Author's Notes: Ok, I'm sure by now everybody is getting sick of Charles Esterfield and this slightly darker storyline, so I wanna get this overwith and get back to a more carefree storyline. However I don't wanna rush through it, so please tell me if I did this epic conclusion ok.
As you can tell this is probably the size of about 3 of my regular chapters and contains many action parts with humor acting as back up. however i can assure you that after this chapter things will go back to the simple comedic basics. Thanks.
P.S. their is a suprise at the end so that should give you at least some incentive to read this crap hehe.
We're Gonna Get Those Bastards Chapter 8
A steady drizzle of rain rattled the decrepit city streets continously as the storm entered it's second full night. Lightning and thunder were few and far in between at this point, however the thunder would be hard to detect at this time, due to the rows and rows of zombies who were marching in typical goosestep formation.
Their destination was unknown at this point, however they were ordered by their current leader Charles Esterfield, better known as Tank, to keep on constant patrol, to which they would all simultaniously shout "Hail Esterfield!"
Currently up on one of the highest floors of Mercy Hospital, Tank sat at a long table inside a large meeting room which used to house the hospital's top CEOs.
Charles smirked as he folded his massive hands in front of him, and through the dim lighting of the room, several figures sat in shadows as he addressed them.
"Greetings my fellow bretheren, I have given you back your IQs, and have called you all here as my war cabinet in order to discuss our next step for mobilizing our army of the undead. You are the city's most intelligent and well reviered people...which unfortunately in this city doesn't mean much."
Tank looked to his left to the darkened form sitting next to him, and as he did so a light above the form's head grew brighter to reveal a zombie clad in a military officer's uniform, "I give you U.S. general Raymond Odierno, who will of course be in charge of ralling our loyal troops."
Odierno gave a slight nod, "One question, how many Puerto Rican soldiers are in this army?" Tank raised an eyebrow, "Uh...I don't know, probably a couple thousand, why?" Odierno humphed, "Cause I don't want no lazy soldiers in my platoon."
Tank sighed, "And apparently he is also a raciest...anyway let me introduce you all to our next member. I wanted someone with a high medical background, who could serve as our surgeon general for this operation."
The figure sitting next to Odierno suddenly came into light, revealing a smiling old zombie, "Unfortunately all the good doctors in this hospital skipped town before the infection, so may I introduce to you Dr. Jack Kevorkian who was at our city hall giving a speech when the outbreak occured."
Kevorkian smiled at Tank as he pulled out a syringe, "Are you in pain Esterfield? I could end it for you." Tank's eyes widened, "Um...no I'm fine." Kevorkian then turned to Odierno, "Are you in-" "Touch me, and I shove that syringe up your ass old man!"
Tank sighed as he massaged his forehead with his massive hand, before turning to his right, "Anyway, for my next choice, I wanted someone crafty, who could create and manufacture unique weapons and armor for our army. This choice also has a heart of pure evil."
The light brightened over the next form to reveal a smiling older female zombie, "And I could think of no one more crafty and evil then Martha Stewart." Martha's smile widened as she held up knitted sweaters with little reigndeer on them, "Thank you Charles, and may I say that in additon to crafting armor, I have also knitted these darling little sweaters so that our zombies can enjoy the upcoming holiday season."
Odierno slammed his fist down and stood up from his chair, "If you think for one moment that I'm gonna lead an army of soldiers wearing pansy-ass reigndeer sweaters, then you got another thing coming you piece of shi-" Odierno's rant was cut short as a stilleto knife flew through the air, and pierced his thick neck, compliments of Martha.
As Odierno gagged for air on the ground, Tank chuckled, "Told you she was evil." Then suddenly Tank frowned and looked at the final form sitting directly across from him, "And finally for some reason we have Al Gore" he groaned as the light shone upon a zombified Al Gore who gave a slight smile.
"Why thank you Mr. Esterfield, however I must say that before we conquer the world, I believe we should conquer an even more important problem, global warming." Tank glared at the suited zombie across from him, "Al, for the last time I don't give a shit about global warming."
Gore seemed crestfallen, "I'm just saying, their won't be a world to conquer after it erupts in flames and-" "Just shut up damnit!" Tank sighed as he stood up from his chair and walked over to the room's glass window.
As he looked down at his unstopable army, he wore a look of contempt, 'God, going to war with these idiots is like doing it with my old comrades'. Thinking of them made his frown deepen, "Rest in peace my friends" he muttered.
A few miles away rain fell rhythmically onto a building with a familiar red door with small bars on the window. Behind that red door, 5 forms sat in various forms of repose as they held faces ranging from sadness to bordem.
The hooded one groaned, "Man, never thought we'd actually be on this side of a saferoom" he chuckled bitterly as Witch put a comforting claw on his shoulder.
On the other side of the room, Boomer and Smoker stood before a petrified Bill, "Alright old man! Tell us everything you know about killing special infected, now!" Bill stared at them in a daze, "Zoey told me they could talk...but I didn't believe her" he muttered almost incoherently.
Smoker sighed, weezing up a green puff of smoke as Boomer stared at the old man almost worried, "I think you traumatized him Smoker." Smoker chuckled, "Na I don't think it was me who traumatized the old fool. He probably saw some screwed up shit in Nam and now its all coming back in one of those 'crazy-people' flashbacks."
At this Hunter's eyes widened and he raced over to the others, "Thats it! This guys a war veteran in one of the most brutal wars ever. All we need to do is get him to tell us some super covert commando stuff, and I bet we can stop Tank in no time."
Turning to Bill, he flashed his claws and teeth, "Alright old man, tell us how you guys fought the British." This resulted in a smack on the back of the head from Hunter, "Hunter you idiot, they didn't fight the British in the Vietnam War!"
Hunter raised an eyebrow, "They didn't?" Smoker groaned, "No, they fought the Nazis you moron. Everyone knows that." With this, Witch pushed the two out of the way and kneeled before the shivering senior.
"Listen sir, can you please help us? Their former friend has become a power hungry dictator, and wants to rid the world of humans and other special infected so he can rule over his zombie minions." Bill studdered, "I-I p-p-pissed my pants" and Witch sighed.
Boomer knelt next to her, "And he has your friends." At this Bill stopped his stammering and looked the obese member right in the eyes, "...Ok, lets do it."
Zoey groaned as consiouness hit her, however as she became aware she found that she wasn't lying on the floor, yet suspended horizontally. Looking up she found that her hands were bound by chains and attached to a pipe.
Surveying her surroundings, she realized she was in an operating room, most likely in Mercy Hospital, and located Francis and Luis dangling next to her, still unconsious.
"Francis, Luis" she whispered in fear that someone would hear her, and either she had very bad luck or a loud voice because at that moment the door opened and Tank walked in.
Zoey's breath caught in her throat as the abomination walked up to her, it's face completly emotionless, "Greetings my pet" he purred darkly. Zoey mustered up her courage to ask, "Wh-what are you gonna do to me?"
His hand reached over to a table full of surgical insturments and picked up a syringe. Holding it up to the girl's neck, Zoey started to panic, "I need human subjects in order to research ways of eliminating the human population, and unfortunately for you three your the only ones."
Thats when Zoey realized something, "Wh-wheres Bill?" "The war veteran? Dead most likely" he said casually. Zoey's eyes widened as Tank pushed the cold steel against her throat, "I'm going to enjoy cutting you open for the trouble you caused me earlier."
However he abruptly pulled away and headed for the door, "But now is not the time. So rest up my pet, your going to need the stamina" he chuckled and walked through the door.
Tank soon arrived at the front entrance of the hospital and as he exited he came upon his general, Raymond Odireno and his weaponsmith Martha Stewart bickering in front of an awaiting army of zombies.
"Aww come on you old bitch, I already overlooked the fact that our army are wearing stupid reigndeer sweaters, but the Santa hats and red mittens are too much! Its not even that cold yet." Martha responded with a smile, "But they accent the sweaters so well, and just scream festive."
Tank groaned and walked past the two and stood before his army, who in response straightened their postures and saluted. Tank cleared his throat, "Men...creatures...whatever, tonight is the night that we march past our city's boundaries and advance into a new world, a better world. The path before us will be filled with many obsticales and many of you will not make it. But for those who do, a new utopia is on the horizon!"
The zombies began to cheer as Tank held up a fist, "So once and for all lets-" Suddenly a form came up behind him and whispered in his ear, "stop global warming" "-yes, stop global warming!" The zombies all stared confused at their leader and Tank immediatly turned around and punched Al Gore in the face, "Fuck off!"
Soon the army was marching as a unified force down one of the main roads of the city, its destination was what laid beyond the city, and eventually the world.
In the front was Martha and Raymond, who grumbled to himself about his army's current attire. Tank watched as his army began to fade off into the distance, save for a couple dozen who were ordered to guard the hospital.
Dr. Kevorkian was currently prepping an operating room for the human subjects, and Al Gore was tagging along beside Tank as he retreated back into his fortress, as the invasion began.
Fifthteen minutes later as the army continued its march, Oderino tried to hold up a map towards a street-lamp, and growled, "I can't make out this map at all. All of the surrounding cities are covered with hearts...Martha!"
Martha smiled next to him, "I believe it adds ombiance to our destination." Oderino growled to himself, "Well unless New Jersey is covered in hearts, this map isn't worth shit" he said as he threw the map away.
At that moment, explosions rocked the sides of the street, causing debry to cascade onto the front of the group, effectivly cutting off Oderino, and Martha from their army, save for a dozen zombies at the very front.
"What the fuck happened?" the general screamed to the dozen zombies not cut off, who in return shrugged their decaying shoulders.
On top of a catwalk, a tall weezing abomination and a frail female with red eyes stared in awe at the explosions, "Damn...the war vet sure knows his C4" Smoker muttered and Witch absentmindly nodded before they decided to abandon their hiding place and landed before the confused general.
"Alright, who the hell are you two assholes?" he growled and Smoker grinned, "I'm the amazing Smoker, and this bitch right here is the amazing crybaby."
Witch turned to him, "What?" Smoker chuckled, "Well, only you and a newborn cry so much." Witch put her hands on her hips, "Yeah? Well only you and a man with severe throat cancer weeze so much."
As the two glared daggers at each other, Oderino chuckled, "You think you two got it bad? Martha here decided to dress our army up in Christmas clothes." Martha smirked evily, "And I believe its time to put them to the test."
Martha abruptly turned to the dozen zombies, "Alpha squad, attack directory sigma gamma sigma!" Suddenly the zombies held up their mittens and the front parts retracted to reveal miniture missle launchers.
As the missle launchers began to power up, Smoker, Witch, and even Oderino had the same thought, "Holy Shit."
Over at the front entrance of Mercy Hospital, two guards stood in attention at the glass doors. The one on the left ajusted his Santa hat, "Dude, do you think these make us look gay?"
The one on the right chuckled, "Totally, but they are comfy though." The one on the right nodded before his head exploded, compliments of a sniper's bullet.
The remaining zombie screamed like a girl before his head followed suit, exploding into a fine pink mist.
Across the street, Hunter and Boomer stared in awe at the smoking rifle in Bill's hands, as the veteran smirked, "Tangos down."
A quick dash across the street later and the trio burst through the doors, suprising several zombie guards patrolling the lobby.
Bill began to fire his uzi into the creature's chests however he was alarmed by their effect, "What the fuck? Those sweaters and hats are bulletproof! Who made these friggin things!"
Martha laughed as Smoker and Witch sloppily dodged the little porjectiles that made quite an explosion when they struct something. Oderino chuckled, "Gotta hand it to ya Martha, these things are amazing...a little gay, but still pretty amazing."
One of the explosions struck close to the duo and Smoker and Witch found themselves thrown against a building wall, "Damnit, this is getting us nowhere. We can't get close enough to do any damage" and Smoker's eyes instantly lit up, "Thats it!"
Witch gasped as she felt a slimey tounge wrap around her bare waist, "Eww! Get it off you freak!" she screamed as she was suddenly lifted into the air and towards the zombies.
"Wiich, slass thee witc chur caws!" Smoker yelled, ordering Witch to slash the zombies with her claws. And Witch did just that as she held her claws out, slicing through the kevlar sweaters like butter, wincing after every hit because her claws were still injured from before.
Oderino and Martha watched in shock as their only back up was cut into shreads before Smoker abruptly released his tounge with it's contents in mid air, allowing Witch to fall 7 feet onto her ass.
"Ow, watch it you jerk!" she yelled at Smoker before barely dodging two throwing knives thrown by Odierno and Martha. Smoker and Witch hugged each other's backs as Martha stood in front of Witch and Odierno stood in front of Smoker, before the two zombies charged them.
Odierno and Martha both gave screams, holding sharp knives in front of them as Smoker and Witch remained in place, "Ready Smoker...1...2...3!" Witch screamed and the second the two closed in, Smoker and Witch used their superior agility to dodge out of the way in time for Odierno and Martha to impale themselves on each other's blades.
Raymond looked down at the knife as blood gushed all over his uniform, "Aww...you...you stupid bitch" he muttered. Martha gave a weak grin, "L-look at it this way...it adds more flavor to your work attire" she gave one last chuckle before the two collapsed on each other.
Inside the hospital Hunter, Bill, and Boomer were having a hard time pushing back the armor-clad zombies who continously tried to attack them.
"Damn it, we need to distract them somehow! Let see, their still zombies so I just gotta figure out what zombies like" Hunter pondered as the three hid behind a pillar, Bill still trying to shoot through their armor.
Thats when Hunter had a great idea much like Smokers, and looked over to Boomer, "Hey Boomer, whats that on Bill's collar?" he asked innocently, resulting in Boomer turning towards the pre-occupied war veteran.
Then swiftly, the hooded beast delievered a punch to his friend's stomach, resulting in a spew of Boomer bile all over the bewildred old man, "Aww what the hell?" he screamed before Hunter grabbed him and threw him towards the zombies.
The zombies immediatly haulted, "Aww man whats that smell? It smells...heavenly" one said in a dream-like trance as the group of zombies looked down at Bill, "Hey there sexy" another cooed and Bill took off down the hall, screaming all the way.
Boomer and Hunter stared at the retreating forms in confused silence, "...Hes gonna get raped, isn't he?" Boomer muttered and Hunter shrugged his shoulders before the two entered the elevator, destination the top floor.
After arriving at the top floor, Boomer and Hunter dashed down the many rows of doors, temorarily stopping in front of a slightly opened operating room.
Peaking in, the pair's eyes widened at the sight of Dr. Jack Kevorkian prepping various needles and scapels as Zoey, Francis, and Luis looked at the two with pleading eyes.
"Help" meeped Zoey and Dr. Kevorkian stared in silence at the two, "Uh...carry on?" Hunter muttered and the doctor smiled before going back to preparing his experiments.
Boomer and Hunter continued their sprint towards the very end of the hall and with one hard slash the door to the hospital meeting room was torn into pieces, revealing the back of Tank, as he calmly stared out the window.
An awkward silence hung in the air, the only movement was the rain as it trickled down the glass windows, before Tank humphed, "So...your alive Hunter. I can only guess that the others have not perished as well?" Tank asked coolly.
Hunter clenched his fists, "Thats right you son of a bitch! And this time we're gonna stop you!" he screamed resulting in Tank bursting out laughing, "You always were a foolish one Hunter, but the results will be the same. And Boomer I will not spare you again."
The awkward silence returned with full force as the trio commenced in a standoff, which ended when Tank picked up one of the room's tables, "Well then, have at you!" he screamed as he threw it at his former friends.
Ten minutes later Smoker and Witch arrived at the entrance to the hospital, "Ok, we stalled the army, lets just hope with Bill's help they were able to stop Tank fro-" Witch stopped short as Bill ran by screaming, several horny-looking zombies giving chase behind him, "Where ya going beautiful!" one screamed as they faded down one of the hospital's corridors.
"Ah, shit their in trouble" Smoker groaned as the two ran into the elevator and took it to the top floor. After a brief run in with Dr. Kevorkian and his patients, which again resulted in a simple "Carry on", Smoker and Witch ran into the hospital meeting room which at this point was in shambles.
Witch gasped at the sight of her boyfriend and Boomer out cold on the floor, Tank standing strong in the middle, "Welcome, your just in time for the party" he laughed and charged the two.
As Smoker and Witch fought the losing battle with Esterfield, Boomer's good eye fluttered open with a signature gurgle, before he spotted a metal rod from a broken piece of furniture a few feet away.
With great pain, the obese member crawled towards the makeshift weapon, and as he grasped hold of it, Smoker landed on the ground unconcious, Witch following suit as Tank laughed maniaclly.
"You fools! I have defeated you yet again, when will you learn? My ambitions are what give me power, because unlike you I have a goal, I have a purpose! What do you worthless beings desire huh? What are your petty wants?"
Tank stopped his rant abruptly as he heard a voice behind him, "I just want my friend back" Boomer muttered, and as Charles T. Esterfield turned around he recieved a devestating shot from the metal rod directly into his jaw.
Tank's eyes widened as he felt his treasured appendage dislocate and fly across the room, his tounge once again dangling freely from his face.
As Tank stood motionless, Boomer closed his eyes and waited for a retaliation, but what he didn't expect was two massive arms pulling him into a giant hug.
"Tank, your back!" Boomer yelled happily as Tank laughed absent-mindedly, before Boomer quickly dashed over to each of his friends and shook them out of their stupors
"Ow, aww God I think I got hit by a truck" Hunter muttered before looking at Tank, "Oh shit!" he screamed before Boomer quickly explained the situation to everyone.
"Its good to have you back big guy" Hunter laughed as he patted his friend's shoulder, Witch accompaning him. However Tank winced as he felt a rolled up newspaper smack him on the back of the head.
"Bad, thats a bad Tank! You don't try to massacere us and attempt to take over the world with an army of the undead! Jeez this is worse then the time you peed on the carpet!" Smoker yelled as Tank began to cry.
Smoker stared at the crying idiot for a few seconds before sighing and patting him on his back, "Its good to have you back to your normal self. Oh shit, speaking of which we gotta find a way to turn the zombies back to normal!" Smoker exclaimed.
"To the CEDA lab" Hunter yelled dramatically, pointing a finger towards the exit, however as the group began to march out they heard a gun cock back.
Everyone's eyes widened as the zombie Al Gore walked into the room, a shotgun in his hands, "Well well, where do you guys think your going."
Smoker raised an eyebrow, "Is that Al Gore?" he muttered disbelivingly and the zombie aimed the 12 guage at the weezing member's head, "Your damn right its me! And now that I'm in charge people are gonna listen to me damnit! Global warming will be stopped-oh shit" he muttered as Tank stomped towards him.
It took only a few seconds later for Al Gore to find himself smashing threw a glass window and cascading to the pavement below as the group left the meeting room and headed towards CEDA's office
Meanwhile inside a certain operating room, Dr. Jack Kevorkian picked up a syringe and grinned at his 'patients', "Well now, who here is in mortal pain?" he chuckled before he was interrupted once again, however this time it was by Bill.
"Let them go asshole" the veteran growled as he reloaded his uzi as Kevorkian sniffed the air, "What is that smell, it smells so...sexy" he muttered before Bill pumped his ass full of lead.
Twenty minutes later, the four survivors made their way out of the hospital and towards the nearest saferoom, while the five special infected arrived at the rooftop, a large canister in Tank's hands.
"You sure this is the stuff Smoker?" Hunter asked as he read over the label of the chemical concoction produced by CEDA. After a hack and a weeze the tall member responded, "Yep, it says on the label that it was designed as a fail-safe in case their other chemical backfired on them."
With a pull of the pin, the chemicals were released in a brilliant display of glitter-like substance, and as the undead horde's eyes dissapated their unearthly glow, the special infected breathed sighs of relief.
"Well this was a fun way to spend the night" Smoker muttered sarcastically as he headed for the roof's exit. Boomer, Tank, and Hunter soon began to follow as Witch watched her new friends leave to go back to their home.
However Hunter paused and turned towards her, "You coming Witch?" Witch's eyes widened, "T-to your home? Are you sure?" Hunter nodded and she surveyed his group for their approval.
Tank and Boomer smiled happily at her, and Smoker silently glared although didn't say a thing as Witch tagged along, eager to see her new residence.
Author's Notes: Holy crap that sucked. It was too long, the whole ending was abrupt, and I feel like it was overall corny so if you were gonna leave a review to tell me any of these things then I beat you to it hehe.
Anyway thank you so much for sticking with this chapter to the end, and I really implore you to leave even just a brief review to tell me that I didn't completly butcher my whole story with this 'epic' chapter.
And as an added treat, as well as a way to create suspense, I now present to you the prolouge of my next chapter.
Desperate footsteps echoed down a withered street as a cloaked figure sped through small puddles of rain water, curtosy of the current downpour that was now drenching every city road in it's wake.
Paniced and tired breaths were deafened only by the loud and constant cries coming from the cloaked figure's arms as a small bundle wailed on, wrapped in a blanket while the figure continued onward into the cruel night.
The echos of the single pair of footsteps soon became countless as hoarse and hungry moans made their way down the street, close behind the cloaked figure who was trying to make a break for a nearby safehouse.
A small pothole haulted the figure momentarily resulting in a small feminine shriek from behind the cloak, the bundle falling from her hands which led to louder wails as a baby cried from it's place in the middle of the wet street.
A young lady with ivory skin and long brown hair grasped the blanket in her arms lovingly, "Shh baby, its going to be alright" she muttered as the woman stood up from the ground and continued on, the screams of the zombie horde closer with every second.
Reaching a four way intersection, the woman gasped as she looked down all four ways to see nothing but undead creatures slowly advancing on her and her child, they were completly surrounded.
Glancing around quickly she spotted the nearby safehouse door, the red barred door was familiar with survivors and she wasted no time sprinting full force as the horde closed in.
Wind and rain pelted against the woman's face while she concentrated on the red door, her baby clutched tightly to her chest.
However as the poor lady was within five feet of salvation she felt decrepit hands hit her back, sending her to the ground.
The woman shrieked as the undead began to claw at her back, lightning and thunder making themselves known as they drowned out the sounds of the woman's cries of agony mixed with her child.
However with the last of the woman's strength she pushed away some of the infected giving her enough time to crawl over to the slightly opened safehouse door and closed it behind her.
The scene sets outside a red door with bars, the rain water softly trickling down it's metal surface. Through the bars one could hear the cries and sobs of a young child, followed closely by weak reassurances that everything was going to be alright.
As the scene slowly goes inside it is evident that the room was well used due to numerous dicarded sleeping bags, food cans, and various writings all over the walls.
However the scariest attribute to the room was the trail of blood that led to a wall where a bloody form clutched a child to her chest, her hair covering her face as she weakly stroked the child's head, "Shh...its...ok now...we're...safe."
Cautious footsteps caught the woman's attention and she was able to make out the sillouete of a large man through the faint moonlight that was able to permeate the rainclouds and shine through the bars.
The woman studied the dark outline for a few seconds before determining it was not from the horde outside, "P...please..." she muttered as blood trickled from her mouth, "Take...my baby...m...make sure shes...safe..." the woman ended her sentence as her head slumped to the side, eyes closing as her breath ceased.
The large figure stared at the deceased woman for a few seconds longer before looking at the crying child the woman spoke of. Silently the form reached down and grasped the little girl with it's chubby arms before holding her up.
Boomer looked the baby girl over for a few seconds, "Shit" he muttered before looking around to make sure there were no survivors or horde nearby.
Quickly he wrapped the baby up in it's blanket and pushed open the unlocked safehouse door.
Bracing himself for the rain he set out, jogging for the nearby church in the distance, lighting flashing and thunder crackling the whole way.