Yes! I'm still alive if you were wondering... And horribly sheepish for updating so late! One would think meeting Misha friggin Collins at AECON 4 would fuel my imagination even more but instead it served to distract me :P Oh, well, here you go!

I don't know exactly when the next one will be out, cause I'm in the middle of finals at university right now *cringes painfully*, but hey on the bright side, after that I'll be on Summer break meaning I'll have all the time in the world ^_^

Betad once again by my wonderful Ninjakittee, or wait, I suppose I should call her Heaven's Eagle now... Ok, betad by my lovely Eagle!

The ride to school was spent in amicable chatter, both Dean and Ben speaking of the plans they had made for the afternoon. Only a few days ago the hunter had managed to obtain four tickets to a baseball game in the city, two for them and two for a neighborhood friend of Ben's and his father. Dean felt rather pleased with himself for having achieved such a special treat for the boy, especially when he remembered the large-eyed and happily excited gaze he had received in return.

Apart from his satisfaction at making Ben happy, he couldn't deny that he himself was getting slightly excited, anticipating their trip. Dean had only ever been to a handful of baseball games in his unusual life and half of those had been spent in the constant shadow of dread that his father would find it a waste of time. He remembered one time, when he had been about eight or nine years old, that Bobby had grabbed him and his brother and decided to give them a fun day at the stadium, instead of working on their training as John had requested. He had no doubt gotten in trouble for that later.

Just him and Sammy had also shared the experience a few times on their own. Dean knew that his baby brother had always relished the feeling of doing something so completely normal, almost as if it had made him forget – if only for a few hours – about the horrors of his day-to-day life. He tried once again to not think about any of that too much and instead focus on the happily rambling kid riding shotgun in the car.

That first ride to school a few weeks ago, which had started out in mostly awkward silence, now seemed extremely absurd. There was not a moment in the car when Ben would stop talking and Dean was always interested in what he had to say. The other day the two of them had even continued on talking with the car already parked in front of the school building, not even realizing that the boy was about to be late until they heard the sound of the bell.

It made the hunter feel incredibly warm inside, simply knowing that the kid was comfortable enough to talk about pretty much anything. He felt such a strong amount of affection for Ben that he knew he would do almost anything to ensure his wellbeing.

A feeling that was more than vaguely familiar to him.

"All right," Dean said when they had finally pulled up next to the school building. "Remember what your mom said, make sure you don't hang around after school, ok?"

"Sure thing," Ben responded, rolling his eyes with an amused chuckle.

"Awesome!" Dean smirked, lifting up his fist and holding it up expectantly toward the kid. "See you later then."

Ben smiled cheerfully and completed the fist bump, before taking his bag and getting out of the car. He turned around to close the door, not without giving the hunter one more excited comment. "Dude, this is gonna be freaking sweet!"

Even when the boy had already reached the stairs, Dean was surprised to find that he was still smiling. That had to be some kind of record. He just couldn't resist the affectionate, warm feeling that illuminated him while he watched Ben disappear into the school building. Well, he might as well enjoy it while it lasted.

When Dean turned in his seat to restart the car, he jumped so violently that his knees crashed into the hard plastic interior of the vehicle, his arms colliding painfully with the steering wheel. He had momentarily freaked at the realization of no longer being alone in the car.

"Goddamn it, Cas!" He swore angrily, a deep scowl embedding itself on his face as he glared at the trench-coated figure sitting next to him.

The angel frowned and tilted his head in confusion, but this only served to enlarge Dean's exasperation.

"Would you fucking not do that, please?" he scolded his friend, knowing inwardly that Castiel's sudden and surprising appearance was by far not the only reason for his rising frustration. He had spent more than a week fearing that the guy was dead!

"I do not understand," Cas responded, blue eyes wide and questioning. "I waited until the child left the car. Is this not a suitable time?"

"No, suitable is if you walk up to me or announce yourself like a normal person instead of giving me a frickin' heart attack!" Dean barked roughly, continuing his angry rant toward the angel when in fact he knew that this wasn't what he was really upset about.

Aside from the sudden rush of adrenaline that came along with his friend appearing out of nowhere, there was one other feeling that currently dominated the hunter stronger than anything he had felt in a while.

Relief. One glance at Cas and he had not been able to stop the insane amount of relief that flooded every ounce of his body. Excited shivers ran down his back, his limbs miraculously having lost some of the usual numbness that now seemed to follow him wherever he went. He had wanted to believe so badly that the angel had made it out of his home, that he was alive and hiding somewhere out there, but the many years of experience and horror hadn't been able to keep him from expecting the worst. And now here he was, frowning, ignorant to social behavior and wearing his tie backwards like nothing had ever happened.

"I thought you were dead, man, where the hell have you been?" Dean said accusingly, green eyes shooting upset daggers at the angel.

He was not good with words and he never would be. He would never find anything suitable to express what he was feeling toward Cas. All he could do was take out all the building anxiety laden with fear from his past week and all the frustration for him not showing up earlier on the poor angel.

Great job, Winchester.

Castiel's face instantly fell at the accusation and hidden pain that was no doubt palpable in the hunter's voice.

"I'm sorry, Dean," he murmured sincerely. "I felt it was unwise to reveal myself earlier. I didn't want to lead my brothers here."

"Your brothers?" Dean asked, brow furrowing in dislike.

"Yes, the ones pursuing me," Castiel sighed, leaning back in his seat, a deeply thoughtful gaze coloring the handsome features of Jimmy Novak's face.

"Oh."

Dean couldn't help the fact that he instantly felt guilty at the obvious sadness in his friend's voice. And he should damn well feel guilty, he thought. After all he had been the one to talk the angel into defying his home once more, therefore turning against his entire family. Maybe he really should try not giving the dude such a hard time for not showing up until now.

Meanwhile Cas made no further comment about his situation, but instead started looking around at the interior of the car they were in with somewhat of a passive fascination.

"So what happened?" Dean pushed, trying hard to keep the strongly reproachful edge out of his voice.

"This is not your car," the angel stated factually, as if he had only just consciously noticed the absence of the Impala and fiddled around with some of the buttons on the dashboard.

"Uh, no," Dean agreed, too distracted to go into the topic any further. "Cas, what exactly went down upstairs?"

Castiel shrugged carelessly, his eyes fixed on the CD player as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. "I ran," he said.

Dean stared at him for moment, waiting for him elaborate further, but nothing came. "You ran?" he repeated.

A second later Castiel had suddenly managed to press the play button and the car was filled with the sounds of an emotional ballad blaring from the speakers.

"Dude!" Dean exclaimed, hitting the stop button in frustration and shooting the angel an annoyed look. "Knock it off, will you?"

Cas merely gave him a questioning frown, accompanied by his trademark tilting of the head. "This is not your music."

"No, it- Lisa likes different stuff than I do!" Dean grumbled reluctantly, repressing the urge to swear as the angel's eyes only grew more curious. "And I only have cassette-tapes – Ok, listen!"

He turned in his seat to face the angel more directly. "Instead of messing around in here, you mind telling me what the hell is going on?"

Castiel didn't respond, but redirected his gaze to look out the window once again. It suddenly became very clear to Dean that he hadn't been fidgeting merely for fun. There was something very distinct on his mind that he wanted to talk about, but probably didn't know exactly how to bring into words.

"Come on, talk to me," Dean encouraged him with a slightly gentler tone. "You said you ran."

Castiel nodded slowly, before speaking. "Yes, I… I heard your prayer," he hesitated for a moment, avoiding Dean's gaze and the hunter found himself suddenly praying that he wouldn't be thrust into an awkward chick-flick moment. He needn't have worried though. "I was in heaven and I told Raphael that I wouldn't bow down to him… And I fled before he could give the order to kill me."

While speaking the angel's voice had gone down several notches, until all that remained was a barely audible murmur. But the low volume still didn't stop Dean from recognizing the most distinguished emotion that filled his words: shame. Cas was ashamed of having run away instead of facing his fate head-on. It made the hunter feel even angrier toward that fucking heavenly order, depriving the angels of any sense of self-worth or –preservation. Producing nothing but mindless puppets to follow orders.

However he decided to not voice any of his rage at this moment, for he had a feeling that this wouldn't really help Cas in his current situation. So he decided to ignore it for the time being.

"And then?" he wanted to know.

Cas looked up to meet his gaze again and there was a very slight hint of grateful affection shining from his blue eyes that made Dean realize he had made the right call. The angel really didn't want to have to linger on his own self-doubt right now.

"Then I ran… and ran," he continued, a sigh accompanying the repeat, indicating how long and exhausting his flight had proven to be. "I think I managed to lose them right now, but… It's only a matter of time until they find me again." He gave Dean an apologetic look, knowing that the hunter would rather not have him leave. "I can't stay in one place too long, Dean. I'm sorry."

Dean nodded silently, processing the information and at the same time trying to control his enormous need for action. He wanted to help so badly, wanted to be able to get rid of this sucky situation that his friend was in. "It won't be like that forever," he said sternly, his voice offering more confidence than he was feeling. "We'll find a way, Cas, we just friggin' have to!"

Castiel didn't respond, looking down at his own hands with a strange look on his face.

"We'll work out a plan B!" Dean insisted, wanting to break through the angel's hopelessness. "I promise!"

After a moment of silence Cas suddenly turned to look at him again, his eyes bearing a strange conflict between hope and reluctance. "What if I had a way?" he said, his voice so incredibly quiet that Dean had to strain his ears to hear.

"What?" he retorted, a sharp edge of incredulity penetrating the word.

Castiel continued gazing at him with that strange look in his eyes.

"You're telling me you've got a plan B and you haven't told me about it yet?" Dean felt his voice threatening to turn reproachful again, but it was overshadowed by his eagerness to learn more.

The angel shifted uneasily. "I… I'm not sure," he murmured, looking down at his entwined fingers.

Only now noticing that they were still parked outside of Ben's school, Dean suddenly threw on the engine and pulled out onto the street. "Tell you what," he said. "I'll drive, you talk!"

And Castiel did. Hesitant and vague at first, but he did. He squirmed around the topic for several minutes, evidently not knowing how to best ease the hunter into the unpleasant possibility until he finally seemed to see no other way than to just blurt it out.

Crowley had proposed a deal.

Crowley.

Before Dean could do much more than exclaim the name disbelievingly, Castiel quickly cut him off and implored him to listen. The angel insisted that he could explain everything, that it was different than it sounded and that he could make him understand if he only listened. So Dean listened, all the while driving his car along the streets back to Lisa's place while Cas continued telling him everything about Crowley's plan, down to the last detail. The hunter could hear simply from his friend's contradicting arguments, how torn in himself he actually was. For a full five minutes the angel basically just argued with himself without even giving Dean a chance to weigh in, until he finally decided to pull the car into the parking lot of a supermarket only a few minutes away from the house.

Cas interrupted his torn ramblings, shooting him a confused gaze when he threw the car in park and turned toward him in full attack mode.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Dean growled at the stunned angel, his voice sounding dangerously menacing. "You're not seriously considering working with Crowley, right?"

Castiel stared back at him with equal intensity but somehow couldn't manage to find the right words.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean exclaimed angrily, slamming his hand down on the steering wheel so furiously that he almost thought he saw a slight flinch tremor the angel's vessel. Holy crap, had he just managed to make an angel of the Lord jump? That would sure be a first.

"What the hell are you thinking, man?" he bellowed so loudly that people across the street behind closed windows were probably able to hear him. He didn't really care. "You wanna be in with Crowley? Crowley?"

"What else can we do, Dean?" Castiel responded, blue eyes gleaming with rage as if the hunter's loud voice had suddenly brought him out of his dumbstruck position. "I don't like this any more than you do, but there aren't really any other options we can chose from!"

"Well, we ain't picking this option!" Dean insisted, refusing to back down. "I don't care what you wanna use it for, it's wrong!"

"Why is it wrong, Dean?" Cas fought back, desperately wanting Dean to see his point of view. "You're the one who told me that I have to fight! That we can't let them get away with this! If we chose to appose them isn't that doing the right thing?"

"God, you're a frickin' child, Cas!" Dean snorted derisively. "Yeah, I get it! Never mind the crappy means, right? As long as the end goal's some kind of a perfect paradise! You know, you're sounding a fucking lot like Zach right now."

"Dean"-

"Shut your damn pie-hole, Cas!" Dean barked in frustration. "You know that this is wrong, man, why else didn't you tell me right away? You know it's wrong!"

Castiel bashfully averted his gaze, apparently not knowing how to argue against that. Dean didn't give him the chance either, taking the angel's momentary silence as an opportunity to press his point.

"You wanna open Purgatory," he stated gruffly. "A place I didn't even know friggin' existed- What, is it like a hole full of monster-souls? What do you think that's gonna do, man? What the hell are you gonna do with that kind of power?"

"I can beat Raphael with it," Cas said quietly, still refusing to meet Dean's eyes.

"Well, forget about that dick for a moment," Dean went on. "What do you think Crowley's gonna do with a shitload of power like that? What, use them to plant flowers? Open up a frickin' candy shop?"

The angel had no response to that.

"It's Crowley, Cas!" Dean said, desperately wanting his friend to get this. "He's got his own fucking agenda with everything!"

"I can deal with Crowley," Cas stated. "I'm stronger than him."

"Yeah, and Michael and Lucifer were stronger than all of us!" Dean retorted angrily, which earned him a frustrated sigh from Castiel.

"So what do you propose we do?" he asked in utter exasperation.

"We deal with it!" Dean said aggressively. "Like we always do when crap like this comes around! What we don't do is we don't go out and make another deal with the devil!"

Cas remained silent for a moment, his gaze resting on his clenched hands once again. He then spoke his next words with a softness and decisiveness that momentarily made the hunter fall completely silent.

"You did."

The words were barely louder than a whisper, but they did the trick. Dean was at a loss for words, incapable of any other action than simply staring at the angel with a dumbstruck expression.

He found that he would have to gather his thoughts for a moment, because how could he argue with that? Cas was right. He was the last person on earth to call anyone else on making deals.

"Yeah… That's right, I did." he started cautiously, fully aware of the fact that he couldn't deny this one. "And look where it landed us, man." Dean drew a deep breath. "Breaking the seals, bringing around the frickin' apocalypse… And now Sammy's trapped in that fucking cage going through God knows what!"

The anger had quickly made its way back into his initially quiet voice and Dean could see it immediately taking effect on Castiel as the angel's eyes grew wide and guilt-stricken.

"I… I'm sorry, Dean," he instantly whispered, the signs of deep regret appearing on his face. "I didn't mean"-

"I know," Dean soothed him gently, not wanting the angel to get worked up over an unnecessary apology. "I know you didn't."

Blue, sheepish eyes continued resting on him as the two of them sat in silence for a moment. It was remarkably quiet on the parking lot, seeing as this was the hour when a lot of people usually started shopping. Maybe some folks had heard the angry yelling and were now too nervous to come anywhere near the car. That thought was strangely amusing to Dean.

"Listen, Cas…" he sighed, feeling incredibly tired all of a sudden. "You're right. I shouldn't really be the guy warning you about stuff like that. Hell, I'd probably be the first mook jumping on the deal if this could bring Sammy back from the pit."

Castiel said nothing and simply observed his friend from the side.

"But hey, I think that means you can sure as hell believe me when I tell you that crap like that never ends well," Dean chuckled humorlessly. "I'm telling you, man, this isn't the way."

The hunter trapped the angel in an almost pleading gaze, the intensity within his green eyes proving the sincerity of his words.

"We'll find something else," he insisted softly. "Just… just give it a little time."

Cas now seemed even more torn than before, his pained eyes flickering across various features of Dean's face. "I won't be able to elude them forever, Dean."

"I know, just…" Dean swore internally at the stubbornness of the celestial being. Some things would just never change. "Just please, promise me that you won't do it right now. That we'll try to find a plan… C."

Castiel frowned briefly at the expression. "I hear plan Cs don't usually have that high of a success rate," he remarked dryly.

Dean rolled his eyes in annoyance before responding. "We'll figure something out, Cas," he said stubbornly. "We will!"

He hoped to God that they would.