting as he licked a trail from Sebastian's belly button up to the hollow of his neck. It was becoming a little more than Sebastian could bear - too much torture without hope of release, but he would do whatever Kurt asked, even if it meant taking care of himself discreetly in the bathroom after Kurt fell asleep.
He felt Kurt's lips hovering just above his ear.
"Show me?" Kurt asked.
Sebastian opened his eyes to see the angel again.
"What?" Sebastian asked.
"Show me...how to do that...without having sex..."
Sebastian looked into Kurt's guileless eyes.
"Are you sure?" Sebastian asked, settling his hands on Kurt's hips.
Kurt nodded confidently.
Sebastian's first instinct was to roll Kurt on his back, to pin him beneath the weight of his body as he rutted against him, but everything he knew about Kurt so far stopped him. Instead, he pulled Kurt down over him, putting an arm securely around his waist and another at the small of Kurt's back. Sebastian ran his nose down the column of Kurt's neck before sucking gently on his favorite spot. With constant pressure on Kurt's back with his hand, Sebastian started to move, rolling his hips up slowly, sliding against Kurt's cock with his own.
Sebastian heard Kurt gasp, and then felt him become still and quiet. Sebastian swirled his tongue over the spot, moving down Kurt's neck so it wouldn't become sore. As his lips dragged along Kurt's skin, mimicking the movement of his hips, Kurt moaned.
Kurt slid his arms slowly around Sebastian's body, wrapping his arms around his torso, surrendering to the smooth undulation of Sebastian's hips as they rutted sensually against his own.
"Oh, Sebastian," Kurt breathed, and the wanton sound in Kurt's high, beautiful voice, sent chills through Sebastian's body.
"That's it, baby," Sebastian whispered, feeling Kurt's head rest against his chest. "Just relax. Let me take care of you."
Kurt wanted to squirm, wanted to writhe against this man, but he didn't want to take away from the delicious friction Sebastian's sinful movements supplied. He abandoned himself completely to Sebastian's ability to give him pleasure, which was obviously, Kurt realized with a little embarrassment, much more expert than his own.
He had time to feel self-conscious later as he felt an unfamiliar heat surge through him...something he hadn't remembered feeling in so long that he didn't even know where to access it in his memory.
Kurt never masturbated.
For so long, it wasn't allowed.
But here was Sebastian...beautiful, amazing, almost uninvited Sebastian, an unexpected gift of a man, giving him pleasure, expecting nothing in return.
Kurt hoped it would last, that this sweet romance wouldn't turn sour when Sebastian discovered what Kurt truly was.
That he was less than nothing.
Kurt had spent so much time dwelling, so much time doubting, that he had barely registered the constant mantra of Sebastian's soft voice, talking to him, calling him beautiful.
"Oh, Kurt," Sebastian moaned. "I can't even tell you how amazing you feel. I wish we could stay like this forever. I don't know how much longer I can last. Please...please tell me how you feel..."
It was the last part that struck him.
Only one other man in his life had ever cared like that.
Kurt felt the assault of Sebastian's hips start to falter, his movements stutter, his romantic words turn into murmurs that quickly became breathy moans.
"Oh, Kurt," Sebastian pleaded, kissing over the skin of Kurt's neck.
Kurt wanted to get lost in this feeling - Sebastian's cock coaxing him to orgasm, his heat engulfing Kurt as Sebastian held him in his arms, his lips worshipping Kurt's neck, his soft murmurings marking praises against Kurt's skin.
"Cum for me, sweetheart," Sebastian whispered.
That did it, tipped Kurt into the heat that tingled over his skin. It wasn't a command, or a threat, or a warning, but a gentle plea filled with want, affection, and seduction, all the things that Kurt had forgotten could exist in a world where men had sex for pleasure - not punishment.
Kurt felt his body momentarily become something other than his own. As he grabbed onto Sebastian, wrapping himself around him until he lost his sense of self, he was what Sebastian wanted him to be - beauty and perfection. He never wanted it to end.
Kurt could feel Sebastian grow still beneath him, and for a moment, the fear returned. Kurt waited to see what Sebastian would do. Maybe this wouldn't be enough for him. Maybe the part that hurt would come soon after, when Sebastian regained his strength.
Kurt felt Sebastian lift his chin, bringing him forward to meet his lips, which trembled slightly as they moved against his mouth. Sebastian smiled against Kurt's skin, and laughed gently.
"Would it be presumptuous for me to tell you that felt wonderful?" Sebastian asked, his voice sweet and shy.
Kurt smiled.
"No," he whispered. "Not at all."
Sebastian rested his forehead against Kurt's, eyes closed as he took a moment to center himself, to chase the breathtaking moment before it passed away completely, and he only had a shadow of it to remember.
When he opened his eyes again, Kurt was looking at him in wonder, and Sebastian couldn't imagine why.
"Why don't I get something to clean us up with," Sebastian said, smiling as he looked passed Kurt at the credits rolling on the t.v. screen, "and maybe we can restart the movie."
"Do you think the outcome will be the same?" Kurt asked.
Sebastian kissed Kurt again.
He would never get tired of having that privilege.
"I can only hope," he said with a wink.
Sebastian left the bed quickly, and came back from the bathroom with a warm, wet cloth in a flash. They restarted the movie and managed to wait a good twenty minutes before falling into the exact same routine of kissing and touching, which turned into Kurt above Sebastian's body, moving against him, chasing his release.
This time, when the credits on the movie rolled and they were cleaned up one more time, they drifted off to sleep in each other's arms.
Sebastian decided this movie...whatever it was...was now his favorite movie of all time.
Kurt didn't have a single nightmare.