"These are your favorite ice cream flavors, aren't they?"
"…"
"Ah, that's right. Of course I remember. Last time you got a stomachache because you tried something you shouldn't."
"Lelouch…"
"But don't worry, this time I surely got the right ones for you, Nunnally."
"Please…"
"Vanilla and strawberry. You always-"
"Lelouch! Nunnally is dead!"
'
"Lelouch… Lelouch, wake up…"
His heavy eyelids slowly forced themselves open.
"Wake up, honey. You have a visitor."
The first thing he saw a white face with gentle eyes staring down at him.
"If you don't feel well, I can tell her to come back another time."
Her? Nunnally? No, I want to see her. I want to see my sister!
"Nunnally…" he croaked out. The nurse instantly tensed as a small frown appeared on her forehead. "It's your friend, Lelouch," she said, tugging at his shoulder to make sure he's awake and not sleep-talking. "Her name is Shirley."
'
"How are you feeling, Lulu?" asked the orange-haired girl with a worried look evident on her face. She must have come straight from school, Lelouch decided as he smiled at her. Shirley was still in her uniform. Her long hair was let down in the back with only a few strands were being tied at the back of her head. She'd always donned that hairstyle, and she knew that he liked long hair, so perhaps that's why she'd refused to cut it and sworn to grow it out.
"I'm fine. Thanks for coming, Shirley," he said, gesturing for her to sit down. She did.
Every time she visited, they always came to the cafeteria where they would sit in a quiet corner, away from people and the relatively loud chattering. Lelouch would offer to buy her a drink or sometimes something to eat, and every time, she always shook her head. The only thing she allowed him to get for her on occasions was hot tea.
His best friend was smiling brightly. "It's good to see you doing well, Lulu. How are they treating you? How's the food? Have you become acquainted with anyone yet?"
Lelouch couldn't help but smile weakly. These were like routine questions. She came and asked them and he'd answer them as sincerely as he could, because first of all, the food was bad; there wasn't a lot of options. Secondly, he wasn't here to make friends. He was here to heal his mental state, which wasn't doing quite so well as he tried to put a brave front on.
"Like last time and the time before that," the raven-haired teen replied as if he'd memorized the script. "Everything's great. This place is nice. The people are friendly. I-" He bit his tongue.
"What?" she pressed, leaning forward in anticipation.
"I stopped seeing things," he concluded quietly.
A pause stretched out between them before Shirley spoke, "Isn't that good, Lulu?" Her sincere, understanding smile was back. "I'm sure the others will be glad to hear it, too!"
Something was on his face. Something so fake and untrue and false was being glued on his face, and it hurt so much because everytime he tried to wipe it off, it felt like he was peeling off his own skin. Then, he realized it was his forged smile.
"Yeah, it is," he said, swallowing unconsciously.
Suddenly, she reached out and grasped his hands, gripping them between her palms. A look of bafflement simultaneously crossed Lelouch's face as his eyes widened. Her own green orbs, however, only reflected the deep concern and sadness that he'd never seen in them before.
"Lulu..." she began, stopped, opened her mouth again, closed, swallowed, then continued. "Lulu, please come home. This is enough. It's been two months and you're improving! You're no longer imagining things. We…" She paused for the second time before going on, "We need you. I need you, Lulu."
Time seemed to stop for both of them.
"Shirley…" How could he blatantly lie to her like that? How could he twist the truth and make her believe something so false?
Liar. Liar. Liar! You're still seeing her. You're still talking to Nunnally in the dark when no one's watching.
"No…" he whimpered.
"Lulu?"
Liar! You think she's alive but she's not, yet you're refusing to see the sole fact that she's buried hundred of feet below you. Just lying there, rotting…
"Stop it…"
You think no one's watching? Ha! How foolish! You are watching your own actions, your own pathetic little-
"Shut up!"
"Lelouch!"
"Please, ma'am, you have to leave!" A nurse and a security guy rushed into the cafeteria at the sounds of shouting and furniture smashing, effectively swirled around the table that had just been knocked over.
While the muscular security man grabbed Lelouch's wrists and pinned them behind his back in an effort to stop him from throwing another piece of furniture around, the nurse quickly injected a needle into the teen's arm, paying no mind to the latter's deafening screams.
She then solemnly looked over to the horrified orange-haired girl and said sympathetically. "I'm sorry, I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave."
As they dragged the drug-sedated Lelouch toward his assigned room, Shirley could only stand there, glued to the ground, with arms hung limpless on either side of her. There were streams of tears flowing uncontrollably down her reddening cheeks.
'
"Big brother… Why… Why do you keep doing this?"
"No… No, Nunnally, don't cry…"
"Why, big brother?"
"I'm doing it for you, what else?"
"No, you're doing it for yourself! You're too mean, big brother. Even in death, you won't let me find peace."
Lelouch's eyes popped open immediately, and the bright morning sunlight poured into them, hurting them but he could care less. He wouldn't care if he'd gone blind after this.
A slight tinge in his left arm caused him to look down. A needle's mark, Lelouch noted idly as he brought said arm up to stare the tiny puncture spot. Events from yesterday afternoon flushed back unpleasantly and he shut his eyes tightly while biting down onto his lower lip.
He had hurt Shirley, he knew. He had hurt her both emotionally and physically.
"I'm sorry, Shirley…" he whispered to no one in particular. "I don't deserve to have a friend like you."
Then, he sat up and slowly dragged himself out of bed. Crazy or not, he's still a human being with a functioning mind, and lying in bed all day thinking about things that had happened, could have happened or should have happened wouldn't help. There was a line between crazy and insane, and he'd made sure to never cross it.
'
The cafeteria was as busy as ever. It didn't seem like the missing table was going to affect the business much. Lelouch sighed and brought up his hand to ruffle his soft raven locks. He needed a cup of coffee like right now. As he ambled toward the black coffee maker on the counter on the other side of the cafeteria with one hand dug in his pocket, an older man appeared in his path.
"Morning," the man said cheerfully.
"Morning," replied Lelouch much less cheerfully. He tried to walk around the man but the latter shoved something in his chest so suddenly that he slightly staggered back.
"What-"
"Read it," ordered the stranger.
"Why?"
"Look at the cover."
He looked and one eyebrow shot up high. "And?" he said coldly.
The older man, probably in his 30s, leaned in close and Lelouch inadvertently took one step back. "You're smart. The smartest one around here." He glanced around then focused back on the puzzled raven-haired teen's face. "I know what happened last night. Uhmmm not a good way to get on the good side of the staff."
"I don't care-"
"Read," repeated the man again, a bit more forcefully this time. Then without waiting for any sort of reaction from the confused teen, he walked away whilst whistling a nameless, off-key tune.
"What the…" Lelouch casted a closer look at the hardcover book in his hand, and wondered what in the world made that guy do what he just did.
'
Frankly, Lelouch never expected himself to stay up so late that night to finish the book. He didn't even know what was so appealing about it that drew him in as he kept on reading and reading until dawn almost broke.
'
As expected, the raven-haired teen found the man from yesterday sitting at one of the long tables in the cafeteria. The latter was sipping coffee leisurely while staring out the window at the clear morning skies.
The book was dropped lightly onto the table in front of him and he glanced up curiously. "What's this?" asked Lelouch, motioning toward the object.
"It's… a book."
"I mean, what I meant to say was why did you give it to me?" he quickly corrected himself as soon as he saw the confusion crossing the older man's face.
The nameless man narrowed his eyes at him. "You read it?"
"Of course, and I was-"
"Wonderful!" he exclaimed, cutting the teen off in the process. His green eyes brightened. "I knew you were smart! I knew you could handle it." A grin was stretching from one ear to another on his face.
"You didn't answer my question," said Lelouch impatiently.
"Ah. Well, sit down. Get a cup of coffee and we can talk about this."
Reluctantly, the teen sat down next to him, leaving a wide space between them and anxiously waiting for an explanation.
The man was still grinning as he reached out one hand. "My name is Shinji," he said. Lelouch stared down at said hand and slowly took it. "Lelouch," he said simply, then withdrew.
Shinji, a man with dirty blond hair, bright green eyes, an easygoing and excitable attitude, and perfect teeth that he was so proud of that he always bared them whenever he got an opportunity to.
"So, Lelouch," Shinji said as he tapped the book lightly. "What do you make of it?"
"It's a psychological book that deals with emotions and thoughts and how those two connect with each other, and affect our daily lives."
"Hmmm," drawled the blonde with a contemplative look. "Do you like the cover?"
Lelouch glanced down and nodded. "It conveys the message of the book pretty well, I'd say."
Shinji followed Lelouch's gaze and smiled. The girl on the cover was slightly lifting her head up so she was looking above and not directly at the reader. Her long, shiny black hair was flowing softly behind her. What stood out the most, though, were her strange eyes. You couldn't really see their color or what shape they took because there were two bright golden butterflies being stationed in the place where her orbs should have been. Their wings were spread wide and looked as if they're ready to depart. Her pink lips were slightly parted as if she was in a trance.
When Lelouch first noticed the cover, he thought those creatures were going to fly out of there any second. That's how real the art made it look like.
A sigh escaped Lelouch's lips as he went on. "Why did you give this book to me?"
"Because I thought you'd need it."
"How so?"
"Because you don't believe."
A brief pause. "What?"
"The girl," Shinji explained. His coffee cup was getting cold and abandoned. "Why is she rejected by society?"
Lelouch's black eyebrows creased slightly as he racked his brain for details. "She has this special ability where she can see the future," he echoed out his thoughts. "A vision, as she's called it. But everyone hates it and is afraid of her, afraid of what she's capable of."
Shinji was nodding encouragingly. "That's right. You forgot one thing though. She can't see the future anytime she wants."
Lelouch pondered for a second before agreeing. "You're right. Whenever she's happy and feels safe, the ability emerges, and whenever she's upset, everything's gone and she can't access that gift of hers, or 'curse' in her point of view."
"But she doesn't really want that, does she?"
"No."
"Why's that?"
"Because…" Lelouch trailed off. His eyes suddenly found a captivating spot in the far skies above. The few clouds that were up there were lazily swimming about, and the sounds of the mockingbirds nearby could be heard clearly. He cleared his throat and continued. "Because there's a boy that believes in her. He thinks her ability is unique and can be used to prevent tragedy from happening. That's why he always tries to make her happy and content, because that's the only time she can fully use her power."
"He likes what she can do," Shinji was smiling as he took over the storytelling. "He likes seeing the butterflies whenever she has a vision."
Lelouch chuckled. "Right, butterflies. Anytime it happens, there's always a butterfly nearby, isn't there?"
"Did you finish the book?"
"Yes." Lelouch suddenly felt a wave of mild sadness wash over him.
"I knew it's bound to happen eventually. After all, he really loves her." Shinji was speaking as if he himself was in a trance. Lelouch was still gazing at that invisible spot in the skies.
"Be happy…"
"What?" Shinji snapped back to the teen who was speaking with a haze over his eyes.
"That's what he tells her at the end. 'Be happy, don't cry. Now is your chance to finally be normal again.'"
Silence engulfed the pair as they both got immersed in the story once again. Outside, the chattering of the mockingbirds was gradually decreasing into quietness.
Suddenly, Shinji leaned in close and Lelouch reflexively flinched, shifting back. "You know why I'm here?" the former asked in a low voice as if he's afraid others would be eavesdropping.
Lelouch shook his head. The older man went on, "Because only in here that I can see the girl."
If the pause was brief before, it certainly was a bit longer this time. "You're kidding," the raven-haired teen chuckled half-heartedly, though there was something stirring in his guts at the mere thought of that.
"I'm not," Shinji declared confidently. He looked about them then turned around again. "Look, all you gotta do is believe. Oh…"
"What?" Instinctively, Lelouch spun around in his seat, following the blonde's mesmerized gaze.
Shinji was pointing toward the dim corner of the cafeteria with one trembling finger. A small, wild smile was blossoming on his face as he softly spoke. "There she is… In the corner… Isn't she such a beauty?" His lips parted further as he shakily stood up and staggered toward his destination. "Look, butterflies… There are butterflies everywhere. Ahh, she's so pretty, Lelouch…"
Lelouch could only gape after him and swallowed. Then, he struggled to get up and made a beeline for his room.
'
"Am I like that?" Lelouch whispered that night into the darkness. The lights were turned off and he was lying in his bed with hands rested behind his head, and eyes glued to the bright full moon just on the other side of the window. "Am I like that whenever I make-believe that Nunnally's still alive?" he asked louder this time.
"I'm not like Shinji… I'm… I'm not insane…" He bit down onto his lower lip.
But he talks to someone who doesn't exist. He sees someone who isn't there. Just like you. You and your sister.
"That's not true," he said hoarsely. His teeth dug deeper into the sensitive skin of his lip, drawing blood. Lelouch flinched slightly when its taste spread across his tongue, and he shut his eyes tightly. "Go away."
How can I? After all, I am you. We are one.
"We're nothing alike!"
"Geez, Lelouch. I leave you alone for a while, and you seriously get worse."
The raven-haired teen threw his eyes open and sat up so abruptly that he suddenly felt all blood draining from his head. Staring the sight in front of him, his already wide eyes widened considerably with lips apart.
"C-C.C…"
There, standing so casually in front of him was a certain green-haired girl. Her long hair cascaded down to the small of her back. Her glittering golden orbs were half-lidded, and a lazy smile was dancing on her pale face. Her posture reminded him so much of the first time they met.
C.C. left her leaning position on the table and walked – no, floated – toward him. She only stopped when she was standing directly by the end of his twin-size bed. "Hello, Lelouch," she said emotionlessly.
A terrified look settled over Lelouch's face. His lips trembled, and he rolled over to one side, hugging his head in his hands and curled himself up into a ball. "No, no… Not again... You're not real. You're just my imagination, so go away!"
Silence.
"A 'welcome back' would be nice," she said dryly.
"You're not real!"
"I am, Lelouch."
He lifted his head and glared at her, as if glaring would make her disappear. "No, you're not," he said resolutely through tightly gritted teeth. "You're just a fragment of my imagination."
C.C. mulled it over. "I thought I was a fragment of your 'dreams,' and not 'imagination.'"
"It's not funny!" he shouted, at which she rolled her eyes.
"Keep at it, boy, and they'll come and sedate you with drug again." Just as she'd expected, that was enough to shut him up for a short while.
Suddenly, his eyes narrowed. "Wait a second, how do you know I was sedated? Wait, don't answer that, because you're not real. You're in my head."
A tiny smirk made its way onto her translucent face. "That's not entirely true, Lelouch. Our consciousness is connected, so I'm aware of whatever happens to you," she explained in that famous monotone of hers.
"Then prove it to me," he pressed. "How do I know you're not just made up? And that you're actually speaking the truth?"
The green-haired girl stared at him for a good long minute in which uncomfortable silence resided. Then, she said two words that shook his world. "Your sister."
"My-my sister?"
"Despite your attempts to hide it, I know you're still talking to her, and I know that somewhere deep in your subconscious, you still believe that she's alive and living somewhere."
There was a lump in his throat and he swallowed it painfully. "How…?"
"Like I said, our minds are connected. I know what you're thinking and feeling."
"But I can never hear your thoughts."
Her eyes turned subtly softer. "Because you haven't fully believed in me yet."
Silence ensued as he tried to wrap his mind around the recent discovery.
"I can help you, Lelouch," C.C. said as she stepped closer. Placing her transparent hand over his, she whispered. "I can rid your subconscious of her and make things go back to the way they were. I can help you get your life back together."
He looked up at her with glistening eyes. "I don't want to forget her, C.C. I can't."
C.C. took in a deep breath, and suddenly he could feel the weight of her small hand on his. He gasped. "You have to, Lelouch."
"C.C., your hand…"
"That's the power of belief, Lelouch." The green-haired girl withdrew and straightened her back. "So do we have a deal or not?" she queried.
"What's in it for you?"
"You're going to help me cr…"
"What?"
A sigh escaped her rosy lips. "Seems like it's still not working, but at least you were able to hear a small bit of it." There was a tired note in her voice.
"What's that supposed to mean?" he inquired. He wanted to understand the terms completely before agreeing to her arrangement.
She threw him a blank stare. "Doesn't matter. What you need to know is that I can help you get your sanity back, and in return, you're going to help me fulfill a wish."
Lelouch's delicate raven brows furrowed together. As desperately curious as he was, he was also aware of the fact that pressing this stubborn girl wouldn't yield any wanted results, so he gave in at last with a small sigh.
"Fine," he murmured. "I agree to your terms."
Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.
A/N: An update on this story!? *gasps* After all these years!? Yeah, that's right, I don't know why I suddenly got this strong urge to finish this particular story LOL! I can't make any promises that update will be frequent because school is starting soon, but I'll try my very best to not let you guys hanging there for long. Therefore, for now, my main priority will be this story and maybe some one-shots if they happen to pop into my head and refuse to leave -_- So yeah, I hope you still enjoy reading this story and following it, considering it's been ages since I last updated LOL. Thank you, thank you for everything and of course reviews are love!