A/N: For my more sensitive readers (whom I love to death, by the way, as they have chosen to stick with this story regardless of how difficult some of these chapters have been to read) a little bit of a warning. Kurt is hung over, and having flashbacks. Nothing is at all expressly stated. Everything he remembers or feels is very vague. Nothing is described or expressly stated. Just his feelings about bad memories. There is no graphic descriptions of abuse or violence of any kind. Just his feeling of being afraid. That being said, my warning here is for feelings of fear and anxiety. The only thing i can think of that might be a trigger has been highlighted. If you don't even want to chance it, stop reading at the highlighted 'Are' and start reading again at the highlighted 'Green'. You'll only miss about three lines that aren't too integral to the story.
Oh...and they have sex. You're welcome ;)
Please enjoy.
Kurt was stuck somewhere between asleep and awake, but he couldn't force himself to open his eyes. He knew if he did, his head would swim, the light would burn, and everything he had eaten in the last seven hours would make an appearance. Staying in the dark behind his eyelids wasn't an attractive option either. This chamber of darkness was too quiet, and he was lonely. Alone in his own mind meant that he sometimes wandered down roads that he had long since abandoned; roads that led to places he never wanted to revisit.
He needed to find the road that would bring him back home.
He needed to find his way to the man who could lead him out of the dark.
He needed Sebastian.
One eyelid opened slowly. The other followed. The room around him, somber and silent, frightened him. Everything felt forbidding and unfamiliar. He couldn't remember how deep into his dreams he had traveled. What if Sebastian had never truly existed? What if Dave had beaten him so badly this time that he created Sebastian as a way to cope? Maybe he had been lying unconscious in bed for days.
It wouldn't be the first time.
Sebastian might just be an idea, a beacon of hope.
Under similar circumstances, he had dreamt of his mother once – the smell of lavender that surrounded her hair; the blue of her eyes that never turned gray like his often did because she never got angry enough; her pale skin, so soft, so flawless, she almost looked like a porcelain doll.
Loving the way his mother looked had been Kurt's first step, as a child, to loving himself.
It made him sick that Dave managed to take that away from him.
Kurt's body felt heavy. A cold sweat broke out all over his already clammy skin. He didn't dare raise his head. He searched around with his eyes, his head pounding because of the movement, but he couldn't risk anyone noticing him. This time, if he lay still enough, maybe he could will himself to stop breathing, and then he would simply disappear.
Kurt heard the creaking of old wood boards and whimpered. He didn't want to make the noise, but his body had other plans. He felt hands touch him, squeezing his shoulders gently, rub down his back slowly. The warm hands caressed him soothingly, seductively. This is how it always started. Touches - gentle, loving at first, and then rough, demanding. If it wasn't Dave this time, it might be someone else. Someone just as bad. Someone slightly worse.
Kurt bit his lip, rolling it around between his teeth to sharpen the pain, trying hard not to cry. Things always went worse when he cried.
Sebastian had climbed into bed with Kurt after all. He couldn't stand to sit on the floor. He felt too far from him. Kurt's body always brought him comfort. He wouldn't touch him, or try to arouse him. He just wanted to be near him, to smell the soothing scent of vanilla from his shampoo that fought its way through the pungent smell of tequila, to hear the faint whisper of breath escape his lips.
He didn't realize that nursing a heartbroken soul could wipe out all his energy, though he decided to blame that on Blaine, too, thus absolving his beautiful Kurt of any wrongdoing tonight.
He opened his eyes to the sound of his phone buzzing. Sebastian smiled. He already knew who had sent him a message before he even fished the phone out of his pocket and turned off the ringer completely. Before settling down in bed with Kurt, Sebastian had texted his brother. Knowing his brother had a few more connections than he did, he asked Richard to help find out anything he could about the elusive Dave Karofsky. He hadn't divulged too much information. He decided to remain vague about the gory details. After all, Kurt's story wasn't Sebastian's to tell. He told Richard that his boyfriend's ex had been making trouble for them. He knew his brother didn't buy that as the whole story, but he had the decency to leave it alone.
Sebastian blinked as he glanced at the bright screen.
From: Richard
Sure thing, Sebastian. I'll check it out right away. P.S. When do we get to meet your man?
Sebastian looked over the message a few more times and let his mind wander. Taking Kurt home to meet his family…well, at least just his brother and his mother. Sebastian liked the idea. The more he let himself imagine what it might be like, visiting his brother's family with Kurt by his side, the more excited he became. Things had seemed so bleak when he first had to leave Harvard and his entire life behind. When he originally moved into his Stygian little apartment, he had resolved not to look past the here and now, because everything beyond that seemed so hopeless. Now, a vision of the future had emerged in his sights. It was waiting for him out in the distance, all because of Kurt.
He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms, blinking to clear away the sleep and relieve the sting of his dry eyes. His eyes burned. He realized too late that he had managed to get tequila on his hands, and then rubbed his eyes.
Yup. That was definitely a special feeling.
He got gingerly up off the bed and wandered to the bathroom to wash his eyes out with clear, cool water. The bright light bouncing off the white walls of the bathroom felt so clinical to Sebastian, almost like a hospital bathroom. For some reason, it made him think of his mother, and how much he missed her – her sing song voice, her beautiful sunny smile, her strange little snort of a laugh.
He suddenly hated this white bathroom. Why did Kurt even decorate it this way when the rest of the house reflected his personal, eclectic style? Maybe he could ask Kurt if they could redecorate it together, paint the walls a beautiful blue to reflect Kurt's eyes. Maybe they could do some of the tiles in green.
A tiny, distant whimper broke through Sebastian's thoughts.
He cursed himself quietly as he raced back to Kurt's room. He swore to himself that Kurt wouldn't have to wake up alone.
Kurt waited, breath trapped in his throat, fingers itching to clutch at the comforter beneath him. He anticipated the worst, and braced himself for it.
"It's alright, gorgeous," a velvety voice whispered. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here when you woke up."
"Sebastian?" Kurt's voice cracked. "Is that really you?"
"Yes," the voice replied. "Yes, I'm here. I'm not going to leave you again. I promise."
"Are you real?" Kurt still hadn't seen him. He realized with what was left of his broken heart that this could all be a trick. The other men always mocked him, took his hope and turned it into a game, just another way to humiliate and destroy him.
Kurt wanted to push himself up, but certainly those warm, strong hands would just push him down, pin him to the mattress, and hurt him.
He felt a weight lift off the bed. Kurt gritted his teeth, knowing that the body that belonged to the sensual hands and the satin voice would soon be standing in front of him, a zipper lowered.
He knew what he was expected to do. Kurt's eyes burned as he pushed down his revulsion.
Green eyes.
He saw perfect green eyes, like jewels shining at him, even in the absence of light.
He only knew one person with emerald green eyes, and a smile so bright he'd see it even in pitch dark.
"Sebastian?" Kurt mouthed. He reached out a hand, shaking so hard he could barely control it. He tried to touch the beautiful face, to make his dream real so it could take him away from the beatings and the burnings and the rape. He wanted to settle in the sun, in his small garden, surrounded by flowers and tomatoes, with a man who laughed and took his picture endlessly while he pretended to be angry.
"Well, gorgeous. It's nice to see you've climbed out of your bottle of tequila," Sebastian's comforting voice whispered. "How do you feel?"
Kurt didn't have voice enough left to speak. Sebastian's smile faded as he saw Kurt's eyes become cloudy, watched as something else took over.
Sebastian leapt to his feet and gathered Kurt up in his arms.
"Okay, gorgeous," he murmured soothingly. "We're going to get you to the bathroom before you lose your lunch."
Kurt felt like he should struggle, but he didn't have an inch of fight in him.
Sebastian moved Kurt as carefully as possible, but with as much speed as he could. The moment the light hit his eyes, Kurt began to retch. Sebastian got him to the toilet just in time for Kurt to empty his stomach.
Sebastian rifled through Kurt's tiny linen cabinet, looking for the softest washcloth he could find. He soaked it with cool water and waited while Kurt's body heaved painfully. Sebastian dared a hand on Kurt's back, touching him gently. When Kurt didn't flinch or pull away, Sebastian began to rub calming circles over his back.
It seemed to take forever for Kurt's body to stop convulsing. Sebastian knelt beside him, pressing the washcloth to Kurt's head. He kissed Kurt lightly on the temple, clearing sweaty hair away from his face and eyes.
"Do you think you can stand, my love?"
Kurt didn't want to nod. He opened his mouth and croaked out a sound that vaguely resembled a yes. Sebastian smirked - kindly, not cruelly. He dimmed the lights before laying Kurt out on the bathroom floor. Slowly, carefully, Sebastian undressed him. He moved Kurt as little as possible.
Sebastian remembered the last horrific hangover he had suffered. It was his second year at Harvard. It was after a huge party off campus. Someone, he didn't even remember who, had rolled him into bed early the next morning. He vaguely remembered promising some professor a blow. He always wondered if he was the guy who dropped him off. Of course, his college roommate decided the best way to wake him up the next morning was by yodeling at the top of his lungs. His roommate had a hot body, was decently well hung, and spent most of the time they knew each other deeply questioning his sexuality, but none of those things excused being woken up like that.
Sebastian had a private room the next day.
After removing Kurt's clothes painstakingly for twenty minutes, he tossed off his uniform. He started the shower, the sound of the water hitting the tile making Kurt groan out loud. Sebastian winced.
"I'm sorry about that, sweetheart."
Sebastian lifted his boyfriend into the shower. He looped Kurt's arms around his neck and held him tight, letting the hot rushing water soothe away the hurt and the anger. Sebastian had brought the washcloth in with them, and started washing Kurt. Sebastian felt Kurt's muscles relax, his body melting against him. Kurt rested his tired head on Sebastian's shoulder. Wrapped in the safety of his boyfriend's arms, which Kurt realized was not some vivid fantasy, he sobbed quietly.
"Shhh," Sebastian soothed gently. "It's alright, gorgeous. Everything's alright. I promise."
Sebastian abandoned the washcloth in favor of holding his crying boyfriend in his arms. He didn't imagine Kurt would still be so devastated. The more Kurt cried, the more Sebastian's own heart started to sink beneath the weight of self-doubt. Kurt obviously still loved Blaine. How did this go on for so long without Sebastian noticing it? Was it simmering beneath the surface, simply pushed to the side when he and Kurt were together?
Sebastian had every intention of telling Kurt the truth, the whole story of how Blaine had been tricked, how he had gone to New York to try and find him, to rescue him from Dave.
Sebastian held Kurt tight in his arms, wondering. How much longer after he revealed all of that would he still have a boyfriend?
Sebastian dried Kurt off, covered him from head to toe in his favorite lotion, and then slipped him into the least restrictive, most comfortable clothes he could find – which happened to be his own Harvard sweatpants and white t-shirt. He propped Kurt up with every pillow on the bed, and then brought him a glass of water and a bottle of Tylenol.
"That glass of water is bottomless," Sebastian said, sitting beside Kurt, "so don't be afraid to ask for more. You need to stay hydrated."
Kurt could finally nod without his head feeling like jackhammers were pounding through it. He sipped the water, the cool sweetness washing away the sour flavor of old tequila from his tongue.
"I'm sorry that I woke you." Sebastian watched Kurt as he drank the water. He handed him two Tylenol from the bottle, which he plucked out with his fingertips so that he wouldn't rattle the pills in their container.
"You didn't," Kurt said, his voice raspy, his throat still dry. Kurt took the pills with a grateful nod, swallowing them in one gulp with the rest of the water. Sebastian quickly refilled his cup from a pitcher he had filled and set at the bedside. "I was having a nightmare. For a moment, I thought you were…"
Kurt clamped his lips shut to stop the words from leaving his mouth, but Sebastian finished the sentence for him.
"You thought I was Dave?"
Sebastian wanted to tread lightly, but he also felt, in light of things, that this conversation between them was long overdue.
Kurt's eyes went wider than Sebastian had ever seen. Kurt trembled, the water in his cup sloshing over the rim. Sebastian grabbed Kurt's arm to steady its shaking.
"I know, Kurt," Sebastian said with an apologetic sigh. "I know about Dave."
Kurt looked on the verge of new tears. His lips moved to form a word.
"How?"
The question was silent, just a breath through Kurt's cracked lips.
Sebastian looked down for a moment, setting the glass of water aside so he could take Kurt's hands in his. When his gaze fell again on Kurt's face, his blue eyes were hard, accusing. It killed Sebastian to see, but he refused to lie.
"I talked to Blaine."
Kurt stopped breathing. He shook his head, disbelief and betrayal etched into ever line of his face. He tried to back away from Sebastian, but there was nowhere to go. He yanked hard to free his hands from Sebastian's grasp, but Sebastian held on tight.
"Listen to me, Kurt. Please, just listen to me."
Kurt would have screamed, but his dry throat wouldn't make any sound other than a strangled choke. Sebastian pulled Kurt into his arms, holding him tight against his body. He tried to explain, as calmly and clearly as he could, about the phone call, about Blaine and the photos, about the phony wedding invitation. As he spoke, Kurt began to settle down in Sebastian's arms, listening intently to every word of his story.
Sebastian paused, sighing as he made up his mind, and told Kurt how Blaine still loved him. How he had gone to New York trying to find him. How everything that happened between them was a manufactured lie by some jealous asshole from his office at Vogue.
Kurt listened, but his body began to shake with rage.
"I don't understand," Kurt croaked hoarsely. "Why are you taking his side?"
"I'm not taking his side." Sebastian felt things slipping out of his control. "But, you deserve to know the truth."
The shaking in Kurt's muscles ceased. He was no longer struggling, no longer rigid. He went completely still. Sebastian laid him back against the pillows. Kurt's eyes were closed, his breathing even. He looked like he was fighting to find peace.
"So, what are you going to do now?" Sebastian asked quietly, afraid of Kurt's answer.
Kurt blinked a few times.
"Well," he said, his voice sounding stronger, clearer, "I'm going to take about 9,000 Tylenol. And then I'm going to lie here until the room stops spinning, which I assume will be sometime in July."
Sebastian smirked, hoping this might be the first signs of his Kurt coming back.
"No," Sebastian said. "I mean about Blaine."
Kurt turned and really saw Sebastian for the first time that night - tired, worn down, hopeless. Kurt's brow furrowed, confusion masking his own exhausted features.
"Aren't you going to call him up?" Sebastian asked painfully. "See if there's something still there?"
Kurt's face remained blank, expressionless.
"You love him, Kurt," Sebastian whispered, dropping his eyes to look at his hands, his fingers tracing shapes on the comforter. "I know you do. Maybe you guys could, you know, talk it out. Fix things."
Kurt closed his eyes and shook his head. Panic started to rise up within him, flooding his chest, making it hard to breathe. This was it. This little episode was the straw that broke the camel's back. Sebastian had been so patient and understanding. He was bound to break eventually.
"I don't understand, Sebastian. Are you…are you breaking up with me?"
"Kurt…" Sebastian tried to catch Kurt's gaze, but he squeezed his eyes shut. "I just want you to be happy. He's your first love and all. That means something."
"I told you…" Kurt's voice started to break as tears pushed their way through. He felt that if he cried any more, he would shrivel up and blow away like dry ash. "There will always be a special place in my heart for him."
Sebastian's shoulders slumped, but Kurt didn't see.
"You always keep a special place for your first love, right?"
"Yeah," Sebastian agreed, his voice tight. "Mine is by my side, day and night…"
Kurt opened his eyes. Sebastian couldn't look up to meet them. He shook his head, and Kurt saw the defeat in his shoulders, the light that usually surrounded him beginning to grow dull.
"My first love is you, Kurt."
"Sebastian…" Kurt's face became a mixture of emotions as he tried to make sense of things. "That can't be true."
"But, it is." Sebastian moved closer to Kurt, cupping his face in his hands and staring deeply into his glasz eyes. "I've never been in love with anyone in my life, until I met you."
Kurt didn't know what to say. This whole time he foolishly thought that he was the only person in this equation in danger of having his heart broken; that Sebastian's feelings for him couldn't be close to what Kurt felt for Sebastian.
"I am so sorry, Sebastian..."
"That's okay," Sebastian interjected quickly, pushing up off the bed. "No, I get it..."
Kurt grabbed Sebastian's arms, pulling him back down to the bed.
"No," Kurt said, shaking his head. "I am so sorry that you think that I would leave you for Blaine."
"But, you and Blaine…"
"There is no me and Blaine," Kurt emphasized. "Blaine and I were over a long time ago."
"He still loves you." Sebastian wasn't sure why he was defending Blaine so hard. He didn't want Kurt to leave him, but he wanted Kurt to have the chance to be truly happy.
Kurt scoffed.
"Yeah, but my love was so disposable that he tossed it aside without even consulting me on the matter. Besides…I'm in love with someone else."
Sebastian smiled - a small, bashful curl of his lips which somehow managed to make him look angelic and devilish at the same time.
"If it makes you feel any better, he sounds pretty miserable with that chode he's living with."
Kurt smiled smugly.
"Yes," he said. "Yes, it does."
Sebastian inched closer to Kurt.
"Do you think it would be too painful if I kissed you?"
Kurt immediately covered his mouth with his hand.
"I don't think you want to do that," he said, giggling nervously.
Sebastian smirked.
"You forget, I was a frat boy once. I'm not sure anything bothers me."
Kurt grimaced, but he wouldn't remove his hand.
Sebastian rolled his eyes. He ran into the bathroom, grabbing his work shorts off the floor, and raced back to Kurt's side. He rummaged through the pockets, and pulled out a tiny red and white tin of Altoids mints. He flipped open the lid, taking one of the little white disks and placed it on his tongue. Kurt watched, fascinated, as Sebastian pulled his tongue with the mint on it back into his mouth, biting down hard.
Sebastian's face twisted in what looked like pain.
"Mmm," he groaned as he chewed, "curiously strong."
Kurt giggled, eying the mints, still nestled on paper tissue in their tiny tin. Before Sebastian could object, Kurt grabbed three and popped them in his mouth, chewing fiercely. Sebastian watched and waited, his eyes already laughing. Suddenly, Kurt screeched, breathing in sharply through clenched teeth.
"Holy shit!" he screamed.
Sebastian keeled over Kurt's legs, laughing into the blanket. Kurt fanned his burning mouth with his hand.
"Haven't you had these before?" Sebastian managed between laughs.
"Yesh," Kurt said, trying to talk without shutting his mouth. "But, I figured since you're determined to kiss me, even after the tequila, and the…well, I wanted my mouth to be extra minty."
Sebastian lifted his head, watching as Kurt swallowed the remains of the crushed mints. Sebastian climbed over Kurt's legs, looking down into Kurt's face, his hungry gaze stealing Kurt's breath away.
"Let's see if it worked," Sebastian whispered, taking Kurt's face in his hands, staring lovingly into his eyes. The gray storm had calmed, and Kurt's eyes had mellowed into a deep cyan, reminiscent of Lilies of the Nile.
Sebastian's lips brushed Kurt's, pressing gently against Kurt's mouth as Kurt spoke.
"I love you, Sebastian," Kurt whispered.
Sebastian stopped, smiling down on his beautiful prince.
"I love you too, gorgeous. I love you, too."
Kurt wrapped his arms around Sebastian's shoulders, pulling him closer, his fingers running lightly through Sebastian's hair.
Sebastian sighed as he captured Kurt's lips, clearing his mind of everything but Kurt – the way his skin smelled clean and fresh, how his lips felt when they moved along his mouth. Kurt's tongue, smooth as satin, slipped along Sebastian's lips, and his entire mouth tasted like peppermint.
Sebastian smiled. Kurt was his. Kurt still belonged to him.
He snaked his arms around Kurt's back, holding him gently, but close. He felt an amazing sense of relief, but with that relief came the intense realization of everything he might have lost – Kurt's strong arms holding him through the night while he slept, those prismatic eyes staring at him with love as Kurt teased him merciless, a million more kisses promised to him in the future from the softest lips in the world, a lifetime of 'I love you' spoken in Kurt's melodic voice.
Sebastian's kisses became more insistent, his hold around Kurt's body tighter.
He didn't noticed the tears that had rolled down his cheeks, or the way his lips quivered, until Kurt pulled slowly away and looked at him, eyes shining. Kurt raised a hand and traced the trail of Sebastian's tears down his cheek with gentle fingertips.
"Oh, my love," Kurt whispered sadly. "It's all too much, isn't it?"
Sebastian shook his head, grabbing Kurt's hand and kissing his fingers.
"No," Sebastian said, his voice unsteady. "No, it's not enough. Not nearly enough."
"What do you want, baby?" Kurt asked. Sebastian cradled Kurt's hand, rubbing his palm with his thumb, putting it up to his cheek to feel Kurt's smooth skin.
"I want you," Sebastian whispered.
"You have me," Kurt said with a smile.
"Then make love to me," Sebastian pleaded. "Please?"
"Sebastian…" Kurt put his other hand over Sebastian's, "you can make love to me whenever you want. You don't have to ask."
Sebastian shook his head.
"No, that's…that's not what I meant."
Kurt watched Sebastian kiss his hand, caressing the skin with delicate touches of his lips. Sebastian searched for the right words to convey what he wanted, to explain what he was hiding.
"You're right, Kurt. What you said in the shower the other day. I don't… bottom." It sounded so ridiculous and unsophisticated when he said it out loud, but Kurt didn't laugh. He didn't snicker. He waited patiently. "I don't do it because…" Ugh. It was just getting harder. He never realized how much this affected him, but never before did he try to put it into words. "Kurt, I watched my dad force women into that position over and over again…" Sebastian swallowed as his mind brought up the memory. "I watched him bend young women over his desk countless times. I think…I think he might have even threatened some of them…with their jobs. They looked so wounded and helpless. I didn't want to be like one of them. I wanted to be like him…with all of the power."
Sebastian squeezed his eyes shut tight, disgusted at his own confession. He feared that he had just insulted Kurt, that Kurt would think Sebastian was calling him helpless and weak. Kurt said nothing. He simply held his hand.
"But, it's not about power, is it?" Sebastian asked, daring to open his eyes and look at his boyfriend. "When you do it with someone you love?"
Kurt crept closer to Sebastian, until their lips almost touched.
"No," Kurt said, "no, it isn't about power with the person that you love."
Kurt controlled the kiss this time, but he wasn't dominating. It was still soft, still gentle. He wrapped strong, protective arms around Sebastian's body, pulling him down toward him. Kurt rolled Sebastian's body beneath him, laying him out with his head on the pillows.
Kurt climbed over Sebastian's body, hovering over him, noses touching.
"Do you really want me to do this?" Kurt asked.
Sebastian nodded, finding it hard to answer with the force of Kurt's compassionate yet hungry eyes staring down at him.
"Yes," Sebastian whispered. "Please. I want to feel you inside me, Kurt."
Kurt smiled as he moved to kiss Sebastian again, his hands trembling as he ran his fingers over Sebastian's skin, reaching for the hem of his t-shirt. Sebastian lifted off the bed a little as Kurt slipped the fabric over his skin, off his body, and onto the floor, his own t-shirt following close after. Two pairs of pants followed next. Kurt's naked body lay pressed over Sebastian's, skin against skin, Sebastian's hands traveling everywhere he could find skin to touch, his tongue swirling, tracing patterns along Kurt's collar bone. Kurt arched his back, moaning as his cock slid against Sebastian's, sending small waves of heat racing throughout his limbs.
Kurt absorbed every stroke of Sebastian's fingertips along his skin, every kiss that sent vibrations surging through his blood, every look of longing that fell over his face, every kiss Sebastian placed on his lips.
Kurt could have stayed this way with Sebastian all night, wound up in his light touch and his sensual kisses. What did he have in his life more important than being cherished by this man? Nothing immediately sprang to mind.
A sweetly pleading, "Please, Kurt," prompted him to move. Kurt lifted off Sebastian slightly, wanting a last look at his glorious green eyes before he moved, and caught a glimpse of anxiety in their emerald depths.
"Sebastian," Kurt whispered, running his fingers down his cheek, "it's all right. I'm not going to hurt you."
Sebastian swallowed, feeling foolish.
"It's not that…I…"
He couldn't think of anything he could say that wouldn't sound conceited or stupid.
"Baby…" Kurt kissed slowly along Sebastian's jawline, delighting at the rough feeling of stubble against his still smooth skin. "It's just us here. No one else."
Sebastian sighed as Kurt's lips traveled down his neck.
"No matter what," Kurt whispered, "I will never think that you're weak. You'll never be any less to me than what you are."
"And what am I, gorgeous?" Sebastian asked breathlessly.
Kurt couldn't help looking at Sebastian with a smirk, hearing the obvious request for Kurt to stroke Sebastian's ego a little.
"You're strong," Kurt said, rubbing his nose against Sebastian's. "So much stronger than I am."
Sebastian shook his head, smiling.
"I don't believe that," Sebastian replied with a gentle kiss to Kurt's lips, lingering over his as he spoke.
"It's true," Kurt scoffed. "You're also brave, and kind. So tremendously kind."
"Just to you, my love," Sebastian countered. "I'm pretty much an asshole to everyone else."
"Not to Justice." Kurt pouted as he licked circles over Sebastian's chest. "Not to Madeline."
'Yeah, well, you weren't on the phone with me a little while ago,' Sebastian thought, the smile that grew on his face becoming a sardonic smirk. Kurt misread the look on Sebastian's face.
"I'm not trying to take anything from you…I just want you to feel what I feel when I'm with you."
"I know." Sebastian became serious. His entire body relaxed under Kurt's touch. Kurt reluctantly pulled away from the warmth of Sebastian's lips and traveled down his body, licking swirls over Sebastian's skin, flicking delicately over a nipple, making him draw in a breath, shuddering as he felt Kurt's satin tongue trace along the line of his muscles, circling every mole, every freckle.
Sebastian thought for sure that Kurt's mouth would soon engulf his hard cock. He stiffened a bit when he realized that wasn't his destination.
"Just relax, sweetheart," Kurt whispered against his skin. "I promise, I'm not going to hurt you."
Sebastian clenched his teeth when he felt Kurt gently spread him, but the first touch of Kurt's warm , silken tongue over his entrance sent sparks racing through him, firing over every nerve, filling his body with amazing heat, all of which pooled in his stomach and shot straight to his cock.
"Oh, Kurt," he moaned. "Oh, Kurt, keep doing that."
Kurt smiled as he licked again, slowly teasing over the hole with the tip of his tongue. He could hear Sebastian struggling to stay still, wanting to squirm against the blanket. He gripped the comforter tight in both hands, moaning into the pillow with every pass of Kurt's tongue. When Kurt's tongue ventured tentatively inside, Sebastian's whole body jerked. He tried to reach behind him, to touch Kurt's hair, to feel the silky strands as they fell through his fingers, but another deeper dip of Kurt's tongue had him clawing lightly over his chest, up his neck to pull at his own hair.
Kurt could feel it, understood what Sebastian meant when he spoke about power. Kurt felt powerful, fucking Sebastian with his tongue, feeling him lose control above him, but not for the reason Sebastian feared. Kurt loved the thought of giving Sebastian pleasure. He enjoyed having the power to make Sebastian fall apart. He could never do anything to hurt Sebastian, to humiliate him, to make him feel the way Dave made Kurt feel almost every day of their relationship.
Sebastian meant something special to Kurt, and yet, Sebastian seemed to think he would give him up so easily.
Kurt had to show him how wrong he was.
"Kurt," Sebastian moaned. "I don't think…I'm not going to last if you keep doing that, gorgeous…"
Kurt sighed. Not a moment too soon. Kurt needed Sebastian, and he couldn't wait.
Kurt climbed over the body of his panting boyfriend, stopping to bite gently on the back of his neck, his teeth closing carefully on the soft skin.
"Oh, Kurt," Sebastian gasped. Kurt knew he would never get tired of hearing Sebastian's wanton, lust-filled, love-laced voice moaning his name. "That…that was incredible."
"Well, hopefully it only gets better from here," Kurt laughed nervously.
"Of course it will." Sebastian reached back for Kurt's hand, brought his fingers up to his lips and kissed them, slipping the tips one at a time into his mouth while he spoke. "As long as we're together, it will be amazing."
Kurt blushed. He couldn't help thinking of everything Sebastian must have already done, all the men he must have been with. Kurt knew no one else had ever done this to Sebastian before, so he didn't have to worry too much about paling by comparison. Still, Kurt imagined that Sebastian attracted chiseled, Adonis-like men and he, he was thin and pale…and broken.
Kurt didn't want Sebastian to feel any less of a man, but Kurt hoped he was man enough to handle Sebastian.
Sebastian turned on the bed to face Kurt.
"I hear your mind working." Sebastian smirked. "I think you're overthinking this a little too much."
Sebastian took Kurt in his arms and held him.
"You are so gorgeous. You turn me on so much. I just want you, baby. So stop thinking so hard and make love to me, alright?"
Kurt nodded, smiling shyly. Sebastian grabbed the nape of Kurt's neck and captured his lips, kissing him hard. Sebastian's other hand reached past Kurt to the bedside table drawer, fishing around for a condom and their bottle of lube.
Kurt heard foil tearing, and felt a warm, firm hand on his cock. He broke away from their kiss, a little surprised. Sebastian smirked at him.
"You don't mind, do you?" he asked with a wink, rolling the condom over Kurt's cock. Kurt's cheeks burned red. He had done the same to Sebastian before, but it seemed like such an oddly intimate act, that it still made him blush every time. Sebastian smiled as he watched Kurt go from pale to scarlet.
"You look so pretty when you blush," Sebastian whispered, planting a trail of cool kisses over Kurt's red hot skin. Sebastian rubbed a generous amount of the slippery liquid over Kurt's cock as he kissed him, moving to his lips, quivering slightly when Sebastian's hands massaged over his length.
"How do you want me?" Sebastian nibbled Kurt's lip after he spoke, like the punctuation at the end of his question.
Kurt didn't say a word, only climbed over Sebastian's body. Sebastian followed him, his green eyes blown wide until just slivers of their alluring color remained.
Kurt blew out a deep breath as he positioned himself against Sebastian's body, the head of his cock just barely breaching Sebastian's waiting hole. He heard Sebastian hold his breath as he pushed in slowly. It seemed like forever, moving in the space of centimeters, before the head of Kurt's cock breached the puckered hole. Sebastian stretched over him perfectly. Both men moaned loudly. Sebastian chuckled at the sound. Kurt found he couldn't move.
Kurt wasn't prepared for exactly how amazing Sebastian's body would feel. He pushed in further, slowly, opening Sebastian up around him just to feel him squeeze tighter the further in he went. Sebastian clenched around him, trying his hardest to relax against the unexpected intrusion. Kurt entering him wasn't a bad feeling. On the contrary, he felt amazingly complete, closer to Kurt than he could ever imagine. Kurt inside of him felt like finding the last missing piece to a puzzle, a piece you never realized was gone until you found it and put the whole beautiful picture together.
The squeeze around Kurt's cock as he moved inside his boyfriend nearly knocked all the breath from his body. He felt Sebastian's muscles tense, then completely relax. Kurt grabbed Sebastian's hips and held them tight, overwhelmed a bit by his delicious heat, and by how long it had been since he had last taken someone this way.
A million words fought to escape Kurt's lips, but every sense he had was focused solely on the sensations coming from his cock as it plunged in and out of Sebastian's body.
Sebastian had gone completely boneless. He didn't want to move, didn't want to lose contact with his beautiful boyfriend working slowly in and out of his body. The one thing he couldn't help were the noises he made. A symphony of moans and gasps escaped his lips, unbidden, unrestrained.
"Oh, Sebastian," Kurt managed once Sebastian had taken him to the hilt, and Kurt paused to regain his senses. "You're so tight, baby."
"I'll take that as a compliment?" Sebastian joked.
"You should," Kurt breathed. "How come you get to be so perfect while the rest of us sad mortals get to try and be happy with what we've got?"
Sebastian took Kurt's arms and wrapped them around his body. Kurt tightened his arms around Sebastian's body.
"Don't you dare tell me you're not perfect, Kurt Hummel," Sebastian said, running his fingers along Kurt's skin. "You're perfect to me, and you better get used to hearing it."
Sebastian grabbed Kurt's hip, pulling him forward forcefully, taking him in deeper and holding him there. Kurt kissed the back of Sebastian's neck with an irrepressible smile on his face. He could get used to making love to a man with the body of a god who called him perfect all the time.
In his own thoughts, lost to the sensation of Kurt's beautiful cock inside him, brushing against a special hidden spot that never failed to force a moan from his lips, Sebastian wondered what it might be like to call Kurt by his own last name.
Sebastian could definitely see the appeal of this position. It felt comforting; relaxing even. Kurt surprised him. He wasn't timid about being in control, by any means. Maybe he didn't have Sebastian's extensive amount of sexual experience, but that didn't mean he didn't know what he was doing. Being locked in Kurt's embrace made Sebastian feel secure, protected.
Sebastian hadn't even realized he needed that kind of security.
Kurt kept his pace slow, almost torturously slow. His perfectly angled cock would brush perfectly inside Sebastian, and then pull almost completely out before making its way back to that spot again. Kurt never missed.
Sebastian felt restless, waiting for the bliss to return, and then feeling Kurt retreat. Sebastian anticipated it, wanted it. His own neglected cock didn't matter. He barely thought about his aching length while he waited for Kurt's cock to return, to brush over him again. He arched back against Kurt, pulling his body tight against him, bending almost over double as he begged Kurt silently to go faster.
Kurt's Cheshire grin pressed against his shoulder made him stop.
"So, I take it you want me to go faster," Kurt said mischievously.
"Yes," Sebastian hissed, "Please, Kurt."
Sebastian winced to hear the whine in his voice, high-pitched and petulant.
Kurt quickened his pace, reaching around to grab Sebastian's cock. Sebastian grabbed his wrist, stopping his hand.
"Just…hold me, Kurt," Sebastian asked quietly. "Please?"
Kurt didn't tease him this time. He held Sebastian in his arms, resting his head against his shoulder as he moved quicker.
Sebastian's moans were addictive, and Kurt found himself pounding into him harder and faster just to hear more of them. He never wanted them to stop. He wanted to hear them ringing in his ears, until he came, wanted to replay them in his dreams.
At some point, Sebastian was sure he stopped breathing. Kurt's body felt too good, too amazing for words. He tried to visualize Kurt as he moved, his hips undulating quickly, his beautiful eyes shut, lips parted and panting. He made a solemn vow to install a mirror in this room, and quick. The sight of Kurt fucking into him was something he needed to see. More than anything, Sebastian longed to kiss him. He missed the heavenly way Kurt's tongue danced against his, the salty taste of his skin when he kissed Kurt's neck, or his soft, pink lips moving against his, speaking quiet words of love that belonged only to him.
Sebastian felt Kurt shudder, felt him quietly shiver, heard his voice ring out like a bell as he gasped against his skin. Sebastian liked the idea that Kurt could so openly take pleasure from him, that he wasn't timid about using his body. He didn't know for certain everything that Dave had done to him, he didn't know how far the wounds and the scars went, but for as much as that asshole had tried, his kurt was not broken.
The way Kurt drove his fingernails into Sebastian's shoulders and softly cried out his name was proof. Sebastian saw stars light in front of his eyes as he came. Until Kurt had fingered him that first time, Sebastian had never come this way. Kurt held Sebastian close to his own trembling body, sinking his teeth into Sebastian's shoulder gently. It had been so long since Kurt had gotten to enjoy someone this way. He didn't know if Sebastian would want to do this again. He wanted to memorize everything about this moment.
Sebastian looked down at the blanket regretfully, covered in his own cum, knowing that no force on heaven or earth would be able to make him move after that orgasm.
"Oh, Sebastian," Kurt moaned, kissing over the bite marks and the fingernail indents. "Oh, baby, I'm so sorry."
Sebastian's confused face turned to meet Kurt's.
"Sorry about what, gorgeous?" Sebastian asked, kissing Kurt's fingertips as they ran over the mark Sebastian could see.
"I think I…"
"You think you're incredible? Wonderful? You finally see everything I see about you, and you thought making love to me was amazing?" Sebastian interrupted quickly with a sly smile. "Good. I'm glad we agree."
Kurt flushed, fumbling over the words he really meant to say.
"But, these marks…"
"Are perfect," Sebastian sighed. "I'd keep them forever if I could."
Kurt's eyes went wide.
"Why?" Kurt asked.
"Because they came from you. They came from you fucking me so hard you couldn't hold back. It's all I want from you."
Kurt hid his head in Sebastian's shoulder as he held him. Sebastian wrapped his arms over Kurt's and held him tight.
"Thank you for taking my virginity, by the way," Sebastian said with a smile in his voice. "That was pretty amazing."
Kurt giggled.
"You're welcome?" Kurt said, not sure what to say. He curled up against Sebastian's back. He grabbed hold of the blanket and pulled it over their tired bodies, preparing to fall asleep.
"Sebastian?"
"Yes, gorgeous?" Sebastian murmured.
"Do you think that really counts?" Kurt asked. "As taking your virginity? Or are you making fun of me?"
"I would never make fun of you, gorgeous," Sebastian said, turning his face slightly to talk to his boyfriend. "I've never had sex like that before. I think it qualifies. Besides, I wish you had been there the first time. It was pretty atrocious."
Kurt couldn't help but laugh.
"Would you mind if I asked how your first time was?" Sebastian asked quietly. "I mean, I'm not asking for details, just a general good or bad is fine."
Kurt sighed.
"Would it be offensive to say it was perfect?"
"That depends," Sebastian said thoughtfully. "Was it with Blaine?"
He felt Kurt stiffen against him.
"Yes," he replied quietly.
Sebastian smiled, rubbing his head against Kurt's shoulder.
"Then, no. It's not offensive. I'm happy for you. You deserve to have that as a good memory."
Sebastian held his boyfriend's arms around him as he drifted off to sleep, dreaming about all of the firsts they could mark of their list.
Sebastian reached a sleepy hand beneath his pillow and found his phone. He pressed a button to light the screen and caught the time before a phone call started coming in. Sebastian smiled. He climbed out of bed, careful not to wake Kurt, and stepped out into the hallway before answering the call.
"Sebastian?" a similar voice, not quite as deep as his own answered.
"Hey, Richard!" Sebastian said, relieved to hear the sound of his brother's voice after such a long time. "God, I never thought it would be so good to hear your voice."
"Ah, big brother, that boyfriend of yours is turning you into a softie," the other man joked.
Sebastian looked down at the state of his morning erection and chuckled.
"Not likely, little bro. What's up? Kind of early for you to be calling, isn't it?"
"First of all, you're three hours behind me," Richard laughed. "So, it's not early for me."
"Ok," Sebastian said, "that just makes you a dick."
Richard snorted. Sebastian rolled his eyes, but smiled wider.
"Did you get my letter yet?" Richard asked.
"Not yet," Sebastian said around a yawn, "but I promise I'll call you when I do." He turned off the light in the bathroom and decided to head downstairs for a cup of coffee. His timer was set to go off in a little over an hour anyway. If he played his cards right, maybe he could have his boyfriend before breakfast.
"Great," Richard said, sounding suddenly distracted. "Look, I only have a moment, but I just wanted to call and tell you I got some information on that guy Karofsky."
Sebastian's eyebrows shot to his hairline.
"Wow, man, that was fast," Sebastian said appreciatively. "Who did you ask to look for you? The CIA?"
Sebastian plugged in the coffee maker and started measuring out coffee into the filter.
"I took a chance and Googled him myself," Richard said. "With the information you gave me, he was pretty easy to track down. Seems your man took out a restraining order on him before he left him."
Sebastian's eyes lit up, his whole face glowing with the brightness of his smile.
"That…that's great!" Sebastian said. "We can go to the police and tell them…they'll have to listen to us now. I mean, it's not a lot, but it's something, right?"
"Normally, I'd agree, bro, but I don't think Dave is the one stalking your boyfriend."
Richard sounded uncomfortable.
"Why, Rich?"
"Because Karofsky's dead, Sebastian," Richard said evenly. "Car accident. About three years ago. Whatever's going on out there, it's not him. I'm sorry."