Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series' characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from Breaking Dawn, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.

Chapter 18

Monstrous

I stayed at Bella's bedside, afraid to be apart from her. Watching her deteriorate was tearing me apart, but now that she was awake, I pushed those feeling far down into the pit of my stomach – deep enough so that she couldn't see them. She needed to be strong and expending extra effort worrying about me would be of no use.

She seemed even weaker than before, if that was even possible. She was growing thinner before my eyes, diminishing flesh leaving behind only skin and bone. It felt as though even the slightest movement would cause her to shatter. I had half a mind to ask Jasper to sedate her again. Even being awake caused her to exert more energy than her body could afford.

Carlisle continued to exhaust his mental capacity in the search of a means of sustaining Bella until the birth. I feared that if this continued much longer, her heart would give out before even the venom could save her.

The steady drip of the IV persisted to echo through the room. Drip, drip. Drip, drip. The sound of the useless liquid seemed to grow louder with the passing seconds, pounding its way into my head. It may as well have been the sound of banging hammers driving nails into her coffin for all the good it was doing. I grit my teeth and buried my face in the blankets that covered her thin body.

She reached down, gently running her fingers through my hair, caressing the side of my face. I wanted to tell her to conserve her energy, but with the fleeting moments of tender caresses dwindling, I didn't have the willpower to say the words. The guilt of my selfishness gnawed at me, poking holes in my already frayed psyche.

Carlisle appeared at Bella's bedside at regular intervals to monitor her progress, or lack thereof. Thankfully, Rosalie kept her arguments at bay for Bella's sake and allowed him to tend to her, although she still kept a careful watch on his actions.

My other siblings were busying themselves once again with attempts to research what it was we were dealing with and developing strategies to contend with every possible scenario, including those involving an attack by the pack. Esme flitted around the house, distracting herself with mundane housework, moving at a human's pace to fill the time and avoid the uncomfortable silence.

I'm going to go check in with the Cullens. Jacob's thoughts tugged at the strands of my consciousness. For the most part, I had paid little attention to the growing drama of the fledgling wolf pack that sat guard outside our home. It appeared that in choosing to be a part of Bella's life, we both had gotten more than we bargained for.

"Jacob's coming," I murmured through the cushion of sheets and blankets. I tried to push myself away from the bed to meet him, but my body protested, like my heart would rip itself from my chest only to stay with her if I left her side.

"Edward?" Esme whispered.

"I..." I groaned. "He's in his human form. Could someone else..."

"Carlisle, why don't you greet him," Esme whispered. I felt her hand rubbing small circles on my back as she made her suggestion. We can't ask Edward to leave Bella. Not now.

I heard the click of the handle and the scraping of metal against metal as the hinges swung the door open. Bella's hand reached for my face again and I reached up, lacing my fingers with hers and brought her hand to my lips instead.

Carlisle...not Edward. He looks exhausted...defeated. Does that mean...?

He looks greatly concerned. Has something gone wrong? News of an attack? "Are you all right, Jacob?"

"Is Bella?" he choked, his heart hammering in his chest at the notion.

"She's...much the same as last night," Carlisle sighed. "Did I startle you? I'm sorry. Edward said you were coming in your human form, and I came out to greet you, as he didn't want to leave her. She's awake."

And Edward didn't want to lose any time with her...not much time left. I think I feel as exhausted as he looks. I listened as Jacob slumped down, blowing out a breath of both relief and fatigue.

"I didn't get a chance to thank you last night, Jacob. You don't know how much I appreciate your...compassion. I know your goal was to protect Bella, but I owe you the safety of the rest of my family as well. Edward told me what you had to do..."

"Don't mention it."

"If you prefer."

Silence once again enveloped the house, save for the beating of now two hearts – one steady and strong, the other faltering. It appeared the distinction between the two was not lost on Jacob either.

"She's family to you?" Jacob asked.

Of course. "Yes," Carlisle replied. "Bella is already a daughter to me. A beloved daughter."

"But you're going to let her die," Jacob blurted out.

Which makes this all the more painful. I will do everything I can in my power. I promise, you, Edward, I will. "I can imagine what you think of me for that. But I can't ignore her will. It wouldn't be right to make such a choice for her, to force her."

He's right, but...he's wrong. How can letting her die be the right thing to do? Is it murder? Or mercy? Why does Bella have to love things that she shouldn't? "Do you think there's any chance she'll make it? I mean as a vampire and all that. She told me about...about Esme."

"I'd say there's an even chance at this point," Carlisle whispered. "I've seen vampire venom work miracles, but there are conditions that even venom cannot overcome. Her heart is working too hard now; if it should fail...there won't be anything for me to do."

It was a welcome distraction, listening to the parade of confused thoughts in Jacob's mind. It seemed that he had acquired a significant change of heart when it came to the subject of Bella's life. As much as he detested our kind, he would rather her become like us than to leave this world entirely. As painful as that prospect was, as appalling as it would be to take away her soul, it seemed that we were both willing to do whatever it took to keep her in our lives.

"What is that thing doing to her?" he whispered. "She was so much worse last night. I saw…the tubes and all that. Through the window."

Carlisle breathed a heavy sigh and I could hear the telltale sound of his palm scraping against his forehead. "The fetus isn't compatible with her body. Too strong, for one thing, but she could probably endure that for a while. The bigger problem is that it won't allow her to get the sustenance she needs. Her body is rejecting every form of nutrition. I'm trying to feed her intravenously, but she's just not absorbing it. Everything about her condition is accelerated. I'm watching her – and not just her, but the fetus as well – starve to death by the hour. I can't stop it and I can't slow it down. I can't figure out what it wants." And soon I may lose all three of them.

Jacob's thoughts grew angry and I could sense the subtle shift in his molecules from even this distance. The wolf was threatening to emerge. He hated the spawn just as much as I did, despised it for what it was doing to Bella in order to sustain itself. Probably just looking for something to sink its teeth into – a throat to suck dry. I can tell them exactly what it wants – death and blood, blood and death.

My body froze when I heard Jacob's thoughts. What should have been incendiary drivel, typical of a mind with such prejudices against our kind, was the most brilliant idea I had heard since this all began. A small smile tugged at the corners of my mouth as my hand splayed across my face – the proverbial smack upside the head. Why hadn't we thought of it before? If the creature growing inside Bella was like us, of course it would reject any form of human food. Because that's not what it wanted. It craved the same thing that we did, the same thirst that scorched our throats and drove us to the brink of madness.

"Are you alright?" Bella whispered, taking in the sudden shift in my demeanor.

A nervous chuckle escaped my lips. "Fine," I whispered. Better than fine. I could feel the small glimmer of hope taking root in my heart. I tried to squelch it, to keep it at bay for fear I would only suffer greater disappointment if I was wrong, but it did little good. The tiny spark began to glow brilliantly and, like a drowning man, I clung to that tiny hope with all that I had.

"I'll be right back, Bella," I whispered, moving to stand. "I want to speak with Carlisle for a moment. Actually, Rosalie, would you mind accompanying me?"

What is he up to?

"What is it, Edward?" Bella asked.

"Nothing you need to worry about love," I said as I reached out to smooth her hair, allowing my fingers to linger on her cheek. I didn't want to give her this hope. Not until we were sure. "It will just take a second. Please, Rose?"

Rosalie eyed me suspiciously, but could find no legitimate reason to refuse my request. "Esme? Can you mind Bella for me?"

Esme appeared at Bella's bedside. "Of course."

Rosalie followed me to the door and I was careful to shut it behind us, not wishing Bella to hear. She may think me horrible for making such a suggestion and I wanted to shield her from any false hopes. Carlisle and Jacob had turned around and were staring at me expectedly.

"Carlisle."

"What is it, Edward?"

I had to struggle to keep the nearly irrational hope from seeping into my voice. "Perhaps we've been going about this the wrong way. I was listening to you and Jacob just now, and when you were speaking of what the…fetus wants, Jacob had an interesting thought."

Me? What thought?

"We haven't actually addressed that angle," I continued. "We've been trying to get Bella what she needs. And her body is accepting it about as well as one of ours would. Perhaps we should address the needs of the…fetus first. Maybe if we can satisfy it, we'll be able to help her more effectively."

"I'm not following you, Edward," Carlisle said, looking confused.

"Think about it, Carlisle. If that creature is more vampire than human, can't you guess what it craves – what it's not getting? Jacob did."

But what could he…he doesn't mean… "Oh," Carlisle exclaimed. "You think it is…thirsty?"

Oh my God, that's it! That's what the baby needs. "Of course," Rosalie breathed. "Carlisle, we have all that type O negative laid aside for Bella. It's a good idea."

"Hmm," Carlisle murmured as he rubbed his chin between his thumb and index finger. If the fetus is encased in a hard shell, how would we get the blood to it? Surely Bella wouldn't… "I wonder…And then, what would be the best way to administer…"

"We don't have time to be creative," Rosalie cut him off. "I'd say we should start with the traditional way."

"Wait a minute," Jacob hissed, raising up his hands with a look of disgust on his face. "Just hold on. Are you – are you talking about making Bella drink blood?"

"It was your idea, dog," Rosalie growled. Who would have thought an idea like that would come from a stupid mutt.

Jacob's mouth turned down in a grimace and a shudder ran through him. Gross. "That's just…"

"Monstrous?" I finished. "Repulsive?"

He nodded. "Pretty much."

As revolting as the idea was for Bella to drink blood – human blood – I couldn't deny that it may be our best chance of saving her. With the fetus rapidly maturing, we needed to work quickly to build Bella's strength if we had any hopes of her surviving the birth. "But what if it helps her?" I whispered, almost a plea.

Bella would never…she hates blood! "What are you gonna do, shove a tube down her throat?" Jacob snarled.

I shook my head. "I plan to ask her what she thinks. I just wanted to run it past Carlisle first."

I just don't know, Carlisle thought. It would be asking quite a lot of Bella to do such a thing. With her bouts of nausea, I have my doubts she could even stomach the thought of ingesting it, let alone trying to keep it down.

"If you tell her it might help the baby, she'll be willing to do anything," Rosalie added. "Even if we do have to feed them through a tube." She'll do it. I know she will.

Blondie will be in line with anything that helps the little life-sucking monster. So that's what's going on between those two? Is Rosalie after the kid?

I nodded slightly, answering Jacob's silent question. Although Rosalie's intentions were noble, she knew that there was a strong possibility that Bella would not survive the birth. In every scenario that played out in her mind, when Bella's death resulted, she saw herself as the creature's mother.

So much for protecting Bella – Rosalie'd probably jam the tube down Bella's throat herself.

Jacob's thoughts about my sister, although harsh, weren't very far from the truth. In Rosalie's skewed perception, even something as repulsive as forcefully feeding blood to Bella would be justified if it ensured that the baby would benefit. In essence, the end would truly justify the means in her mind.

"Well, we don't have time to sit around discussing this," Rosalie fumed, tossing her hands up in exasperation. "What do you think, Carlisle?"

What's the harm in trying, right? Carlisle stood. "We'll ask Bella."

With confirmation from Carlisle, the hope blooming in my chest continued to grow. We filed back into the house and Bella looked up at me, a confused look on her face. "What's going on?" she asked.

"Jacob had an idea that might help you," Carlisle began. "It won't be…pleasant, but – "

"But it will help the baby," Rosalie interjected. "We've thought of a better way to feed him. Maybe." It's going to work. I just know it.

"Not pleasant"? Bella laughed weakly. "Gosh, that'll be such a change."

Jacob shook his head. So Bella. Trying to ease the tension, make it better for everyone else.

I stepped up to the bed and reached for Bella's hand. Up until this moment, I had felt so hopeful that this idea would work, but now looking into the face of my wife, the thought of asking her to do something so absolutely revolting turned my stomach. My mind went back to a time not so long ago when she nearly fainted at a drop of blood in biology class. How could I expect her to accomplish this?

I took a deep, steadying breath."Bella, love, we're going to ask you to do something monstrous. Repulsive."

She winced. "How bad?"

Really bad, Jacob thought.

"We think the fetus might have an appetite closer to ours than yours," Carlisle explained. "We think it's thirsty."

The space between Bella's brows puckered as she stared at Carlisle for several beats. Then, all at ones, realization dawned and her mouth gaped. "Oh. Oh," she exclaimed.

Carlisle rubbed his palm across his forehead. "Your condition – both of your conditions – are deteriorating rapidly. We don't have time to waste, to come up with more palatable ways to do this. The fastest way to test the theory – "

"I've got to drink it," she finished. She seemed to take it all in, mulling over the idea in her mind. I had almost expected her to balk and refuse at the first mention, but her determination to see her pregnancy to completion was like nothing I had ever seen. "I can do that," she finally said with a slight nod. A small smile crept up her lips. "Practice for the future, right?"

Let's get on with it. We're wasting time. Rosalie began to tap her foot impatiently.

"So, who's going to catch me a grizzly bear?" Bella asked.

She had misunderstood. Perhaps Carlisle's explanation wasn't clear. I cringed, looking to Carlisle. Asking Bella to drink blood was bad enough, but human blood?

"What?" Bella asked, clearly confused by our silence.

"If the fetus is craving blood, it's not craving animal blood," I explained. I hated myself for asking this of her. Perhaps it would have been better if we protected her from the distinction that made our request that much more heinous.

"It won't make a difference to you, Bella. Don't think about it," Rosalie encouraged.

Bella's expression changed as she understood what we were telling her. "Who?" she asked, her gaze automatically flickering to the only other warm-blooded creature in the room.

Don't look at me. Jacob held up his hands defensively. "I'm not here as a donor, Bells," he said. "Sides, it's human blood that thing's after, and I don't think mine applies – "

"We have blood on hand," Rosalie interrupted. "For you – just in case. Don't worry about anything at all. It's going to be fine. I have a good feeling about this, Bella. I think the baby will be so much better."

Bella's gaze flickered from Rosalie to her bloated stomach. She reached down, caressing it as she tugged her bottom lip between her teeth.

"Well," she whispered. "I'm starving, so I'll bet he is, too. Let's go for it. My first vampire act."

With Bella's acquiescence, Carlisle and Rosalie disappeared to prepare. The hope I felt dimmed in the shadow of what Bella was about to do, of the reminders that her days as a human truly were numbered. I clasped her hand in mine and bent down, placing it against my cheek. I could hear Carlisle and Rosalie debating quantities and temperatures, but I paid little attention. My task of presenting the idea had been done. Now my place was at Bella's side, supporting her in whatever way I could.

She stared back at me; unfathomable emotions swirled in the depths of her chocolate brown eyes. Did she see my offering this new idea as my acceptance of the fetus growing within her? I wanted desperately to see her happy and healthy, but I couldn't bring myself to feel anything but hatred for the monster that was slowly draining away her life. If, by some miracle, they both happened to survive this whole ordeal, I wondered how I would feel about the creature then. I suspected that I would have a difficult time hating anything that was much a part of Bella as it was of me.

Rosalie flew down the stairs and into the kitchen where she began opening cabinets. I could see she was selecting a container to hold the morbid red liquid. "Not clear, Rosalie," I muttered when I saw her reach for a glass. It was bad enough that Bella would have to smell and taste the blood. The least we could do was protect her from seeing what she had to ingest.

"This was your idea?" Bella whispered, looking to Jacob.

"Don't blame me for this one. Your vampire was just picking snide comments out of my head."

She smiled and her expression softened. "I didn't expect to see you again."

"Yeah, me, either," he replied, reaching up to rub the back of his neck.

"Edward told me what you had to do. I'm sorry."

"S'okay." He shrugged. "It was probably only a matter of time till I snapped over something Sam wanted me to do."

"And Seth," she whispered.

"He's actually happy to help."

Bella frowned, shaking her head slowly. "I hate causing you trouble."

Bella, you are nothing but trouble. Jacob laughed.

"I guess that's nothing new, is it?" she sighed.

"No, not really." He smiled.

"You don't have to stay and watch this," she whispered.

I could…probably would be best. But if I did… "I don't really have anywhere else to go," he lied. "The wolf thing is a lot less appealing since Leah joined up."

"Leah?" she gasped.

Jacob's gaze turned to me. "You didn't tell her?" he asked.

"Why?"

"To keep an eye on Seth," he replied.

"But Leah hates us."

Us. Nice. "Leah's not going to bug anyone," he promised. But me. "She's in my pack, so she follows my lead."

Bella eyed him skeptically, clearly not believing his attempts to placate her.

"You're scared of Leah, but you're best buds with the psychopath blonde?" he challenged.

Psychopath? Rosalie hissed.

Bella frowned. "Don't," she warned. "Rose…understands."

"Yeah," Jacob scoffed. "She understands that you're gonna die and she doesn't care, s'long as she gets her mutant spawn out of the deal."

"Stop being a jerk, Jacob," she whispered.

He smiled. "You say that like it's possible."

Bella stared at him for a moment, but resigned her anger and smiled along with him. I could already smell the blood before Carlisle appeared with a white cup clutched in his hand. Rosalie was following closely behind, practically giddy at the idea that this would work. Jacob grimaced when he saw the cup. He could smell the blood as well.

Carlisle held the cup in front of him, but Bella shuddered delicately as his hand began to extend. Her eyes never left the cup.

She's afraid, Carlisle thought. "We could try another method," he whispered, drawing back the hand that held the cup.

"No." Bella shook her head. "No, I'll try this first. We don't have time…" Her hand cradled her stomach as she continued to eye the cup, clearly warring with herself – the determination to save the fetus clashing with her natural aversion to blood.

She reached up and took the cup from Carlisle. Her hand trembled as she held the cup, her arm barely strong enough to complete such a simple task. With her other arm, she tried to sit up, but her body trembled in protest. She was far too weak. If this didn't work, she wouldn't last much longer. I reached for her, but Rosalie was already behind her, propping her upright and supporting her head.

"Thanks," Bella whispered. The hand that held the cup continued to tremble and she glanced between Jacob and myself, clearly uncertain about what she was about to do.

"Don't mind them," Rosalie encouraged.

Bella brought the cup up to her face and her nostrils flared and she made a face as she smelled the blood through the straw.

"Bella, sweetheart, we can find an easier way," I offered, reaching for the cup.

There's no time for that. "Plug your nose," Rosalie suggested. Stop it, Edward. She can do this.

She's glaring at Edward's hand like she might take a snap at it, Jacob thought. I wish she would. I bet Edward wouldn't take that sitting down, and I'd love to see Blondie lose a limb. If the tension in the room hadn't been such as it was, I would have laughed at Jacob's thoughts.

"No, that's not it." Bella shook her head lightly, looking puzzled. "It's just that it – it smells good."

I remembered Bella's reactions to blood in the past and they were far from pleasant. Rust and salt, she had said. To hear her say that it smelled good caught me off guard and I could see the idea bothered Jacob as well. The small glimmer of hope began to burn brightly again.

"That's a good thing," Rosalie pressed. "That means we're on the right track. Give it a try." This is going to work. I know it. Why hadn't we thought of it sooner?

Bella's gaze flickered to mine before she squeezed her eyes shut and put the straw to her lips. Her hand trembled and she took a deep breath, wrinkling her nose, before taking a timid sip. She moaned quietly.

I stepped toward her, reaching for her face. Was she going to be ill again? Had this all been a horrible idea? "Bella, love – "

"I'm okay," she whispered. She opened her eyes and I tried to decipher the emotions I saw there. "It tastes good, too."

"That's good," Rosalie exclaimed. "A good sign."

I couldn't see into her thoughts, but the look in her eyes was almost one of shame. I pressed my palm to her cheek, silently encouraging her. She took a larger pull from the straw.

"How's your stomach?" Carlisle asked. "Do you feel nauseated?"

"No, I don't feel sick." She shook her head. "There's a first, eh?"

"Excellent." Rosalie cheered.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves. "I think it's a bit early for that, Rose," Carlisle chastised.

Bella continued to drink from the cup, taking mouthfuls of the red liquid. Venom trickled uselessly down my throat as I watched her throat muscles relax and contract. Her eyes grew wide and she stopped, looking up at me. "Does this screw my total?" she asked. "Or do we start counting after I'm a vampire?"

"No one is counting, Bella," I assured her. "In any case, no one died for this. Your record is still clean."

What in the world are they talking about?

"I'll explain later," I whispered to Jacob.

"What?" Bella asked, hearing my reply.

"Just talking to myself," I lied.

I could feel Jacob watching me. If Bella lives, Edward isn't going to be able to get away with so much when her senses are as sharp as his. He'll have to work on the honesty thing. I had to fight to contain my smile. Jacob was right – when, or if, Bella became like me, there would be little I could protect her from. Then again, she wouldn't be nearly as fragile as she was in her human form.

We sat quietly as Bella continued to drink. Her reaction to the blood wasn't nearly as I had expected and the small glimmer of hope began to burn even brighter as the color started to return to Bella's complexion.

She's not looking – probably pretending we're not here, Jacob thought. Maybe just me. No one else in this group would be disgusted by what she'd doing. They're probably having a tough time not ripping the cup away from her.

I rolled my eyes at the thought. Did he really think we were that uncivilized, that out of control?

Jeez, how does anyone stand living with him? It's too bad he can't hear Bella's thoughts. Then he'd annoy the crap out of her, too, and she'd get tired of him.

A chuckle escaped my lips and I nearly clamped my hand over my mouth. Bella looked at me, probably wondering if I had finally lost my mind. But then she smiled in return.

"Something funny?" she asked.

"Jacob."

Her eyes flickered to Jacob and she nodded. "Jake's a crack-up."

Great, now I'm the court jester. "Bada bing," he grumbled.

She smiled and returned her attention to the cup, pulling at the straw until there was nothing left. She looked at me with a satisfied smile. "I did it. If I keep this down, Carlisle, will you take the needles out of me?"

He smiled. "As soon as possible. Honestly, they aren't doing that much good where they are."

Rosalie smoothed the hair across Bella's forehead. I knew it would work. "Would you like more?" she asked.

I saw the hesitancy in her eyes. "You don't have to drink more right away," I told her.

"Yeah, I know," she muttered, looking sheepish. "But…I want to."

"You don't need to be embarrassed about that, Bella," Rosalie maintained. "Your body has cravings. We all understand that." She looked up at Jacob before adding, "Anyone who doesn't understand shouldn't be here."

"I'll be right back," Carlisle said, taking the cup from Bella's hand.

Bella smoothed the blanket over her bloated stomach and smiled as she caressed it. After a moment she looked up at Jacob and her lips turned down in a frown. "Jake, you look awful."

"Look who's talking."

She rolled her eyes. "Seriously – when's the last time you slept?"

He paused for a moment. "Huh. I'm not actually sure."

"Aw, Jake," Bella moaned. "Now I'm messing with your health, too. Don't be stupid."

What, so she's allowed to kill herself for a monster, but I'm not allowed to miss a few nights' sleep to watch her do it?

"Get some rest, please," she encouraged. "There're a few beds upstairs – you're welcome to any of them."

Not any of them! We'd never get the smell out. Rosalie wrinkled her nose.

Jacob shook his head. "Thanks, Bells, but I'd rather sleep on the ground. Away from the stench, you know."

"Right."

Carlisle returned with a second cup and Bella didn't hesitate as she began drinking again. Her color had improved. Her heart sounded stronger. Did I dare allow myself to believe that this could actually work – that we could actually save them both?

"How do you feel now?" Carlisle asked, reaching for the now empty cup.

"Not sick. Sort of hungry…only I'm not sure if I'm hungry or thirsty, you know?"

"Carlisle, just look at her," Rosalie exclaimed in an exasperated tone. "This is obviously what her body wants. She should drink more."

"She's still human, Rosalie. She needs food, too. Let's give her a little while to see how this affects her, and then maybe we can try some food again. Does anything sound particularly good to you, Bella?"

"Eggs," she replied without hesitation. I smiled, remembering all too well just how many eggs she consumed before we realized what had happened on our wedding night.

I saw Jacob begin to droop out of the corner of my eye. "Jacob, you really should sleep," I encouraged. "As Bella said, you're certainly welcome to the accommodations here, though you'd probably be more comfortable outside. Don't worry about anything – I promise I'll find you if there's a need."

"Sure, sure," he mumbled, only half-awake. Now that it appears she has a few more hours, I could escape…far enough so the smell couldn't reach me. The bloodsucker would wake me up if something went wrong. He owes me.

"I do," I agreed. I owed Jacob for much more than I could ever repay.

He nodded and reached for Bella's hand. So cold. "Feel better," he said.

"Thanks, Jacob."

He looked to me. "Get her a blanket or something." She's freezing. And with that, he turned and disappeared out the door and into the early morning light.

A/N: I can't believe we passed 1,000 reviews. Thank you all so much! It's getting exciting that the movie is so close. Only 29 days to go! Thanks to everyone for continually supporting this story and cheering me on.

Thanks to my beta, Nellybear85, for being my biggest cheerleader.