Disclaimer: SnK/AoT belong to their rightful creators. I own nothing. This is purely for my own sick enjoyment.
Author's Note: I wasn't actually going to post this till next weekend, but everyone was so brave and kind (/shot) that I felt obligated to post the next chapter immediately. Don't forget to let me know if you want to see an epilogue! I personally think this chapter is funnier than the last, but we'll see, right?
(Also, pretend that this is an annual thing and Erwin, Petra, Hanji, etc. did this when they were youngin's too)
Lance Corporal Levi was not happy.
Evidentially, he was the only one.
"I'm so glad Keith invited us to see this," a soft voice whispered in his ear. He glanced to his left to see Petra smiling widely. "I remember when we had to do this all those years ago."
"I didn't do it."
Commander Erwin overheard the conversation and looked over his shoulder at the two. "Weren't you in my group, Petra?"
Petra brought a thoughtful hand to her chin. "Auruo tried to sing and he ended up biting his tongue when he fell onstage. We all had to run laps for screaming and running away." The slight woman laughed lightly at the memory. The songbird in question muttered a disgruntled curse that caused the gathered adults (apart from one short, disgruntled man) to chuckle in unison.
Erwin nodded slowly, a ghost of a smile tracing his lips. "I guess we weren't in the same group. I was in the group that thought it was a good idea to paint a picture of Keith in some horrible costume." The leader's usually stoic demeanor crinkled into a seldom-seen smile. "It was a good thing I wasn't an artist, otherwise I would have been running with you."
Levi rolled his eyes and let out a scoffing puff of air. He was fortunate that Erwin hadn't forced him into training like the other scouts. It was unlikely that the strongest of humanity would have remained in the program if he had been forced to participate in Shadis's shitty idea of fun.
And yet, here he was, seated on a bench near the stage, surrounded by dirty, nervous brats who all had something "beautiful" to present that Levi couldn't care less about.
"Keith promised that the last one would be the best," Petra whispered to Levi. He shot her an indifferent side look and didn't respond. "I wonder what it'll be." The woman turned around slightly to catch a glimpse of the clearly nervous children sitting behind them. As Levi had correctly noticed, a majority of the recruits were covered in either paint or some other horrid material. Petra frowned slightly as she noticed one of the groups in the back looked partially charred.
Oh my… I wonder what happened to them.
Only a few more groups had to go until it was time for their performance. As expected, a majority of groups created half-effort pictures of mountains and walls and titans. One particular gritty portrait was of a titan being ripped in half, originating from the group spearheaded surprisingly by Krista and Marco—two of the kindest people in the recruitment camp. Two other groups wrote poetry. The group containing Bertolt and Thomas rattled off a dark, depressing piece revolving around their imminent death while Reiner—obviously uncomfortable in a floral wreath—professed his love for the freedom of butterflies.
Armin watched the presentations with a continual nervous writhing in his gut. He couldn't by any means call the other groups' results "art," but their pieces were still relatively well put together, as opposed to his group's maniacal attempt at storybook theatre.
Only one other group had decided to attempt a play and it was rather odd, in Armin's honest opinion. The group contained Sasha and Mikasa as well as three other recruits he wasn't very familiar with and the performance revolved around Sasha trying to get the potato that Mikasa held. The ginger's loud shrieking and Mikasa's stoic face caused the play to be a little more than a poor farce, but the boys seated beside Armin were smitten with the performance.
As Armin's unfortunate group were crossing towards the stage to prepare themselves for their performance, they crossed paths with Mikasa's group leaving the stage.
"You were awesome on stage, Mikasa!" The raven-haired girl eyed the taller brunet curiously while her foster brother immediately jumped to her rescue.
"Shut up, Jean."
"Do you wa—"
Armin quickly congratulated the others on their performance and quickly ushered the three boys back stage where their costumes were waiting. Connie had remained dressed in his cape and hat since he had found them hours ago, but he didn't want to miss Armin's first time wearing the tiara.
Annie was already backstage, making weird, puckering faces at her reflection in a bowl of water. As Jean and Eren were off squabbling about the dragon costume again and Connie was unhelpfully making the situation worse, Armin was the only one to see the blonde in the act, but he didn't dare comment at risk of angering her again. He shuffled his outfit in his arms and when he looked back towards the girl, she was watching him with a bored expression.
It's now or never. I have to tell her now.
"Uh, Annie…?" She turned her head slightly. It was his signal to continue. "About the uh, last part… We can end the play right after you slay the dragon. I'll just get up. We really don't have to ki—"
A loud burst of applause interrupted the boy's stuttering attempt at communication. He closed his mouth and his shoulder sunk. Hopefully the girl got the message, because she was already stalking towards the edge of the curtain. Armin felt a presence at his neck and with a loud, tinkling sound, cold and sharp metal dug into his hair and scalp. The boy yelped slightly as amused chuckles arose from the three boys behind him.
"You make a beautiful princess, Arlert," Jean snickered, his head barely poking out from the oversized cloak. The shorter brunet was perched on Jean's shoulders and had been the one to deposit the homemade tiara on his best friend's head.
"Just like the stories," he smiled reassuringly at the blond. Armin suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. There was no mention in any of his stories of the boy being the damsel in distress.
Armin swallowed and glanced around at the cast around him. "Are we all ready?"
Annie and Eren nodded once while Connie grinned widely underneath his hat. Suddenly Jean looked terrified.
"I—wait—no." Armin blinked at the taller boy. He was surprised that Jean was the nervous one. In all honesty, he thought either himself or Connie would be the one to get stage fright.
"What is it?"
"I…I think I forgot my lines," the boy muttered, guiltily glancing to the side. He was doing everything to avoid Eren's astonished stare, as the two had been practicing their lines for the past three hours together.
Armin, on the other hand, had been kept from that particular loop. "Wait, Jean. You didn't have any lines. You and Eren just make uh, dragon sounds. Right?"
Eren exchanged disappointed glances with the brunet beneath him. "You mean we don't actually have any lines? I thought dragons could talk…"
Armin opened his mouth to answer and then closed it. Could dragons talk? "I'm…not sure…? I mean, I guess dragons can talk. I don't know what they'd say thou—" Armin broke off at the large grin spreading across the two brunets' faces. Evidentially, they knew just what to say and Jean's stage fright had conveniently vanished.
From outside of the curtain, they could hear drill sergeant Shadis announcing the last presentation of the night. Armin took a hiccup-y breath and tried to smooth his tiara down as he stood in place.
"You will make a fine queen," Connie's playful hiss in his ear as he waltzed by caused the "princess" to flush a deep crimson while the evil wizard cackled loudly. The blond couldn't wait for this to be over.
"Once upon a time," Connie boomed in his loudest voice offstage, "there lived a beautiful princess named Princess Armin." A few snickers rose from the crowd as Armin hesitantly walked on the stage. However, the chuckles died down quickly and even a few jealous sighs arose at the sight of the boy's obnoxious tiara. Armin blinked rapidly, prayed his heart didn't spontaneously combust, and hoped that no one called them out for stealing their jewelry.
As Connie narrated the story off stage, it was obvious that the shorter boy was getting far too into the performance. The boy's voice lilted and crescendoed in the appropriate places and Armin could tell he made the right decision in volunteering Connie as the unofficial narrator.
"Princess Armin was loved by all for her kindness and beauty." Armin took a deep breath. He was certain Connie was now openly mocking him. "One particular suitor was the evilest wizard to ever wizard!"
Immediately, the boy hurled himself on the stage complete with an eerie cackle that caused the hairs on the back of Armin's neck to prickle.
"Princess Armin! I demand that you marry me!"
"Um, no thank you…?" Armin winced, waiting for the jeers from the audience. He spared a quick glimpse and noticed that everyone was watching with wide eyes. Connie had set up the performance perfectly.
"What do you mean 'no?'" Connie took a step forward with an over exaggerated expression of anger on his face.
Emboldened by his companion's eager performance and the lack of complaints from the audience, Armin crossed him arms and glared at the evil wizard. "I said never!" he declared loudly.
Connie winked at Armin before grabbing his arm and dragging the blond towards him. "Then you give me no choice!" The evil wizard whistled loudly and Eren and Jean swiftly bounded on the stage, making an odd combination of growling and spitting sounds as if they hadn't actually planed out what they were doing. Armin paled, hoping they didn't ruin the performance, but the audience seemed engrossed by the appearance of the dragon.
"Yesssss, Massssster?" they crooned in unison. The wizard preened almost obnoxiously at the title. Armin felt his jaw drop slightly and hurried to clamp his mouth shut again. I can't believe they did it. They aren't actually fighting! This is working.
"Take Princess Armin to the highest tower you can find!" Connie glanced around and frowned. "I see there is no tall tower here." The boy lifted his closed fist and brought down his arm with a loud jumble of made up words. Something hit the stage with a heavy splat and smoke arose, briefly blanketing the actors with smoke. When the smoke finally cleared, a large tower was leaning precariously in its proper place and Armin noticed Annie grimacing offstage with a slightly heaving chest. He was touched and surprised by her assistance, but he couldn't tell if she caught his brief smile.
More exclamations of awe arose from the seated recruits at Connie's impromptu magic trick.
"Now! Take Princess Armin to the highest tower!" he shouted, pointing towards the dangerous pile of chairs and bed flats. Jean reached through the cape to grab Armin but Connie stopped him with another command. Getting perhaps too into the performance, the evil wizard paced around the stage, gesticulating wildly as he revealed his evil plan to the stunned audience. He returned to where the princess was restrained by the dragon and rummaged in his pocket.
"First you shall be put under my spell!" Connie withdrew his hand, uncurled his sealed fingers and blew the gray particles on his hand into the blonde's face. Armin instantly collapsed, partially for following the story's plot and partially because he couldn't breathe. He tried to suppress the coughs wracking through his thin frame and only made his convulsions more apparent. Finally he was able to lie still, although breathing was still painful.
I thought I told him no on the dust… Armin groaned in his mind, squeezing his eyes shut tighter.
"Is...is he dead?" a trembling whisper rose from the crowd and was instantly hushed.
Connie threw back his head and cackled loudly. "Take the princess to the tower!"
Jean scooped down to pick up the prone Armin while Eren continued to make hissing sounds. The taller brunet carefully passed the blond up to Eren above him and Eren placed the still blond on top of the swaying tower. Armin turned slightly so he could watch the unfolding drama through half-slit eyes.
The three other boys quickly left the stage and Connie continued to narrate from the left side.
"A brave and kind knight heard the tale of the beautiful princess who was locked in a tower and knew that he—uh, I mean, she would be the one to rescue Princess Armin.
Annie appeared on the right side. She tried to maintain an emotionless expression, but Armin could tell by her white knuckles around her wooden sword that she was nervous.
Connie bounded on the stage again, preening amidst the gasps from the audience. "What do you want, brave knight?"
"I've come to rescue the princess," Annie responded softly.
The evil wizard raised his eyebrows and laughed harshly. "With a weak answer like that, there's no way you'll save the princess."
Annie's expression darkened and she took a menacing step forward. "I said, I've come to rescue the princess." Connie took a step back with wide, panicked eyes. He wasn't sure if Annie was acting or not.
"Hey, uh, I was just ki—ugh!" Annie grabbed the wizard's dark cape, pulled him towards her, and jammed the sword underneath the boy's armpit.
Relieved that he wasn't more injured, Connie dropped to the floor groaning loudly over the gasps of the audience. After a five minute period of dying dramatically across the floor, Annie finished the wizard's scene by swiftly kicking him over the edge of the stage. Connie took the hint with a startled yelp and remained still on the ground.
Next, the dragon reappeared on stage. Jean and Eren both smiled tauntingly as they towered over the determined little knight.
"You can't beat usssss," they managed to his in unison again.
Annie narrowed her eyes. "Get out of my way." She tried to step around the massive figure, but Jean stepped neatly in her way. Armin could hear a rustling back stage as Connie prepared the last special effect. I thought we told him no to that as well… As Jean and Eren both opened their mouths, Armin heard a faint hiss as Connie loosened the tightening bolt on the air canister. The shorter boy lifted a tiny flame on a makeshift wick and a massive fire ball exploded in the sky. The audience screamed and even Annie took a step back. Armin squeezed his eyes tighter as the heat from the flame made his neck hairs prickle. He's going to kill us all.
The blonde knight was the first to recover. Suddenly Annie's leg was tangled up in Jean's and with a harsh tug, she sent both boys clattering to the ground. As his base was falling, Eren let out a panicked squawk and grabbed the nearest thing possible—the edge of the already tipping tower that a certain princess was "sleeping" on. Armin suppressed the urge to shout (after all, he was supposed to be sleeping) as the tower collapsed from under him.
Moments later, Armin felt a burst of white pain across the back of his head and the jewels on his tiara and his teeth rattled at the same frequency. He kept his eyes firmly closed so all he saw was darkness, but he could tell his irises were rolling up in his head. Armin could hear the groaning of Eren and Jean beside him, but he wasn't able to see their faces. Something that had previously been pinning his left arm to the floor was removed and he felt tiny hands grasp under his arms and pull him from the wreckage. He tried to open his eyes to stop the performance, but the light from the candles hurt too much.
"Armin?" Annie voice was soft like before, but instead of being flat, it was colored with a slight emotion. Fear? Anger? Armin's head hurt too much to think. He felt a warm grip on his shoulder, but he had trouble believing it was Annie.
"Princess Armin?"
Who? Oh, me. The boy's thoughts were slow and sluggish.
The girl hesitated before balling her fist in the fabric of Armin's shirt. The audience was deathly silent apart from a few sniffles. On stage, the only thing Armin could hear apart from the blood pounding in his skull was the dragon's soft, dying whines.
Dragon? No—not a dragon. Jean and Eren. What's going on…?
The blonde knight pulled the prone princess up with a gentle hand supporting the latter's neck and with a deep breath, pressed her soft lips firmly to Armin's lips. Shocked by the contact, Armin gasped and his crystalline eyes flew open. An electric current buzzed through the boy's system, running from his lips to his toes and banishing the pain that had previously incapacitated him. A cheer rose from the breathless audience as a small smile flickered across the awoken princess's face.
"You did it," the boy breathed, unsure of whether he was still portraying Princess Armin or just being Armin. Annie didn't say anything, but the red tint glowing along her cheeks revealed her subtle joy. Even though this was just an insignificant skit, both of them knew that that scene had been something far from trivial.
"You were brave and you were kind—the perfect knight," he whispered only for her ears.
Unable to allow someone else the last word, Connie bounced back onto the edge of the stage, but well out of the way of Annie's foot. "The power of true love's kiss awoke Princess Armin from her spell and uh," the boy paused and glanced back over to the couple with his jaw dropping. "Oh, wow…" So not in the script.
Digging her other hand into Armin's shirt, the blonde pulled the stunned boy back up to her face and pressed her lips tightly against the boy's smiling mouth. Annie could hear suggestive whistling and cheering from Reiner and her peers, but she didn't care. She had found her princess.
Connie rubbed the sore spot on his chest where Annie had kicked him and smiled at the kissing couple onstage. "And they lived happily ever after," he finished cryptically.
As soon as Connie finished speaking, the audience members were immediately on their feet applauding loudly.
Levi glanced to his side and was almost horrified to see that Petra had been crying slightly. Meeting the man's steely gaze, the woman hiccupped and smiled, dabbing at her eyes. Auruo beside them was balling his eyes out at the ending.
"I know it's stupid of me to cry, but that was really lovely. It was so romantic," she murmured to her squad leader.
The captain was equally disappointed with the wide, youthful smile on his commander's face and the high-pitch giggling coming from Hanji beside him. "Did you see those fantastic effects?" Erwin shook his head in disbelief.
"Shadis wasn't lying," the commander added. "This was the best one."
Levi looked around for the drill sergeant to see if this was what the man had expected. However, the bald man looked just as stunned as the rest of them, if not more.
"Did you like it, Levi?" Petra was watching him carefully.
The man shrugged. "It wasn't completely shitty."
Thank you so much to everyone who read and reviewed and favorited and followed!
Also, thank you Thyme for your awesome review. I couldn't reply via PM, so thanks!
Like I said earlier, let me know if you guys want an epilogue. I warn you-it may not be what you expect...