Gwen isn't actually sure what has lead her to do the action that is about to occur. That in its own right terrifies her. Maybe it is the fact that Arthur has been heavy on her mind sense he tried to rescue her three days prior. It's all she can think about and it's like a revolving recollection digging into the tops of her cranium.
Arthur had risked so much to come to her aid. That itself made her want to yell at him for even thinking about coming to save her. God, forbid what if something happened and he was murdered. The thought of that sends a tingle up her spine, a rush of pain, and she must close her eyes to remove the thought. Like it or not Arthur is the next king of Camelot and she would warn him that he has to act as such. This little thing, whatever it may be, needs to stop and he must focus on the one thing that is important, Camelot.
She stands outside his bedroom chambers with her hands clammy to her sides. She has just been excused by the Lady Morgana and it takes everything in her not to turn around and run home. She hasn't seen her father in quite some time and the thought of almost dying put her in a family type mood. Still, she has to get this off of her chest maybe once she has confronted him on the matter the dreams would stop.
Dreams will never stop silly.
Her mind throws back at her. There are merely your deepest desires brought forth in pictures and there is nothing you can do about it.
She laughs to herself, deepest desires my fanny, if anything her desires should be about Lancelot. The soft spoken knight with hair the color of lumber. Of course, he has taken a liking to Camelot and has decided to stay. He told her it is because of the kind people, but, she knows it's merely to secretly stay close to her. He has suddenly become a knight as well, despite Arthur's dismay, Uther has taken quite the liking to his grand skill. She often sees him around the castle and he makes it his unyielding desire to smile at her, or place a flower inside her hair. The smallest things he does make her feel truly appreciated.
She sighs to herself, no more thinking. She must do what she has come here to do. She slowly lifts her hand to the massive door and pats on it. The sound of her small hand against the colossal door barely makes any noise and she fears that she have to do it again. She lifts her hand once more but lowers it when she notices the doors start to open.
Arthur opens the door and she is amazed and stunned to see that he is shirtless. Her breath catches inside her chest as he opens the door more with a quizzical, yet slightly amused, look on his face. Her caramel gaze beams and she adjusts her eyes immediately up to his face. Her cheeks flame with a crimson hue as she bites her tongue.
"Gwen, what a surprise, please," He moves towards the side of the door "come in."
She lowers her eyes ever so slightly so that it may fall just to the magnificent mold of his chest. His chest is broad and looks as perfect and chiseled like a carving of stone.
"I can come back a later time, it is quite late," She mumbles.
"No, please I must speak with you about an issue as well." With that comment she walks past him, catching an unbelievable whiff of his smell, cursing herself in the process.
She walks towards the middle of his bedroom and folds her arms around her chest. The fire crackles gently in the fireplace casting a golden glow about the room. She is wearing a sky blue dress today one that makes her tan skin seem to glimmer. Arthur notices that her hair is down falling around her shoulder in loose waves. She looks nervous, biting her lip, and it's driving him crazy with frustration and lust. He wants to run over towards her, take her in his hands, and kiss her gently, passionately, and her being alone in his room maybe too much to bear.
Arthur walks over towards his bed and grabs a white shirt placing it over his body. He can see her and he can see that her eyes dance across his physique, a small slight quizzical gaze plagues across her stare and he finds it oddly welcoming. He walks closer to her. He wants her to look at him he is pleased that she does. Before he can comment her eyes softly approach his. "Please tell me why you sought the need to speak with me in such an odd time of day." Arthur teases placing his hand along his jaw line.
"I apologize sire, I didn't mean to intrude. I simply wanted to thank you once more for coming to my aid." Arthur smirks as he walks closer to her. She looks down.
"Gwen," he says softly. The way he says her name makes goose bumps prickle her skin, he says it as if it were the most precious thing in the world to him. "Firstly, please no more formalities. I believe we are strong enough in our relationship that you may call me Arthur." Gwen looks up a grin plaguing her face as well.
"I don't believe your father would appreciate that sire. A mere maid calling his son by his Christian name, and oh, what will the other servants think." Arthur leans in closer playing along with her game.
"Imagine what they would say, knowing you are in fact, in my chambers, this late at night? You are quite the bold young woman aren't you Gwen?" His voice is soft with a tease gliding through it.
She hasn't thought about anyone watching her enter the room what if Arthur is correct, her reputation would be ruined. Or worse, what if the Lady Morgana saw her. He can see the look of despair plague her eyes and his smile immediately faces. "Gwen I am merely teasing, no one would say anything, besides if they do I will wave off their illogical thoughts with reason." Gwen nods her head,
"This is why I came to speak with you." Her words are soft. There is so many things that Arthur wants to say. However, he doesn't know where to begin. Before he can speak she continues, "Whatever this is sire, it must end, you are the crowned Prince of Camelot, my…" She trails off taking a sigh, "our future king. Your destiny has been written in the stars long before our encounter and I cannot live with myself if something happened to you because of me." Arthur doesn't follow her logic. She can read his unbelief on his face so she continues. "If something would have happened to you while you were trying to save me. I simply couldn't live with myself. We would have been without a king, and Camelot would have been lost."
"You underestimate me Gwen. I am much stronger than you presume." There is an annoyance inside his voice. How could she believe him to be a weak man? Has she no trust at all in him.
"I do not doubt that, however, it is too risky to tempt fate." He opens his mouth to say something but she continues, her words spiraling out of her mouth as vastly as the wind. "It is too dangerous." She turns around to walk away and he catches her arm swinging her back around to stare at him.
"Gwen I know you think about it. You do feel something between us," he leans in closer and for a moment he believes she will lean backwards, disgusted by his frankness, her neck twitches but she doesn't move. She will not look at him she stares down at the ground.
"What I feel is of no magnitude." Her voice is flat, "it is meaningless."
"But it does have meaning," He reaches out to cup the side of her face, "Gwen," he speaks her name and her eyes rise softly to him. "It has meaning to me." His soft is so delicate, like a feather, upon the tenderness of her flesh. The way his eyes are glancing over hers she feels as if she will melt, like a puddle, on the floor beneath him. She does admit there is a pull inside of her for him, as if he is the gravity centering her to earth.
"It will come with nothing but heartache."
"Heartache will come with any decision that we make. At least, if we try, we will know. Isn't it worth knowing?" He leans in closer his nose touching hers. His breath is soft, so pure, against her breath as if their already sharing it. Oh how she wants to wrap her arms around his neck and dig her body into his.
She mustn't she cannot.
She has come here to rid herself of these feelings, to tell him that it is wrong, however, she is human and the attraction, one she didn't realize she had, is far greater. She has underestimated her feelings for him. It had been washed away in the darkest part of her mind and he has fished it out, and shined a new light on it.
Gwen take control of yourself woman. She says to herself.
If he kisses her it will be over. Their affection will be sealed and she cannot have that weigh on her. She leans backwards and his hand falls off the side of her face. She can see the hurt inside his eyes and it pains her so much that she feels as if she shall cry.
"We cannot." She says and he knows that she is final about her decision. He nods his head and she courtesies before leaving the room a single tear shedding down her face.
"Gwen something is troubling you," It's Merlin who says this. They have been gathering apples in the orchard for quite some time. Gwen doesn't mind it however, something about being outside makes her heart flutter inside her chest. Merlin gives her a knowing look, as if he could read her mind. Gwen takes an apple off of the ground and looks at her reflection, it's distorted along the ruby red of the apple.
"It is nothing, really Merlin, I'm quite alright." She looks up at him and fakes a smile. She throws the apple into the basket that is half-way full. Merlin looks at her skeptically raising a black eyebrow.
"It wouldn't perhaps be about a specific person would it? Perhaps a person that is 5'11, rather athletic, blond, extremely dim-witted." Gwen turns to look at him and they both smile.
"If you insinuating the crowned prince of Camelot then no. I do not wish to speak about him." Merlin nods his head. He knows that he will retrieve no information from Gwen but he's happier to be around her than Arthur. He knows what occurred between the two of them and Arthur has been sulking all day. It's quite annoying and instead of doing anything about the situation he merely ignores it altogether. More than anything Merlin knows that Arthur's pride is hurt, he hasn't felt anything like what he's felt for Gwen, and he truly did wish she reciprocated his affections. Merlin tries to bait her interest.
"Well, then you must not be upset about the ball." Merlin says under a clenched smile. He picks up an apple with Gwen and throws into the basket. She sighs lifting herself up, sweat on her brow, she fans herself.
"No there is a ball every year in Camelot's name. Why would I be upset?"
"You haven't heard?" Gwen places her hands on her small hips.
"Heard what Merlin?" Merlin takes an apple in his grasp and eats one. He takes a huge bite into the succulent fruit. "Eh, I don't know. You did say you didn't want to hear about Arthur,"
"Merlin, out with it!" She pesters. Her imagination has run away with her and now she really wants to know.
"Arthur's to be married soon. The Princess of an allying kingdom is coming to the ball."
The princess had indeed come and she had brought a supply of clothing with her. She took the upstairs floor all for herself and her ladies in waiting. The ball is in just a few minutes and Gwen, with other servants, hurries along the ball room dusting, cleaning, doing last minutes preperations to make the place spotless.
Guests have started to arrive and the orchestra begins to play the sweetest type of music that echoes under the chatter of talking. King Uther sits upon his magnificent throne and stands when he sees King Lucian come into the ballroom. Lucian looks a lot like Uther with his graying hair and wisdom along his brow. Gwen catches a quick look while she walks towards the kitchen to gather plates. As she comes back into the ballroom she notices that they have been swept into a bustle of talking to each other. She seems fine with everything until she finally sees them.
Arthur and the lovely Princess Miriam walk into the ballroom and everyone inside the room bawls. They look like the perfect couple a mix of radiance developing around them. She isn't quite as tall as him, but she comes just to about his neck. Her long ringlets of gold fall just below her back and is adorned in silver beads. Her face that of a painting, with pursed pale pink lips, and eyes the color of sapphires. She is wearing a long golden gown with a train that falls long below her. They look like a vision…more like brother and sister. Their hair colors match perfectly, golden silk, which clashes against the opaque of their flawless skin. He holds onto her hand as they walk down the aisle of their servants. She stands in the line but is towards the end.
Merlin stands besides Gwen and as he catches the unexplained sadness on her face. He grabs her hand. Gwen smiles as she clenches his hand tightly as if she is trying to steady herself. A part of her wonders what Arthur will do when he sees her? She clenches her breath when he walks past her and doesn't stare nor say a word. Gwen's heart breaks and she can feel a brim of tears etch against her eyes. She sighs and bites her tongue so hard so that it will cause her to focus on that pain instead.
They get to the front of the aisle and hold both their entwined hands together. Her fair hand fits so perfectly in the grasp of Arthur's. She curses under her breath.
Uther stands now and all the eyes of the people inside the room wander towards him.
"This is a day to celebrate! A day that a blessed union has formed and our allies and I will join together in strength." Everyone begins to cheer, well, everyone accept Gwen. She merely claps her hands in an effort to be strong.
The music begins to play and everyone begins to spin and dance on the ballroom floor. Morgana has even found a suitor, which Gwen knew she would. He twirls her around on the dance floor and gracefully places his hand on the length of her back. Her hair is pulled up into a bun showing off the beautiful emeralds of eyes that she has. Gwen stands in the corner wishing that she could run off and leave this place. She sees Arthur with Miriam they both stare into each other's eyes as they sway with the music.
I hope that she receives a boil the size of our kingdom on her rear end. Gwen smirks to herself at the thought.
As they turn Arthur's gaze slightly shifts upon Gwen alone in the corner of the ballroom. Her hands are placed behind her back and he can sense the anxiety written along her tan features. She looks beautiful, more beautiful than any elaborately dressed woman in this room. She wears simple garbs that are a lime green color. That is what makes her so lovely, the naturalness of her beauty. The way her nose scrunches when she's upset or challenging him, the way her hair falls perfectly around her oval face. Or the way her voice sounds so lovely against his ears. He would leave her alone. That is what she wanted and he could not bring himself to go against her wishes. He would try and be happy with Miriam try to force a likeness for her. Her stares at her and has to admit, she is quite lovely, and she smiles at him delicately. Her long lashes flutter under his glare.
"Would you like something to drink," Gwen is caught off guard and immediately notices Lancelot, with a drink in his hand. Gwen smiles taking it thankfully, she drinks it down in one sip, without realizing its potency. Lancelot chuckles in his hoarse laugh. "Someone seems to have an unquenchable thirst."
"It seems a lot of things are unquenched in my life lately," she mumbles under her breath handing him back the glass. Lancelot takes the drink and gives her a quizzical smirk.
"You are such an enigma to me Guinevere. One, that I intend to try and solve." Gwen crosses her arms around her chest,
"I am sad to inform you that there isn't anything abnormal about me. I am simply mundane." Lancelot leans in closer, she catches a whiff of his manly smell, "I beg to differ," he whispers inside her ear. His voice is sizzling "you're simply radiant." He bends back and casts a luxurious smile. Before she can answer he leaves her side. She is left alone once more inside this room full of people. She is screaming inside but no one seems to hear her.
Merlin strides towards her with his arms around his back. He comes over to her and leans in hitting her shoulder with his.
"So what was that about?" Gwen turns to face Merlin
"Nothing of great importance," Merlin rolls his eyes.
"Sure, whatever you say Gwen." They both laugh amongst themselves. "You think she will be good to him?" Merlin nods towards Miriam and Arthur. Gwen swallows hard and before she can even say anything it blurts out,
"I hope she will be. He deserves happiness." Merlin turns toward Gwen and the candles in the ballroom reflect in the browns of her eyes. It gives her glance a glossy glaze over. Merlin places his hand on her shoulder,
"What he deserves is you." Gwen shoots him a nerved look,
"Merlin, please, you mustn't say such things." She immediately turns her gaze back towards the ballroom floor. All the colors of the rainbow spins along the dance floor.
"It's true Gwen," Merlin says in a more subtle tone. "You should hear the way he talks about you. It's quite annoying actually," Gwen smirks but doesn't diverge her glare.
"It's merely infatuation." She retorts. "Nothing more."
"You should give him a chance."
"It would amount to nothing," Her eyes flutter at how monotone she sounds. She doesn't even sound like herself. However, she knows she must be strong, she has always been taught to be strong. This feeling is new to her and she doesn't like the weakness that it bestows upon her.
"Gwen,"
"Merlin," she looks to him and moves her shoulder turning to leave. Merlin simply stares as she crosses into the kitchen out of sight.
Gwen walks outside to the courtyard trying to fill her lungs with new fresh air. The air inside the ballroom seemed to be wearing very thin. She places her head against the brick wall of the kingdom and closes her eyes in ponder. She smacks her hand against the wall trying to hold in her anger.
Pull yourself together Gwen, you are stronger than this. She tells herself.
"Trying to escape already," It's Lancelot's voice that she hears. She composes herself and turns around to face him. The dark stars peer down from the sky and it gleams against the darkness of his eyes.
"Are you following me? Aren't you supposed to be a chivalrous knight?" She teases tossing a loose curl behind her ear. Lancelot comes closer to her and laughs. He leans his back against the stone wall.
"Yes, and as a knight I must make sure that every maiden in the kingdom is safe. It is quite late, milady, think of the ruffians scurrying about." She places her back against the wall as well and looks forward.
"Most of them are inside the kingdom, letting their eyes mingle around the shortness of the ladies cleavage."
"Seems like you do not fit the mold of these ladies," Lancelot coos with a deviously smirk.
"I don't follow most of the customs of this society. I try to beat by my own music." Lancelot moves his hand slowly towards her and touches it. She doesn't break away.
"I believe that is what makes you so fascinating." Lancelot says as he leans in and gathers her face into his hands. He stares at her momentarily but without any other word or thought he places his lips against hers. He is hard on her lips, thirsting for more, and his left hand slides up her arm and towards her chest grabbing it. She catches under his breath. She is unaccustomed to his rather crude manner. He backs her up against the brick wall and her heart thumps against her chest. He can probably feel it because of his hand along her bosom and chest. She feels a tinge of guilt and a little bit of rage as he forcefully kisses her. She IS still a lady and should be treated as such. Would he dare kiss or treat any other lady in the ballroom like the way he is treating her? Sure, he is handsome, and a part of her trusted him. However, the way he's touching her causes her to lift her lips away from his. He's close and as she leans back his breath is raspy as he says, "what is wrong?" Her eyes follow over his.
"I'm not comfortable." She clears her throat. He places his hand along her cheek,
"Did I do something to offend. If so I am dearly sorry." Gwen shakes her head and moves towards the left trying to get out of his grasp.
"No, I'm slightly confused. I need to be alone," before he can protest she leaves his side running towards the castle.
Dun Dun Dun! Haha, sorry, I had to. I truly hope you enjoy this chapter of the story. I know, it's heart-breaking, it even saddened me to write it. But, I promise it will get better. I love Gwen, I am beginning to truly understand her character, the more I write her. Please let me know what you think. Some of the comments I read gave me the courage to continue on, and for that, I thank you! Enjoy.