Well, Here Comes One of The Hrdest Things I Have Ever Written. BEWARE: Tissues May be Needed!
Disclaimer: I Own Nothing, Not Keith Or Natalie...I Only Own This Idea, Sadly
A Concrete Goal
Part 8
Month 6
The world is a funny place. Things happen that people never expect.
When the doctor said he had a month to live, she'd thought that they'd have plenty of time. Funny how things don't work out...
Barely two weeks after they left the hospital with his prognosis, he got sick. At first it was just a cough, but then it progressed to night sweats. He couldn't keep down any food or liquid.
She blamed herself. Sitting there in the hospital chair next to him as he sleeps, she still does. If only she hadn't wanted to spend so much time with him. If only, if only, if only...All the possible scenarios run through her head. She tries to figure out what she did wrong, how things had gotten so bad. But, of course, she had no answer.
His breathing had become labored the past couple of days and she had worried. He had said it was nothing, just pollen. She hadn't believed him. Two days ago, he blacked out. Her and Henry had taken him to the hospital. He'd been furious when he woke up, hooked to an IV, but calmed when he saw her.
Looking at him now, tears threaten to choke her. He had lost weight, and his face looked sunken in. If not for the heart monitor, she'd have thought he was dead. Every once in a while, he would groan in pain in his sleep. The sound killed her when she heard it. She thanked whatever God there was that he hadn't needed a breathing tube. She knew that he would have ripped it out anyways.
Two weeks.
Two fucking weeks.
And neither of them were prepared.
The doctor had taken one look at him and she knew that he wasn't going to live another two weeks. She knew this was his last week. It killed her to her very core.
She looks over at the digital clock and calendar hanging on the wall. June 3rd 2:24 AM.
Henry had gone home for clothes for them, as well as a few hours of sleep. She hadn't left his side. She'd missed school. She hadn't slept. Whenever he woke up, she wanted to be there. And when he doesn't...She would keep her promise.
The tears slide down her face as she looks at his chest moving up and down.
"Hey, partner," he croaks out in a whisper. She looks up, her eyes glistening. He offers her a sad smile. "I'm not ready to leave, yet," he whispers to her. She nods and bites her lip, closing her eyes tightly. She looks down in the envelope she'd been cradling in her hands for the past six hours.
"The principal brought this," she whispers to him, walking over and sitting on the edge of the bed. He opens it with shaky hands and her heart breaks a bit more. "It's your diploma," she tells him, her voice cracking. "Congratulations, partner," she says. "You're officially graduated." He looks into her eyes and cups her cheek in his hand. His skin is cold and clammy, but she doesn't flinch.
"How long...Has it been...Since you've slept?" He asks. She smiles.
"She hasn't slept since you've been here," a nurse says, coming in to check his IV. She smiles at her and pats her cheek in a motherly way. "You're both so brave," she tells them.
"I wouldn't be anywhere else," she tells the nurse. When the nurse leaves, she stares at the wall.
"Natalie..." He whispers. She looks at him. "When I s-said...That you...Were the worst thing...That happened to me?" She nods. "I lied." She looks at him confused. "You are the best thing that has happened to me." She holds back tears, biting her lip so hard it bleeds. "Be careful," he whispers, wiping away the blood.
"Sorry," she replies back, grabbing a tissue to stop the bleeding.
"Keith," she begins, trying to find the right words.
ooo
"Shh," he comforts her, placing a hand on top of hers, "you don't have to say...anything." He looks into her eyes and sees the hidden pain in them, the love for him that she has. He hasn't said the words to her. He had planned on doing it this weekend, but now he has to wonder if he'll even make it. "But I do." She meets his eyes, swallowing.
"What?" She asks.
He gives a small laugh before looking at her. "Don't dump on me, okay?" She nods. "I love you, baby." If he had been more healthy, he would have laughed and picked her up into his arms, kissing the breath out of her. Now, he can only manage a smile.
"Y-You do?" She asks.
"Why else...Would I push you away?" He asks back, his eyes moistening. "I never wanted...You to see this." She leans forwards and lays her head on his chest. He closes his eyes as he breathes in her heavenly scent. He tries to commit it to memory, as well as every moment they had shared. She was his everything. He just didn't know how to tell her.
The past six months had been the best and worst months of his life. He hated having to hurt her, that that was one of the memories he couldn't get out of his head. But, he had loved every smile, joke, and teasing gesture that had happened between them. She was amazing. Still is amazing. But he knew in another day, he wouldn't even be anymore. No one would say "Keith is fun," they would say "Keith was fun."
And he would be leaving behind a lonely father and a broken-hearted girlfriend.
ooo
"If you're tired, you can go back to sleep," she says to him, watching him trying to stay awake.
"I don't want to miss any moment I can have with you," he replies. She can see how hard he is fighting to stay awake and it touches her.
"Your dad will be here in the morning, okay? I'm staying right here, I promise. I'm not leaving you, Keith. Not for anything or anyone. I promise, I will be right here," she whispers. He grabs her wrist and pulls her towards him. He lifts up and kisses her. Even now, sick and clinging to life, his kiss sends jolts of electricity through her to her core. "I love you so much," she tells him. "You drove me crazy with your games and your jokes. When we kissed that first time, I knew things were changing.
And when we...You know...I knew things were going to be different. But you ran away and I didn't know why. And then I followed Al into a gas station and he told me what you couldn't. Nothing I ever did was out of pity. I did it because I loved you. And when I tried to talk to you after I found out, you wouldn't let me in the door. I wanted to tell you that I understood, that it was okay, that nothing was going to change my feelings. But you wouldn't come outside. And then you came over and said you wanted to go bowling," her smile is sad and happy as she remembers. He watches her as if trying to memorize her face.
"I didn't want to put you through that. That night...I wanted you so bad. But afterwards, reality hit me, and I hated myself." She gives him a smile and kisses his forehead.
"I knew you couldn't resist my wiles much longer," she says to him, teasing him.
"I haven't been able to resist you for years," he admits. Her shock floors her. "In the sixth grade...The play? I tripped you and stepped on your dress, hoping you would notice me. You never did."
"My mom says that she knew I was infatuated with you, but I couldn't see it. She loves you like a son, you know that right?" His answering smile warms her cold skin.
"And my father loves you like a daughter."
They stay like that for some time before the pain medicine kicks in. Once again, he falls asleep. Some of the tension leaves his face and she gives a half-smile. She gets up and goes to the bathroom, leaving the door open so she can hear him, and turns the shower on. She strips and steps into the warm spray.
The shower walls go blurry as tears cloud her vision. And, for the third time, she kneels in the shower, sobbing. She cradles her head in her hands and lets the tears flow freely. A stabbing pain slices her heart wide open and she chokes and gasps for breath. Soon, Keith wouldn't be here. She didn't know when, or why God would do something like this, but that didn't seem to matter to her heart. She couldn't quit blaming herself. What if they hadn't gone to the cliff so many times? What if they hadn't gone actual bowling? What if he had never followed her into the rain? What if? What if? What if?
She hated herself and hated the world. She put on a brave face for him, but hated the idea of living in a world where he didn't exist. It was unbearable.
After a little while, she finally got up and washed her hair and body, finishing in five minutes. When she dries herself off and puts her clothes back on, she finds him still in bed, sleeping...And still breathing. Her heart shudders in relief. She goes over to the chair she'd been sitting in and reclines it back to watch him.
ooo
When Henry finally showed up, the sky was light and the sun was shining. He gives her a smile and she stands up, accepting his warm hug.
"How is he?" He asks quietly. She bites her lip.
"No change. His breathing is more labored and his voice is more hoarse, but he's been sleeping mostly." She smiles as the morning sun puts some color in his pale face.
"I brought you breakfast," he says, holding up a brown paper bag. She smiles. She pulls out three containers: one with pancakes, one with eggs and hash browns, and one with sausage links.
"You didn't have to do this," she tells him.
"It was no trouble. After everything you've done for him..." His voice cracks and he stops, clears his throat and looks out the window. Her appetite all but vanishes, but she takes a few bites every now and then to make him happy.
Keith wakes up a couple of hours later. She looks at the clock. 11:32 AM. Her breath comes out in a shaky tremble and she smiles at Henry.
"I'll give you guys some time alone," she says. She doesn't meet either of their eyes as she exits the room, closing the door halfway behind her.
She decides to walk around the ward. All around her are little kids and teenagers. But, the walls and floors are brightly colored and everyone is smiling. No wonder they called it Candy Land. She passes by a wall that has a bunch of pictures on it.
Missed but never forgotten
She stops and looks at all the pictures that hang there. One in particular catches her eyes: Billy. Her eyes are drawn to his card and she reads the tag. Her breath catches as she sees his death date. He was only 12 years old. Her vision goes fuzzy and she walks backwards until she hits the wall, sliding down it.
Would Keith be on this wall? Would his picture be hung with all the others who had passed on? Would anyone but his father and herself remember him for more than just being the guy with a truck? She holds her hand over her mouth to keep the tears at bay. A flash of pink catches her eye and she turns and looks up into the eyes of a smiling, and very bald, five-year old girl.
"Hi," she says to her, sniffling and wiping away the tears.
"Why are you crying?" The little girl asks.
"Because someone I know is very sick," she tells her. The girl looks at the pictures.
"My friend, Billy, passed away a while ago," the girl answers. Her eyes fill again and she watches the girl.
"I met him once," she tells her. "He was very sweet." She nods.
"I'm Anna," she says. "I live here. I haven't been to school, but I watch shows and can read the little books they have here. It's not so bad here, though," she tells her.
"I'm Natalie. But, don't you miss home? Or playing outside?" Anna laughs.
"Sure, sometimes. But I know if I go outside, I will get sick. I'm safe in here," she says, sitting down next to her. "Who are you seeing?" She asks.
"My boyfriend. His name is Keith." Anna's eyes light up.
"Keith? The one with the yellow truck?" She nods and Anna squeals. "He is so funny! Once, I fell and hurt my knee. He picked me up and spun me around until we both got dizzy. I forgot about my knee. He's really nice."
"Yea," she chokes out, overcome with emotion. "Yea, he is."
"Do you love him?" Anna asks. She smiles.
"With all my heart. He is very special to me." Anna nods.
"Anna? Oh, Anna! There you are!" They look up as a woman dressed in purple comes down the hallways towards them. "You know you're not supposed to go running off without telling nobody," the nurse scolds gently. She smiles.
"I'm sorry, Nurse Trisha. But she was crying and I wanted to see if she was okay." Nurse Trisha looks over at me and a knowing look crosses her expression.
"You're with Keith?" She asks and she nods, feeling more tears build up. "Alright, Miss Anna, back to your room."
"Yes, Nurse Trisha. Bye, Natalie," Anna says, waving. She waves back and stands, sniffling.
"I'm sorry," Nurse Trisha says. "I lost my son a couple of months ago. He's up there," she says, pointing to the pictures. "His name was Scotty. Such a bright child, so full of life and fun. He went in his sleep." She watches the emotions play across her face.
"How do you, you know..."
"Find the strength to keep going?" She asks perceptively. She can only nod. "Some days, I can't even get out of bed. See, my husband died a few years back, so it was just Scotty and I. Now, it's just me. The hardest days are the ones after you have good days. If you wake up one morning and feel fine, enjoy it, because the next day? You're going to stay in bed just crying for hours. It's getting a bit easier, but I will always hold them close to my heart. That's why I work here, so I can be near them. You know, we offer summer jobs for teenagers who want to have some one-on-one experience with the kids. And, if you do good enough, you can even get a part-time job here as a striper."
"Really?" She smiles at the woman.
"You come talk to me July 19 and I will tell you everything," she promises.
"I will. I'm Natalie...Anderson."
"Nurse Trisha, at your service," she says with an exaggerated bow. Despite the emotions, she giggles. "Chin up, love." She nods and heads back to Keith's room.
When she gets there, he's clinging to his dad's shirt, whispering to him furiously. His dad is crying. Feeling like an intruder, she goes to keep walking but a couple of kids running down the hallway with their toy cars accidentally let one go too soon. She slips on the toy and falls backwards, hitting her head on the floor.
She hears a ringing and turns to the side to vomit. She coughs and groans, putting a hand on her head.
"Natalie!" She faintly hears a frantic cry, and tries to open her eyes. A nurse is cleaning up the vomit and she thinks she apologizes, but she can't hear anything over the ringing in her head. Someone is helping her sit up. When she does, she sees Henry with a hand on her shoulder. She tries to smile and he wraps one of her arms around his shoulders, grabbing her around the waist to pull her up.
He grabs her hand that is around her shoulders and supports her with his other around her waist. They walk into Keith's room and she sees him, his face as white as a sheet. The ringing fades and there is only a throbbing left.
"What? Don't act like you've never seen me fall before," she teases gently when she can speak. His concern mellows out a bit as he smiles.
"My crazy, clumsy, wonderful girl," he tells her hoarsely. She blushes, despite the pain.
"Tell the nurses I'm sorry," she says to Henry. "And the little boys too. They didn't mean it, I know they didn't. I don't want them to get in trouble because I wasn't watching where I was walking."
When Henry leaves, she watches Keith. He has some color in his face and his eyes are more alert.
"You scared me," he whispers finally. He leans back and lets out a deep breath. When he does, she notices a slight stutter in his heart. She watches the monitor. Her heart drops and her body goes cold. The stutter happens every thirty seconds. "Come here," he says, opening his eyes. She goes over to him and takes his container of Tic-tacs, popping a few in her mouth. He manages a smile and she sits beside him. He shakes his head. "No...Lay...with me," he begs in a breathless whisper. She obliges. When her head is resting next to his on the pillow, and one of his arms is around her waist, he tries to speak.
"Natalie..." he begins, taking a deeper breath. She hears the stutter again. "I already talked to my dad but...I want you to know that, I love you...So fucking much. I never...Deserved you. When I met you...Everything was dark...But...you brought out...a l-light. It was s-so bright...You made me see..." His breath comes a little faster.
"What?" She begs in a whisper, her heart breaking.
"You made me see everything. I loved waking up...with my arms...around you. And...when we made love...I never w-wanted it...to end. Baby," he whispers, turning to look at her. His eyes are clouded with tears and she entwines their hands together. "You were my concrete goal. My last dream..." His eyes flutter close and she grabs his face in her hands, trembling.
"Keith," she pleads. His eyes open. "I know you can't hold on much longer. I want you to know that you were the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you so much it hurts. Waking up each day with you has been the highlight of my life. You are my everything." The tears spill over his eyes and they reach for each other. She feels his ardor, so strong and heady, become softer with each second.
"I'm...s-sorry, p-partner..." He whispers. His eyes close and then she hears the wailing of the heart monitor. Tears fall from her eyes. Denial takes over and she grabs him by the shoulders, shaking him.
"Keith? Keith, wake up! Keith, please! Keith!" By now she is screaming, but she doesn't care. She clings to him, needing to feel his warmth. But his skin had already started to cool. A pair of strong arms wraps around her and pulls her from him. Without any words, she turns and screams a sob into Henry's chest as he holds her tight against him. He strokes her hair and back, murmuring to her quietly, but she can't hear him over her sobs.
She thought she was ready, but she wasn't even close. She forces herself to look up at the clock. June 3rd, 2:45 PM. Her body starts trembling uncontrollably. The sobs have quieted to hiccups, but the tears flow relentlessly. Henry keeps an arm around her shoulders, letting her lay her head on his shoulder.
How was she supposed to go on now? He was everything to her. She watches as the nurses close his eyes and turn off all the monitors and equipment. They remove the IV and medicine drip. After ten minutes, they pick his body up and lay it on another stretcher. They go to cover him when she moves.
"Wait," she pleads softly. They look like they are about to refuse until they see her face.
"You can only have another minute," the nurse says. She nods and walks up to what's left of Keith. She feels fresh tears in her eyes as she strokes his face. She would never see him smile, hear him laugh, feel his touch, spend another moment with him, wake up next to him...A tear falls onto his cheek and she kisses it away.
"I love you," she whispers tearfully. Henry pulls her back gently. She turns into his embrace, not trusting herself to watch them take his body away.
After they do, she pulls back and sees that he had watched the entire thing. The tears had fallen from his eyes and in a moment of shared pain, they try to smile.
"He wanted me to ask you if you would help me finish up 'honeybun'...He said he wanted you to take her up to London," he tells her. Her eyes close on a wave of pain. Of course he would. "We'll get through this," he tells her. She opens her eyes and looks into his. They were the same color as Keith's...But his were so different from his father's. Looking into Henry's eyes, she could see the similarities between father and son, but she could also see how different they were.
"I miss him," she says, not caring if she sounds stupid. He just nods.
"That's how I felt about Melissa. I started missing her the minute I found out. I was lucky," he says, making her confused. "I never saw it happen. You, unfortunately, did. I wish I could have spared you that," he tells her gently. She shakes her head.
"I would have hated myself more if I hadn't. It's better this way," she tells him. He rests a hand on her cheek and gives her a smile so heartbreaking, tears fill her eyes again.
"You're so brave, Natalie. You gave my son the strength to fight. You know, he wasn't supposed to make it past February." She gasps and places a hand over her mouth. He nods at her shock. She knew what happened in February. The kiss. "I don't know what you did to him...But thank you. You gave me four and a half more months of my son's life. The only reason he stayed alive this long was because of you," he tells her. "So, don't ever feel like you didn't do enough, or that you messed up. He fought so hard to stay alive for you, sweetheart," he tells her and she bites her lips hard.
"Than why isn't he here?" She begs in a helpless whisper. "Why did God take him away from us?" He shakes his head and looks so forlorn. She forces a smile and pokes him in the chest. "Well...Now you have me to put up with," she tries to joke.
"Thank you," he whispers. "I may never have you as a daughter-in-law," he says, careful when she winces, "but you will always be my daughter from now on."
"And you'll be my dad away from home," she says and he smiles.
"My home will always be open to you, no matter if it's in the middle of the winter, or at four in the morning. Doesn't matter if you're drunk or come to me pregnant...My house is your house. Until the day I die, you are family." She nods.
"I think he would have wanted that," she says softly.
ooo
When they leave the hospital, they go back to Henry's house. But, when they get there, they sit in the car, not moving or speaking.
She looks over at the yellow truck, still in the same position they had left it, and bursts into tears. Beside her, she hears him holding back sobs with the back of his hand. Helpless, and still in denial, she wrenches open the door and runs over to the truck, flinging open the driver door. Empty. In a daze, she goes to the bed of the truck and lifts up the blanket, revealing the wood panels. Desperate, with tears falling, she runs to the front door and runs inside.
She goes into his room and opens the door, the force of it making it hit the wall. She doesn't wince as she takes in the scene around her. Everything is just as they left it three days ago. Over there, in a pile in front of the bed, are his pajamas that he'd last worn. And, resting against the chair, is his electric guitar that he'd played for her. And, sitting on his desk, is the antique truck magazine she'd teased him about.
Everything is still here...But he isn't. She falls to her knees and crawls over to a shirt on the floor. He was wearing it the day before he went to the hospital. She picks it up, holding it close to her face. She lets out a horrible sound as she breathes in his scent. A scent that she would never smell again. She clutches it to her, screaming.
"Why, God? Why did you take him from me? Is this your mercy?! Huh?!" She screams wordlessly, her tears streaming down her face in an endless cascade. When she manages to stop, an empty feeling settles in her. Still clutching the shirt, she crawls onto her side of the bed, turning to face where he would lie. She lays a hand where his would be and closes her eyes, falling into a dreamless sleep, imagining his arms around her.
ooo
She wakes up sometime later, happy about seeing Keith again...And then she remembers. Like a cold splash of water, she remembers that there is no more Keith. She sits up and sees that the sun has fallen. She looks over at the clock and sees the time: 9:37 PM.
Standing up, she makes her way into the living room where Henry sits, a beer in one hand. He looks up at her approach and her lower lip trembles.
"Daddy," she whispers. He gets up and walks over to her. "He's gone," tears fall down her face. "He's gone."
"I know," he whispers to her, sniffling. "God help me, I know. I'm sorry you're going through this. I'll call your parents," he says and she nods. "Try to get some rest," he tells her. She gives him a look and he just smiles.
She sees the truck keys sitting on the table and reaches for them.
"Don't go far," he tells her. She shakes her head.
"I just want to hear it," she replies. "I...I need to hear it..." He nods.
She opens the door and walks over to Honeybun, stroking her cool metal.
"Hey, lovely," she says. "I'm going to fix you up, right as new, okay? Then, you and I are going to go on a little field trip. How does that sound?" She walks over to the driver's side and opens the door, sliding into the seat. She closes the door and cranks the truck up, listening to it rumble. Her eyes squeeze shut painfully. Her hands find the steering wheel and she swears she can feel the heat from him in the leather. She opens her eyes and sees nothing, no light, no fairy, just her hands. Her head falls forward against the steering wheel and she lets more tears fall. So many memories, conversations, aguments...And only she knew what they were about.
When she eventually makes her way back inside, she walks past Henry and goes into Keith's room, laying on the bed and staring at the ceiling. And, for five days, she lays there, remembering.
ooo
When Monday finally rolls around, she knows she has to go to school. She looks over at the calendar and sees that it is June 9th. Graduation would be in less than two weeks. With a sigh, she forces herself out of bed and into the bathroom for a much-needed shower.
When she gets out, she finds a pair of jeans and grabs one of his shirts and puts them on. Instantly, she is enveloped in his smell and it brings tears to her eyes.
She sees Henry sitting at the table and he gives her a small smile.
"I was wondering when I was going to see you," he tells her gently. She can see the sadness in his eyes, but there is also bitter acceptance. She knows what she must look like.
"I'm going to try to go to school," she tells him, her voice hoarse from not having talked in so long. "Could we work on Honeybun when I come back?" She asks and he nods.
"Natalie," he says to her when she is about to leave. He hands her a set of keys. The truck keys. "She's yours." Her eyes water and she thanks him.
She gets inside and cranks her up, putting her in gear and driving to school. When she gets there, people stare openly. Some have looks of envy, others of anger. But what she sees mostly? Sympathy. She holds back tears as she gets out of the truck and closes the door behind her. Her legs shake as she takes her first steps inside.
She sits in her first period, staring off into space. And in French, the same.
When she finally gets to Chemistry, she doesn't realize it until she is sitting at the lab tables and the seat next to her is empty. She drops her pencil and tears fall from her eyes. She swallows and her eyes close before opening again. Mr. Miles comes over to her when the bell rings because she'd sat there.
"Natalie?" He asks. She looks up at him, barely seeing him. "When he requested you for his lab partner...I kept saying no to him. But, he fought to have you. I know you're going through a rough time. If there is anything you need, please, don't hesitate to ask."
"Can you bring him back?" She asks, closing her eyes as she remembers their first conversation.
"See, you're thinking ten years into the future. We don't need Chemistry. We-We need time travel..."
"If I could, I would. He was one of my more gifted students. I am very sorry, Natalie."
ooo
That Saturday they have the funeral. She forces herself to get dressed and make herself look presentable.
She walks downstairs, having stayed at her actual house the night before, and her parents meet her at the bottom. She hadn't cried all morning and her face is drawn and pale. Her mother places a hand on her cheek and sighs.
"Are you ready?" She asks.
"No," she answers, but makes her way out to Honeybun, who was looking greater as each day passed. She looks at the calendar in her planner and sees it is June 14th. It'd been almost two weeks without him. And it felt like an eternity.
When they get to the cemetery, she sees at least twenty cars. She is confused until she sees that not only had the family come, but people from school and the hospital had come as well. She looks over and sees Andy from the body shop and sees Al standing next to Henry. They each give her a small smile as she walks up them.
The pastor walks up to the podium and welcomes everyone for coming.
"Now, before I say the prayer, I believe Natalie has something she'd like to say." All eyes turn to her as she makes her way up to the podium. She swallows hard and looks at the casket, biting her lip and taking a deep breath as she looks up at the sky.
"I guess I should start by saying where our story begins. Not many people know this but, we knew each other in sixth grade. He was always stepping on my dress and tripping me." A few laughs are heard. "But, I didn't remember him. Than, when we became lab partners, I thought he was rude and I wanted to figure him out. He was sarcastic and blunt, and spoke his mind. He would make a joke during a tense situation to ease everything.
Keith slowly became more than just my lab partner. He became a very good friend of mine. Of course, I had a boyfriend at the time, so I couldn't think about him in that way. But, one day something changed. We weren't just friends anymore. And before I realized it, I was falling in love with him. But, I never knew how sick he was. I didn't know until about a month and a half ago. But I didn't care if he was sick. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to make his last days something..." Her voice cracks as tears pool in her eyes. "Something he wouldn't mind being a part of. Keith is my everything. No amount of time will ever change that. I know you're all saying that I'm too young, that I'll get over it. And, maybe in five years, I will try again. But no one can ever replace him. No one. There is only one Keith Zetterstrom. And unfortunately, his time here on Earth was far too short. But, he taught me something in the months that I knew him.
He taught me to take chances, to not be afraid of what I don't know or understand. Keith taught me to be free, even when he was caged inside him. To some of us he was a son, a ward, a friend, and even a student," she says with a smile at Miles. "And to another he was a patient and a client," another smile towards Al and Andy. "And to me? Keith was my shining star. He told me that I was his concrete goal, his last dream. And I think it's special that someone can be so brave, even when he has nothing to lose. I will never forget him, and I know neither will any of you. Thank you," she says and walks over to her seat next to Henry.
The pastor takes his place and begins the prayer. And when it is time to place the earth onto the casket, she feels an extra warm wind wrap around her. Instinctively, she knows it's Keith. She closes her eyes and, when she opens them, the feeling goes away, leaving her with an empty ache within.
Later, when they all arrive at the after-funeral dinner, she starts to feel light-headed. She brushes it off, but a weird feeling remains.
ooo
Graduation. Supposed to be a happy time, but for her, she wanted to crawl in a hole. She was graduating with Honors, and had been nominated valedictorian. She didn't want any attention or praise for her good work. She just...
With a sigh, she walks over to her mirror. On the top right side is a picture. She looks up at it and sees a photo of her and him. They were making goofy faces. Tears fill her eyes as she looks into his smiling ones.
"I just want you," she whispers sadly.
She goes over to her closet and pulls out the shirt and skirt ensemble she'd picked out for this day. When she goes to zip up the skirt, it gets stuck around her midsection. Confused, she tries again. And that's when she sees it: a tiny bump sticking out.
Her heart stops and she pushes the skirt down, standing in her bra and underwear. She turns to the side and, sure enough, a significant bump is starting to show. Tears fill her eyes. Could it be true?
She looks over at her clock and sees that she has three hours before she has to be ready. Her mind made up, she looks over at her calendar. June 20th. She throws on a pair of sweats and a shirt and grabs Honeybun's keys before running out the door.
She drives to the quick mart and finds what she needs: a pregnancy test. No one questions her or looks at her and she drives straight home, going into the bathroom and using the test.
Three minutes later, she picks up the stick. Two pink lines look back up at her. Pregnant. Her hand goes to her mouth and she smiles, despite the ache in her chest. She was pregnant...With Keith's child. The thought makes the ache worse, but a giddiness takes over.
She hears her mom in the kitchen and she takes a deep breath.
"Mom?" She asks when she gets into the kitchen. Her mom looks up at her. Her smile turns into a frown when she sees her daughter.
"What's wrong?" She asks. She swallows.
"I have something to tell you," she says. Her mother smiles and comes over to her.
"Well, it's about time you figured it out!" She is shocked.
"W-What? You knew?" Her mother nods.
"Come on, sweetie, I had three of you. I know what a baby bump looks like. And, as much as I'm not happy with you being pregnant so young, I am glad that you have something to make you happy again." The sadness in her mother's voice hurts. "Now, what are you doing here? You gotta tell Henry!" Her face pales and she nods, grabbing the keys and heading back out to the truck.
When she gets there, he is outside working on the other truck. When she gets out of the truck, he offers her a small smile.
"Henry," she begins, hesitantly.
"What's wrong, hun?" He asks. She shakes her head.
"I'm pregnant," she blurts out. He drops the wrench. "And it's...It's Keith's." The tears are back and soon she feels a pair of arms wrapped around her.
"I'm gonna be a grandpa?" He asks. She nods. He hugs her again and kisses her forehead. "Don't you gotta go get ready for graduation?" He asks and she nods. "We'll talk after," he says with a smile, the first ray of light she'd seen since everything had happened.
ooo
"...And now, our valedictorian, Natalie Anderson!" The crowd cheers as she steps up to the podium. She looks and sees Henry and her parents sitting there, love radiating through them all.
"Thank you," she tells the crowd, looking over at her graduating class. Helplessly, she spies an empty seat, near the end of the alphabet, and tears mist in her eyes. She clears her throat before speaking. "As most of you know, we lost a fellow student a couple of weeks ago. His name was Keith. Keith Zetterstrom. He was a brilliant and caring person and he is missed very much. This school year was probably one of the craziest and yet amazing years of my life. And it was because of him. So, in honor of him, we have decided to take in a donation for the newly founded Zetterstrom Foundation which gives money to children's hospital all over. And, we would also like to have a wall built in the quad for students whose lives have been lost here at this school, and even in this state.
My fellow classmates, even though the passing of a fellow schoolmate hangs heavy on many hearts here, today is also a day about beginnings and fresh starts. Go not in fear of what you do not know, embrace it for it is something you will come to love. Though I walk through the valley of death, I shall fear no evil. That verse sticks with us today as we journey to different countries and go to different schools, and live different lives. But, we will always have today. Congratulations class of 2008. I love you all." And with that, everyone stands and cheers for her. The tears fall and she smiles as she tosses up her cap. Everyone else follows.
Brooke comes up to her and hugs her.
"I'm so sorry, Natalie. I didn't know. If I would have known Raff was such a skeeze, I would have totally helped you with the Keith thing. I love you, okay? I'm sorry I was so horrible. Forgive me?" She nods and they hug.
When she faces her family, she feels a new warmth spread over her.
I love you, partner.
I love you too.
Even though living without him would be hard, and she would never find anyone else, she would live. If not for herself, than for their child.
She still had a couple last things to take care of, though before she reached it. She'd followed in his footsteps almost. She had talked to Al over the past few days and now understood his strange words. She too had a concrete goal. One that would last her through her days until she saw him again.
With a smile, she strips off her gown, revealing a pair of cargo pants and a gray tank top. She finds Honeybun, all finished and painted, and makes sure the green suitcase is still in the bed. With a sigh, she watches all the happy faces around her and feel wistful. The growing life in her womb would know who his or her father was. She would take care of the child and love it. And, when her time came, she would return to Keith. But not yet.
"Not yet, my love," she says to herself, driving into the sunset towards the cliffs.
WHEW! Okay, Now It Has Officially Ended and I am Quite Miserable. I Cried Throughout This Entire Story...Anyways, I Love You All.
xXxhurting-insidexXx