This flame… this flame is so beautiful. My hand is burning and peripherally I can smell the skin scorching. Intuitively, I know it's going to leave a scar and it's going to be painful, but right now I'm drawn to the addictive sensation of it's warmth. The intense heat spreads from the burning on my hand through to my whole body.
"Do you remember me, Beverly?" The smooth echoing voice posits.
Do I? Yes… I remember. I lit the candle once when I was a girl and I heard the same voice. I must have forgotten that experience, but right now I'm drawn back to that memory as if it just happened. I was in the kitchen. It was dark, and I was cold. I saw the candle sitting on the table so I lit it with the lighter sitting on the counter. I remember that the house was frigid and my fingers were white with cold. The candle, though, warmed them immediately, infusing them painfully with warm blood. I remember being mesmerised before Nana came up behind me and took the candle, robbing me of the warming sensation. "Not now, Beverly." She cautioned, "When you're older." Then I was confused, but now I'm beginning to understand.
"Who are you?" I whisper.
In a second I feel warm hands on my shoulders, "My name is Ronin. I knew your grandmother quite well."
"Nana," I smile. "I miss Nana."
Without warning, I see a tall figure come into my view. He towers above me. I visually size him up. He's taller than Jean Luc. Jean Luc is only a few inches taller than myself, but if I were standing I might only reach Ronin's chin. His hair is a sandy blond colour and it's arranged floppily around his head. I don't find him attractive physically – I think mentally I'm still attached to my husband. But, Ronin's presence is like an aphrodisiac. I can't seem to get enough.
"I miss her, too, Beverly. But, you and I are going to get to know one another very well. Felisa would have wanted that; that's why she left the candle lit." I should be cognitive about the situation. I should make the mental link between this man and the candle, but right now all I want is to be near him. Thoughts of his origin and what he is are absent from my mind.
He continues, "Felisa and I were very happy together, and I know that we will be too." I just nod my head dumbly.
He moves closer to me, his hands still resting on my shoulder, and I feel a presence invade me. It's like being enveloped by something other than warmth – something better than just warmth and comfort. My training should kick in and tell me to run, but Ronin… it's like I want him to be a part of me. I feel my shoulders hunch as my back curves outward. It's not a pose that I would normally find comfortable, but right now my physical body fades to black and I'm focused on the tingling in my nerves. It's a most unusual, and titillating experience.
The passage of time is inconsequential and soon I feel the world fade to black.
/
"Beverly," I hear a distant voice.
"Jean Luc?" I croak. My back hurts and I'm tired.
"Beverly," warm arms envelope me and bring me back to the present. These arms, though they usually bring me comfort, now bring me to revulsion. Then I feel a soft, familiar kiss on my hairline. It's nauseating and I shake away from him.
"Beverly, what's going on?" He asks sternly, assaulting my ears.
My senses kick in and I bolt up from the chair, "Nothing!" I push him aside, not bothering to look at what I know is obvious hurt on his face. I see an old coat hanging near the door and I make its acquisition my new goal.
"Beverly Picard! What in Devil's name is going on?" He catches up to me, grabbing my arm.
Again I shove him off, "Nothing, Jean Luc. Just leave me alone." I want him to leave. I just want more of Ronin. Where is Ronin? I need to have him. Why did he leave me?
"Beverly!" His hand comes and envelops my whole upper arm, firmly gripping it and drawing a moan of pain and frustration from my lips. I try to get away, but the hold only tightens.
"Goddammit Jean Luc!" I push and pound against his hard chest. "I don't want you! Leave me alone! Let me go!" Tears spring forth from my eyes. Why would I say that to him? I'm terribly confused. I love my husband, a tiny rational voice tells me. But, I want… what do I want? I want Ronin.
The grip doesn't let up. "Beverly Picard!" He repeats in a tone of voice that I haven't heard in 2 years. I tremble. "What is going on? This isn't like you!" I move my gaze to his to stare him down; I'll just try to intimidate him. That's when I see that look in his eyes…