Spencer sat up in the guest room, sighing, twirling his two year NA coin in his fingers. He couldn't believe that he'd managed to get himself suspended for three weeks for using self defense. If he were to go back though, he wouldn't change a single word he said. For all the team had sacrificed for him over the past week, the least he could do for them is take the hit from Strauss. He exhaled, putting the coin back into his pocket and lying back on the bed and slipping his eyes shut, waiting for the next three weeks to be over with.

He was woken up when he heard the front door close and sighed, pulling the blanket over his head. He really didn't want to face JJ and have to tell her about what happened. He knew he couldn't escape it when he felt a dip on the other side of the bed, indicating she sat beside him. She rubbed his back, sighing.

"How are you feeling, Spence?"

He pulled the blanket down, looking up at her. "Like I greatly dislike Erin Strauss?"

She smirked. "We all have that feeling right about now." She chewed on her lip. "How bad is it?"

"Hotch didn't tell you?"

She shook her head. "He said what happened in there was only the business of the people who were in the room, and I understand if you don't want to tell me-"

"Three weeks unpaid suspension for firing my weapon off duty, even though it was in self defense."

She gasped. "Spence, that's… completely unreasonable. That's not even close to fair. You can't just let it happen."

He shrugged slightly, wincing. "What else was I supposed to do, argue with her? Then she would've tacked on more time for me talking back to her and fighting it."

She ran a hand through his hair. "You know, you didn't have to take the hit for all of us. We would've taken whatever she had-"

"I wanted to, and given the opportunity, I'd do it again."

She smiled slightly. "Only you. Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'm fine. And don't worry, I'll be out of here in a few days. I don't want to take up any space or be in your way-"

"Be in the way? You spend all your time in here reading and sleeping. You're far from in the way. Stay as long as you need."

"…Are you sure?"

"Positive." She leaned over, kissing the top of his head. "I'm going to make dinner, what are you in the mood for?"

"Anything that doesn't come out of a fast food box."

"I think I can manage that." She ruffled his hair and got up. "Dinner in an hour."

He gave her a nod before pulling the blanket over his head again.

When JJ walked into work on the third day of Spencer's suspension, Emily turned to her. "How's he doing?"

JJ leaned against the desk, crossing her arms. "As you'd expect. He doesn't know what to do with his time off, and I'm pretty sure he's using my laptop to take online courses in something to fill the void."

"Wouldn't surprise me. How's his anxiety? When he stayed at my place, it was pretty bad…"

"The panic attacks are horrible, the nightmares are worse." She ran a hand through her hair. "They're so bad, and I can't say anything to make it better for him. Telling him that his attackers are locked up does nothing but make him think someone else wants to hurt him. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, so I just comfort him the best I can and hope the nightmares stop enough so he can get some sleep."

Emily frowned. "And this is only three days in? I can't imagine what the rest of the three weeks are going to do to him."

She shrugged. "He won't set foot in his apartment to pick up anything he needs, so I need to swing by after work so he can have some clothes. He's been looking at the ads, but can't find an apartment he likes as much as his current one."

"Is he going to be okay?"

"I sure hope so."

Derek sat down, turning to JJ. "Do you mind if I stop by your place at lunch to check on him? Maybe I can get him to talk about it."

She reached in her pocket, taking out her house key, tossing it onto his desk. "Be my guest. Fair bit of warning – he locks the door and sets the alarm if he's the only one home. If he's asleep, the code is 1622."

He put the key in his pocket, nodding.

Garcia walked into the bullpen. "Please tell me he's doing better today?"

JJ chewed on her cheek. "Better than he was when he started healing, yes. Better in the mental sense?" She thought and slowly shook her head. "Unfortunately not."

She pouted. "There has to be something we can do for him."

"Hotch's hands are tied. He can't change the suspension, and the director has no idea because the time she gave him is the maximum without involving him. I guess all we can do is be there for him and hope for the best."

At lunch, Derek went to JJ's house, knocking. When that went unanswered, he reached in his pocket, taking out the key and unlocking the door. Sure enough, Spencer had set the alarm and he punched in the code. Closing the door behind him, he locked it and looked around. "Reid?"

With no response, he walked down the hall to JJ's guest room. Pushing open the door, he saw Spencer fast asleep, and it seemed like he hadn't had such a pleasure in over a week. He walked over, spotting something shiny on the nightstand. Reaching over, he picked it up and read it: it was Spencer's coin for staying clean of narcotics for 2 years.

"It's one of the few things they didn't take from me," Spencer mumbled, eyes still closed.

Derek looked down at him. "How long have you had this?"

"I got it the week before the case in Arizona." He finally opened his eyes, pulling the blanket away from his face and looking up at him. "You know, it's funny, it's currently one of the most difficult times of my life, and I haven't even thought about relapsing."

"That's actually pretty impressive, considering everything you've been through."

Spencer kicked the blankets off himself, sitting up. He gave a slight shrug. "There are better outlets for my emotions than illegally obtaining a narcotic and shooting up." He got up, walking out to the kitchen to make himself some tea. "None of them help with the anxiety or the panic attacks, but they keep away any thoughts of cravings. Can I make you a cup?"

Derek shook his head, sitting at the kitchen table. "So the anxiety is that bad?"

Spencer mock laughed as he poured the hot water into his cup. "It's not exactly good. Sitting around thinking about what happened and how I got suspended." He sat across from Derek, putting the sugar into his tea. "And I have another two and a half weeks of it."

"You could always fight it?"

Spencer quickly shook his head. "I know better than to go against Strauss. The only thing it would do is hurt me in the end." He sipped his tea and looked down at the cup. "Besides, I'd much rather I take a three week suspension than have the entire team on suspensions. I know you'd do the same for me."

Derek wrung his hands before glancing up at Spencer. "How are you doing?"

"As you'd expect, and worse. I can never stop the anxiety attacks from coming, and they usually come when I'm alone so it takes a while to pull myself out of them." He swallowed. "Sometimes it's easy. Other times, it takes me a while. It usually involves flashbacks to that night, when I was just lying on the pavement, bleeding and unable to move, waiting for either death to come for me, or somebody to come save me." He cleared his throat, shaking his head. "I was in the hospital and I just… I don't know. I had this out of body experience where I saw my injuries, and it's really difficult to explain. But I keep going back to that and I wonder why I was worth targeting."

"You know as well as I do that unsubs don't care or put too much thought behind their attacks. They just knew you'd be there and took the opportunity. I'm sure if you hadn't been there, it'd be somebody else."

"Did they find my credentials?" Spencer asked, hoping to change the subject.

Derek sighed. "No, not yet. They searched all three apartments and haven't found anything that was on you. I know how much it sucks, but you can get new ones."

"I guess." He bit down on his lip. "How do you do it, Derek?"

"Do what, Pretty Boy?"

"You told me a while ago about the nightmares, and how to stop them, and I just-"

"You want to know how I keep them away?" When Spencer's response was a nod, he sighed. "The best way to do it is to talk about them with somebody, anybody really. If you put what happens out in the open and talk through it, it's not as bad."

Spencer closed his eyes, nodding. "Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"I need to talk about it."

Derek checked his watch and saw that his lunch hour was almost up, but decided this was more important. He leaned forward. "I'm all ears."

For the first time, Spencer opened up, telling Derek every single detail of his nightmares. There were nightmares where he relived his mugging, ones where the unsubs came back for him, and some where he imagined the whole thing. Each one filled him with paralyzing fear and woke him up in the middle of the night near tears and on the brink of a panic attack. He felt himself getting upset while telling Derek, and he felt better about himself when Derek reached over and squeezed his hand, encouraging him to keep going. Once he was finished, he sighed, leaning back in the chair. It felt as if a ton of weight was lifted off of his shoulders.

"Better?" Derek asked.

He nodded slightly with a smile. "Much, thank you."

"Anytime. I'll always have time to help you. Especially after you took this punishment from Strauss for the team."

He straightened in his seat, looking over at the clock. "You should get going."

Derek checked it with a raised eyebrow. "Yeah, I guess so." He got up, tucking JJ's key back into his pocket.

As Derek started walking away, Spencer chewed on his lip. "Hey, Derek?"

Derek raised an eyebrow, turning around to face him. "Yes?"

He swallowed, looking up at him. "When I come back, can you teach me to fight?"

"Fight as in-"

"As in if this ever happens again, whether it's on the clock or not, I want to be able to defend myself without having to reach for my gun and get in this much trouble again."

Derek thought about it and smiled. "It'll have to be early Saturday mornings when I have the time-"

"That's fine. I'm usually up."

"And I'm the biggest pain in the ass instructor you'll ever have."

"I'll get over it."

Derek smirked. "Then it sounds like a plan." He turned to the door and looked back at Spencer. "Quick question for you."

"…Okay?"

"JJ says you've been stealing her laptop. What are you doing?"

"Taking Philosophy courses. I'm currently four credits shy and the courses I'm working on now will get me the degree."

"What, the other five degrees aren't enough for you?"

"What can I say? Six sounded better."

With a laugh, Derek shook his head. "Bye, Pretty Boy." He walked out, closing the door and locking it behind him.

When he walked back into the bullpen, he walked over to Emily's desk, handing the key to JJ, who checked her watch.

"Lunch was over nearly an hour ago. What took you so long?"

"I was talking to Reid," he said simply, sitting down at his desk and picking up a case file.

"How is he?" Emily asked.

"…Better." He knew not to mention what happened between them, because Spencer wouldn't want it to leave their conversation. "He was fast asleep when I got to the house. You know he wraps himself up in a blanket cocoon when he sleeps? If it wasn't for the snoring, I wouldn't have known he was in there."

Emily couldn't hold back her laugh. "Trust me, I know. It's odd waking up to a cocoon on your couch where a Spencer Reid once was. And if he senses you watching him, he profusely apologizes, gets up, and folds the blankets up."

"I didn't quite get that, because he was still half asleep, but watching him wiggle out of that thing was definitely entertaining."

"He's better though? Like really better?"

Derek considered it, and remembered the talk he had with him. Without taking another second, he nodded. "I think the visit really helped him, and he's going to be able to handle the anxiety."

JJ held up her fingers, crossing them. "Let's hope so, because he's still got two and a half weeks to go."