Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series' characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from Breaking Dawn, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.

Chapter 14

Futility

Time stood still. I could feel my sanity begin to slip away as I stared at Bella's limp body in Carlisle's arms. Were we too late? Had the creature torn through a major organ, severed an artery, crushed her spine? Without thinking, my feet carried me to Carlisle's side, my hands shaking as I reached for her.

"Is she..." I choked out.

"She's unconscious," Carlisle replied curtly as he stood, cradling Bella in his arms. If it weren't for the fury and terror roaring in my head, I would have heard the slow, steady thrumming of her heart. I followed as he ascended the stairs and carried her to his study where he carefully laid her on the examination table.

I knelt beside the table and leaned over her, pressing her limp hand to my cheek as I silently prayed for her to awaken. The pain must have been too much for her; her mind must have shut down to protect itself.

With pursed lips and a furrowed brow, Carlisle lifted back her shirt and began examining her injuries. She should not have kept this to herself, he thought. In the artificial light overhead, the wounds appeared even more ghastly than they had on the stairway. Deep purple and black bruises covered a large portion of her belly. Where some had begun to yellow and fade, they were replaced by fresh ones. I could swear that some of the bruises appeared to be in the shape of a small human foot. The creature inside her was strong like me, too strong for Bella's body to contain. I shuddered when I considered what internal damage it could be causing.

Jasper appeared in the doorway with his arms crossed. I could feel my anxiety reflected back upon me before it settled into an uneasy calm. You need to keep that temper in check.

I looked up to glare at him. I had every right to be upset - with both Bella and Rosalie. Bella had expressed her desire to carry to term. I thought that she had dismissed my warnings about her safety, assumed I was overreacting as I admittedly had a tendency to do. But this was so much worse. Just as she understood and disregarded the danger I posed to her when our relationship began, she was once again knowingly putting herself in jeopardy. And for what? She had no idea what type of creature she carried - whether it would be a baby or a monster. For someone with little or no religious proclivities, she certainly possessed a great deal of faith.

Her hand still hung limp in my own. I pressed my lips to her palm and continued to whisper my prayers to whoever would listen. My mind began to clear under Jasper's influence. I looked up at him as he stood across the room with his arms folded. Why hadn't I seen it sooner? I was in such emotional turmoil, my focus centered entirely on Bella, that I had effectively blocked out all other thoughts – including my brother's. If I had been in a clearer state if mind, I might have sensed that it was Jasper's ability and not the pain that had caused Bella to faint.

"You did this?" I murmured.

He nodded slightly. "The shame of keeping secrets from you, the fear that you would take her baby away, the regret for the family discord it caused - it was all too much for her. Her body and mind are under enough stress and I could feel that she was reaching her breaking point..."

"So you protected her," I finished.

Yes.

"Thank you," I whispered. Even my own brother turned out to be a better protector than I had. It seemed that no matter what I did or how hard I tried, I had become a miserable failure in that respect. All of my efforts to keep her safe and it was my recklessness that placed her in the most life threatening danger of all. And for whatever reasons justified my actions, right or wrong, Bella welcomed the result. I still couldn't understand her willingness to sacrifice herself for something she knew so little about. How could she be so certain?

The contusions seem to be caused by the fetal movement. In addition to a protective barrier like our skin, it seems that it also possesses our strength. The human body is not designed to withstand such force. If the fetus continues to grow, its strength will increase as well...

Listening to Carlisle's mental ramblings provided me with little comfort as he examined the extent of Bella's injuries. Perhaps now, though, at least he would understand my reservations for allowing the pregnancy to continue and even support me in encouraging Bella to terminate before the harm was irreparable.

He pulled her shirt down, concealing the trauma that had been done - the hurt I caused. He sat beside her, resting his chin on folded hands, and stared at me with a mixture if concern and disapproval. So much damage...only going to get worse...

"Carlisle," I whispered. "We have to do something."

He pursed his lips and nodded his head sadly. "I'm afraid you may be right. If the fetus is causing this much damage at this stage of the pregnancy, I am concerned for what it may do as it matures and its space within the womb becomes more confined. And with this level of bruising, we need to be aware of the possibility of internal bleeding and organ damage."

Jasper stood quietly by the door, but the tension in the room was mounting. My own concern, now compounded by Carlisle's, was beginning to affect Jasper's mood as well and it was reflecting back upon us. What would you do? he thought.

I gave him a withering look before I turned back to Bella, gently stroking her hand. "Terminate," I whispered. Carlisle was visibly pained when I uttered the word. His high regard for all life and belief that this pregnancy was truly a miracle clashed with the understanding that it would be in Bella's best interest if the fetus was aborted before it could be allowed to reach maturity.

Absolutely not! Rosalie's angry footsteps echoed through the house before she appeared in the doorway. Shoving past Jasper and crossing the room, she stood at Bella's bedside, her arms out to the side as she rested them on the table and stared accusingly at Carlisle and myself. "You will do no such thing!" she hissed.

My chair skidded across the floor as I abruptly stood, staring down my sister with clenched fists. This was a decision to be made between Bella and myself. It was not her concern. My body shook as I fought to keep myself in place.

A second later, a worried Emmett appeared at Rosalie's side, wrapping a protective arm around her and eyeing me warily. Rosalie's nostrils flared as she looked from me to Carlisle. "You can't be considering this," she growled.

Carlisle wiped his palm across his brow and heaved a heavy sigh. It goes against everything I believe, but how can I not... "Rosalie, please..."

"Oh no," she fumed. "Don't you dare try to justify it! Don't you care about the baby? What about what Bella wants?" I could feel the tendrils of Jasper's power attempting to reign in Rosalie's temper, but it was ill effective. Her body trembled as she leaned forward, almost in a crouch. It occurred to me that Emmett's presence may not only be to protect her from us, but to protect us from her.

"Remember your place, Rosalie," Carlisle warned.

"I do," she spat back. "I'm right where Bella put me. She asked me to help her protect this baby and that's what I'm doing."

I could see Carlisle's mask of calm slipping, his temper flaring as he stared agape at Rosalie. He stood abruptly and jerked back the fabric of Bella's shirt once again, nearly ripping the seams with the force of his movement.

"What about this, Rosalie?" he seethed, pointing a shaky finger at the black and blue marks on Bella's abdomen. "Don't you see what this is doing to her? Her body is not strong enough. If it continues her chances of survival..." His voice broke as his thoughts caught up to his hasty words. A sob built in his throat at the thought of losing a daughter, at the thought of what losing her would ultimately cost him. He glanced at me, the pain in his eyes searing through me as he imagined losing us both.

Hearing raised voices, Alice and Esme appeared in the doorway. The entire family was now gathered in Carlisle's study in what was beginning to feel like a macabre family meeting to decide my fate. Alice shot me a worried glance, showing me the images she had seen, or lack thereof. In every possible future, I saw family discord, sides being chosen. Even more disturbing than the disruption this pregnancy was already causing was the gritty and unfocused images of Bella. She wasn't absent as she had been in Alice's previous premonition, but her future was just as undetermined.

I cast Alice a questioning look, but she merely shrugged her shoulders. I don't know why I can't see more...either she's very indecisive, which I highly doubt is the case, or the pregnancy has something to do with my distorted vision.

Snapping my attention back to the matter at hand, I turned back to Rosalie and Carlisle who were still locked in a silent standoff. "Rosalie, this isn't your concern."

"The hell it isn't!" It became my concern the moment Bella called me for help.

"Babe, please..." Emmett whispered, but she brushed him off.

Oh dear. "Rosalie," Esme spoke up. "I appreciate what you're trying to do by honoring Bella's wishes, but that decision was made before we knew how dangerous this would be. Why don't we wait until she wakes and allow her to make an informed decision now that we know more?"

"You can't honestly think that she would change her mind," Rosalie countered. "She was fully aware of what the baby was doing to her, but her mind was made up." She paused, turning to point directly at me. "And don't you make the decision for her. Don't you dare bully her into something she'll regret."

I clenched and unclenched my fists at my sides, fighting the urge to wrap my hands around Rosalie's neck. Emmett pulled his arm tighter around Rosalie; the notion to carry her from the room was growing in his thoughts.

"And what if she dies?" I asked. "Have you thought about that? Have you thought at all about what that would do to me? Or do you even care?"

"Of course I care!" How could you even ask that?

"Enough," Carlisle said. "We will wait until Bella awakens. As her attending physician, for all intents and purposes, it is my duty to inform her about the risks so that she can make an informed decision."

"But..." What about the baby?

"Rosalie, I said that was enough! As Esme said, it is admirable that you are doing your best to protect Bella's interests, but it is first and foremost a decision to be made between her and Edward."

Rosalie's brow furrowed, her lips in a tight line. She wrenched away from Emmett's grasp and stomped angrily across the room, sitting in one of Carlisle's chairs and crossing her arms to wait for Bella to regain consciousness.

Carlisle slumped down in his chair and lowered his head into his hands. At times like this when the emotional turmoil took its toll, he truly appeared his age. The burden of quasi-fatherhood that this life had brought to him and the difficulty of maintaining familial harmony were, at times, too daunting for even a great leader such as Carlisle.

I resumed my post at Bella's bedside, taking her small hand in mine. Everyone still lingered in the room, an uncomfortable silence settling over us all. I closed my eyes and fought to block out the thoughts that swirled around me. Instead, I listened to the unsteady thrumming of Bella's heart, allowing the sound to surround me, to be the only thing that mattered.

Bella's fingers twitched in my palm. I gripped them tighter and opened my eyes to look on her face. Her eyes were still closed, but she wore a grimace of pain. "Carlisle," I whispered urgently. He too noticed the look of distress in her face and both of our eyes traveled to her swollen belly, still exposed.

If I hadn't witnessed it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed it. I watched with a mixture of horror and fascination as her skin rippled and expanded. But then, as I watched the color bloom in that same place, watched the hue of red and purple gradually rise to the surface, I lost all sense of reason.

I didn't care if she hated me. I knew now without a shadow of a doubt that the creature, baby, whatever it was, wasn't going to stop until she was destroyed. If this was allowed to continue, I knew in my heart that I would lose her. I remembered too well what it felt like to experience her death. The memory of losing her was seared into my brain and even the thought of reliving that anguish was enough to bring me to my knees.

"Carlisle, do something," I pleaded. "Save her, please."

He stared at me for several beats, clearly torn between doing what he could to save her now and waiting until she was conscious to make a decision herself. Rosalie shifted in her chair, teetering on the edge, ready to intervene. The tension in the room was palpable and I didn't believe even Jasper could quell the storm that was brewing within me.

"Please."

"Edward?" Bella's melodic voice, however soft, carried to my ears, breaking my concentration. I gripped her hand and moved closer, leaning over to kiss her lightly on the forehead.

"You're awake," I breathed, smiling against her skin for that one small miracle. "How do you feel?"

"Tired," she whispered. "And a little hungry."

"I'll go get you something," Esme offered as she disappeared from the room.

Bella lifted her head and placed her palms flat on the table to push herself upright. I placed a hand on her shoulder, gently holding her down. "Bella, you should rest."

"Edward, I'm perfectly capable of sitting up on my own." She rolled her eyes as she shoved at me with her free hand.

"You really should rest," Carlisle agreed. "You need to conserve your strength."

She frowned, shaking her head. "I'm fine, really. I just want to go downstairs and get something to eat."

"We can bring it to you," I offered.

"Edward, I said I'm fine," she insisted. I begrudgingly removed my hand and she began sitting up. She had barely pushed up on her elbows before she squeezed her eyes shut and bit down on her bottom lip.

She's still in pain. Edward, if she insists on going downstairs, it may be best to carry her. I nodded once in agreement and gingerly scooped Bella up in my arms before she could protest. She wrapped her arms around my neck without argument and leaned her head against my chest. I could feel the unsteady beat if her heart and the light sheen of perspiration on her skin. Even her body temperature felt a degree or two lower than normal. I was already beginning to lose her.

I walked carefully down the stairs. Alice was already fluffing pillows on one end of the couch. Lowering her slowly, I laid Bella on the couch, propping her up against the pillows as Alice draped a thick blanket over her.

"Thank you." Bella smiled and reached for Alice's hand. She clasped Bella's hand between her own and smiled warmly in return. Her gaze briefly flitted to mine. She's so frail, Alice thought. The same blurry images continued to swirl in her mind and I could see Alice's growing frustration with her lack of clear vision.

Esme appeared, carrying a turkey sandwich and some ginger tea. She set the plate on Bella's lap and Bella eagerly took the steaming cup, wrapping both hands around the mug to warm them. Everyone seemed to have reconvened in the living room. We were tethered together by a common concern, each mind worried for both Bella and myself. It was becoming increasingly difficult to maintain any fragment of optimistic thought. I could feel myself gradually descending into the depths of depression and desperation.

I sat on the floor beside Bella and leaned my head against her thigh. Everyone was gathered around, the same question on everyone's mind, but not one wanted to be the first to voice it. My eyes met Carlisle's and he nodded sadly, understanding that it would be best for him to deliver the news.

"Bella," he began. "How long have you been experiencing this pain?"

Her heart began to increase in tempo as she lowered her eyes, staring at the tea in her hands. "A few days," she murmured.

My body stiffened. She had been in pain for days and hadn't said a word. Based on the presence of yellowing bruises, I knew that it had been at least a few days, but the admission from her lips hurt me deeply. A stab of betrayal pricked my heart – the idea that she would keep something like this hidden from me. How could I protect her from an unseen danger? How could I help her when she hid the very fact that she needed help?

"Days?" I whispered.

She nodded, biting her lip.

"Bella, why didn't you say anything?" Carlisle continued.

She lowered her eyes to mine and reached down, placing her palm against my cheek. "I didn't want to hurt you," she replied. "You already worry too much."

"Bella," I groaned. "You shouldn't have kept something like this to yourself. If you're in pain, we need to know. How else can we help you?"

Her expression was pained and tears began to collect in the corners of her eyes. "I...I..."

"She didn't want you to murder her baby, that's why!" Rosalie blurted out. All eyes turned to her. Both Esme and Carlisle shook their heads disapprovingly.

I chose to ignore Rosalie's outburst - it would only add fuel to her argument. "Bella?" I asked. I reached up, gently rubbing my palm along her forearm.

"On the island, you said..."

"I said we were going to get that thing out of you," I finished.

She nodded and brushed her fingers across her eyes, wiping away the tears that had collected there. As I had feared, she had every intention of seeing this pregnancy through and was stubborn enough to keep the damage it was causing a secret from me.

"Bella, you need to be aware if the risks," Carlisle warned. "I fear that, as the fetus continues to grow and take up more space in the womb, the damage it would cause could be life-threatening."

She nodded as she brushed away another tear. Her free hand rested on her belly. "I understand, Carlisle."

Edward, I don't believe she has the capacity to be concerned for her own welfare, Carlisle thought. I've seen this look before on the faces of mothers in high risk pregnancies. She will do almost anything to preserve the life of her child.

"We have to do something," I whispered low enough so that Bella wouldn't hear, but unfortunately loud enough so that everyone else in the room, not just Carlisle, heard me as well. Rosalie stiffened and the rest of the family exchanged worried glances.

Carlisle shifted uneasily in his chair. He glanced between Bella and myself. We can't afford to lose either of you, he thought. "Bella, I understand what this means and, believe me, I'm the first to celebrate such a miracle." He paused, taking a deep, unnecessary breath. "But based on the inherent dangers and probable complications as the pregnancy continues, it is my recommendation that you consider terminating the pregnancy."

Bella stared, openmouthed, at Carlisle for several beats before wrapping both hands protectively around her abdomen. Rosalie, too, moved next to Bella, prepared to fight for the baby she carried. "No," she replied with more force than expected. "Absolutely not."

"Bella, do you understand that as this progresses, the damage will be worse. You could have massive internal bleeding, organ damage, fractured bones..."

"I don't care." She shook her head emphatically. "We created this baby out of love. I could no sooner destroy it than I could destroy Edward."

"But you're willing to destroy yourself," I snapped, losing whatever tenuous grip I had on my temper. She tugged her bottom lip between her teeth and clenched so tightly that the surrounding skin turned white. Her heart was surprisingly steady given the accusation, but it was not lost on me that she had not responded.

Go easy, Edward.

She's not going to change her mind and I won't let you make her.

This is not going to end well.

A growl rumbled in my chest as I turned to glare at my family members, their thoughts further exacerbating my already frayed nerves. I turned my attention back to Bella. She was still silent, still nervously biting her bottom lip.

"Bella, please. Be reasonable. It's too dangerous," I pleaded. "I'll do anything, anything you want. But I can't lose you."

"You won't," she whispered.

"You heard what Carlisle said. You're only halfway through the pregnancy and look at what it's already doing to you." I gestured to her belly as she continued to hug it protectively.

"I'm strong enough."

"You're not."

"I am," she insisted, glaring down at me through narrowed eyes.

"You might think that you are…but I'm not."

Her eyes softened and she reached down, placing her palm on my cheek. She leaned forward, pressing her lips to my forehead, and I had to choke back the sob that threatened to spill from my lips. No, this was absolutely absurd. I couldn't allow her to throw her life away. For what? We still had no idea what she was carrying.

"No," I shook my head. "I won't let you."

Edward.

Not a chance.

"It's not your decision." Bella pulled her hand back and resumed her position with arms crossed over her belly. "I've made up my mind."

"So you're not giving me any choice in the matter? Don't I have any say?" I could feel the panic setting in. I could hear the tiny voice in the back of my mind saying that it served me right, that I deserved to have my decisions taken away just as I had done to her before.

"You do have a choice. You can choose to support me and to help me. You can choose to be a father to this baby." The tears sprang in her eyes once again and she quickly wiped them away.

I looked to Carlisle, feeling hopeless in my attempts to persuade Bella. She knows the risks, he thought. I don't think it would be right to force her. My eyes were pleading as I stared at my father, praying he would have some magic words to convince Bella to change her mind.

"Bella, please understand," Carlisle began. "This is a very high risk pregnancy and there is no guarantee you will survive. Are you willing to make that type of sacrifice?"

"I will survive," she whispered. "I will."

I looked into her eyes. She seemed so certain. "What if you don't?"

"I will keep my heart beating. You can take care of the rest."

What?

Does she mean?

I shifted back, shocked by her words. She had no intention of surviving this; she knew it would destroy her. She was counting on my venom to heal whatever damage the infant monster caused. I dragged my fingers through my hair, pulling at the strands in frustration. Changing her was going to be difficult enough for me to bear, but to have the added pressure of her life hanging in the balance was overwhelming.

"You don't plan to survive…human…do you?" I asked.

She nodded. "I knew from the moment that I fell in love with you that I would want to be with you forever. That has never changed. Maybe this isn't the way we intended for it to happen, but if we can still have forever and gain something else we never imagined possible, why not do whatever we can to make it happen?"

"Because it's too dangerous," I pleaded. "There are some things that even our venom can't repair."

"I have faith in you."

"You shouldn't."

"She's made up her mind, Edward. Just leave it alone," Rosalie hissed.

I growled reflexively, shifting on the balls of my feet, ready to pounce before Emmett stepped between us. It's not worth it, Bro. Stand down.

"Edward," Esme spoke softly. "Rosalie's right. Her mind is made up."

I stood and began pacing, tugging roughly at my hair. "Does anyone else here understand how insane this sounds? We're willingly allowing her to risk her life for something we know nothing about. I'm sorry, but I don't care. I can't lose her, not like this."

"It's out of your hands," Esme soothed. Please, Edward, try to see it from her perspective.

"Carlisle, please," I begged. "Isn't there something you can do?"

"What are you going to do, Edward?" Rosalie spat. "Forcibly abort your own child?"

"Edward, no," Esme reproved, "that's not the way."

"So the right way is to sit here and watch her slowly die? Carlisle, you know how fine the line is between life and death – that there are some injuries that venom can't heal. What if it kicks her heart so hard it explodes? What then?"

"I don't know, son."

"It's a risk I'm willing to take," Bella insisted.

"No, no," I seethed. "It's not one I'm willing to take."

"You can't force her," Rosalie said. "I won't let you."

"And neither will I," Esme added.

I turned to stare at my mother. I had expected her protective instinct and desire to preserve both Bella's life and my own would cause her to see things my way, but as I listened to her thoughts, I understood perfectly why she was siding with Bella.

"I know what it is to lose a child," she continued. "I won't let you put Bella through that. Trust me; it is a wound that will never heal." Carlisle wrapped an arm around Esme and lowered his head, his feeling of defeat matching my own. He knew in his heart that if this went badly, not only would they lose Bella, but they would lose me as well. I couldn't survive losing her again.

It felt like the night after we returned from Volterra all over again – my family members all voting against me to damn Bella to soulless existence. This may be an informal family meeting, but the result was the same. I was fighting a losing battle with no one at my side.

"Alice," I pleaded, hoping for someone to support me in my efforts. "What do you say about all this? Can you see anything at all?" I knew the answer before I asked it, but I couldn't help myself.

She shook her head sadly. "I can't see anything. I wish I could. Bella is my best friend and you know I would do anything to help her. I don't think her decision is sound, but I don't see what else we can do."

So that was it. I was utterly helpless, powerless to do anything to save my wife. I would be forced to watch her be slowly broken down, die a little bit every day, and there was nothing I could do – nothing anyone would let me do. If I thought I could get past Rosalie, I would grab Bella in my arms and run away with her. I had two medical degrees – I could perform the procedure myself.

Edward, no, Alice thought. I can see enough to know that that course of action would be catastrophic. Alice displayed the images in her mind – a future where Bella hated me, where I was alone, and where my actions destroyed the very ties that held our family together.

I slumped to the floor and lowered my head in my hands. I wouldn't be strong enough for this. I may be too far gone to be of any help when the time came to try and save her. I heard soft murmurings flowing through the room, but paid little attention. Nothing else mattered. My fate had been decided, the power to do anything stripped away.

I didn't raise my head until I heard Carlisle's footsteps cross the room. I looked up and found my focus again, looking into his thoughts. He already had the phone up to his ear, making arrangements for more medical supplies, more means necessary to keep Bella alive as long as possible. Blood, nutrients, x-ray equipment – it was terrifying to listen to the array of things he thought might be necessary because with each item, I imagined why it would be necessary, what damage would befall Bella to require its use.

I lowered myself at Bella's side once more. And so here I sat, bound and broken, exiled to a fate where I would be forced to watch my only love wither before my eyes. To have the power to change the course, but be unable to use it was probably hardest of all to accept. I had it within me to save her, but my hands were tied. I gazed up into her face, into the eyes that held her deepest secrets, her silent mind that tormented me, now more than ever before. How much longer would I have her? How much longer would I be able to gaze on her face? She believed that I could save her, that we could have it all. I didn't have the capacity within me to see anything more than the eventual end of all that I know and love.

A/N: I can't believe this story has passed 800 reviews! Thank you all for your kind words and continued support. I couldn't do it without you.

Thanks to my beta, Nellybear85, for getting me through a bit of a tough spot with this chapter. And special thanks to twi4mut for recommending Beyond Dusk to TweetAFic – I don't think this story's ever gotten that much exposure.