Author's Notes: Heeello everyone, sorry for the long absence over the past 6 months but I'm happy to say that at least for the time being their will be a steady influx of chapters over the next couple months. So please read, enjoy, and hopefully leave a review if you would be so gracious, and I have a special annoucement about my next chapter at the end. Enjoy.
We're Gonna Get Those Bastards Chapter 11
Inside a large shopping mall inside of Savannah, Georgia all hell was breaking loose as Nick, Ellis, Coach, and Rochelle frantically attempted to refuel a large blue stockcar on the showroom floor.
Coach and Rochelle held their ground as they pelted incoming infected with their various weapons while Ellis poured in the final gas tank, "Got it!" Ellis cried out to Nick who nodded and quickly threw open the driver door, only to be speared to the ground by a zombie sporting a blue and white jumpsuit, "Ah shit!" Nick yelled as the zombie attempted to tear out his juggular.
"Oh my stars...thats Jimmy Gibbs Jr.! He's a stock-car legend!" Ellis shouted enthusiastically as Nick attempted to push the large man off of him, "Ellis what the hell are you doing?"
"Just a sec" Ellis muttered as he fumbled through his pants pocket and pulled out a cellphone, flipping on the camera function he aimed it towards the bewildered Nick, "Smile you two."
Nick growled, "Ellis I am going to fucking kill yo-" he began but was cut off by a bright flash. Seconds later Ellis pouted as he viewed the photo, "Ah shoot Jimmy had his eyes closed, mind if I take another?" he questioned before Jimmy's head exploded, raining blood and brain matter over Nick's bewildered face.
The two men looked over to see Rochelle frowning, smoking barrel of a shotgun in his hands, "No, we're leaving" she sternly declared and quickly hopped in the back seat of the car along with Coach.
"Aww hell yeah!" Ellis shouted as he hopped through the window and into the driver's seat of his idol's automobile. Nick stumbled over to the passenger's side of the car and fumbled for the handle with Jimmy's blood still clouding his vision.
Unfortunately Ellis in his fanboy state failed to realize Nick's absence inside the car and gunned it, blasting off of the pedestal the car had been placed on, dragging poor Nick alongside who clutched the door handle for dear life.
"Ellis you stupid bastard!" he cried out as Ellis floored it and crashed the car through the mall's glass windows, speeding away towards the outskirts of Savannah.
Four pairs of dirt-cladded feet shuffled mindlessly through a back alley in the most run down section of Savannah, Georgia, as each owner of said feet moaned weakly in pitiful agony.
Ironically these four lost souls weren't part of the surrounding zombie horde that shambled just as slowly around them, but were in fact Bill, Zoey, Francis, and Luis, part of the very few northern survivors that were still looking for safety.
"Fooood" Bill groaned as he dragged his assault rifle carelessly through the dirt, not even realizing that his cigarette had ceased to be lit since they left the safety of the safehouse over a half hour ago.
Sleeeep" Francis moaned groggily behind him, carrying an unloaded shotgun on his hip which in his lackluster state forgot to stock full of shells during their ammo run.
"Entertaaaaainment" Zoey whined like a spoiled child, still pouting because of the fact that she had forgotten her Nintendo DS and copy of Pokemon two safehouses back.
"Piiiills" Luis cried pathetically as the other members of his group attempted to ignore his pains of withdraw due to his abusing of the group's pain medication.
Everytime a loner zombie caught wind of their presence they would sprint wildly towards the group, only to be cut down by a half-hearted pistol shot by Bill who didn't even bother making eye contact as he boredly blew them away.
Their tattered states may have been the reason why they failed to hear the distinct sounds of special infected that hid in the shadows of a nearby alleyway, awaiting their chance to prove their prankster skills to their southern counterparts.
"Hunter this is stupid" the female voice of the group muttered in the darkness, her glowing red eyes showing disdain even in the limited light.
"I agree with Ms. Witch, this doesn't really seem like the most...thought out plan that we could come up with." Boomer groaned, his voice strained as if he was carrying something heavy.
"Plus isn't Smoker usually the tactician of the group?" Witch asked awkwardly, not really used to complimenting the weezing member due to their hostile relationship.
Smoker coughed up some smoke and sighed, "I hate to say it, but I've known Squiggy here since our community college days and he definately has me beat when it comes to practical jokes, even if this one seems a little bit...complicated."
"Thank you Smoker" Hunter's voice echoed proudly through the darkness, not even noticing that Smoker had used his embarassing human name.
Back out in the alleyway the four survivors had just turned a corner and their eyes all simultaniously brightened at the sight of various objects sprawled out on a giant red X on the ground.
"Food!" Bill cried as he rushed over to a plate filled with steaming hot cookies, and began to shove four at a time into his mouth as Francis dove into a sleeping bag next to him, "Sleep!" he cried out and instantly slipped into a self-induced coma.
"Entertainment!" Zoey squealed as she swipped a PSP off the X and began to immediately play what sounded like a very violent game, and finally "Pills!" Luis chuckled frantically as he popped the top off a bottle of extra strength painkillers and began to down the whole bottle.
"Now!" screamed Hunter as he commenced his master prank.
5 Minutes Later
Bill, Francis, Zoey, and Luis laughed uncontrolably as they sprinted almost care-free towards a nearby safehouse door, not even shocked or horrified that the northern infected had followed them here, and even as the red door slammed, the humiliated special infected nearby could still hear their muffeled mocking laughter.
Back at ground zero Hunter groaned as he slowly dragged his body over towards Boomer who was currently propped up against the alley's dirty wall, every several seconds his pudgy body would involuntary twitch due to some leftover electricity coursing through his nerves, a painful reminder of their botched prank moments before.
"Well that could have gone better" Hunter muttered to his friend who gave a weak sarcastic chuckle, before their eyes widened as Smoker darted by screaming, his whole body engulfed in flames as he danced aimlessly around the alley, Hunter sighed "Guess I better go put him out...you see my legs?"
Boomer looked down at his friend and noticed for the first time that the hooded monster was missing both of his appendages, replaced by bloody stumps. Looking over to a nearby revving chainsaw he spotted both of the bloody legs and pointed. "Thanks" Hunter muttered almost casually as he began to crawl towards them.
Smoker shrieked as the fire continued to cinge his face, "Oh dear God the agony!" he cried before a bucket of water was thrown onto him, curtosey of Jockey who sat disappointed on Charger's massive shoulder, "The hell kinda prank was that boys?" he sighed as he surveyed the damage done by the Yankees.
Two bloody legs sat discarded next to a chainsaw as their owner feebly crawled towards them, their obese member jolted violently due to the aftermath of a taser shot, the group's female member crossed her arms and pouted as she dangled upside down from a rope, and poor Tank lay face down with the remnents of cinderblock powder on the back of his bruised head.
"I don't think ya'll grasp the idea of a practical joke" Jockey muttered to Hunter as the hooded monster continued to leave a bloody trail while crawling across the alley, "Their not usually supposed to involve chainsaws, tripwires, fire bombs, cinderblocks, or tasers."
"For Hunter they do-" Smoker groaned as he surveyed the damage done to his body with burnt shaking hands, "-but somehow the dumbass always has it backfire on him." Hunter humphed in offense, "Well maybe if you just wore that uniform like we had planned-" "Why the hell would somebody be delivering a pizza in the middle of a zombie apocalypse?" Smoker shot back.
As the two began to argue back and forth Smoker suddenly screamed bloody murder as two dirty arms pulled him into a crushing hug from behind, his 3rd degree burns aching as Spitter rested her decrepit head on his shoulder, "I'm just so glad ya ain't badly hurt darlin!" she cooed into his deformed ear.
"Uh-oh" Hunter murmered and looked over towards his obese friend whose face currently held a jealous sneer. Hunter tensed up as Boomer opened his mouth to pick a fight, and was grateful for Witch who cut him off, "Hey! Will somebody please cut me down?"
Several minutes later within the safehouse that housed the northern survivors, all four members of the group attempted and failed at stiffiling their laughter after the humorous display of the special infected, "I can't...I can't believe that just happend!" Francis chuckled, clutching his sides. Zoey laughed next to him, "Expecially the part where the smoker lit the wrong side of the fire bomb and screams 'oh shit' as it explodes in his face, haha!"
Bill laughed so hard he began to choke, "What about the part where the witch got caught up in her own tripwire, and it scares the shit out of that hunter so bad he shoots the boomer in the nuts with the stun gun!" the old war vet shouted before erupting in a coughing fit of laughter.
Francis patted his back and cried out, "And then the boomer spazzes out and flings the chainsaw across the alley and severs off his own friend's legs haha! And lets not forget about the tank throwing those cinderblocks up in the air and conking himself in the head, priceless!"
Luis who had been silent since then began to chuckle much like Jockey would while riding a victim, "Yeah and then that cowboy version of Hitler ass-raped that penguin on the rainbow leading to Mars!" he cackled in a daze, eyes bloodshot as Francis picked up a perscription bottle near his feet, "Dude how many of these things did you take?" he asked seriously as the mood was officially ruined.
Not taking any chances of the special infected composing themselves the four quickly stocked up on medical supplies and ammunition before throwing off the iron bar of the safehouse door and taking off into the town.
However as the four attempted to cross the cluttered remains of the highway they froze to the sounds of a V8 engine and immediatley turned left in time to see bright headlights quickly approaching. Like deers literally caught in the headlights they froze as screams erupted from their throats.
Inside the car Ellis, Coach, and Rochelle screamed as well and Ellis quickly jammed on the breaks, dislodging Nick from the side of the car who skidded across the highway and clipped Bill. The veteran flew off of his feet and onto the pavement with a yell while Nick slowed to a stop on the asphalt nearby, groaning weakly.
The northern survivors panted heavily as the adrenaline began to die down, and the headlights turned off revealing a young man behind the driver's seat who casually stuck a hand out the window in a friendly wave, "Howdy."
Author's Notes: Holy crap I honestly wanted to wrap up the Southern saga by the end of this chapter, but as I wrote on and expanded on the plot not only will their be another Southern chapter after this, but then one after that as well!
But no thats not the annoucement, the announcement is that I will be adding a special chapter in between within the next couple weeks or so, and can be considered a sequel to chapter 4 so I hope at least a few of you can look forward to that. See you soon, Agent47rulz out.