Disclaimer: I do not own Mean Girls or the Disney princesses. I'm only mish-mashing two things.
Hope you enjoy the latest installation.
Chapter 9
Old Orchard Mall. Saturday Night.
*John and Ariel walk up to the mall.*
John: Did you even have a mall in Africa?
Ariel: Sometimes a guy in a truck would come by selling guns and computer parts. Does that count?
*John laughs. The mall in all its American Splendor.*
Ariel: Wow.
John: I know. It's no Northbrook Court but it'll do.
*Ariel and John approach the mall's central fountain where tons of kids are hanging out. Groups of girls are flirting with groups of boys. Other boys are goofing around, threatening to throw each other in the fountain. Girls drinking giant Frappuccino's. Reapplying make-up.*
Ariel: *V.O.* Something about that mall made me feel like I was back in Africa, by the watering hole...
*Jungle sounds. All of a sudden, the boys start strutting around like peacocks. A couple girls drink out of the fountain like cats.*
Ariel: *V.O.* ...in the spring, when all the animals were in heat.
* A lanky, giraffe-like boy starts to "mate" with a tall lanky girl humping her from behind and she looks detached, chewing potato chips. Even her chewing looks like a giraffe. Ariel rubs her eyes, everything goes back to normal.*
Bath and Body Works- A few minutes later.
*Jasmine is behind the counter, working. Her hair and make-up choices do not look appropriate with her hunter green B&BW apron.*
Ariel: And they have this book, this "Burn book" where they write mean things about the girls in our grade.
Jasmine: What does it say about me?
Ariel: (lying) You're not in it.
Jasmine: Those bitches.
*John brings over some skincare product.*
John: Will this make my skin better?
Jasmine: No. Ariel, you've got to steal that book.
Ariel: No way!
Jasmine: We could publish it and then everyone would see what an ax-wound she really is.
Ariel: I don't steal.
*John approaches with a bottle of Rosemary-Mint foot spray.*
John: Rosemary- Mint Foot spray?
Jasmine: It makes your feet smell like a salad. There's two kinds of people Ariel. People who do evil stuff, and people who see evil stuff being done and don't do anything to stop it. If you can get that close to Megara, you have a responsibility to mess with her.
Ariel: Unh- unh. I'll observe, that's it.
Jasmine: Fine. Call me when you grow some balls.
Ariel: Fine, I will.
*John comes back again.*
John: Does this cellulite crème work?
Jasmine: No.
John: I'll take it anyway.
Ariel: Hey isn't that Belle?
*Belle is browsing on the other side of the store. She is wearing jeans and a t-shirt. She is with a handsome man.*
John: And she appears to have a lover.
Jasmine: God, I love seeing teachers outside of school. It's like seeing dogs walk on their hind legs.
*Belle sees them and comes over.*
Belle: Hi, do you have any massage oil that's edible?
Jasmine: Um, I could check...
Belle: Jasmine, I'm messing with you.
*They all laugh.*
Belle: This is my friend Beast.
*They say hi to her date.*
Belle: Ariel, I hope you join the mathletes. We start in October and I would love to have a girl in there. Just, you know, even so it would smell better.
Ariel: I think I'm going to do it.
Belle: Good. Okay, well. This has been sufficiently awkward. I'll see you guys Monday.
*Belle and her date exit.*
John: You can't join the Mathletes. It's social suicide.