Author's Notes: Welp its that special time of year again, and even though I rarely update I can just never find it in me not to post a yearly Christmas chapter. Jeez at this rate i'm gonna have more Christmas chapters then regular ones!
As you'll soon figure out, I reused some rhymes from my first Christmas chapter, but this was on purpose in order to bring a little bit of nostalgia into it. But I didn't reuse the "Ho-Ho-Holy Shit" line that everybody seemed to enjoy so much haha. Either way read, enjoy, and happy holidays to you all!
We're Gonna Get Those Bastards Chapter 13
Every special infected in the city liked Christmas a lot. But a smoker who lived just north of the city did not.
Witch knew Smoker hated Christmas, the whole Christmas season. Now don't ask me why, last year's chapter told you the reason.
It could be because he missed a certain toddler which made him refuse to deck the halls, or it could be perhaps because he lacked a scrotum and balls.
But I think that the most likely reason of all, was that he was just a flat out dick, with only bitterness to recall.
Witch pondered her 'friend' as she stood out in the snow and just like every Christmas eve they had nowhere to go.
Blubbering laughter stopped her remorse and she turned her head annoyed to locate the source.
Tank danced in the snow near her, his arms spread out wide and she was starting to wish the behemoth would just go inside.
Yet as she drew in some breath, to give him a shout, a ghost of a young woman appeared, sporting a serious pout.
"Sylvia Anderson" she cried with Witch aghast, "I am the one and only Ghost of Christmas Past!"
Tank screamed like a girl as he stampeded away, while Witch stared shocked, not one thing to say.
She stood hands firmly on her hips, and her face in a sneer, "With my help your friend Smoker will be jolly this year."
What a wonderul Christmas miracle for Smoker this year! This girl would take out all of his glum and replace it with cheer!
And so it would've been to save Smoker from dread, had a familiar red brick not clonked her sweet head.
The woman fell face first into the snow, Hunter casually walking up and giving his girlfriend a "Yo".
Witch came out of her stupor and shot Hunter a glare, "What the hell is your problem?" she roared like a bear.
"Babe I thought you were getting robbed-" Hunter muttered quite bored, "-And asking questions first was something I couldn't afford."
"But she was going to help Smoker change how he lived day by day!" "Yeah we tried that last year remember and it was totally gay!"
"However-" Hunter began with a smirk on his face, "-Maybe we can use her time powers to go check out someplace."
"Well how do you suppose we do that since your so friggin smart?" "Easy, they say a person's power comes deep from their heart!"
Witch was touched by her boyfriend's poeticness, before the hooded beast shoved a clawed hand through her chest.
With a tear and a yank he ripped out the ghost's heart, "Now all we gotta do is find a switch that says start."
"Sweety-" she sighed "-you are a total dipshit" before a flicking sound was heard followed by a cheerful "found it!"
The area around the two began to glow and vibrate, including the area around Tank who hid nearby in a crate.
Then in one quick moment the three disappeared, traveling to some unknown place and time to spread holiday cheer!
The poorer section of London in the year 1843 resembled the town in A Christmas Carol 'quite literally'.
And deep within the confines of a snow-covered alleyway, two pauper children were about to witness a wonderful display!
For as they placed a simple top-hat on a man made of snow, he began to happily dance giving the children a show.
"Hello dear children! My name is Frosty! And I wanna know if you want to play a game with me!"
The children nodded, eagerly excited to play, "What do you call this game?" one of them decided to say.
After hearing the question Frosty's cheerfulness fell, and with a dark grin he replied, "Touch and no tell."
As he approached the scared children and stretched out a hand, Tank fell from the sky and crushed the snowman.
The children's horror diminished and they each let out a sigh, before they too were crushed by monsters that fell from the sky.
Hunter groaned, feeling like he got hit by a truck, before he noticed what he landed on and cried out, "Oh fuck!"
Tank and Witch awoke beside him, their eyes frozen wide, and Hunter chuckled painfully, "Man what a ride."
Witch stood up off the child and looked frantically around, before smacking Hunter upside the head, "Where the hell are we you clown?"
Suddenly a sickly blue ghost appeared before them clad in chains very ornate, before giving each of them a scowl and shouting loudly, "Your late!"
"Its already Christmas morning you fools!" he yelled in their face, "Scrooge has been waiting all night for you, your all a disgrace!"
Before they could protest the ghost waved a hand, and they were instantly transported to the bedchamber of a scared old man.
They all stepped closer to the shivering man who was very old, "Are you the spirits that Jacob Marley fortold?"
The special infected exchanged glances, confused by what he asked, "Yes your the ghosts of Christmas future, present, and past!"
"A pale maiden, a giant, and a creature cloaked in a hood, you are the ones Marley said would soon turn me good."
"Actually sir I think your mistaken-" Witch started to admit, before her boyfriend covered her mouth and whispered softly "Zip it."
Quickly composing himself Hunter gave him a grin, "Why yes dear sir we're here to absolve you of sin!"
He seemed quite happy as he jumped up from his bed, "Honestly I don't want to end up like Marley when i'm dead."
As cheerful as a school boy he darted for a door, "I need a minute to grab my coat and my shoes and not a second more!"
While he retreated into his closet Witch looked at Hunter confused, "What the hell are you doing, you know we can't help out Scrooge."
Witch felt quite uneasy as she recieved a smile from her man, "Why don't worry my dear, I have my own plan."
Several minutes later the door flew open as the wall collided roughly with the knob, and as Scrooge returned his smile dropped as he realized, "SON OF A BITCH I'VE BEEN ROBBED!"
They had taken everything including his jewelry cane, and even took his signature top hat, and on the floor in Hunter's handwriting there a crudley written letter sat.
As he held it and glanced it over he found it hard to breathe, 'Lesson #1: Better To Give Then Recieve!'
Scrooge's hands shook with rage as he read the letter twice, "So this is what I get for wanting to turn nice?"
Outside carriage-drawn horses marched down cobblestone streets, and every citizen passing by shared holiday greets.
That is until Ebenezer Scrooge stomped onto the scene in a rage, growling in animalistic anger like a beast in a cage.
Meanwhile on one such corner walked a man and his boy, who clutched a clutch this Christmas yet was still full of joy.
Bob Cratchet patted Tiny Tim on the head, but paused as his boss stomped by angerly with each tread.
"Why Merry Christmas Mr. Scrooge!" Bob Cracket exclaimed from his place, but didn't get the response he wished for as he was decked in the face.
Tiny Tim gasped as his father hit the ground, before Scrooge kicked away his crutch and he too soon went down.
"Ba-Fucking-Humbug" Scrooge sarcastically clowned, and with that went to find his nephew and burn his house to the ground.
Back in the alleyway the trio carried Scrooge's goods, while Hunter donned Scrooge's cane monicle, and his hat over his hood.
"I can't believe we just robbed Ebenezer Scrooge" Witch muttered in disbelief "Yeah and I thought this Christmas would be boring, man what a relief!"
Tank chuckled happily carrying Scrooge's bed and some sheets, "And now our ol' buddy Tank here has a new place to sleep!"
With his free hand Hunter happily fished out the heart, and pressed the button as they patiently waited to depart.
The familiar vibrations surrounded the three, and they soon were off to the present quite eagerly.
Back in the present Smoker stepped out of the church in town and his eyes widened at the sight of the ghost's corpse face down.
Cautiously stepping up to the woman in case something was amiss, he nudged her with his foot as he muttered, "Who the hell is this."
His question was never answered but many more arised as his friends screamed as they once again fell from the sky.
"Son of a bitch that hurt!" Hunter howled in pain, Tank cried weakly and Witch moaned, "Get the number of that train?"
"What the hell are you idiots up to-?" Smoker yelled distressed, "-And why wasn't I included" he added under his breath.
"Meh found a time traveling heart, nothing big" Hunter revealed, Smoker feeling quite jealous that Hunter thought it no big deal.
"You know Smoker-" Witch cooed with a jeer, "-We actually stopped somewhere else before we traveled back here."
"But its only for tonight" Hunter explained slightly sad, "Somebody better tell me whats going on before I get really mad!"
Suddenly a bundle in a blanket fell out of the sky, Hunter caught it and handed it to Smoker chuckling, "Now promise you won't cry."
"What the hell is this?" Shouted Smoker as the bundle shook lively in distress, "Welp we're off to bed, but we wish you guys all the best!"
Suddenly a toddler's head popped out and smiled at Smoker with glee, while the special infected stared shocked as the little girl shouted, "Weezy!"
Smoker firmly held Mini-Brat as his green tears fell like limes, and even though it was only for tonight he was thankful for the time.
Church bells echoed that Christmas morning as snow blew through the town, the sun was now on the horizon, and that ghost was still face down.
And as Smoker hugged the giggling toddler closer while the sun rose so bright, he whispered,
"Merry Christmas to all" "And twoo aww a gwood night."
Merry Christmas!