Author's Notes: This chapter is my mandatory Christmas chapter lol. Now I know that I already started on a story arc that invovled Tank trying to get smarter, but this is added in the middle and is really non cameo to the other chapters. Well anyway enjoy and Happy Holidays.
We're Gonna Get those Bastards Chapter 4: Christmas Special!
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the city a few creatures were sturring...well about ten thousand and fifty.
Sturdy bars were hung onto red doors with care. In hopes that no special infected, would soon be there.
The special infected were nestled all snug in their beds. Having dreams of the survivors losing their heads.
And this is where our Christmas story becomes one to remember, beginning with the stirring of the team's most obese member.
Boomer sat up from his cot with a yawn, chubby face looking out the church window to search for the dawn.
When the moon greeted him back, he let out a sigh, before a rumbling hit the roof and he looked to the sky.
Something quite heavy had landed on the roof, and curious old Boomer decided to look for some proof.
He walked over to the ladder that led to the tower, knowing the bell inside would go off in a few hours.
Making his way to the top he looked out through the snow, to see a group of figures, one's nose red with glow.
Boomer's face immediatly brightened and he was happy to find, that even though the city was desolate Santa decided to spare them some time.
After a slight struggle the bearded man lifted his sack, needing to lose weight soon or risk having a heart attack.
Boomer had joy in his heart and hope in his eyes, he wanted to immediatly run in and wake the other guys.
However Boomer's face immediatly fell and his stomach felt sick, as Santa's face contorted after being met with a brick.
The jolly man limply fell off the church top, his neck giving a crack and his spine giving a pop.
Boomer immediatly let out a scream as he grasped the railing wood, before spotting a fellow next to the body, wearing a navy blue hood.
Hunter stood there before the body, another brick in his claws before muttering, "You picked the wrong house to rob asshole" and kicked Santa's balls.
Boomer jumped from the tower and into the snow, knowing if Santa was gone that this Christmas would blow.
Hunter sharply turned towards him with anger in his eyes, but upon seeing Boomer his look turned to suprise.
"Oh Boomer its you, hey you won't believe my luck" and Boomer replied simply with "Dude what the FUCK?!"
"That was Santa you hit really way to go, now Christmas is ruined, you've reached a new low."
Boomer waited for an apology as Hunter took a look and see before the man gave a laugh and asked "Get the fuck out, really?"
"Yeah douchebag, you hit him with that brick, caused him to fall, and then stomped on his dick!"
"Well how was I to know that it was Santa on the roof?" "You mean that the reigndeer and red suit didn't give you some proof?"
"Well you know what this means, we have to nurse him till well, and with a little luck stop you from burning in hell."
Hunter pondered this before nudging Santa's head, "Well that won't be much of a problem, the fat bastard's dead."
Boomer gasped and fell to his knees in the snow, tears forming in his eyes as he whispered a somber "no..."
Hunter began to walk off, his feet giving a tread, "Sorry about that buddy, well lets get to bed."
Hunter's eyes widened as a hand grasped his wrist, "This is your fault you bastard, your helping fix this!"
It was five minutes later on top of the church, as Boomer rummaged through the sleigh, conducting a search.
"The hell are you doing Boomer, I'm cold and I'm pissed" and Boomer responded by producing a list.
"It's a list of the children, the good and the bad" "Damn look how long that naughty part is, now thats just sad."
"No thats good, it makes our work less" "The hell do you mean?" "I mean, we're fixing this mess."
A few minutes later Boomer donned the red suit, put on the hat, and slipped on the boots.
When Hunter saw him he gave a slight pause, before bursting out laughing, "Hey look, Boomer-Clause!"
They were soon in the sleigh, to begin on their way, and Hunter cleared his throat and started to say, "On Oprah on Fredo on Chubacca and Charlie Manson, on Sylvester on Pedro on Castro, and Chris Hansen!"
Hunter was confused when the reigndeer never took to the sky, "Thats not their names Hunter, what are you high?!"
After the right names they were up in the air, with the sun on the horizon they had no time to spare.
"Hunter check the list which places didn't he do?" "Well he didn't do the East Coast, the Middle East, or this city too."
Well most of the Middle East is either Jewish or Islam, and this city looks like it was struck by a bomb."
Hunter gave a nod and looked at the names, "Well there are a few in this city, but that'd be insane."
"Why what do you mean, whos on the list?" "Well four of them are Zoey, Louis, Bill, and Francis."
Boomer thought long and hard, he knew what to do, "Their stuck in this hellhole, they deserve a nice Christmas too."
Over in a farmhouse surrounded by grain...you know that one from the Blood Harvest Campaign.
Well inside the survivors were taking a risk, not sleeping in a saferoom to try and enjoy the Christmas.
All huddled around a fireplace trying to keep warm, the survivors tried to forget about the surrounding zombie swarm.
But their simple Christmas wish seemed too much for as they were about to drift away, a loud bang came from the roof, curtosy of Santa's sleigh.
On top of the roof the sleigh landed hard, presents and roof shingles all lay in discard.
3 reigndeer's legs were broken, 4 hurt their heads, and tragiclly Donder and Blitzen were dead.
Boomer sat motionless, eye frozen wide, sprawled out in the back Hunter laughed, "What a ride!"
After crawling from the wreck Boomer grabbed his red sack, "Try to fix the sleigh Hunter, and i'll be right back."
Hunter looked at the chaos as the reigndeer writhed in pain, "Hmph if he thinks i'm cleaning this up then the fat bastards' insane."
Over at the chimey Boomer looked down the small hole, "Santas' fatter then me, where the hell does he go?"
Boomer needed some kind of lube to get down the smoke spout, so he breathed in some air as his large cheeks puffed out.
At the base of the chimey the survivors gripped their guns, "If it's a witch or a tank then we back off and run."
Everyone visibly tensed hoping it was only some rats, but after hearing strange noises Francis whispered, "What is that?"
Green liquid flew from the chimey knocking the survivors in a pile, "Aww what the hell is this stuff?" "Eww it's Boomer bile!"
Though their guns were sticky, they pointed them back at the base, hearing the boomer struggle as he moved down the fireplace.
And as the dirty and sticky boomer made it through the small slit, he put on his best smile, "Ho Ho-HOLY SHIT!"
Back on the roof Hunter bandaged up Vixen, helped the dazed Cupid, and disposed of poor Blitzen.
But upon hearing gunshots he dashed over in time, to see a bloody Boomer exit the chimney covered in slime.
"Holy Shit Boomer, what happend, you alright?!" "Dude fuck this and Christmas, fuck the whole Christmas night!"
"I tried to be good, I tried be merry, I tried to be jolly and happy and fun. And what did I get for all my hard work?! I get blown away by a bunch of fucking guns!"
Boomer grumbled to himself as he hopped on the sleigh, "Hurry the fuck up, I don't have all day!"
They were soon back at the church, Boomer heading to bed with a frown, carelessly stepping over Santa who was sprawled face down.
But he abruptly stopped as Hunter said, "What the hell do I do with the reigndeer now that Santa is dead?"
Boomer gave a sigh as he pulled out a gun, "Put two in each head, then come to bed when your done."
Hunter stared shocked at the gun in his hand, but as Boomer went inside he came up with another plan.
In a distant park with snow as high as a mountain, a small pale girl sat at the base of a fountain.
Witch tapped the frozen water of her favorite reprise, this Christmas was so lonely and she let out a sigh.
However as she was about to fall alseep at the fountain's base, a large form landed near her blowing snow in her face.
Using her claws she brushed away all the snow before a form rose from a sleigh and yelled, "Ho Ho Ho!"
"S-Santa?" asked Witch, the man shrouded in black, "Well little girl I have a gift for you right here in my sack."
The man reached in and pulled out a gift with a very large bow, "The last one in my sack and it's yours, here you go."
With a toss through the air the gift was in Witch's claws, "Um I don't know what to say...I guess thanks Mr. Clause."
It felt lighter then air and she soon found out why, for when she opened it up there was nothing inside.
"Um Santa I'm sorry but there is nothing in here. Maybe I just wasn't supposed to get anything this year."
"Now don't worry my girl just cause you can't see it with your eyes. Why don't you hold up that box, and get your surprise."
Witch did what she was told and held up the box by it's tips, before the bottom opened up to reveal a pair of lips.
Witch gasped as she felt them press against her own, the box blocking her vision as she let out a moan.
However the box was soon removed and Witch swelled up with cheer, "Hunter it's you!" "Merry Christmas my dear."
Church bells echoed in the distance as the two gleefully embraced, expressions of happiness ectched on each face. And as the two hugged softly in the endless field of white they whispered, "Merry Christmas to all" "And to all a good night."
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
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