Staggering, I placed one foot in front of the other. I was hurting surely; I should be in pain. But I wasn't. I felt nothing, as I watched the inn succumb to the crackling inferno. There was noise, buzzing in the back of my mind, sending vibrations through my skull. Where? Where was he? The low buzz increased to roar of panic all around me. People ran about, calling for water to quench the blaze, children sobbing, and fits of coughing. Pieces of conversations came together, "A bomb? The Shu? Couldn't be, why an inn? Place is a dump anyhow but…Ravka's problems should stay in one country…" I meandered by. Pain, pain in my legs, throat, and chest. With each trembling step, breaths tore from my lips in shuddering rasps. Smoke swathed the street in a sickly grey. I coughed as I went stumbling forward. My knees hit the ground sharply with a dull crack. I scrapped myself back on my feet. The pain in my chest grew larger, pulsating. It was alive. Some unseen parasite twisted and gnawed my insides. Soon there would be nothing left of me but an empty shell. His name, his name would not form on my tongue. I wanted to call out for him, but was afraid. Afraid of the silence that would follow. I would call again, but there would be no answer. Perhaps I would call a third time, and I would be alone in this strange country, on the run, without him. Nobody tried to look for survivors, the blast had immediately incinerated all surrounding plants and clothes put out to dry. "At least, it was quick. No pain." I stopped. My heart stopped. Everything stopped. The noise and the pain ceased. For that moment, nothing else existed save one word. It was an ugly word.
"G-gone," I choked. "Gone, gone, gone, gone!" My rising hysteria caught the attention of fellow bystanders. A middle-aged man with a patched up coat lightly touched my arm, trying to guide me away from the flaming ruins. He spoke to me in soothing tones, but his words would not take form in my mind. What was he trying to tell me? In his eyes, I recognized the expression an orphan gets all too familiar with; pity. I shied away from his comforting touch. Saints no, I was being left again. Orphaned again. Except there was no one to take me in. No Genya, Nadia, Marie, not even the dreadful Ana Kuya. I had no one. Mal, who had stood by me all these years, as my love, my family, my home, was gone. Burned, fried, cooked. Trapped in the building, waiting for me to come back. Waiting for me. I pressed the back of my hand to my mouth to silence a sob. Whether from the heartache or the falling ashes, hot tears spilled from my eyes.
"M-Mal," I finally sputtered. "I'm so sorry, so sorry." Sorry it couldn't have been me instead. Sorry he abandoned his post. Sorry he made an enemy of the Darkling. Sorry that I had let him do it all for me, sacrificed everything for my benefit. Guilt came crushing upon my shoulders. Everyone would have been better off if I had died in the fire, I'm sure the Apparat would be pleased. Nothing better than a burning saint. Uniformed men on horses began arriving at the scene. One man had already dismounted to question a witness. Time to leave, but my feet remained rooted. Where should I even go? What was the point, the Darkling obviously had found me. I was as good as dead, and I couldn't force myself to care. By now, buckets of water from the harbor extinguished most of the fire. One large fire remained, burning on what used to be a mattress. I stared at the flickering tendrils with longing, contemplating whether or not the man in the patched up coat, or one of uniformed officers, would pull me out of the flames if I just threw myself in. I stepped closer. Heat licked at my exposed ankles. A shadow fell over the ruins. I turned, to see a lone rumpled-gray cloud blocking out the sun. I thought back to the miniature eclipse tattoo on the spy's shoulder. The Darkling, he had covered my world in darkness, stealing the warmth, life, and color. And yet as I squinted up at the sky, the halo of light did not waver. As quickly as it had come, the dark cloud began to recede out of view. The sun had not stopped shining, but somehow it seemed brighter after the gloom. Stronger, fiercer. I would overcome the darkness, dispel the shadows. Burn the Darkling, until the scars of his agony matched those etched on my broken heart. The Darkling would pay, dearly. I ripped the sweat soaked scarf from my neck, tossing it into the fire. The fabric was quickly consumed, scorched from a rouge dye to a blacked crisp. No more hiding. No more running. Pressing the amplifier to my throat, I clenched my jaw. Gone was the hopelessness. Anguish lodged deeply in my heart, but it had become a fuel for something much stronger. Rage, raw and broiling just beneath the skin. Mal would be avenged.
"Hey Darkling, I'm coming for you." I whispered to myself, digging my nails into the necklace. I almost expected him to answer my threat with a snide remark, but I heard nothing but the snap of wood burning. Then there was a low chuckle, "Is that so? I'll be waiting for you." I whipped around, popping my neck painfully in the process. This sensation, just now, I had felt the connection between us opened up, something that should only be possible with physical contact, and yet… "No need to be so surprised Alina; you did call to ME after all." Despite the heat, goose bumps prickled up on my arms. Impossible. The heat had gotten to my head, I was still in shock. Only hearing what I wanted to hear. Did I want to hear his voice?
"Darkling! What the-"
"No need to speak aloud Alina, it attracts unnecessary attention." Sure enough, faces turned toward me skeptically. Head down, I crossed to the opposite side of the street and began walking. Heart pounding, I called his name in my mind, "Darkling?" I took five strides. No answer. I exhaled shakily. I was really hallucinating. "No, Alina, I'm still here. You can't get rid of me that easily." I nearly choked with disbelief but kept my pace steady. "Why are you in my head? How can I hear you?" I heard a sharp tsk in response, "Alina, you opened up the connection between us. Surely you must have some idea as to how. Did you learn nothing at the Little Palace?" Immediately, I looked down to see my amplifier giving off a slight glow. The amplifier, the collar, worked as a connection as well? Is this how the Darkling had found us? In the back of my mind, I heard him laugh. "No," he said, "You're not the only one who owns an adept tracker." Tracker. Mal. My fury which had ebbed from shock now returned in full force. Could he feel it? My pain, my anger? He let out a cruel bark. "Well, well, someone has a temper today! Why don't you meet me? We have much to discuss. Come tonight, after dark." In my mind's eye, I saw a tavern with a leaning sign in the front that read in weathered letters, The Salty Flask. The image faded, and he continued, "There will be someone to greet you when you get there. Don't be late." I felt his presence slipping away, but not before he reached for me. His cool fingers caressed my jaw line, tenderly. I shuddered, swatting away his phantom touch. "I'll be there," I thought, clenching my fists. "You'll regret what you've done. I promise." Still laughing, he said, "Until tonight, Moya Tsaritsa." My Queen.
He disappeared, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I glanced up at the sun; by now it was high noon. I had time to kill. I glanced around, and to my surprise I was right back to where I had started. The fountain quietly gurgled as I approached. Everyone else had gone; some leaving their laundry out to dry. I plopped down on the rim, dipping my fingers over the edge. The cool water was a relief to my sweat and ash smothered skin. Before I knew it, I was rolling up my pants and sleeves, wading about. Waves tumbled out and over the sides, wetting the pavement. I sank to my knees, letting the water rise to my chest. Mal was gone. This was a fact. Killed by the Darkling. I could not bring him back. The pain in my chest was unbearable; this feeling of loss and grief remained unwavering. So I sat, letting the waves brush against my chin. I saw Mal's face, laughing, serious, frowning, smiling. Him leaning in to kiss me. Tears streamed silently down my cheeks, dripping into the fountain. I gazed at the rippled surface as each new teardrop shattered the mirror image staring back at me. Mal dead? It was too surreal! Incomprehensible that he was gone and I remained. When I lived in the Little Palace and we were separated it never felt like this. Empty and desolate. I was slowly descending, falling, into a dark and cold place in my mind. So alone, without direction. Mal and I, it had always been that way since we first met as orphans. Now it was just me, and I had no idea what to do with myself. I realized for the first time, throughout my life, I had based every decision and choice on what would benefit Mal and I, how to keep us together. Except my time in the Little Palace, Mal had been the only person that I trusted and relied on. Loved. Certainly the only person I could ever trust, I scoffed thinking of everyone who had betrayed me in the past. Now it was just Alina, the Sun Summoner. What did I want? To shut down completely, eventually dwindle away to nothing. But there was another half of me that still burned with a simple wish. Revenge, pure retribution. It was easy answer, one that only required contemplation of the immediate future, nothing beyond that. To defeat the Darkling, bring him down. Take him to the lowest level of humility where he belonged. I had no idea how, but meeting him would be a good start. If I knew what he wanted, I would thwart him in every way possible. And if he wanted me… well I would be more than ready to join Mal. I submerged my head beneath the water. Closing my eyes, I traced the outline of the amplifier. Until tonight, Darkling. Until tonight.