Shooting the Breeze

Ch. 3: Diva

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Glee

Authors Note: So it seems that I am going in the Blaine/Ryder/Sam direction like I thought you would. Also in this chapter I had a chance to write two of my absolute favorite characters of the show…Brittany and Santana. I hope I got their voices right. Hope you enjoy.

"Hey Sam are you free after school?" Ryder asked leaning against a locker nearby. Sam looked up at the younger man and smiled. Ever since Blaine had started dating him Sam had seen a lot more of the guy. He never knew that they had so much in common. They loved first person shooters and could spend hours playing. They would usually keep playing until Blaine complained about being hungry. He also could spend hours debating whether the Dark Knight Rises was a better movie than the Avengers, while Blaine would get bored after thirty minutes. Another cool thing about him was that he understood every one of his imitations no matter how obscure they were. Ryder had the largest collection of movies he had ever seen in his life.

"Yeah I'm free. Do you want to have another bros day?" Sam asked closing his locker and leaning back against it.

"Nah, Jake did something that pissed off Marley and he's trying to get back on her good side and Blaine said he wasn't feeling good so he was going to go home and rest." Ryder said looking down at the floor.

"So what did you want to do?"

"I was wondering if you could come over and maybe help me with my English assignment. It's just the teacher assigned us three chapters to have read by tomorrow and I know that no matter what I do I'll be lucky to get through one." Ryder said.

Sam knew that Ryder had Dyslexia just like him but it seemed to impact him harder. While it did take Sam longer to read a chapter than other people the treatment he had received had helped him learn tricks that made it where reading a book wasn't a miracle anymore. Ryder wasn't that lucky, he had been going to his Dyslexia specialist for months and he wasn't getting better. Well, that was a lie. His spelling was way better than it had been, but he was still having trouble with his reading. Sam knew that he thought he was stupid and was mortally embarrassed to ask for help, even from Sam, looking at him now Sam could see that his eyes were red and looked kind of glassy like he was holding in tears of embarrassment.

"Of course dude I'm sure with the two of us this assignment will be done in no time." Sam said.

"Thank you so much. You don't know how much this means to me." Ryder said, that awful embarrassed look finally leaving his face.

"Don't mention it."

"You're a really great friend dude." Ryder said as the last remains of his shame left his face leaving a huge smile in its place. Sam rubbed his chest with his hand. It suddenly felt really tight.

"Are you alright dude?" Ryder asked.

"Yeah I'm fine. My chest just felt weird there for a second." Sam said.

"Well let's get to glee club. We don't want to miss Blaine's diva performance. Also Tina's been giving him weird looks again. I hope her weird crush isn't coming back." Ryder mumbled as he started to walk to the choir room. Sam walked after him and couldn't help but admire Ryder's shoulders. They were awesome! He needed to ask him what exercises he did. His could definitely use improvement.

"Welcome to Fondue for Two. Today's guest is Glee's very own Bieber impersonator Ryder Lynn." Brittany said with a dramatic gesture to Ryder who looked like he had no idea how he had gotten there.

"So Ryder everyone has wanted to know how it feels to suddenly be a half dolphin half shark." Brittany said with a smile.

"Umm what?" Ryder asked as he skewered a piece of bread.

"Well you used to be all shark and now you're half dolphin." Brittany said with a knowing smile.

"Is this about how I like to bite? Did Blaine tell you because he said it was alright and that he would just wear a scarf the next day?" Ryder said looking panicked.

"No silly I'm talking about your sudden interest in boy love." Brittany said laughing.

"Oh…what does that have to do with sharks?"

"Everyone knows that dolphins are gay sharks." Brittany said giving Ryder a look that said he was a few crayons short of a set.

"Oh now I get it. I am a half shark half dolphin because I like both."

"Exactly now there's no reason to be ashamed, Lord Tubbington is also half human." Brittany said looking as the obese cat that was going through a book that looked like it was Brittany's diary.

"Oh my god that's burning hot." Ryder whimpered as he spit out his piece of bread into a napkin.

"Oh another question the internet demands answered is who bottoms you or Blaine?"

"What I'm not telling you that. Oh my God are you taping this?" Ryder asked staring into the camera.

"Of course silly what did you think was going on?"

"I thought it was another one of the weird things you do, like that day when you walked down the hall talking to yourself." Ryder said feeling his face turn red.

"Yeah my voice over was broken that day." Brittany said with a blank smile.

"I have no idea what's going on." Ryder mumbled looking miserable.

"Well that's all the time we have today. Join us next time were we will talk about Lord Tubbington's growing drug problem." Brittany said to the camera.

"Hey so I hear you like to bite?" Sam greeted with a smile.

"I am never going to live that down." Ryder said miserably as he let Sam in.

"Neither is Blaine. Dude, have you really never seen Brittany's youtube show?" Sam asked following Ryder up to his room.

"No I haven't. Brittany just kind of kidnapped me after school and dragged me to her room with a large bowl of cheese and a really fat cat." Ryder said looking around his room for something.

"Bro you need to watch more youtube videos." Sam said as he watched Ryder get on his knees to look for something. Wow, Ryder had a really nice pair of glutes. Maybe he would be willing to exercise with him sometime.

"Ahh here it is." Ryder said standing up with a book that looked like it had seen better days. They settled down and started to get down to work. Three hours later and they were almost done with the second chapter. It looked like it was going to be a long night. He should really be heading home but there was no way he was going to abandon Ryder in his time of need.

Sam slowly felt himself wake up. What was going on? This didn't look like his room. Also he was snuggling up to someone. His brain quickly jumped into action. He was spooning Ryder. He was spooning his best friend's boyfriend. This was not good definitely not good. He was thinking of what he should do when Ryder mumbled something that sounded like Blaine and pushed further back into Sam.

Great now Ryder's ass was pushed against his naughty bits…and when did he get hard. It was morning wood. Sure it was the middle of the night but that didn't matter. He slowly made his way out of the bed and fled the house. He didn't do anything wrong nothing happened. Yeah they had just fallen asleep from exhaustion. Reading all those chapters had been really hard. Yep nothing was wrong, nothing at all.

Santana walked through the halls in boredom. She thought that coming here would be a walk in the park. She would show up do a wicked hot dance number and then Brittany would drop gooper mouth and run back into her arms. She stopped when she saw the man of the hour looking across the hallway at Frodo and his new life size Ken doll making lovey dovey eyes at each other. It was sickening. There should be a law about letting your emotions barf out of you like that. Someone might slip and catch idiot.

Wait a second something was off with that Look Sam was sending the duo. Oh my god! She would know that look anywhere. It was an odd mix of jealousy, anger and shame. She had seen it enough times in the mirror that she knew what that meant. She walked over to Sam pushing a freshman out of her way. Really they weren't making freshman the same way anymore. Not enough fearful respect.

"So which one of them are you popping wood for Gigantor lips?" Santana said with a smirk as she watched Sam jump and look away from the pair with guilt in his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean is that bulge in your pants for blow me up Ken or our little hairy toed leprechaun over there?" Santana said with a pointed look at Sam's groin. Sam moved his arm placing a binder in front of himself.

"You got it wrong I was thinking about Brittany's boobs."

"As much as I appreciate Brittany's boobs having magical wood growing properties I have to call bullshit. I know that look on your face and you were definitely sending longing eyes over there. You should really stop lying Sam you wouldn't want your lips to grow even bigger than they already are." Santana said crossing her arms.

Damn this was more serious than she thought. Sam didn't even look at her boobs. That move always made men look at them. She was pretty sure that sophomore had walked into that wall because he was staring at them. She had even caught Blaine checking them out a few times.

"Look I don't know what your problem is but you have this all wrong?" Sam said looking like he was starting to panic.

"My problem is that your little orientation problem is going to end up hurting my Brits. Now usually I would destroy you before that happened, but you remind me of a male Brittany. If just a little bit smarter. So Instead I'm going to help you out." Santana said feeling a little uncomfortable at the turn of events.

"Why would you do that?" Sam asked looking so young and innocent.

"Look hurting you would be like hurting Brit. It's like kicking a puppy. She lives in a world filled with unicorns and dolphins. You live in a world where men in tights fly around singing kumbai yah. Bursting either one of your bubbles is like a crime against humanity. So tell me which one you like before I suddenly break out in hive from all this angst." Santana said with a smirk.

"I don't even know" Sam said in defeat.

"I mean Blaine is my best friend and I couldn't live without him. He is the best person I know, well, when you can actually get him away from Kurt. Ryder on the other hand doesn't seem to have a mean bone in his body. Sure I haven't known him that long but the few times I've seen him be rude to someone it seemed to be from social awkwardness. He also had really nice shoulders and glutes. I need to ask him what exercise routine he has." Sam continued, staring after the pair as they walked away.

"Oh my god you want to do the nasty with both of them." Santana said with glee.

"No I don't." Sam denied.

"Oh please, you want to follow the rainbow all the way to Blaine's Treasures and you also want to see if blow me up Ken is actually a sex doll in disguise. Ahh my little Trouty Mouth is all grown up." Santana said

"I don't…know. What the hell am I going to do?" Sam asked looking miserable.

"I'll tell you what you're going to do. You're going to find Brittany and break up with her. No matter if you decide to join the rainbow brigade or not Brittany doesn't deserve to be your beard while you make up your mind."

"You're right. I'll find a way to go easy on her. You'll take care of her right." Sam asked looking at her with his bambi eyes. God damn him and his cuteness. She had what she wanted she should leave him to stew in his angst and guilt but no now she had to do something nice.

"Look I can't really tell you what to do about them, but I can tell you that if you really have feelings for them you should make a move. Who knows maybe they both will have a fetish for freakishly large lips and end up liking you back or at least b welling to do the nasty. All I can tell you is that not taking the chance and having to watch them be happy without you is going to be hell." Santana said. She watched as Sam seemed to consider her words.

She stood there for a few moments waiting for him to say something back. It looked like he was really thinking about what she had said. This might take awhile for the action figure in his head to make the wheel go around fast enough. She didn't have time for this. With a sigh she left big lips to his thoughts. She had a Brittany to find and maybe on the way she would run into an old person to knock over or a puppy to kick. All the niceness she had just done was making her skin itch.