CH5: "Chapter Three The Training Under The Star"

echoflame - I did have a commentary, you've caught me. It was a while ago :) I'm recycling the chapters that I had done for simplicity's sake. Again remember, I'm bold ITALICS.

Chapter Three: The traning under the stars

OMIGOSH Guys I'm so sorry but SOMEONE *glares at rainy days* FLAMED ME AND I GOT REALLY HURT. OKAY IF you don't LIKE the story you don't have to read it. (Oh, but yes we do)

Chapter Three The Traning Under The Stars. (didn't we just go over this?)

ShadowClan ran from the camp (wimpy Blackstar ruins everything). Starpaw smiled. She'd won! No one could hurt her family now.

Starpaw!" said Firestar. "Its time we train! I want to show you how to fight!"

"Ok." said Starpaw happily. "But you just saw I could fight, right?"

"Well, ya." said Firestar. (I feel the OCdisease spreading to Firestar already) "But I wanted to see if that was all you knew."

"Ok." They went to the forest together and the other cats cleaned up the bodies. (Ten seconds of battle, and there are BODIES?)

"Ok Starpaw" said Firestar once they got there. "We'll start with how to dodge."

"C'mon that's too easy!" yelled StarPaw. She'd just beat Blackstar, she was ready for anything!

"Ok, ok," mewled Firestar, (you keep using that word, and is Firestar suddenly a kit?) "lets learn how to claw an opponent."

"Ya." yowled Starkit. She jumped at Firestar not giving him time to attack. She hit his side; he didn't move he was too surprised. She clawed him and he started bleeding (for STARCLAN'S sake Starpaw: claws SHEATHED).

"Wow Starpaw," he said, "you're doing awesome."

"Really?" gaped StarPaw. She didn't think she was doing that good was she really special like the prophecy meowed?(shakes head slowly)

"Yes Starpaw," snarled Firestar. "I couldn't even get away fast enough. Only Scourge was able to do that before." (plot twist that would have made this story 10x better: Starpaw is Scourge reincarnated)

"OMIGOSH REALLY?" asked Starpaw. Scourge?! THE SCOURGE? She had heard so much about him he was really evil and killed a lot of cats. "I'M LIKE SCOURGE?"

"I didn't mean it like that," Firepaw said quickly. (this is only the start of the age bending) "I meant you were a good fighter. It's really cool." At that minute he thought to himself 'Starpaw is so kawaii look at her eyes and her fur'.(woah woah woah. let's take a step back. firestar is father to leafpool, who is mother to jayfeather, who is father to Starpaw. let me spell it out i-n-c-e-s-t a-l-e-r-t)

"Oh, ok thanks." They trained for awhile. Later Starpaw beat Firestar 8 times once she let him win to make him feel better and by the last one she was a little tired. (only a little)

"Hey Firestar can we hunt now?" said Starpaw. "I'm kind of hungry."

"Oh well, if you want." Firestar was disappointed, he and Starpaw had been having so much fun! So they went hunting, Starpaw messed up a couple times but Firestar said it was okay, since it was only her second time (a flaw! *waves excitedly* oh wait, nevermind) (She'd had her first time when she was a little kit and she and Firestar had snuck out together that's why he chose her as his apprentice)

Later that night Starpaw looked up at the stars. She and Firestar had so much fun today!. They'd brought back enough food for the whole clan.

Looking at the stars she turned to her best friend, Jazzpaw. She said, "Do you think we'll ever be up there?"

"Ya, totally." said Jazzpaw. "I mean you'll be leader and I'll be deputy (what kit aims to only be deputy?) one day... we'll have to!"

"Ya." said Starpaw smiling she loved Jazzpaw (NOT IN THAT WAY YOU SICKOS!) they were best friends. She looked up at the stars again and smiled and fell asleep with the Starclan voices whispering in her head.

REVIEW FOR MY LIFE (that makes it an easy decision, no?)

(lol you like it Jazzy I made you as kawaii as I could)

*bangs head against keyboard*

CF