A/N: This chapter dwells just a little tiny bit into what a few of Kurt's bruises look like. It is not at all overly descriptive, very general, but part of a very poignant and romantic moment. If you think this will bother you nonetheless, just stop reading at the bolded word, and start again at the next bolded word, but it's not explicit enough in my opinion to garner a warning. Please, enjoy :) This might be short, but it needed to be on its own.
Too hot. Everything around Sebastian felt oppressive and stifling. The thick air surrounded him like a heavy blanket. Sebastian found it hard to breathe. He wanted to open a window, but he couldn't move. Oddly enough, a weight pressed against his chest that felt comforting, so moving to find some sort of relief for his overheated body wasn't an option. He decided to give in to the discomfort if it meant staying tangled up in the arms that held him tight, wrapped around his torso like a vine.
Sebastian reached out with his hand to touch the weight that pressed him down into the mattress. His fingertips came in contact with something unusual, unrecognizable. He traced around deep crevices and strange ridges with the pads of his fingers. It confused him. His fingers explored the odd textures, much like an old rock, weathered and worn, eroded by wind, water and time. He took this bizarre collection of sensory clues and tried to piece them together. Maybe he was lying on the beach. That would explain the heat.
He opened his eyes, and now the confusion escalated. Why would he be at the beach after midnight? Or the end of time? Why was it so dark?
Sebastian turned his head from side to side, trying to see, and caught a small sliver of light coming from somewhere. He felt the strange rock beneath his hand move, up and down, expanding and then contracting. Sebastian tried hard to remember anything.
He spent so little time at his apartment anymore that it took him almost a while before he became aware that he was lying in his own bed. He remembered the strange metal noise, the attempted break in, and that horrible shuffling sound as that freak ran away. Kurt had wanted to come back to his apartment. Kurt should be here.
Where was Kurt?
Sebastian lay still and let his senses fire, reaching around the room to locate Kurt. He could hear soft breathing, smelled the sweet vanilla scent of Kurt's hair, the soft skin of Kurt's cheek resting above his heart.
His hand, still lazily roaming over the rough surface froze. Realization struck him like a hot iron scalding his skin. He jerked his hand away.
His hand wasn't running over the rugged surface of a rock on the beach.
His hand was touching the skin of Kurt's back.
In the nearly unbearable heat, Kurt must have stripped off his shirt to cool down.
Sebastian didn't know what to do. Should he pull the blankets up over Kurt's body and pretend he hadn't felt the scars and bruises? Should he wake him up and tell him?
Sebastian felt stuck, caught in this dilemma with no satisfactory outcome. If he told Kurt what happened, maybe they could move forward...or maybe he'd pull away.
Sebastian sighed deeply. He wanted Kurt to open up to him about this, and in a way, this seemed like fate breaking the ice for them. He shifted a little, not wanting to startle Kurt, and then sat up. They'd only been asleep for about four hours, but Sebastian didn't think this should wait.
"Kurt?" Sebastian put a hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently. "Kurt, sweetie. Wake up."
"Hmmm?" Kurt's tired face turned up to meet Sebastian's, eyes still shut tight by sleep, searching him out in the darkness.
"Kurt." Sebastian swallowed hard. "We need to talk."
Kurt rolled onto his back, lying with his head in Sebastian's lap. Sebastian leaned over and flipped on the kitchen light using a strange switch right by the head of his bed that he always questioned the placement of.
Kurt blinked as the light assaulted his eyelids. Kurt smiled once he saw Sebastian, but then furrowed his brow when he noticed his expression.
"What's wrong, baby?" Kurt asked, his voice thick and gravelly with sleep.
Sebastian didn't answer, waiting for Kurt to come to himself and put the pieces together.
Sebastian watched Kurt's face fall, his smile pulling down at the corners as worry set in. He subconsciously scratched at a spot on his chest, and stopped dead when his fingers came in contact with bare skin.
Kurt's face went from vague concern to extreme panic in a split second. His eyes went wide and his mouth twisted into a grimace of pure agony.
A deep, gut-wrenching pain split Sebastian's body, as if whoever had done this to Kurt had punched through Sebastian's chest and torn out his heart.
"No! Oh my God!" Kurt whimpered as he backed away from Sebastian, grabbing at the thick comforter and wrapping himself in it. "Oh, God! Did you see?"
"No," Sebastian said, crawling over the blanket to get closer to Kurt, approaching slowly like he would a wounded animal. Relief washed over Kurt's face.
Sebastian wanted to be sick, knowing his next admission would pull that relief away.
"But, I felt it."
Sebastian watched the damage those words did as Kurt dissolved into tears, rolling himself tightly in the blanket, a tortured sob escaping his throat.
"Please, Kurt." Sebastian tried to peel away the blanket to uncover Kurt's face. "Please, gorgeous. Let's talk about this."
"No!" Kurt cried, pleading with Sebastian to let him hide. "Please don't!"
Sebastian let go of the blanket and sighed. He laid down awkwardly on the bed, doing his best to rest his forehead against Kurt's.
"Kurt," Sebastian said, trying his best to sound calm and soothing, "please, share this with me."
Kurt choked around painful gasps, sobbing so hard his chest stuttered until he went completely silent, his body convulsing with soundless cries.
"Kurt..." Sebastian ran his hand over Kurt's covered form, rolled into the fetal position. "Kurt...please. Please let me see you."
Kurt's shuddering stopped. He lay still.
"I'm not going anywhere," Sebastian said firmly. "You're not getting rid of me that easily." Sebastian kissed the blanket above Kurt's head.
Kurt's sobs quieted as he sat up, turning red-rimmed eyes to look into Sebastian's comforting green gaze. Kurt lowered the blanket slowly, letting it slide over his skin.
Seeing Kurt expose his exquisitely sculpted chest made Sebastian's heart skip a beat. His eyes roamed over the pale skin reverently.
Kurt dropped his gaze and sighed, turning his back to Sebastian.
Sebastian bit back a gasp. He wanted to cry. He wanted to hit something, hit it hard.
A gruesome patchwork of cuts and bruises covered Kurt's back; countless burns from cigars and cigarettes, and deep ridges made from a belt or a whip. The scars were layered so deep, Sebastian could not make out an inch of new skin; just old scar tissue.
"Oh, Kurt," Sebastian breathed as a single tear slipped from his eyes.
Kurt hurried to pull the blanket back up, but Sebastian grabbed it, stopping him.
"No," Sebastian said. "Please. No more hiding. Not from me."
"Sebastian," Kurt pleaded tearfully.
"Kurt..." Sebastian put a hand to Kurt's damaged skin, and Kurt flinched. "There's no reason to hide. No reason to be ashamed. I love you."
Kurt scoffed, sounding angry and humiliated.
"Even though you see what I really am?"
"Kurt." Sebastian wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. "These scars...they don't define you."
"Yes, they do." Kurt's whole body shook. "I'm ugly. They show everyone that I'm weak."
"Ugly?" Sebastian almost laughed. "Kurt, there isn't a single thing about you that is ugly."
Kurt tried to pull away, but Sebastian refused to let him go.
"And weak?" Sebastian pulled Kurt impossibly close, so that Kurt's back pressed flush against Sebastian's chest. "How can anyone who's been through what you've been through and come out the other side be weak?"
Kurt stopped fighting. He sat still in Sebastian's embrace, crying quietly.
Sebastian felt himself breaking, fighting so hard to keep this man together that something inside him had started to crack in half. He couldn't let Kurt go. He couldn't let him slip away. He had to keep Kurt with him, or he'd risk losing himself in the process.
"You are not weak, Kurt," Sebastian said, shaking a little, tears thick in his voice.
Sebastian pulled away to look down Kurt's back - all those scars, all those bruises. The closest one to him - a round, faded mark with uneven edges - seemed to be the oldest.
The burn mark from the book, a shadow of which managed to remain as it must have damaged several layers of skin. Sebastian pressed a delicate kiss to the mark. Kurt jolted, bristling as if shocked by a bolt electricity.
"You are strong," Sebastian said.
He looked over Kurt's back again and saw the ridge of a deep gash that could have been made with a belt. He pressed a kiss there, too.
"You are gorgeous."
Sebastian caught sight of another gash, not quite as deep, but wide, maybe from a whip. Sebastian suppressed a shudder at how it had left an imprint of the braided leather's design on Kurt's skin. He ran the tip of his tongue gently along the bruise.
"You are a survivor."
Another burn mark caught Sebastian's eye. It looked bigger and deeper that then the first, and sat right on Kurt's spine. It had a distinct pattern, and the more Sebastian examined it, the more he realized it was the capital letter D.
The burn had been made by a cufflink, the metal heated. It had been meant as a brand.
"You're a warrior," Sebastian said, biting his lip to stop it quivering as he kissed this mark as well.
'D', Sebastian thought murderously. 'The asshole's name starts with a D.'
Kurt gasped at each brush of Sebastian's lips against his skin.
Kurt's mind buzzed with a thousand thoughts. What should Kurt do now? This was the final test, wasn't it? Sebastian had stumbled across Kurt's darkest secret, and yet he stayed, kissing him, trying to make years of hurt go away.
There was one more thing Kurt needed.
Sebastian talked about wanting forever with Kurt.
Kurt wanted to know what forever would feel like.
"Sebastian?" Kurt rolled his head on his neck, absorbing the feeling of Sebastian's lips, his gentle caresses with their underlying heat.
"What is it, gorgeous?" Sebastian asked. "What do you want?"
"Sebastian?" Kurt whispered. "Would you...make love to me?"
Sebastian sucked in a quick, surprised breath. He put his hands on Kurt's shoulders, turning Kurt to face him.
"Are you sure?" Sebastian asked.
"Do you not want to?" Kurt crossed his arms in front of his chest, feeling exposed and vulnerable.
"I didn't say that." Sebastian ran his hands down Kurt's bare arms, watching as goosebumps formed on his skin. "I've dreamed of making love to you for longer than I care to admit."
Kurt couldn't help smiling.
"I just...I need you to be ready," Sebastian admitted, resting his forehead against Kurt's. "I need this to be perfect for you. I don't want to screw this up."
Kurt found Sebastian's hands and took them in his own, bringing them slowly to his lips. Sebastian watched Kurt place a trail of delicate kisses from one hand to the other, following each kiss with a gentle swipe of his tongue, like a signature.
"You're not going to screw this up," Kurt whispered between kisses. "It will be perfect...if I'm with you..."
Sebastian felt his body flood with heat. He wanted Kurt, so much more than he had ever wanted anyone in his life. He didn't want to over think things, complicate them with memories of Kurt's tormented past. He wanted to take Kurt to a place where only the two of them existed.
First, he had to get his body to move.
Sebastian reached around Kurt's body, picking him up carefully in his arms. Locking his emerald eyes to Kurt's sapphire ones, he carried him back up the bed and laid him down on the pillow. Sebastian straddled Kurt's hips, hovering above him. He ran his fingers gently through Kurt's hair, soaking in the feel of the silky strands between his fingers. Sebastian cradled Kurt's head in his hands, leaning in to capture Kurt's mouth.
Sebastian felt Kurt's arms loop behind his neck, pulling his body down to cover his, to claim him with his warmth, to keep him safe. Kurt needed to feel all of Sebastian against him, every inch of skin against skin.
While Sebastian's kiss captured Kurt's tongue over and over, Kurt's hands slid over Sebastian's smooth skin, wandering along the lines of his muscular back to the waist band of Sebastian's boxer briefs, still hugging his body in that sinful way that made Kurt stare uncontrollably. He tried his best to pull them down, but the reach of his arms wouldn't let him.
Sebastian broke the kiss with a delicate nibble to Kurt's chin as he sat up, pulling Kurt up with him. Sebastian put Kurt's hands on his hips. Biting on his lip, he pulled Sebastian's briefs down over his already swollen cock, sliding them down over Sebastian's thighs. Sebastian maneuvered a bit to allow Kurt to pull them the rest of the way off his body and toss them carelessly to the floor.
Sebastian tried to lay Kurt back down on the bed, but Kurt, so close to perfection, couldn't resist taking Sebastian into his mouth, sucking him slowly. Sebastian's hands stopped being so insistent, content to rest on Kurt's shoulders and enjoy the attentions of his silky tongue as it wrapped skillfully around him - no more tentative licks or hesitant sucks. This Kurt knew what he wanted.
He wanted Sebastian.
All of him.
Sebastian closed his eyes. He could get lost in the heat of Kurt's mouth, abandon himself to those tight, flawless lips and their lazy sucks over his shaft. He ran his shaking fingers through Kurt's hair. He couldn't get enough of the soft feel of Kurt's chestnut hair.
Sebastian had to reach out a hand and brace himself against the wall. Kurt's lazy pace became heated and greedy, his hands palming Sebastian's ass, pulling him deeper down his throat.
Sebastian knew he couldn't last like this. He pulled himself away from Kurt's mouth with a whimper from his own lips that he didn't recognize.
Kurt giggled as Sebastian settled his body back over him, pulling Kurt's briefs quickly from his body for good measure.
Sebastian considered their position for a moment before flipping their positions, putting Kurt over his hips, straddling him. He wanted to look up into Kurt's beautiful blue eyes, wanted an unobstructed view of Kurt's gorgeous chest, watch him move over him. He wanted to watch Kurt dissolve into pleasure, wanted to feel his legs tremble against him.
Mostly, he wanted Kurt to feel in control.
Sebastian reached behind his head to the small table and its solitary drawer. He opened the drawer just enough to reach a hand inside, pulling out a gold foil packet and a pocket sized bottle of lube.
"Is that all you have in there?" Kurt asked shyly.
"Pretty much," Sebastian chuckled. He held his hand with the two items in his palm out to Kurt. "Help me out?"
Kurt held his breath. He couldn't remember the last time he put a condom on someone. He didn't want to look like a fumbling idiot.
Sebastian saw Kurt's eyes shift, saw the slight expression of discomfort cloud Kurt's eyes. Kurt took the foil packet and the bottle. Setting the bottle beside him on the bed, he tore the foil carefully, then pulled out the rolled up condom, looking curiously at it.
Sebastian bit his lip, trying not to smile at the bashful look on Kurt's rapidly blushing face.
"Take your time, gorgeous," Sebastian said reassuringly. "We have all the time in the world."
Kurt nodded, taking a deep breath in through his nose and let it out through pursed lips. He pinched the tip and positioned it carefully over Sebastian's cock. For a moment, Kurt questioned whether or not this tiny piece of latex would actually stretch over Sebastian's generous length.
Sebastian watched Kurt as he carefully rolled the condom down his cock. Kurt reached for the bottle of lube, popping the top and squeezing a dollop into his palm. His long fingers delicately caressed Sebastian as they spread the viscous fluid around him.
"Oh Kurt," Sebastian breathed. "You're so gentle. So beautiful."
Kurt's eyes darted away, avoiding Sebastian's gaze.
"No," Sebastian said, and moving a finger beneath Kurt's chin, he directed Kurt's gaze back to his eyes. "Don't look away from me. Don't keep your eyes from me."
"What should I do?" Kurt asked, his voice wavering a little. He didn't like sounding so foolish, so inexperienced.
"What would you like to do, gorgeous?" Sebastian said patiently. "Do you want me to finger you? Stretch you a bit?"
Kurt looked into Sebastian's green eyes, so full of love - sincere and unsullied.
Then his eyes moved to Sebastian's beautiful erection, waiting for him.
"No," Kurt said, finally. "I just want you."
Sebastian's breath hitched as he watched Kurt climb daintily over him, positioning himself above Sebastian, ready to accept him, all of him.
Kurt was about to close his eyes in concentration, until he remembered Sebastian ask him not to deprive him of his eyes. Kurt's skin crawled at the idea of being laid bare in front of this gorgeous man, but Kurt fought with his own insecurities to lock eyes with Sebastian's unashamed gaze.
Kurt moved slowly, teasing himself with the head of Sebastian's cock, tearing a moan unexpectedly out of Sebastian's throat. Strengthened by the sound of Sebastian's arousal, Kurt slid down, allowing the head of Sebastian's cock to breach his entrance. Kurt hissed at the burn, but refused to break his gaze, willing the blush in his face away.
'He thinks you're beautiful,' Kurt reminded himself. 'He wants this. He wants you.'
"So gorgeous," Sebastian mumbled, his voice tight as he tried to reign in his compulsion to slam himself deep into Kurt's tight heat. "My beautiful Kurt."
Kurt shivered at Sebastian's words, wondering if this incredible man could read his mind.
Kurt slid farther, stopping when the burn became a little too much, backing off a bit to adjust.
Sebastian bunched the blanket beneath him in his fists as he watched Kurt's sensous body move, slowly, ever so slowly, down his length. Small beads of sweat had already started to form around Kurt's hairline. Sebastian silently cursed the heat, but with Kurt's amazing body sliding over him, it was an easy thing to ignore.
"Oh Sebastian." Kurt moaned as he finally settled onto Sebastian's hips, fitting around the man's enormous length. "How did I get so lucky?" Kurt said with a cheeky grin.
Sebastian looked at Kurt seriously, serenely.
"I'm the lucky one," he said, taking Kurt's hands and lacing their fingers together, trying to ignore the incredible squeeze around his cock. Kurt looked over Sebastian's face. "You loving me," he continued, "is such an incredible gift. You...are such a gift to me. I don't know what I did to deserve your love...and you."
Kurt's mouth dropped in awe. He couldn't remember hearing anything so romantic, especially not directed at him.
Kurt felt like he was drowning in the love he could see in Sebastian's green eyes. How could this man love him so much in such a short amount of time, Kurt wondered.
Probably the same way Kurt loved him, he decided without too much thought.
Kurt did love him. He loved everything there was about Sebastian Smythe - his heart, his smile, his sassy attitude, his gorgeous body, the way he felt he needed to protect Kurt, those unbelievable eyes so full of admiration.
Sebastian settled his hands on Kurt's hips. The feeling of Sebastian's hands gripping his skin broke him from his daydream.
"Do you want to move?" Sebastian asked softly.
Kurt nodded, though he didn't know how he was going to be able to accommodate Sebastian's tremendous cock over and over without splitting in two. Kurt's body wanted him, greedily wanted to take pleasure from him.
Kurt wanted to give himself to Sebastian, be one with him.
Kurt braced himself with his hand on Sebastian's chest. He found some strength in his already trembling legs, and began to slowly move, gliding over his length smoothly.
Sebastian groaned as soon as Kurt slid over him.
"Oh, Kurt," Sebastian sighed. "That's it, beautiful. My Kurt. My gorgeous Kurt."
Sebastian bit his lip, eyes locked on Kurt's body - his glittering blue eyes, his quivering lips, his strong stomach muscles and his undulating hips.
"Talk to me," Kurt pleaded in a broken whisper. Kurt bit his tongue, trying to quell the onslaught of his orgasm, rising too quickly within him. Sebastian's cock couldn't seem to avoid hitting the secret spot within Kurt's body that made him liquify. He was afraid this would all be over before it had barely even started.
"I love watching your body move." Sebastian didn't need to think. He just said the words that had gathered in his heart the moment he laid eyes on Kurt. "Your innate grace...your strong body. God, Kurt..." For a moment, Sebastian had to take in a deep breath and steady his voice. "You take me so well, gorgeous."
Kurt had gone to a place where he was beyond being embarrassed by Sebastian's compliments, and absorbed them instead - let them fuel his fire.
"I love you, Kurt," Sebastian almost whispered. "I love you so much, and I don't see that changing any time soon."
Sebastian took Kurt's hands, lacing their fingers together, helping support Kurt as he sped up a little, moaning at the increased pace.
"I belong to you, Kurt." Sebastian growled in the back of his throat, the sound of a barely restrained animal waiting, teetering on the edge of its self-control. "I'm all yours. I have been since the first moment I saw you."
Kurt whimpered. Sebastian's words worked through all his defenses, fought past all the walls and the barriers. They fought to release Kurt's captive soul...and they were winning.
"Oh, Kurt." Sebastian felt himself meeting Kurt's movements with thrusts of his own. "You're everything, Kurt. You have me...my heart, my soul, my body...it's yours."
Sebastian felt Kurt tremble, felt his grip on his hands tighten. Before Kurt almost couldn't make himself look into Sebastian's eyes. Now he felt like he couldn't look away.
Kurt's body tightened, clenching around Sebastian. His arms shook, his lips parted. Sweat slid down his back as he moved, his hips losing a bit of steam.
Sebastian felt Kurt's body fail him, saw his blue eyes blow wide, black pupils replacing crystal blue irises as lust took over. Sebastian held Kurt's hips and pounded up, chasing Kurt's orgasm and his own.
There was an intense heat spiraling between them. Eyes locked, Sebastian felt Kurt's body burn around him, every touch of his skin like a lick of flame where they connected. It was unfamiliar, almost unreal. Sebastian didn't want to let go of it; wanted it wrapped around him forever.
It couldn't last. It burned too hot. Sebastian's heart slammed so hard in his chest he thought it might actually stop, but there was nothing that was going to keep Sebastian from giving everything he had left in his body to Kurt.
Sebastian's fingers started to dig into Kurt's hips as he felt the coil of lava in the pit of his stomach unravel.
Kurt's eyes told the same story. The inferno that flooded Sebastian's veins flowed through Kurt, too, and Kurt's body was telling him it was time to let go.
Sebastian had only time to say one last thing.
"I feel like I've been waiting for you...my whole life."
This time Kurt bit his lip until it bled.
His legs started to give out as he came. Sebastian held him tight, body arching up to meet him. Kurt barely registered Sebastian's fingernails as they bit his skin, or Sebastian burying himself deep into Kurt's body as he came, too.
Kurt couldn't catch his breath, couldn't feel his muscles, and all of a sudden he heard Sebastian's worried voice breaking through the fuzz that had gathered in his head, through the soft cloud of bliss that had formed and was trying to push him into a dreamless sleep.
"No, no, no...Kurt? Honey?"
Kurt felt himself lifted; a deep, gorgeous voice cursing as he floated in strong arms through the air. Then an unwelcome blast of cold air hit him in the face and Kurt gasped, his eyes flying open. He was sitting in Sebastian's lap on the fire escape of Sebastian's building...and he was naked.
"Oh, geez, Sebastian!" Kurt exclaimed.
"Don't 'oh geez me', Kurt. You almost passed out!"
Kurt giggled, feeling a little giddy.
"What can I say?" Kurt drawled, sounding a little drunk. "You're just that good."
Kurt let his eyelids drift closed as he sucked in a mouthful of cool, refreshing air.
Sebastian laughed, shaking his head, hair tickling Kurt's chin.
"You're ridiculous," Sebastian said, kissing Kurt's throat.
"I'm in love," Kurt said, a dopey smile on his face.
Sebastian held Kurt close, feeling him return from wherever it was he was about to slip off to, relaxed and sated.
Sebastian carried Kurt back inside the apartment and put him gently back in bed, only now there would be no more hiding behind t-shirts and blankets. Sebastian opened the windows wide to let out the heat. He tossed out the condom and found a washcloth to clean them off with.
Sebastian was exhausted in the best possible way. He returned to bed and saw Kurt stretched out, asleep. No more fear. No more shame. He lay on his stomach, his back on display, and a smile on his face.
Sebastian felt something within him change, evolve. In an almost animal way, he felt like he owned Kurt. He smelled like him. He felt him on his skin.
Eventually they would have to leave the protective bubble of this beautiful evening, this special moment they had shared, and return to a reality where some hidden menace threatened Kurt - his happiness, and maybe even his life.
Sebastian had a feeling he knew who it was.
The same man who felt the need to burn his initial into Kurt's skin forever.
They would face him together.
Together they were one. Together they belonged.
Sebastian became even more determined to find this mysterious asshole 'D'...and end this.
Notes: After repeated questions on the point of Kurt's bruises, I have decided to add a note at the end of this chapter. Many people have asked me if after three years wouldn't Kurt's bruises have faded. I tried to not get too descriptive over the nature of Kurt's scars but they are primarily whip and burn marks. They are bruises from repeated -daily - abuse. The are deep tissue scars. This type of repeated bruising doesn't allow the skin to properly heal, and scar tissue builds up on top of scar tissue, which is where the ridges come from, that peak and valley pitting. Because it comes close to the muscle and isn't properly cared for, it wouldn't have faded after three years. I know this from personal experience, as many of my readers already know. I hope this clears things up :)